On advocacy, choices and being unpopular.

May 09, 2011

 

On advocacy, choices and being unpopular.

Choices are not easy, but part of being an adult requires me to make decisions when I would rather have someone tell me what to do.  

I have decided:  I am not speaking at the event in Las Vegas next month. (May)  This was not an easy decision, and there are several reasons, so don't think I am making some rash decision here.  

I've been sitting with this opportunity for months, but the whole situation didn't sit well to begin with, and I feel that it's affected my abilty to write and speak something I feel.  

Disclaimer:  What the foundation is doing is awesome, understood?  Don't you dare misread this and suggest that I am hating on the premise.  You know I am all for fund raising for obesity related issues.  The END.

Note -  

When I am inspired:  I can write, poorly, but still I can go on for days.   I had my topic and was feeling gung-ho on it, but the longer I sat and tried to write on the topic for an audience, I lost all the words.  Obviously, I am finding them right now, ironic.  

I was to speak about being your own advocate, but at the time I chose the topic, I thought I'd have have a diagnosis for my gut pain and I'd have some super story to tell.  I stand one hundred percent behind self-advocacy even if I fail at it.

Self-advocacy refers to an individual’s ability to effectively communicate, convey, negotiate or assert his or her own interests, desires, needs, and rights.  It involves making informed decisions and taking responsibility for those decisions.

(VanReusen et al., 1994) 

I haven't done so well, and attempting to portray self-advocacy but as someone who has been physically broken for the last six months, plus the last three years?  It isn't easy to come across as genuinely trying to advocate, does it?  I am still broken.  It still hurts.  I have sort of learned to live with pain, adding it to my other issues, so now it's just part of me.  I seize, I twitch, I hurt.  It is.  Oh well.  

I was removed from the Speaker's Agenda for this event after I was open and honest and referred to my recurrent severe abdominal pain, online.  I was informed that the decision was "for my health," although no one knew what was going on.  (They still don't.)   This really bothered me, and I never blogged it.  

There were other issues that arose regarding this event - the most telling was the attempt to keep me from GETTING to Las Vegas altogether by botching my supposed travel arrangements.  That made me feel absolutely unwanted and disgusted.   (Thanks for that, by the way.)  It didn't work.  They weren't aware that my way was paid in full before the opportunity arose for a free vacation.

I have posts in my drafts, sitting here, waiting to be published, but I have sat on my hands.  Why?  I don't know.   Maybe I'm getting better at not reacting so quickly.

These incidents have altered MY reality (Thanks BTV!) and given me an inside look to what people really do - say - act  when they don't know we're reading or listening.  It's upsetting, but I will tell you this, trust your gut feelings, they are always right.  Most everyone means well, but not always for the right reasons.  I was temporarily surprised at who did these things, but I should have seen it coming.

 

"But why?"   I am MM, and MM is a big scary blogger who blogs, and breaks "rules," and doesn't abide by the social climber law of the WLS world.   (Wait, there was one?  Apparently so.)  I've never been "popular," I'm not going to attempt to try it now, it comes off as desperate/whoreish as an adult woman.  I don't care if you like me, I want to blog the reality of this life and this community.  I obviously have power that I am quite ignorant of.   I am fully aware that I throw stones bricks.  I am not at all innocent.   I apologize when I have to.  But, nobody apologizes to MM.  

And, I am a Bad, Bad, Girl.

I've had people in this community toss out the suggestions that I "did this to myself" -- gave myself seizures and gut pain -- somehow by "eating poorly" or some other adult life decisions due to being the Queen Bee of the Bariatric Bad Girls Club.  To this?  No.  Just.  No.  It has become clear as crystal that theBBGC Leader is not 'bad' at all.   (If a black and pink logo and the suggestion of an occasional middle finger in the cupcake make me 'bad?'  Then you must be pure evil, I know what you do.)  

The fact that I discuss that I eat solid food, without counting calories, makes me 'negative' in this community, and the fact that I don't call myself a 'food addict' makes me a pariah.   To further this, the fact that I DARE! promote the indication that we, as grown women, eat. food. and not always liquid protein shakes or lean turkey breast, perhaps even bread?  

Forget it, I AM THE PIED PIPER TO BARIATRIC HELL.  Follow me, I hold the door with protein bread in hand.  I will take you there.  I am not sure what's in bariatric hell.  What gets me about that, is that I am probably the least likely EVER saboteur, and I am labeled as one.  I am the food popo in my world, it makes me wonder what type of reality you're living in.  

I did not 'break' myself with half a turkey sandwich.  Please stop saying it.

But, trying to convey this message via 'Be Your Own Advocate" speech in a room of women who mostly don't understand my message or hate "MM."  I sort of feel that I'd be talking to the wall, or to women shopping for shoes on their iPads while I freaked the hell out about speaking.  In fact, I'd be willing to bet a good portion of these women would find cause to go shopping during my segment, whereas my ass is going to be in the front row for theirs.

