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Surgeon TestimonialChung H. Oh M.D.Dr. Oh was amazing!! He even gave me his cel phone number if I needed to get ahold of him! He was concerned I would not be coming back to see him for a checkup since I was heading back to Canada. For the first few weeks he called me at home to see how I was doing. He is a brilliant surgeon and probably one of the best in his field. I had no complications and at 3 mths. post-op feel incredible. Thanks to Dr. Oh and all the great nurses and staff at Auburn Memorial Hospital. Member Interests
- Humor - British comedy,David Sedaris,Andy Dick,Darren Frost
- Travel - U.K., Newfoundland (no more f@#*ng airplane seatbelt extensions)
- Dogs - Wire Fox Terrier
- Movies - BladeRunner,The Shining, Letter to Brezhnev,Cabaret,PaperMoon,Matrix,
- Radio & Television - Big Love,Hells Kitchen,Curb your Enthu,Property Virgins,Hotel Inspecter,Mary Qu
- Home Improvement - I like to watch only!!! House Dr, Selling Houses, How Not to Decorate
- Tarot - Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling
- BMI over 50 - Lucky me
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Before you read the following journal I want you all to know this was the greatest decision I have ever made. I have been freed from my food obsessed torment. I had absolutely no physical pain after my operation which is weird considering I was sliced open like a loaf of bread and my bodily organs rearranged!!! All the pain was mental and quite honestly I would have prefered the physical pain instead.
My life is 100 billion times better. Its not just the weight loss and looking in the mirror to see the real me, its not the fact I don't waddle anymore and can chase my dogs or put my socks on, for me its eating food without going back for thirds,or seconds or even a full first plate, eating food and enjoying a few chicken wings and a few nachoes instead of being able to or wanting to eat the entire 2 lbs. plus half the nacho platter, eating food with no desire to abuse it, eating food and feeling satisfied and full after 1 portion sized plate, enjoying food without ever being able to abuse chocolate, donuts or the whole bag of chips cuz not only would i be sick but I have no desire for it, planning to eat food or what i lovingly call 'a party in my mouth' and planning my day around it obsessively.......NO MORE!!!!!!!!
I feel blessed i had no complications and when i look back over the last 4mths i wish i could scream from the rooftops for all the obese people who have struggled like me to have this incredible operation.
Weight loss 3 years and counting on April 21, 2009 6:03 am
(Apr. 21 2009)
215lbs.
The past year was a bit of a struggle. Was eating bread everyday for lunch and then would have a bagel before I went to bed at night. I was getting cocky. Needless to say I eventually put on 15lbs. I started walking more, cut my bread consumption by 1/2 and I am back down again. It was mental anguish but it was a lesson learned. This was my wakeup call....instead of hundreds of pounds like in the past. I still enjoy McDonalds and going out to dinner. If I eat something high in calories, it has to be my favourite thing , not just something that tastes so so. Remove half the bun off the hamburger, eat a few fries etc... I now think about what I've eaten that day and can I get away with it or do I deserve it. I will always be a food addict at heart but I have now had a surgery, a weight gain scare and a better outlook on my food making decisions to get me thru life.
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My Gastric Bypass Journey
5'6....355lbs. at surgery...
SURGERY DAY
(May 17 2006)
Surgery Day...all i remember is being back in my bed with nurses around me thinking..'oh my God what did I just do'... It was like a nightmare. Surreal at its worst. The nurses were extremely attentive though. I can remember 7 around me at one time trying to take blood!!!! (my veins were hiding) You don't get this kind of care from nurses in Canada!
3 days and headed home with Mom and Dad. I'm sorry they have to see their daughter go thru this and all that brought her to this point.
I had to pay $165USD for a EKG by Dr. CHI prior to surgery/his part of the pie I guess ( I could have had it in Canada before i left but Dr. Oh's staff never told me to have it done before hand.... Plus I paid $500USD for drugs to take immediately after the surgery and while at home for the 1st few days before I could get into my family Dr.. If the surgeons office had faxed the prescriptions to my Family DR. I could have had evrything taken care of before hand. Again a wake up call to all who go down to the States for surgery and to this hospital and surgeons office. UPDATE(since I have been home I also received bills for a stomach biopsy from Auburn Pathology for $134usd and after surgery xray for $54usd. A bill for $2400 came for the anesthesia but that was paid by OHIP so I hope that gets cleared up soon)...which it was!!!
