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Surgeon Testimonial

Jeffrey Jenkins, M.D.
dr. jenkins was very polite and informative. he took the time to answer all of my questions, as well as my husband's questions. he did not seem rushed, but he did speak rapidly. he took the time to explain the procedure he would be performing and the next steps i needed to take before the request could be submitted to the insurance company.
his office staff is polite and friendly. he provided me with a binder of information for before and after the operation. he evaluated my current medications and addressed concerns about pre existing conditions.
i didnt notice any negative aspects with regard to dr. jenkins or his office staff. the only thing i dont like is the distance from my house, but thats not the fault of the office.
Latest Surgery Support Comments

  • Comment by <*>LYnn<*> 3/25/06 3:54 pm
    Miranda, Congratulations on your major WOW moment! That is so exciting, look at what a weight loss success you ARE! WEIGH to go! Enjoy every moment of your weight loss success, Lynn
  • Comment by Grace loves cats 11/13/05 3:33 pm
    Congratulations on your WLS! :-) I hope things went well and that your recovery goes very well too. Remember to walk when you can as soon as you can, as this really does help. It really helped me! Listen to your Doctor. Get well soon, and God Bless.
  • Comment by PattyMayonnaise 11/13/05 4:56 am
    Congratulations!!!!! Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey. (((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((HUGS))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))
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My Story

tried every "diet" in the book for the last 6 years, steadily gaining weight. paid for a personal trainer early last year, diet and excercise dont make a difference in my weight. eat between 1200-1500 cal/day and was working out 2 hours/day 4-6 days/week. no change in weight. depression, liver problems, sexual issues,skin tags,low energy, excessive sweating, etc.
july 24th-during routine blood work for meds i took (celexa and neurontin) it as discovered that my liver was functioning abnormally. my primary care dr ordered more tests, etc and they said i have something called "fatty liver" and my triglycerides are over 350. before i could ask my PC about the WLS, she asked me if i had thought about it. i said YES! i was here today to ask for a referral, she said, "I'll be right back with that". so ive already done most/all of the pre op blood work. my PC ordered a chest x-ray, which i did that same day and an ultrasound (i made an appointment for aug 10th). she said i would need a psych eval and i already have an appointment with my psych for the 9th. the dr's office said it would take less then 10 business days to hear back from insurance about the approval. the only bummer in this whole thing is that my insurance doesnt cover any surgeons in sacramento, so i will have to go to SF. i'm getting mixed reactions from friends. mostly people saying, "you dont look that fat". this week coming up probably wont have any exciting news, but next week i'll be busy with the psych eval, my normal therapy appointment and the ultrasound. then i guess we'll see what happens after that. i'm glad i found this board, nothing beats a group of people who know what youre going through and have kind words to help you.
blue cross/medi-cal denied the first request for authorization. i have to call the dr. tomorrow to see why they denied it since blue cross doesnt seem to have the info in their system. kind of sucks, but we'll see what the dr has to say about it.
blue cross/medi-cal didnt actualy deny me, the brain surgeon in the cal center couldnt find one way or the other so he said it was denied. my dr actually caled later that week to tell me it was approved and that the place i would be going is stanford. i called the # provided and left a message (friday) then the tuesday after that (8/11/04) the lady called back and said theyre booked through '05. *crap* i posted that in the CA board and someone said that was pretty typical but that i could try a different dr in santa rosa and see what they said. i emailed him and have yet to rec'a reply. at the same time, my husband got hired permanent through his job so now he has med benefits. his insurance covers a local dr for me that a friend of mine saw. so i think im going to go that way with it. im done with all of my pre op except the upper endoscopy and nutritional thing, maybe ill get in pretty fast and get on with life. more later...
8/30/04 insurance switched to pacificare, i called my dr's office and left the info for the nurse to get the authorization. so i'll be waiting another week to find out what happens with that.
