12/12/08 - I try so hard to be upbeat, but sometimes I get beat down...and right now I'm so depressed.  My husband just got laid off a few days ago & we dont have the 6 mths padding the way everyone should.  Back to paying my mtg with my amex.  You think i'm being funny?   I'm not...I want to scream "WHY ME????".   

How is this effecting my weight?
 I stepped on the scale today & it said 178lbs  F*CK - I've caught myself grazing almost every day & cant stop.  In fact I'm going to tell on myself right now.  I've worked so hard to take the weight off & get to a normal comfortable level & i can just feel that I'm loosing control.

You know the great great "candy bars" I buy (noooooo, they arent snickers - i buy the high protien / low sugar type such as:
South Beach High Protien Ceral Bars (140 cal, 5g fat, 15g carb, 6g sugar, 10g protien...this might be a breakfast)
OR
South Beach Snack Bar (100 cal, 3g fat, 16g carb, 6g sugar, 5g protien)
OR
EAS Carb Control Bar (240 cal, 8g fat, 27g carb, 1g sugar, 17g protien...the bar is big enough to eat only 1/2 at a time)
OR
Supreme Protien (400 cal, 18g fat, 26g carb, 10g sugar, 30g protien...this bar is so HUGE i normally breqak it up into 3rds)

Today I ate a WHOLE SUPREME BAR!  What am i doing to myself?  If i dumped (which I dont), i would have just put myself in sugar shock.  I dont even taste what i'm eating - i'm just shoving food in my mouth to keep my fingers moving.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent - it's so hard to keep what's going on to myself.