I haven't done this in a while, so I guess im due.

So far I am sticking between 165-174lbs. I don't stress with the bouncing back and forth, nor am I trying to lose anymore weight. I eat whatever I want really (that I can tolerate) but do it in moderation. I have cravings and I act on them, I don't kill myself nor deprive myself. Some will disagree with me, but oh well such is life. I got back into weight lifting and am loving it, but have not been in the gym for the past two week cause my mom came and stayed at my house. She kind of messed up a good routine I had going, but oh well I enjoyed her being home. I'll go back today.

I'm having a really hard time adjusting to the "fat" vs. "skinny" comments. I literally cried a couple of weeks back when my friend told me I have no meat. I have taken a serious offence to people saying "I miss the junk in your trunk" I feel like I am not supported at this weight at all. Everyone around me thinks I am to thin and that I need to eat more. Everyone tries to push and push food into me, but they don't think of what I am feeling. I've become very lonely and isolated. Some days I regret what I did, other days I love it.

My relationship that I posted about in Feb is starting to come to an end. We are working hard to stay with one another, but I have lost the little faith that I had. The adjustment to my new weight and body has been a difficult one for him, hence I've lost confidence in myself.

So here I am... did I do the right thing? did I not?? Where the heck does one find money for Plastics when no one will approve a loan for a 12K surgery??? How do you regain hope when everything that you thought would be better with weight loss is not?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be healthy, have had no complications, and have the luxury now to enjoy life more, but having had so many loved ones cry and say that I was to fat and now go crazy cause they think I'm to thin and not thoroughly understand what I feel and what I am going through has taken a major toll on me.

Hope all is well on everyone's end :)