12/21/04 hapy 28th b-day. consult with dr. patching scheduled for jan 13th. group meeting, then a one on one about 2 weeks after that. i've lost 15lbs on my own, so i'm not sure if i stil qualify. i'm haing doubts about the surgery, natural weight loss and fertility later on.
while waiting for my appointment with dr patching, i ended up losing enough weight to no longer qualify for the surger. so i canceled my appointment and went on with life. the weight came back, and now i'm making an appointment with my primary care dr for a new referral. hoping it goes smoothly. i should have kept on with it last time, but i think i chickened out. no more.. i'm seriously tired of being fat. it's time for a bigger change then what i can do on my own.
pcp agreed to the referral, so the paperwork is on its way to insurance for approval (think good thoughts). in the mean time, i'm tracking every morsel that goes in my mouth and waiting, waiting, waiting....
i called my pcp and they said they didnt have any info about the referral, and that it "never takes less then 3 weeks for this type of referral" so i left a message with my contact person there then i checked my mail, and ta-da! my approval letter was there from my insurance, pacificare. the only problem.... the authorization is for a different dr then the one i thought i would be going to. so i called the pcp and left another message to see if this is a big deal or if i should just roll with it and call the dr on the letter. so.... hopefully i'm another step closer and not one step forward, two steps back
the referral (mentioned above) is for dr jenkins because apparently dr waldrep no longer accepts pacificare as an insurance for the surgery he performs. dr jenkins' office called me, and when i called back i found out that i still have blue cross/medi-cal as a secondary insurance provider. well, dr jenkins' office wont schedule my consult until i get my blue cross canceled because if pacificare doesnt cover any portion of the services, the system automatically bills the ssecondary and dr. jenkins doesnt accept my secondary. what a mess! sally at dr jenkins office gave me a number for blue cross, who in turn gave me the number for medi-cal's insurance management. they told me to call my local department of health and human serivces. i called them and they found my "social worker" and gave me her number. after repeated attempts to reach her by phone, i stopped by the local office. if you've never been to a department of health and human services, i dont recommend it as a fun place. i waited for an hour and a half for the worker to come out. i guess she didnt know i was waiting. she took me in a little back room and brought up my info on the computer. she said that she could cancel the medi-cal but it wont be effective until sept 1st. ugh. i cant schedule a consult with the surgeon until that is gone. the worker said she would mail me a letter showing the effective date, so hopefully dr jenkins will accept that and let me schedule the consult.
consult scheduled for 9/16/05! sally at dr. jenkins' office is sending me the *packet* and then we go from there.
i had my appointment with the surgeon yesterday morning. he gave me a to do list: psych eval, dietician appointment, blood work and a gall bladder ultrasound. when all of that is done, then the office sends the paperwork to pacificare for approval. this is all good news, the only thing that sucks is that the surgeons office and the hospital are 45 minutes from home. it could be worse though, if i still had medi-cal id be going to stanford. all in all its entirely possible for me to be a loser this year =) that would be awesome. my bday is in december, and i'd love nothing else then to ask for smaller clothes for the occasion. moving right along.
i went to the lab for my blood work today, i'm sure they took no less then five gallons out of my little vein. lol. the surgeon called and left a message saying that my packet was submitted to pacificare for approval, i thought i had to wait until my todo list was completed, but it looks like they were able to send it in anyways. the ultrasound lab i want to go to has moved recently (like less then a month ago) and i think their phone number changed, the surgeon called and said they couldnt get ahold of them and i need to call back tomorrow with the phone number and fax of the place i want to go to. so i'll cal and give them that then call the ultrasound lab and make that appointment. the psych eval is next friday and the nutritionist appointment the monday after that. still moving along.... good wishes for me =)
abdominal ultrasound today. no eating/drinking after midnight last night. i got there 15 minutes early and the tech was 15 minutes late. nice =) the whole thing took about 20 minutes, didnt even have to get nakid for this one. she rubbed some ultrasound good on my belly and peeked around. it all looked the same to me, but whatever. psych eval is tomorrow.
psych eval. passed... marginally. heh thats what i get for being honest, he said that if i get more depressed i need to seek professional help *duh* but he did approve me psychologically for the surgery. dietician on monday.
appointment with the dietician today. she covered the meal plan for after surgery and my goals for leading up to surgery. cut out sodas (done), stop drinking w.meals, and get more excercise. i stopped by the surgeon afterwards and they moved up my final consult from 10/21 to 10/6. so in 3 more days i meet w. the surgeons assistant for the final review of the tests and then i should get a tenative surgery date. moving along so quicky now!