After all is said and done, OHIP paid $30000 for this surgery so I can't really complain that I had to pay a few bills.
(MAY 21)
Home now....no pain, just mental anguish
(May23)
...sent distress letter to a couple of the forums, feeling freaked right out... I actually had to have surgery to help my self????!!!!! YES YOU DID!!!!!maybe this is the real shocker.... Recovery time can not come quick enough...right now just want to sleep, or at least try to sleepthe next month or 7 away.
(May 25th)
...so unhappy, don't care about the weightloss side of it , just want to know i can eat like a normal thin person one day,what have i done? it had to be done but in shock.
(May26)
..my tears are flowing all over my key pad...
Just so blue, so sad. I'm not me when I wake up. I'm thinking back to 3 years ago when i lost 130 lbs. Maybe if I had known what would happen if I let this weight go back on, what would have happened if I had got into immediate counselling once my eating and binging went out of control .Yet my metabolism was so shot I would have had to eat like a bird to keep weight off. It just went on so easy, even after learning to jog. the mental binging monster struck and I would have killed to abuse food. I'm just so sad/devastated that I had to have a surgery that will change my ability to ever eat like a normal person. Change my bodies acceptance of nutrients. I feel like a science experiment. Plus I read all the rules and it scares me. I don't have the strength but I will just cuz I don't want to fail. I just want to be happy and mentally healthy. I have to face the facts that food became a priority to evryone i love including myself but I also still love food and don't want to feel repressed all my life. I'm not talking about overeating. I just want to have a tazitkion chicken pita, or a slice of pizza, or a hamburger,....maybe I won't be able to eat the whole thing cuz I will be full, which is great.. but I don't want to have an anatomy where I can only eat fish, chicken and some veggies. Like I am having an extreme diet the rest of my life. I also hope the vitamins and whatever else I will be put on full time will not make me feel like I have some major health disorder....because besides my obesity I was surprisingly quite healthy in that I did not need meds.(cholesterol, blood pressure always excellent) Just very scared, sad and want to be happy like evryone else on the forums. I want to get where they are.
(May27)
What options do I or does anyone have regarding this surgery...
1)Have operation...get slender and healthy but can't eat what you see others eat............................................OR........................
2)Eat what you want when you want and feel that wonderful, warm content feeling inside but it will then turn around to hurt you by gaining more weight after you eat it. Making your girth bigger and bigger where you avoid life and get depressed because of what has happened to you and how you look...........................
Normal people would not see the (2) option of contiue to eat as even a consideration but I hate feeling hungry or deprived or that feeling it gives me when i eat. Best feeling in the world while it lasts.So I must learn and realize I will enjoy life more being slender (I know been there a few times) but learn that i can still enjoy food without the abuse and overeating. This will be my Goliath. Not having my pleasure foods to comfort me and fill my tummy is and being hungry is definately the withdrawl of an addict.
(May 30 2006)
starting to feel like me in the morning. I would not wish these last 2 weeks on anyone. Beyond horrible. Decided to break anti depressant in 2 and swallow with water. No probs. Trying to swallow crushed pills was like torture. Horrible 2 weeks. Still not all pepped up. Just a little more accepting. Maybe in 2 weeks when this big elastic bandage comes off from around my waist I might feel like going for a walk. Lots of time for exercise. Still feeling burnt from the last few years of weightloss, gain and now this operation. Just think, 3 years ago i weighed 167lbs....lets not and start the slate clean. this operation will help maintain my weight for once in my life and not let me eat out of control. Just the surgery came before I could really double guess myself. I'm like a alcoholic who needs to stop drinking..and he knows it, its hurting him and his relationships but because he is an addict and has attempted and failed in the past still wants to hold onto the bottle until he can figure out how to muster up the determination this time and that quitting will actually work. For me the opeartion happened and I was not prepared quite yet to give up the bottle but it had to happen. So I am grappling with this mentally..still dreaming of overeating yet knowing I will never be able to do it agin cuz it was not healthy and made me obese...but it tasted soooo gooood.