It's one thing to Preach to the Choir, you know.   

Advocacy asks:  What do I need, and who am I?  And, how do you empower myself?  

can't answer these questions right now, beyond basics, because I am not doing very well.  What do I need?  More thorough health care.  Who am I?  I'm me,  a misunderstood blogger on the internet.  How do I empower myself?  I don't.  I fail miserably.  I fail to get things taken care of physically, and I fail to stop people from using me.  I'm not a good advocate.

But this is part of why the Bariatric Bad Girls Club exists:  to start figuring that out, for myself and for others.  Because I know that for me there are hundreds of women that can't even begin to figure out what they need.

A handful of post ops got together, after realizing how little realistic post operative long term education, guidance and opportunity for growth in self-advocacy there WAS.  We are LIVING it, this is what we know.  

But, in the case of a weight loss surgery event, meant to raise funds for deserving people to have surgery, I don't want to be the 'scary' lady who ranted about 'issues.'  That would not be my intent on sharing "how to advocate for yourself" but I know it would come across as such.  Of course I want everyone to be completely aware of the pros and cons of all weight loss surgery procedures, I don't want to make everything about the negatives or just 'my problems.'  I'm sort of over my issues.  I have to live with it.  This is life, oh well, moving on!  

I'm not afraid to speak.  Hell, it's a miracle to make a coherent sentence each day, getting myself to Vegas (and five or six other events this year) is quite a feat.  Speaking for a half hour would be ridiculously difficult but I could do it.

"But, if you don't speak -- they win."   You don't get it.   This isn't supposed to be about competition or popularity.  Unfortunately, for some, it is, and they are CHEERING at this post.  You'll see no response.  However, they tried very hard to do this.

 

I am afraid that my message, regardless of what it is, will be dismissed because that third part, of "Who I Am."  

Why?  

Because I am ADVOCATING FOR MYSELF, right now.  

 

1 comment

Of course we did, and thank YOU.

May 01, 2011

Photos and video are HERE.

On Friday night, I had a hot date with two of my best Bariatric Bad Girls Club Bitches.   My girls, who drove TO MASSACHUSETTS from NEW YORK and NEW JERSEY to join me in the Walk From Obesity in Natick, MA bright and early Saturday morning.  

About Bad Girls In Hotels -

Rachel met me at home and hung out with my kids and I while we waited for Mr. MM to get out of work.  We headed out, rolling like Really Bad Girls Do, in a KIA, rocking out to Randy Travis.  (Don't think I am kidding, Forever-and-ever-Amen!!)

She brought me to meet a friend of hers from my neck of the woods and had dinner at American Joe's Bar + Grill.  I had a salad with blue cheese, if you wanted to know.   I was a good bad girl.  

Then, I may have been distracted by THEMOTHERSHIP GODIVA STORE, because MM DOES NOT GET OUT MUCH.  (Because, she's a hermit-blogger, who lives on the internet and "doesn't have a life, at least I am trying to walk the walk."  Thanks!)  I bought six Dark Chocolate Truffles, one free truffle and we were off.   (Why?  Because those are my favorite.  Thank you.  Rachel actually asked me why, I said, "One per day for the next week."  That's sufficient.  But, they are now in the freezer, and I had forgot about them altogether until someone just mentioned them on Facebook.)

We stopped at the liquor store and picked up a "bottle of red... a bottle of white..." and went to the hotel to meet Wendy who was waiting for us.   We hauled all of the tees and luggage into the hotel on a cart that didn't turn well, and were met with a Catholic Daughters conference event.  

HOW did I miss this?!  It's just what I was seeking!  I might have been a little MORE than horrified that my tees are deviled and angeled, and that my shirt today read, "How Dare I Wear This Goddamned Shirt In Front Of Your Fcking Kids?"   

In walks an Athiest, a jewish girl and a Wendy.   "Hi!"

Because I was a bit horrified, as the event attendees were all approximately 80-85 year old women.  I love old ladies.  I don't want to offend the nice old ladies praying the Rosary.

The door of our hotel room had a "No Smoking" icon that looked a lot like a Protein Bullet on fire.  NO SMOKING THE PROTEIN BULLETS.  Take note.  We did.

We stayed up until at least 2:15am packing BBGC tee-shirts and chatting.  I had about four sips of "Cupcake" wine -- and went on packing, packing, packing and watching awful hotel TV.

This hotel TV package included: a 24 hour BEACHBODY INFOMERCIAL Station, two "hotel info" stations, and then, local channels.  We absolutely watched an infomercial about a BABY MAGIC BULLET.  I wanted one.  It smiles and makes purees.  "AWWWW!"

Our morning alarm was set for 6:00am.  As soon as my eyes shut, they were open. O-O 

A quick stop for gas and lotsofcaffeine, and we were off to MetroWest Medical Center for the Walk.   The GPS took us on the scenic route through some Seriously Nice Real Estate and we were swooning.  "Ooh, THAT ONE!"  I immediately made plans for a house next to the train stop that I would never be able to afford.