my appointment with the surgeons' assistant was supposed to be at 3 today, but they called and the surgeon got called in to emergency surgery and they wanted to reschedule the appointment. i asked if i could come an hour later. they said that would be fine. when i was about 5 minutes from the office, they called again and said that she was still in surgery, and could we weschedule. i told them i was already in town, its about 45 minutes away from my house. they said i could still come in, but it might be a little wait. i said ok, and stopped to take some pictures of the building. we waited a little while, no big deal there and then got called back. the nurse did the vitals, temp, bp, etc. a few minutes later the assistant came in. we talked for about 40 minutes, but only covered the same stuff the surgeon went over with me last time. none of my lab work made it to the surgeons office, but the assistant said that as long as everything was normal (i expect it to be) that the office could send the whole packet in to the insurance for approval on the surgery itself. she said she'd call tomorrow and let me know if she was able to get ahold of the lab stuff, and i should hear next week about the insurance company's response. so.. more waiting =) no biggie.. still moving in the right direction.
i called the surgeon's office last friday and they said they would call pacificare and see what was going on. i ended up calling pacificare on monday (yesterday) and the lady on the phone said they had approved me and gave me the auth #, i called the surgeons office with the auth # and the office gal took the info and said the scheduler would call me back the next day. so this afternoon she did call, and i guess she had to get the right auth # but everything was taken care of, and how does nov 15th sound for a surgery date? it sounds GREAT! sold!! =) so my surgery is set for nov 15th, about 4 weeks away.and my final consult with the surgeons assistant is nov 3rd. getting warmer.. i can feel it in my bones. hehe
my son's bday party is tomorrow and i think ill try and get some pics of me taken so i can have them to look at later. i hate being in front of the camera, but i should have something to reference my weight loss after the surgery. im down to 23 days and counting. a little over 3 weeks, just shy of a whole month. im considering places that we eat at as my "last" for each one. we had jimboy's tonight, and i thought.... this is probably the last time i come here, there isnt really anything on the menu appropriate for postop. then i smiled =) i felt like people were watching me refill my drink and wondered what nasty things they were thinking. then thought to myself, you just wait a few more months. im so ready to get on with life. ou finances arent the best right now, and my husband wanted to take me to a steak dinner for the *last supper* but i told him it was ok if we couldnt afford it... and i think it really is. a lot of people lose interest in food right before the surgery, nerves or stress or whatever.. im just apathetic about food right now. i dont really care if i dont get to eat this or that or the other before surgery. if the dr called tomorrow and said does today work for you? id be there...i am kind of glad that the surgery is after my son's bday. i had this horrible vision of dying on the table on his bday or something. traumatizing him for the rest of his life. some of the stuff that goes running through my head is so random, its just weird. i cant wait for next year and to live my life as me again. i remember being a normal size and enjoying being around people. i wonder if i will be like that again or not. i gained most of my weight after being sexually assaulted as a way to make sure that a man wouldnt find me attractive enough to assault, i wonder how i will feel when i catch the eye of men again. im scared, but i am also secure in my marriage and i know i wont be bar hopping and dating scummy men. my husband is very supportive of the whole thing, he's excited about it too. one slow day at a time, until it's here.
final consult with the surgeons assistant today. reviewed all the info, signed the consent. she gave me my pre-op labs and info about pre registration at the hospital. im getting close, im ready. a little nervous, but not anxious or jittery. im mostly calm, just ready to get on with my life. im a little worried about becoming too obsessive about my weight once im finally abe to lose it and get back to a normal size, but i think my support system is great, my husband and son and the drs i deal with. so i think im gona be fine =) just... ready.
i had my pre-op blood work and pre-registration at the hospital today. coughed up the $250 co-pay as well. i cant really whine about the co-pay, considering its less then 1% of the final cost of the surgery. my husband and i took his mom and her husband (love these new blended families) out to dinner at outback. his mom is really worried about me, the husband is really worried about me, but i'm not worried. i feel very calm and quietly expectant, but i know my body is stressing even if i dont think it is. i've had a couple of migraines this week, normal for me when im stressing. thankfully we took care of the sick kitten. we switched her over to a homemade food (yes, i make it myself) and shes finally putting on weight and acting like a kitten. thats one less thing to worry about. i made a bunch of food for her tonight so the husband doesnt have to when im gone. i may make some more the day before the surgery, just in case i end up in the hospital for longer then expected. i dropped off the prescription for the bowel prep at the pharmacy today, they dont keep it in stock so they had to oder it. i've also finished my grocery shopping for the first 4 weeks (hopefully) of being home. i got some miso soup (japanese beef broth soup), drinkable yogurt, baby food fruits and vegs, cream of wheat, crystal light and some various other things. i think im about as ready as i can be. id like to pick up a fine strainer and a pill cutter before i go, but those arent a big deal. i guess the countdown is on.