(june2)
Feel weird. Not myself again. I have realized my days purpose was what I was going to eat for lunch and dinner. This brought me something to look forward each day. I have a wondeful husband, home, dogs, family but food is what made me get thru the day. I feel like what a midlife crisis might feellike or a nervous breakdown. I am totally clueless as to what makes me happy or content. Sleeping more than i should cuz i do not know what to do with myself. Scared of reopening salon in few weeks. Not ready for people and talk and what kind of surgery i had. Maybe in 2 weeks when this elastic band and bandages come off I will feel more human. Pls. God I have been punished enough. I was a glutton and had an operation not to be. Just want to be happy and enjoy life.
(June 11 '06)
I'm doing better. I responded to a message on the RNY forum to a guy named Timothy who is nervous about his upcoming surgery. I responded because I was pissed off with a reply he had gotten from this women who was bad mouthing W.L.S. patients (like me)who mourn food after the operation. I don't think I could have prepared myself or knew how i would react after this operation. Great for the people who are pumped from the get go, but i am still trying to get my sails to work!!! Maybe my failed attempts at keeping my weight off has made this all bitter sweet but it really pissed me off someone could be so high and mighty about how others handle this, like I made it a choice to be depressed and overwhelmed!!!! I tried porkchop and some peas and potatoes but as juicy as the porkchop was I did not chew it well enough (even though I thought i had)and it was a horrible feeling. I blended the remains of last nights dinner and it went down much better. Only eating 4-6 tablespoons of most things, so use a small spoon to make it seem like there is more. Bought some new foods today like a shrimp ring, skinless boneless chicken breasts stuffed with brocolli and ricotta, low fat lightly breaded chicken strips and a lean cuisine.(and my hubby made some chili) I hope this will help me make proper post op quick and easy lunch and dinner choices. I am having special k as my breakfast.(1/2 to 1 cup)
Maybe my anti depressants are being absorbed properly or its just time passing post op but I am glad I can laugh again and feel somewhat human, I would not wish this last month on my worst enemy. I have gone for a couple of walks with my hubby and dogs but felt very weak and sickly. I have told myself since Wed.14 is the one month anniversay of the surgery that I need to start getting on my treadmill. Safer if I am at home, quicker to collapse on the couch. Both walks i went on had hills involved so that probably did not help my situation. See my Doc Mon. June 19 and figure I will be given whatever vitamins and supplemnets that will become part of my life.
Still wish i could sleep the next few months away and a little scared to reopen my salon but babysteps are needed where I am concerned. Just wondering if I have the energy to give an hour massage...it was tough enough before! I think i sleep more than i should to make the day go by faster. Just glad its been a month this week.
ok time for beddy. don't stay up late anymore. the less I have to think about stuff the better.
(June 15)
2 days of vomiting my lunch....like a fist being squeezed into your pouch, horrible!!!!! Yesterday it was mushrooms and a part of a lean cuisine wholewheat sphagetti, mushrooms slid down, even though I thought i had chewed them well and today at lunch ate chicken too quickly....small bites, eat slow...smarten the fuck up! I have not started exercising yet, but started taking clients in salon this week. I could feel myself becoming agoraphobic if I had not. Baby Steps ....
(June 19)
5 weeks...-36lbs=319lbs!!!! Yeahhh!
(July 4)
7 weeks.....313 lbs (I have been plateauing here)
feeling way better, no more depression, don't enjoy the taste of food like i used to which has its good and bad points. In the 6th week on holidays I spent evryday having fun in my parents pool...I mean it was exercise but it did not feel like it! It really built up my strength and endurance and I have now mowed the lawn and walked my dogs and felt no illness or extreme fatigue!!!!! Food still scares me so i cautiously eat small bites and chew till mush. I cringe to get that horrible constricted feeling in your pouch proceded by vomiting. Have not done that in a couple of weeks thank goodness. Had chicken again but its just for nourishment, don't enjoy the taste like i used to. Sure wish i liked fish. I prefer the battered halibut kind served with fries! Thank god for chili.