At the Walk, we signed in, got tee shirts and hung out.  My parents came up for the Walk also, and brought their Chick Magnet dog.  My father was surrounded by womens with this Burmese Mountain Dog.  Ewwyuckslobber.

We visited with the vendors while they set up.  

I met the New England representative for Ethicon Endosurgery, and we started chatting a little bit, and she stopped and said,"You're..."  I stopped her halfway through the sentence, and we talked about the EES + OAC Event in NYC, and she explained more about EES and the purposing of that event.   She gave me her card, and we got her inducted as a Bad Girl.  ;)  I forgot to give her the tee shirt she asked for.  I fails.  I'll mail it.

Then, I noticed a sign for "Overeaters Anonymous," and intrigued, I went over.  I asked if I could photograph their banner, and they shuffled out of the way and let me do it.  I talked briefly with the two representative members about their OA experience and their current weight maintenance with their program.  I was intrigued, I would loooooove to hear more, and I was also a bit perplexed by some of the things they said, eg:  "I eat three weighed and measured meals per day, and no X, Y or Z," or "Entirely vegan, five pounds of food a day," but, "It's not a diet."  Uh, okay.  I must understand it better.  I know that.  I am NOT a fan of what I know about the "12 Steps."  I need more education.

We met up with the local Bariatric Advantage representative and nommed on some Calcium Citrate Bites, Iron Chews, Omega Chews, and Control Bars.    We talked about the new Caramel flavor Calcium Citrate Chews, and I WANT.  Also there, Nascobal B12, HMR, Allergan, Ethicon Endo-Surgery/Realize, Overeaters Anonymous, some local vendors, etc.

It was soon time to WALK, and we did, slowly, and were the caboose of this train.  I can't be fast if I am stopping to take photos.  I found a set of stairs to nowhere in the woods, a stone wall, a crematory, a front loader, a huge log, and definitely took photos of all and got on some of the previous items.  

Everyone totally lapped us, I didn't realize they were going around again, some several times.  A couple people made it Very Serious business!  Rachel, Wendy and I took to the Hula Hoops as the videos above show.  I haven't hula-hooped in years.  I could never do it.  We tried to do it Wii-style.  It doesn't work that way in real life very well.  But, considering the way my GUT FEELS TODAY -- I am going to GET A HOOP for exercise and play.

After the walk, there were giveaways, announcements and thank-yous.  

Dr. Randall, is the only one I recognized, as he stopped us as I standing on log and taking photos.   :x He said he appreciated my efforts at this, and the last several walks.  I appreciated that he has a good personality and accepted MM on a log with Wendy, taking photos.

We defintely made our own fun.  A few peeps joined in and we met some new friends doing our thing.

It's unfortunate that no one got the group together for a photo.  I wish NOW that I had done it myself, because the PR person from the hospital asked me to share my photos with her, and I don't have anything of the whole group.  At the previous Walks, we have a group photo and team photos done.  I feel bad, but, I didn't know they weren't going to do it, and by the time giveaways were done, half the crowd had dispersed.

They did not announce the fundraising goals, efforts and totals.  But, we did well for a small group.  The Event raised over $10,000, and my Team raised $2690 of that.  We were the "Top Team," and I was the "Top Fundraiser."  Confetti.  (I didn't know that until I logged online, but, I had hoped!)

After the Walk, Rachel wanted to go to Nashua Nutrition even though it was a million miles away from where we were, to get more "Protein Wafer Cookies.  (See? This is what I do to people.)

We got to the store, and met Eric, the owner.   He greeted us, and we talked products, and I snooped for anything new for reviews.  He threw me some samples and I found a couple things to share with you.  I also got a case of Isopure Smoothies, 'cause I loooooves them.  I'll be sharing some new product reviews soon.

After NN, we had lunch, I got another salad, this time a buffet, with chick peas, edamame, mixed baby greens, lots of feta, olives, red peppers, cucumbers... and it made me die.  I had the gut death all the way back to the hotel.  I was half asleep the whole way, and Rachel was out cold.  Wendy was a very good driver.  Awake, too.

We hung out at the hotel and rested with our eyes half closed for a while, and when I recovered, headed out to walk and have a very late dinner.   I'd say it was about 9-10pm, and we had a light dinner and went back to the hotel, and crashed pretty soon after.  

This morning, a room service coffee-delivery was just the thing, and a half-english muffin, a tiny bit of egg and bacon.  The girls brought me home and hung out at my house for several hours.  Rachel decided she wants to move in with me.  o-O  She's welcome -- the baby wants her.  She clearly is not bothered by the level of insanity in a house of six.  Works for me. 

Wendy and Rachel headed for home this afternoon, and I'll see them both soon!  Rachel, maybe in Vegas and in Orlando at ASMBS!   Wendy, will make a reason to come play, or she has to come to an Obesity Help Event with us -  yes - because NEXT -

 

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