monday i took the bowel prep pills, they made me really nauseated (sp) i spent the whole day waiting to puke. then around 7pm they finally kicked in. dont ask. lol tuesday morning we got up at the ass crack of pre-dawn to drive to auburn. we checked in at the front counter then we (rich and i) were taken back to the surgery pre op room. i signed some consent forms, we went over my allergies and medical history. they started an i.v. and gave me some pepcid and some thing to calm my nerves. then they started wheeling me out of the pre op room, by the time we passed the door i was out. i woke up a few hours later in the recovery room, went back to sleep and woke up in my room. i went in and out of awareness until about 9pm and the nurses made me sit up in a chair. i got pretty dzzy but no bigdeal. i sat in the chair for about 20 minutes and then went backt to bed. weds and thrusday were pretty much the same. i ate and drank what they gave me, little bitty bowls of stuff at a time. then today they discharched me and i came home. i had a bit of my pain meds and a nap and im dozing as im sitting herre writing. im sure theres more details to put in, but thats the basics. on tuesday i had a really bad nurse so ill dish about that some later =) im feeling a lot better, doing great with the pain management and all that. so far ive been able to tolerate everthingi tried to eat/drink but m sure there will come a time when something doesnt agree. more later, im whooped.
day 2 of being home. things are a lot better then expected in most ways and kind of so-so in other ways. im still tolerating *food* well. the protien drinks arent nearly as bad as they were pre-op. theyre mostly bad in the aftertaste area, but not too bad for flavor. im working on tracking my protien intake and trying to remember to eat throughout the day. it feels like im still sleeping more then im awake to eat. the pain is still manageable, im trying to stretch my times about 5 minutes each day. instead of one dose every 3 hours, i went hours and five minutes. its nice being home. im looking forward to renewed strength each day. my first word of advice for pre-ops... if ou have cats/pets that are not in a cage, make arranegments for them to be cared for during your first 2 weeks at home. i have cats, and my first night home one of them jumped on my belly. oh man did it hurt! so we're making sure our bedroom door is closed when im in there laying down. when im sitting on the couch it doesnt really matter as much, cus i can use my hands to keep them off, but when im laying down im pretty much helpless. even if there is another person in the room, you cant be sure theyre gona stop a cat before they just jump for it. so make sure theyre in antoher room, or at a friends or whatver. i get my drain taken out on weds so i'll be able to weigh then too and see if ive lost any lbs.
im finally below 200. only by a pound, but thats ok! im finally 199. i had set that as a goal for the first of the year, but its here a little early. im not sure where to set the next goal.
im still losing slowly but surely. im down to 192 and a size 14 pants. it feels really good to be seeing some of the changes. i took a bunch of pics in clothes that didnt fit pre-op last nigth and its so much fun to have more choices in my wardrobe. i even put my wedding dress on and took a pic. i was 205 when i got married and the dress was a little snug. my dr is sending me back to work next week even though my joint pain is still there. the weight loss doesnt seem to be affecting it like i had hoped. im doing ok with food, just not eating very much. i get tired of chewing and i get tired of cooking. the only thing were suppsoed t eat is protien mainly, and its either cottage cheese or meat. not a lot in the way of choices. i did find a protien drink that i like, its by isopure and ive got to say that every one was right about it. isopure is the protien to try when you cant stand anything else. im still on the lortab, using it for pain management of the joint and muscle pain now. my surgeons office isnt refilling it anymore, so i had to see my primary care to get a new prescription for it. i also had my anual ob check up and got the ortho patch. im excited about that. i had always read that it wasnt as effective if you were over 200lbs, but now that im under (finally) im going to give it a shot. im hoping it will help even out some of the mood issues. also, with all this hormone junk going on, i feel like a teenager. my face broke out with little pimples all over the place. i didnt even have acne this bad when i hit puberty. oh well. the ortho patch should help with my heavy periods too. theyve been monstrous since june and it got to the point where enough was enough. so we'll see in thenext few months how the patch works for me. i like not having to remember a pill every day. im really bad about remembering my anti depressants every day and historically ive been bad about birth control too. thats one thing i cant afford to mess up on. my body is in no condition to carry a baby, no matter how much id like to. all in all, i still dont have any regrets. im doing well with foods, the only thing that didnt sit well was shrimp and i think its either beacause of the salt it was cooked in or the density of the meat. either way, i'll wait a few months and try it again. im doing great with other types of meat, chicken definately no problems, salmon and even steak i can handle with no problem. i snuck a french fry tonight at wendy's but i dont think thats a big deal either. i think my issue was always portion control. i was the type of person that would have the big bacon cheeseburger, large fries and diet coke. tonight i had about 1/2 of a grilled chicken breast, i ordered the chicken sandwich plain and just tossed the bread, and i had A fry. my husband and i went to applebee's a few nights ago and we were able to share the 2-item combo type dinne they have. he had steak and i had salmon. i was able to eat about 1/3 of the salmon and maybe a teaspoon of mashed potatos. i ended up boxing the rest of it up and taking it home. im still working on it lol. im still very very thankful for the opportunity to go through this surgery, and im definatley looking forward to my new healthy life (and cute clothes!)