(July 6)
Had the infamous chicken pita with taziki from the Pita Pit that i whined about in my first couple of weeks post op. Ate it slowly, took all day, only ate half of the pitas bread....what a let down. Tasted nothing like i remebered and fantisized about. Maybe the big bites washed down with a coke made a difference. Oh well thats history. Cross it off my list of fave foods.
(July 23)/heading into 10th week
298lbs.!!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!! Enjoying my homemade chicken fahitas, bbq steak, shrimp, chili. Only problem is pork so far. Can't chew it down as well. Spent a week at my parents. Lots of activity in the pool which helped with the weight loss. I also try to drink lots of liquids. Eating has never been better
(July 24)
Vomited today. Had other things on my mind while i ate and must not have concentrated on chewing my chicken and fahita well enough. I only had had 2 or 3 bites than the chest pain and pressure. God that sucks. Threw up a little and that helped. I will finish my fahita later. Amazing after all I've been thru how easily you can go back to old habits. I do miss having a liquid with my food. I was so use to washing food down after having a bite. A bad habit I guess but one that i miss more than sugar and french fries.
(August 2)
Finding I'm losing my appetite after i had found my appetite had increased for a couple of weeks. Even though my home is air conditioned it might be affected by the heatwave and humidity we are having right now....or my food choices are getting tired and not enjoyable in the least. chili, chicken fahitas.....gagggg!
I will have to resort to some other options. Still love steak but i can't have that every night, chicken wings tomorrow night should be yummy, slimfast with 2 cups 1% milk for a breakfast option. (hope thats helping and not hurting) Egg and toast as a meal would be good. I may actually have to start making up some recipes even though the thought of standing in the kitchen and cooking makes me cringe. Not going to weigh myself till next week cuz I weighed myself a few days ago and it was the same weight as my last weigh in july. Have not really exercised other than a couple of weeks in my parents pool when I was visiting.
(August 9) 3 mths.
60 lbs lost!!!!.......295lbs. yyyyyyeeeeehhhhhhh!!!!!
Went to beach by myself today and did my own version of water jogging! Mowing lawn every week, have gym pass so i can use pool. It would be nice to have an exercise buddy but there isn't so its all up to me.
(August 23)
weight....287...down 68lbs.!!!!!!!!
(September 5)
My weight has gone up 5 lbs. for awhile, think it may have to do with eating high sodium indian food for a week straight combined with my period!!! Anyways bought a mini trampoline which is supposed to help with lymphatic drainage . I have been peeing more. I am down 3 lbs., 2 to go...thought it was the full 5 but my scale can lie occassionally.
(Sept. 8)
The scale said ...282!!!!!!!!!! Got on it 4 times, just cant believe it!!! Hope my digital scale is not messing with me...again
(Sept.12)
278lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sept.29)
272lbs.!!!!!!!!
(Oct.9)
268lbs.!!!!!! feel great, go to the base pool 4 times a week and bowl once a week. Walk my dogs, my tight pants fit again and I've already sent 4 bags of big clothes to the thrift shop. Luckily i have not had to buy any new clothes because i kept all my clothes from when I lost weight the last 3 times! I love my stuffed chicken with broccoli and cheese and my feta salad. No desire for hamburgers anymore. the bread is just too heavy and it made me sick. totally turned off hamburgers now, chips make me feel ill and don't miss sugar anymore. Life is good. Kinda miss a cold ' Classic Coca-cola' occassionally but I drank enough coke over the years to be considered a cokaholic, so its for the best I can't drink pop anymore.
(October 24)
260lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(November 17)
255lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100lbs. LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(December 17)
250lbs
(January 13 '07)
240lbs
(February 23 '07)
238lbs.
(April 10 '07)
220lbs.
(May 17 '07)....1 year anniversary!!!! 140lbs. lost!!!!
