melly37

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 So, my last entry I talked about how I had a bit of an epiphany about myself.    I concluded that my work ethic is pretty strong and I manage to drag myself in to work no matter how tired or achy I am.  I don't let small problems get in the way of me getting in to work.  However, with my eating, I seemed to let the least little thing throw me off of my eating plan.

I knew I was ready to change that, last week, just needed a bit of inspiration.  I started reading more about "Primal" eating plans.  I liked that better than "Paleo", as you are still allowed some dairy and a bit more fruit.  I had read about all of it before, and I think planned on trying it when I had my band.  BUT, my band wouldn't allow solid proteins a good percentage of the time, so it was just too hard to stick to anything while banded.

I doubly knew that I was ready to change when I decided to switch my eating up mid-week.  Not the usual, "I'll start on Monday..." bull crap. 

I went to the store and stocked up on fruit, salad makings, and some chicken.  In advance, I decided that I would allow myself gluten-free crackers that I had in the pantry and popcorn.  Those two items would be the only "iffy" things allowed in my new way of eating, except for VERY special occasions.  I also decided that I wasn't going to limit my fruit intake.  I made these decisions, knowing that if I limited myself TOO much, I would never stick to any kind of plan. 

I had amazing will power that first few days.  I guess it just goes to show that when you are ready for a change, and  have given in to the change absolutely, it's much easier to accomplish your goals.   I definitely dealt with the carb withdrawal.  I had a low level headache for 3 days, and felt lethargic and sleepy.  I think I am on the other side of the withdrawal symptoms now, as my cravings have diminished greatly, along with my hunger. 

I seem to be MAINLY only craving good, wholesome foods.  I really do want to try and stay away from any kind of Franken-food.  I want my body to run efficiently and with the right nutrients that it knows how to break down and use. 

I am down a few pounds so far.  I weighed in at 176 this morning.  So, I now have a second job.  I have to be just as dedicated to "showing up" for this job as I do my first job.  I can have SOME time off, but as with any job, not much time off when you first start.  You have to build up some momentum and prove you understand and can perform your job well.  Me?  I am working towards being employee of the month!

It's been a while since I updated.  Life has been busy, and not much on the weight loss front has changed. My weight is still unknown.  tee-hee.  I am guessing it's right around 180 or so.  I am in the midst of moving to a different house, so haven't been able to weigh myself or even cook a decent meal.  Things will settle down in a few weeks.

 I did see my therapist yesterday, and might have gained a bit of insight on how to tackle some of my head issues.  I give myself more credit for coming up with this, as I was just talking to her and I verbalized it.  I guess sometimes just thinking out loud, either with another person, or to yourself, helps.

I was telling her that I am in control in so many areas of my life; I just want to be controlled when it comes to my eating.  My example was the fact that I woke up that day DEAD tired....we are moving in to a bit larger house and worked all day moving stuff.  I went to bed late, so I woke up with a headache.  I had a ton of stuff to do with both house and would have LOVED to just call in and let my boss know I wasn't going to make it. 

However, my sense of responsibility didn't allow it.  No matter how miserable I was, I got up, showered, got dressed and drove in to work.  I have always behaved this way when it comes to jobs I have had.  I rarely call in sick or take unplanned time off.  I just feel it's important that people can rely on me, and I feel good about keeping my obligations. 

Sooooo.......

If I can make hard choices and force myself to be loyal to my employer, why would it be so hard to be loyal to MYSELF and my HEALTH by making some hard choices.

When it comes to giving in to carbs, I really don't try my hardest to abstain.  Not like I do with other things in my life.  Of course if I don't show up to work half of the time I am out of job.  If I don't make my car payment, I am stuck without a vehicle.  There are hard consequences for not keeping my end of the bargain when it comes to my job and paying bills.  There are also consequences for not keeping to my eating plan...but, my brain isn't making the connection and my heart isn't sensing the parallel.  Why?

Could it be that work and bills are obligations and promises I made to others, while keeping on track with eating is ONLY a promise I made to little ol' me?  Hmmmmmmm

My last post was all about loving yourself.  Well, if I truly loved myself, wouldn't I want to be loyal to myself and my needs?  If I can shove aside an aching head/body to make it to my job, can't I also shove aside the donuts some co-worker brought in?  Yes, I can.  Yes, I will. 

From now on, I have a second job...that job is getting myself back to a size 10 or below.  I can't call in sick.  I can't take vacation time....it's now time to get to work!!