i went for my anual with my ob/gyn and he prescribed the ortho patch. its super easy to use and remember and its really been helping with the acne. im down to 182 and slowly still losing. i dont drink my protien every day and im having a hard time with my calcium chews. they make me queesy. im looking for another brand to try in the mean time. ive been pretty good with my vitamins and food and all that. im still a little afraid to try shrimp after it came back up last time. steak is hit and miss, sometimes its great and sometimes it makes me feel funny, but it doesnt come back up. ive discovered the lean cuisine low carb meals and those are so great for me. i eat about half of it, then save the other half for later. peanuts are also good for me and im doing ok with break proucts and even a little pasta here and there. im eating special K cereal in the am (and sometimes for dinner) and thats good to have for me too, i loved cereal pre-op and i was kind of scared i woudlnt be able to have it after the surgery. my dr diagnosed me with fibromyalgo, so im still off work due to the pain in my body. im still taking lortab daily and sometimes i feel like a total loser. sitting at home, drugged enough to dull the pain usually means drugged to the point that im not productive. its a hard trade off. excercise is touch and go. if i over do it on accident, i pay dearly the next day. losing weight doesnt seem to be having much of an impact one way or the other on the body pain so i just go day by day and try to make the most of it. im in to size 14's now and theyre just starting to get a little more roomy. my husband has been super supportive through this whole process and we're both enjoying my new body. he likes being able to put his arm around me when we walk side by side, and of course im feeling better about how i look. i just wish that my body didnt hurt all the time and maybe we could "celebrate" my new self confidence.
i saw the rheumy and she ordered a few tests and said if they came back clean then th jointpain is fibromyalgia. the tests cmae back clean (surprise surprise) so my primary's diagnosis stands. i went to see him as a follow up and we switched myanti depressant from celexa to effexor. almost immediately i noticed a change for the better. within 30 minutes of taking the effexor, my pain is totally gone. the only down side is that the pill only lasts between 8-14 hours so im still taking vicodin at night for the pain and to help sleep. i can handle once at night though, its way better then needing the vicodin to have a daily life. im still losing weight, very slowly but then again im not exactly a nutritional saint. im down to 175 and hovering between size 12 and 14. i got restless ith my hair but i didnt want to cut it. ive been growing it for years and its finally most of the way down my back. so i got a perm instead. i love the way it looks even though its only the first day. i get to enjoy the no hair washing for 3 days thing and then see how it settles. my husband and i also decided to move forward in our goal of adopting a child. neither of us is infertile or anything like that, we just have many reasons why we would like to adopt instead of going through a pregnancy. its exciting to finally be planning for it and moving towards the goal.
