What is going on? Okay, I got up this morning, the sun was shining, and the day looked beautiful so I decided to dress up a little! I put on these black Capri ’s, a cute little red top, and a black beater underneath, you know, to look cool like the kids! Well I noticed the pants were a little bigger than they were the last time I wore them three months ago, so I get all excited! 

I run to the bathroom down the hall and jump on the scale and.......

I GAINED 6 POUNDS! 

What? So, I start taking off my clothes, something is wrong! Still the scale says 207!

Okay, Okay, God please help me with this! I’ve been doing so good! I haven’t had any sweets for two weeks, no McDonalds sweet tea, nothing! Why is this happening to me! I’m not going to panic, I am just going to take this as an opportunity to get back focused and exercise like I am suppose to be doing anyway! I know I haven't walked in a couple months so that has to be the problem!

I put my clothes back on and come to school. Later, I go to cafeteria duty and this 7^th grader comes up to me, in front of a cafeteria full of teachers and students, and says, “Mrs. Teena, you look pregnant today!” I said, “you look pregnant everyday, at least I’m a girl!” 

Y’all I don’t be getting smart with the kids like that, my feelings were just hurt, and not by him by what I experienced this morning in my bathroom, I just took it out on him! He was so embarrassed, so I just hugged him and laughed, and told him I was just playing, brought him a cookie, told him how cute he was and if I were his age he would be my boyfriend! This made him happy and he ran off, but I’m still left with the “bad” feeling!

Look this is how dumb I am, when I finished cafeteria duty, I came back to my room and this sweet lady had went out and got lunch for us. I opened it and started eating it, still wondering where the 6 pounds came from. Then it was like a light that came on, look down dummy…….. 

My lunch consisted of chicken and dumplings, candid yams, greens, and sweet potato rolls.  Of course I had bottled water! I quickly called two of the students up and gave them my lunch, (yes it was enough for two!) 

I know I have to un-do all the damage I’ve done to myself it’s not just the sweets, it’s also the French fries, and sweet tea, and dumplings, and fried chicken, and hamburgers, and Mac and cheese, and pastas and breads…….. 

Okay, okay, it’s my fault, just letting go sweets isn’t enough, I have to let everything go and run this race like my life depends on it! (Because it really does!) 

AM I PITYFUL OR WHAT! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, GOD IS RELEASING THINGS IN MY LIFE AND THIS IS PART OF MY TRANSFORMATION! 

Love Teena!

Okay for my revenge on my husband! I came home from work on Friday, and I had some painting to do so I put on these big, holey, worn out pants that had paint all over them from me painting before and this big worn out sweatshirt, pulled my hair back tight, tied a scarf on my hair, washed my face, took the makeup off and painted!
Well when Michael came home, I told him I needed some things from Lowe’s, so he said get ready and I’ll take you. I told him I would wait for him in the truck, when he got in the truck I still looked the same and he said, you going like that! I said yeah what’s wrong with me?

People were looking at me funny in Lowe’s and Michael acted like he was embarrassed so after leaving Lowe’s, I told him I was hungry. He said okay I’ll just swing into McDonalds drive thru. I told him that I wasn’t doing McDonalds anymore, so let’s go to Applebee’s. He said okay, we’ll just swing by the house so you can get changed!

No I’m fine, let’s just go so I can hurry up and get back home! Well we get to Apple bees and I strut in like I own the place, smiling and speaking to everyone (even people that I didn’t know) 
(By the way, the sweatshirt is brown, with bleach stains, and a hole right at the collar, the capri pants are multi colored with all kinds of paint on them, my booties are red and I have on these tennis shoes that I could walk out of because they are so big and dirty, I use them for yard work! The silk scarf on my head was red, white and blue! I looked a hot mess!)

Michael rushes through his meal and I’m just relaxing! He asked me fifty times am I ready, then finally I said Yeah Michael, evidentially, you are. Let’s go. 
When we get to the door one of his workers is coming in. He stops to talk, (probably so I can walk away from him) but what do I do, I strut back and say hey sweetie, I’m Teena, Michael’s wife! 
Michael says, yeah man, this is my wife, (looking down) Y’all I get so loud and “ghetto”! Talking dumb, saying things like, “How long you work for Mikee?” “ Mikee be treating you right! Yo check this, it's like this we might be in a recess, but if he don't treat you real good you can sit home and day will still give you checks, so you still gonna get paid regardless, see what I'm saying!” “My bad, I’m all in y’all conversation!” “Mikee, do you want me to wait in the truck cuz I got this big hole right here in my pants and I sure am cold!” (showing him and the guy my hole on the inner thigh of my pants!) 
On the way home he said, why did you do that, and I said Michael, I thought about what you said and I am not going to go out to get attention from the outside when I should only be getting it from you. He said you know I didn’t mean it like that! I said, No, I don’t want you to worry about no one giving me any extra attention! 
He said no, you do you! I said well I was going to do me anyway; I was just trying to prove a point. If I looked like this all the time and carried myself like this, it affects you. Believe it or not what I do affects you and what you do affects me! He admitted he was wrong, and truly acts like he appreciates me more!