215lbs
(Oct. 20 '07)
Stil 215. Have not really tried to lose anymore. Kind of nice to see my scale not change for months on end even if I have a couple slices of pizza. The fact 2 slices of pizza fill me up is amzing. I used to eat a whole pizza then lay in the living room couch in agony.
In April I left my husband for another man. Sounds sordid but I had been drifting, although oblivious to this fact, from my husband for years and he from me. I had read people losing weight and the surgery could result in marital breakups. I never thought for a million years that would be me!!! I met the most amazing loving man from Michigan who I am now with. He is within a month from getting his roux en y. It was total fate we met online and I have never been happier! If you had told me I'd be divorcing my husband and moving to the States for another man a year ago I never would have believed you. I just realized my struggle with food and my resulting obesity had kept me in a prison of oblivion and complacency in more ways than one.
(December 2008)
219.5 lbs.
I've been drinking a lot of diet coke for the last year. I have had no problems with this. If I'm given regular coke in the restaurant by mistake it tastes absolutely horrid!! Amazing how my tastes change. It used to be diet coke that tasted wretched now I love it!!! Wintertime seems to be when I eat more by grazing through the night. So cold and icky out. Don't feel like exercising. Too cold and icy.
(August 2009)
212lbs.
Biking, swimming, walking, occasional whey protein drinks when I feel like it or don't feel like anything heavy. My hubby and I love eating out. Both of us always have a second meal in leftovers. Bike riding is our new passion.
(December 2009)...need to minimize my pizza and bread consumption!!!! Winter hibernation beginning!!! No worries... spring,summer and fall is bike riding season!!!!!!
218lbs.
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My Story
MY BATTLE WITH OBESITY
*******Everything in our lives happens for a purpose and that purpose is to prepare us.**********
I was a normal weight until my late teens. I believe I became clinically depressed at this time but it was never diagnosed and I hid it from my family. I would cry in my room in the deepest of despair, feeling lost and sad to my core. Food became my comfort and protection from the world, my drug of choice to stop the pain. I would eventually lose 80lbs. when I was 21 thru 'The Weight Loss Clinic'. I was traveling and working in London, England for a year, all of a sudden a reason to live and have a new beginning. But even there I could be having a grand old time with friends but in my head obsessing about when I could eventually leave and go eat something yummy. I tried O.A., once, and if I could have found the worst group of negative energy and support for each other at one, this was it!!!!! And lets not forget my meeting with a Nutritionist at the local hospital who pulled out the Canada Food Guide from her desk on what proper foods I should be eating and how much I should eat at each meal..Unfuckingbelievable??!!!!! I know what is bloody healthy and all about portions just try telling my brain to adhere to it!!!! These untrained 'professionals' really suck when you need them most!!!!! By the time I was 26-27 I was heavier than I had been before and through these years food was always on my mind. Each day hoping to be in control of it but it always winning the battle. There is almost an insanity to it because you go over and over and over in your head until you give into your temptation and true desire. I look back and wanted the professionals to understand I had a problem. I knew my issues with food were not normal. I was told by two different therapists I should learn to love who I am and its not the weight but its my depression that needed to be worked on...They did not understand my food obsession.... and at the time, either did I. They wanted me to just love the body I was given. It was so much more than this because I did not hate myself, I just wanted help. All the pain, agony, frustration, confusion, negativity, put downs, embarassment and days wasted avoiding and hiding from life...if only they had understood my cries for help... I attempted the Atkins diet a couple of times...I found it very difficult to deny myself Carbs in the end.... I lost 20 lbs. twice and gained it 3 times. Tried the exercise angle and walked for an hour 4 nights a week, cut out potato chips and pop, takeout food...10 pounds lost after 9 mths. I was devastated. Continued to do my walking routine with a friend for the next couple of years but did it more for my heart. Oh and I tried Aquatics and am probably the only person to injure themselves doing it!!!! At 33 I finally mustered up the power that I could lose my weight again... I had hit rock bottom with depression, I was so low there was only one way but up and I had avoided setting a wedding date long enough! I lost 130 lbs. thru 'The Bernstein Diet Clinic'. I really thought I had licked my weight struggle and that this was my miracle cure and things would be different..... So nieve...There was approx. 