this year really seems like a clean slate for me. im starting over in a lot of areas and really enjoying my time and myself. my husband and i have been more intimate lately and its amazing the changes i see/feel there as well. i didnt think sex could get much better then it was but i dont mind being proven wrong about that one. =)
im still losing, im down to 168. i made the mistake of starting to eat faster and ive thrown up a couple of times because of it. im still doing well with the variety of foods i can have but if im not careful, i eat too much and it comes back to haunt me. i also have to make more of an effort to drink throughout the day. ive been dehydrate to the point of feeling faint when i stand up and getting dizzy. my blood pressure is also pretty low, not to the point o medicating or anything, but i do need to make sure i drink more water. im getting closer to the elusive size 12 and im hoping to keep going after that. i worry sometimes that ive lost all im going to lose, then i drop another pound or two and i know im still going. i tried on my husbands pants tonight and for the first time ever, they actually fit. that was a really good feeling. i told him to kiss them goodbye =)
i went shopping for shorts the other day at old navy. i picked up some 12's thinking they would be too small and ended up going back for 10s. i was totally stunned! it felt very very good to be so close to the single digit sizes. im down to 160, only moderately over weight, no longet obese which is another great milestone. im doing better with food, really trying to take my time to eat everything so it doesnt comeback up. ive been pushing water and working really hard to get my vitamins down daily. im definately not the poster child for the gastric bypass, as i fudge or ignore a lot of the rules, but its working really well for me. i think that a lot of my problems pre-op were due to emotional eating and a lack of self control. i never really knew when to stop, or if i knew, i kept eating anyways. i can still eat most of the foods i like, i havent tried shrimp again but i plan to eventually, i just eat everything in much smaller portions. i still go to taco bell on occasion but instead of eating nachos, 3 tacos a burrito and a large soda i eat about 2/3 of a taco and water. some people would say that letting myself eat the taco in the first place will lead to all of my old habits coming back and me getting fat again, but i really think that portion control is my key. i got kind of bummed out posting in the local board a while ago. it seemed like everything i had to say, someone came back with a nasty remark or something i should be doing instead, even when im not asking for advice. i posted once about my first time eating a salad after surgery, i thought it tasted like heaven and i just wanted to share that with people i thought would understand. instead i got responses about how salad is empty calories and i should be eating protien instead. i figure that enjoying salad is a lot better then a candy bar... or ice cream or something. so mostly i just keep to myself now, it was kind of discouraging. i keep reminding myself that ive lost 70lbs and even if i dont lose another pound, im still doing better then my dr's goal. he had a goal of about 50-60 lbs. so i keep trucking along, doing what im doing and enjoying the smaller clothes. sex is also a lot better now then it was pre-op. my husband and i just fit better together and thats a great feeling. he likes being able to walk side by sde with his arm all the way around my waist and i like being able to finally steal his jeans.
when i was still looking in to the surgery i read a lot of people's posts about losing their hair. i thought to myself, ya right that wont happen to me. im going to take my vitamins, they must not be doing something right. here i am, 5 months out, with thinning hair. i dont take my vitamins as consistantly as i should and i just started with my calcium. i got my hair permed a few months ago and then it just turned in to this huge hassle. i couldnt brush it daily and in order to brush it at all, i had to slather the conditioner on and do it in the shower under running water. i considered cutting for a few days and finally just did it. i went back to an a-line (bob) and the perm is still in it so i can go curly if i want to. my husband says it makes me look like im 18 again, which isnt a bad thing. it feels like a young haircut, like it has a lot of fun potential. im down to 155 and im looking forward to being able to donate eggs to a couple or a family that isnt able to have children with their own eggs. i need to lose about 5-10 more lbs beore i can do that. its been a goal of mine for years to be able to help a family bring a child of their own in to the world and im really glad that my weight wont be an obstacle anymore. im looking fwd to going to 6 flags this year and not worrying about the roller coaster bar not fitting. i actually went swim suit shopping and found a 2 piece suit that i LOVE! its not exactly a bikini, but its a 2 piece and thats cool. oh.. and its a size small. even better. life just keeps getting better and better. i feel so much more confident with everything. im going to the dentist next week to get the deep cleaning ive been putting off for a few years and then the week after that im seeing my eye dr about contacts. i feel like a whole new person, even better then i did when i was young and skinny. i love my new body and the life experience that i have to go with it.
1. lose 80 lbs. ::check::
2. get cute hair cut, no more frumpy bun for me ::check::
3. butter fly tat. i realize that a lot of us do the same symbol for the same reason, and it holds true for me too. i really do feel like something beautiful that emerged from something ugly. i gained weight in part as a (unconscious) response to being assaulted. years later i was finally comfortable enough with myself on the inside to "let" myself be beuatiful on the outside again. i really wanted to commerorate my journey with the symbol of a butterfly. i found one i liked in a flash book (the ones you see at any tat studio) and then had some changes made for a little more personalization. here's what i ended up with...
it took 2 hours and YES it hurt like heck. i have 8 other tats and none of them were this painful.