When we were on the way to church yesterday, he kept saying, “Boy you are beautiful to me! I am so blessed!” And of course I said, "yes you are, and so am I!"

Now I don’t know if that means he was really embarrassed, if he appreciates me more, or if I really showed off Friday AND Saturday night, (yeah a sista’s back to getting it on a regular!)

Whatever it was he’s back on track, AGAIN! I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts, even if it is for a day, week, or month!

Games we have to play!!!!!

Love you, 

Teena

4/4/08;
How are you doing! I am doing very well thank you for asking! I have to admit that even after doing the 7-day protein test, I am still sipping on McD's sweet tea. No it is not unsweet, it doesn't taste the same to me! I am doing it in moderation though! (one every other day and it lasts me all day!) I have given up sweets!! Yah for me! I am back to drinking my protein! Overall I am back focussed and ready to finish this race!

Well getting to why 4 is my new lucky number, I lost 4 pounds, for two weeks in a row, 4 last week and 4 this week! I went to the doctor with my Mom yesterday and I really enjoyed my Mother, we don't always get along but God is really fixing things for us, any way, when we got to the Dr's, the receptionist needed change so my Mom asked me if I could break a twenty, when I stepped up to the counter, the receptionist said, "My she's beautiful, tall and thin looking like a model!" I just thanked her b/c I'm not use to the "thin" comments, "tall" yes, but not "thin"! Well, the lady went on to say, "I think it's nice when these young people these days keep money, if I asked my daughter for change for a twenty, she sure wouldn't have it!" So of course I asked, "how old do you think I am?" and yall she said, "About the same age as my daughter aren't you? She's 24!" Lord Jesus, I almost died! When I told her that she had the numbers right they were just backwards because I will be 42, next week, she said no way, so my Mother and I stood there trying to convince this woman, then people in the waiting room joined in, then the workers chimed in, No one believed me, so I went to the car and got my license! 

Isn't that great, I never had that problem when I weighed 315 pounds! Well I was on cloud nine, this man even came in and this woman started talking to him and she said "can you believe that lady over there is 42! And the conversation started over again!

Well now I am just cheesing, and I get into my cute attitude! I twist my body and crossed my leg, and boy I got this charlie horse! This cramp was so bad I had to get up and walk around the building, no lie! Tears came to my eyes that thing would not budge, I was praying and everything. When it finally left I went back into the building, sat down and it jumped right back in my leg! You could see the pain I was in and people were looking at me going through this and all I could say was see, I told yall I was an old lady, as soon as I leave here I am going to get some aspercream! 

I hope you have a great weekend!
Love, T44na!

Hello all! I'm back! 

I had a mental breakdown during my vacation! I was a mess, I got so depressed that the devil was trying to kill me by telling me that I didn't want to be here any more, like the world would be the same without me! 

Seriously though, I have always battled depression but this was crazy! I was even thinking of ways to kill myself without people actually knowing that I killed myself! The devil is busy! Well as I was walking around the house thinking what would work and what wouldn't, really rationalizing this thing, the phone rang and it was a couple friends of mine inviting me out to breakfast. So I went, didn't want to, but didn't want to make up a lie, (couldn't think of a good one anyway)!

I get to breakfast in this busy restaurant and just start crying uncontrollable! Don't ask me why! I just couldn't stop! They kept telling me how blessed I am and all I could think of was negative things. Well, they encouraged me to go to this couples retreat with the church and they were going to pay for it as an early birthday present! (I will be 42 on April 9! What happened to my 30's)

We had a ball! It was what I really needed! It was what we really needed! I am so glad we went there instead of Myrtle Beach and New York! It was wonderful! Just the fellowship was awesome! we got a lot of questions about our relationship answered like, my husband use to open doors for me all the time, he always kept the car filled up with gas b/c in his own words I was too cute to pump gas! Well, he doesn't do that anymore, and it just stopped about 2-3 years ago, and like I told the instructor; 

I know I'm not as cute as I use to be, but I am not as ugly as I'm going to get!!!!

Well my husband promised to fix that problem and I promised more "quality" when it comes to sex! (use your imagination!) All and all it was wonderful!

The amazing thing was when we got to church on Sunday the pastor asked me, (in front of the whole church) if I wanted to share my testimony! So I went in front of the church and let them know that just because I do the hair thing and the make-up thing and I smile all the time, I am a person that battles depression daily and it is a disease that I am going to overcome! So many people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for sharing. They said they too had this disease and it was a daily struggle but seeing someone like me admit to it in front of the whole church gave them strength and encouragement!

I guess making myself transparent in front of all those people was worth it, that is one of the reasons I decided to share it with you, my beautiful OH family, if it helps just one person, it is well worth it!

I have pictures that I will post as soon as I get them developed!

Be blessed! 
Love, T33na!