3 mths between the time I ended with this weight program and my wedding. I was eating normally without starving myself but avoiding fastfood. I put 20lbs. on during this time but still looked good at 180lbs. Went on our honeymoon to NYC. We walked everwhere and ate a slice of pizza for lunch (not a whole pizza) steak for dinner…blah…blah..blah… Well needless to say I put 10lbs. on during my honeymoon and my husband lost 5lbs. (so unfair!) I vowed to everybody that I would never be fat again, I worked too hard at this, never again! So I joined a 'learn to run' group. I was so proud of myself and really enjoyed it. But by mid autumn, I was craving junkfood after a run it was like my body chemistry and brain ganged up on me and I became a binge eater like I had never seen before. I was put on a new anti-depressant called 'Effexor'. It messed me up even more and made my food addiction the most intense it had ever been but by the time I changed to 'Celexa' the damage was already done. Almost nightly' like a heroin addict, I would have the most intense craving for Macdonalds and the largert appetite I had ever had...I would order 2 supersized double quarter pounder meals, finish all the food plus 2 large cokes and then follow it with 6 apple pies. Many nights i would eat 8 kitkats. every bite of this food was euphoria and I was insatiable. I got away with my binging for awhile because I still looked pretty good and tried to keep active. My appearence was always being scrutinized as an Esthetician (facials, pedicures etc…) People 'stare and share' as you work on them and as the winter ended the compliments stopped coming. Conversation about my weight program and how amazing it was ceased. The odd backhanded compliment was made (back to how it was the last few years) I tried the same expensive diet program again and lost 40 lbs. but the passion to succeed had been gutted with a knife and I quickly put it back on...tried Hypnotherapy for several months (no childhood trauma plus I have loving amazing parents) so nothing obvious that caused my disfunction....tried Weight Watchers..gained weight cuz I just did not give a shit anymore.
Years of not being in control of my body, feeling like a failure and having all who know me, literally watching my darkest, deepest and most intimate struggle, left me feeling extremely vunerable and humiliated.The lovely weekend getaway with my husband in Toronto where 3 men made a pig call (soo-eeeee!!!) as I walked by and a few ignorant clients over the years definately wounded me.
"If you eat properly and exersise you will be a proper weight." It's upsetting people don't understand. (then again do I?) I've been told how amazing I looked when I lost my weight and I can do it again………Lightbulb moment!!!!!!! Lose it again??????????? I’ve got bigger every fucking time!!!!!!! Lose it again??????? For it to come back and destroy me again?????????
This past autumn I started researching Gastric Bypass RNY. I found this was the best method for longterm success and for someone who is a binger.The Universe has guided me to this and I am so thankful.
(A lady on the Ontario forum has a magazine she wants people to contribute to regarding living large, so I wrote this poem and sent it to her.)
Nothing Fits (and it looks like Shit)
I look through my closet
I have nothing to wear
I must have dried this too long
It’s too tight and I swear
This means I have to go shopping
The nightmare begins
A floor of wrinkly clothes
Piled high to my shins
I have one choice of store
That fit girls like me
But their largest quadrupleduple x
Is rather snug you see
It’s hard being big
Even worse the style of clothing
The bitterness in me
Is such a level of loathing
Summer fashion is here
Where can I hide?
Diagonal stripes on polyester
Flowers patterns so wide
Expensive ugly clothes
Makes life even tougher
Heaven forbid I have some self pride
Since I’m twice the size of my father
Slim ladies in cotton dresses
Much cooler than hot poly pants
Why does the fashion world dislike us?
They just won’t give fat people a chance.
We all want to be happy
To just leave the house feeling great
Neutral colours, cool fabrics and style
That never again we will hate
If only I could sew and had talent
Cuz I’d make clothes that would fit us all
Ladies and gents no matter your size
Would feel proud to shop at the mall
GWENHYFYR (Jennifer J.)
**************“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” — Mahatma Ghandi ******************************
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