4. make appointment wth dentist for the deep cleaning ive been putting off ::check:: next tuesday
5. make appointment w. eye dr for contacts so my beautiful face can show andnot hide behind glasses. ::check:: next saturday. 4/29

6. thank everyone on this board that has been supportive in my journey to find myself. we all have a different experience with the weight loss surgery and we all have similar, but unique reasons for doing it. i want to thank everyone that had kind words for every step of the way. i also want to send encouragement for those who havent gone through the surgery yet. this is the best thing (after therapy lol) that i have ever done for myself and i am so grateful to everyone for their strength in the form of posts and profiles. ::check::

just days from my 6 month "surgiversary" and im nearly at goal. my husband and i took some sexy pics the other night. it was my first time doing anything like that, and even though i didnt like some of them, i was very happy overall to have the confidence to do it in the first place. most of them will stay between us, but ive got a couple that i dont mind rprinting for our bedroom or whatever. i posted one on myspace and one here just for kicks. its fun to feel so good about myself, finally.

theres been a lot of changes.. i got below 200 so i went on the ortho patch. id wanted that since i first saw it years ago. it worked great, but the only drawback (some woudlnt consider this a downside but it eventually turned out to be) was the super spike in my sex drive. all off a sudden i wanted it  all the time. my husband, richard, and i got licensed for foster care and had a few little ones in the house. he decided that he wanted to try and have kids of our own. in nov 06 i think we got pg and lost it very very early on in the pregnancy. in jan 07 we split and in sept 07 the divorce was final. i spent 07 as a single, skinny, sexy woman and enjoyed everything i wanted to enjoy. i bar hopped, went topless at the beach and dated a lot of guys. but i still wasnt happy. i had some mental health issues, a lot of depression and i know the alcohol sure wasnt helping with that. after an extended hospital stay in may i started to get some of my stuff together. in dec 07 i met someone and we started dating. it was very intense from the begining and he really feels like the one. we clicked from the first time we kissed and it just went from there. 

as far as weight goes... i started @ 230 pre op. found 135 in jan 07 and loved it and am now back up to about 165. im still happy to be smaller then i was but i do miss size 4. so now that summer is fast approaching again, i think its time to start tracking what i eat again.. get off my ass and start moving some more and drop some of this poundage. im also off the ortho patch, just back to regular hormones and cycles. waiting for it to all even out so we can start trying to conceive to see if i can do this again. im worried about pregnancy, not in the sense that i wont be able to eat enough to nourish a baby, but that my body got so out of whack with the weight and artificial hormones that maybe i wont be able to get back to a normal cycle and conceive. i know a lot of women worry about this too, so im not alone there.. but the worry still sits. im finally leveled out emotionally and mentally. i have a great support person (my partner) and my son is really awesome. he's 11 now (dang!) he's totally my best friend which is great most of the time but sometimes when i need to be mom.. it causes a problem =) 

i hope to be back on the CA board more, looking for support and advice as only the cali girls can give. so.. here we go again! but with a lower goal this time. i only want to drop about 30# and i know i can do it if i just decide to.

heres the requested update =) i met someone in december of last year. i really wasnt looking for a partner or anything serious but i guess when we're not looking is when we're the most receptive to finding. we got married in feb, and found out im pregnant the 1st week of april. i wasnt sure if getting pregnant was going to be a problem. i have PCOC and a previous loss so i was worried, but it turned out to be a lot easier then expected. i called my primary care as soon as i found out and was told i could see a resident at the primary care office or i could see an OB at the women's health office. i went with the women's health office, called them, made an appoitment for about 4 weeks later, showed up to the appointment only to be told they no longer accept my insurance. UGH. thanks for calling! i went back to my primary care, made an appt for about 3 weeks later, showed up (this was the monday just passed) and was told that because ive had the bypass im *high risk* and i have to go back to the women's health office! jeez. i called them today and they said they cant get me in before the end of my 1st trimester so they referred me out to yet another dr. ill be calling them tomorrow to see if they can get me in on monday. that doesnt give me a lot of time to make a decision if something is wrong, but i cant wait to see the darn ultrasound. 

as for weight issues.... i ended up with nasty *morning* sickness (it was closer to 24/7) where nothing would stay down, and its SO hard to throw up, its like a chore lol i lost about 15# and the nausea med they gave me made me so depressed i stayed in bed for a week solid. im finally feeling better and tryng to gain weight (how ironic). im at about 165 give or take a few depending on what time of day.