I just thought I would share my aha moment. The thing that made me say enough is enough and I will be getting WLS now thank you.
When I was a kid my dad took me and my friend to the fair. I wasnt that fond of fair rides but not to be outdone by my friend we got inline for the ring of fire. the whole time I begged my dad to ride it with me. Im sure he was having that inner struggle that all us overwight people have when face with this kind of descision. will i fit, will they make me get off, can it be safe for me to squeeze into this thing? So its our turn to get on and he gets into his spot and low and behold its a no go. he is too big and try as they might the buckle wont latch. I remember the look on his face and the pain in his eyes as he had to leave the platform. I know It hurt him so much that he had to leave me behind and the embarassment knowing that all the other dads could ride with there kids but he couldnt. I remember telling myself that day that even though I loved my dad to peices no matter what size he was, that I would never let that happen to me or my kids.
Fast foward 15 yrs and Im in line for a rollercoaster and my bean pole hubby and his like wise beany siblings are enjoying a day of vacation. I am now having that inner struggle that no one else can see.. will I fit, are they going to kick me off, is this even safe for me to squeeze into? Its our turn and my barely visible if they stand sideways family slip into their respective seats and here I am struggling to suck in every inch of me possible with no luck.. I wont be able to buckle. the ride attendent comes over and radios his manager to come and after an embarassing agonasing eternity it is deamed that yes the 300lb woman will need to vacate the ride. The promise to my self had been broken, I had let myself become my worst fear and now If I continued on this path I wouldn't be able to ride with my son when he gets older, I will have to tell him no mommy is too big. We might not even get to go to the fair because mommy cant walk for that long or get out of bed any longer. I was heart broken and so mad at myself that when we got home from vacation my husband and I began calling the insurance and looking for surgeons.
That was my wake up call and as humiliating as it was and as much as i thought I would surely die from embarassment I am thankful that it had to happen for me to open my eyes and see that my weight was affecting not just me but my family too and it needed to stop!