I went and tried and pushed and swore i was ready to give up so many times. I was sure they were out to get me out of the surgery ...well i finally got a day of may 10th..at 930 am i go in...i cant believe it and im gettin antsy and nervous and breathless.....i cant wait to be on that losers bench and take life and do what i should be able to do now..like going on all the roller coasters in the world..not being scared of a airplane seat next to someone i dont know..being able to weigh less than the guys..lol..and to not have anymore worries about my blood pressure anymore!!! that will be so exciting on its own..and dont mention the amazing clothes that i cant wear now..at a size 24/26 cant get much around here....so i am ready to be me inside and out!!!!! see you all on the other side ...pray for me

I have gotten threw alot lately.. I passed my physc. eval. last month happily and she sent in the paper work . I got put on birth control last week and my next doctors appointment is to turn in everything and to apparently get a date for surgery i just dont believe it. I'm almost sure that i did something wrong and didnt do something right. god help me cause im so scared that i will never get this done in time for my husband deployment and that i will have to get it done while he is gone and that honestly scares me cause with 4 animals and living alone i just cant do it and im pretty sure if i dont get it done before may i will just have to start all over next year when he gets back cause i just dont have the ability to do it alone.Other than the surgery I have been doin alright so far go a sinus infection from cryin at a movie too hard..go figure on that one..lol..umm, still going to the support groups and happily i think i have made a new friend that threw all of this her name is jamie. we are about at the same place in the process and hopefully get surgery around the same time..OH and my birthday is gonna be the 11th and i will be 25..OH MY GOD...lol..i cant believe I am gonna be 25 just doesnt sound right im younger than that...hahaa..i used to feel like i was 13 now i dont feel so young sadly..i miss that great days of teenage years...thats it for now..kisses to anyone that reads this

i have been so busy since last month its crazy! I been going and doing and pleasing everyone at the same time..its so exhausting. been tryin to get threw all my steps so i can get this surgery and it seems like its gonna be a really long time before i get a chance to get it. with the weather i missed my first nut testing since they didnt open that day they wouldnt reschedule since they didnt really know what i was coming for( receptionist sayin that) so i have to come in tomorrow and probably fit in 2 days worth of stuff in one day then next monday pray the nut says that i am ok to go threw them..if not then i will be stuck in this situation for a long while probably..but other than that just have to get on birth control and im ready to go..i pray i can get this done before my husband deploys in may or june. they said they are gonna try though..but i know how military are..i have done terrible with my diet lately..just with how busy i have been and the only options u get are not the best ..but at least i am noticing that...i am happy that i have defintely given up the soda..i am drinkin green tea all the time and when i go out even though the food isnt the greatest i at least stick to only water during it..figure that counts for a few good moments in my non-diet ..lol..umm keeping up with all the things im doing im also having to take care of my husband in-between his surgerys and stuff..he just got finished with his lasik surgery today and next month he is gettin his tonsils out and his nose fixed so at least when i get my surgery i will be able to sleep thank god! i am also sick of this cold miserable weather..i try to make the best of it..but the snow scares me on the road alot..seen some bad accidents in my life and dont care to go threw that..and around here when cold weather hits seems like everything shuts down like the end of the world..i think thats all i have to document for now..oh except for my frustration about the support groups here havent had 2 support group meetings these past two months cause of holidays ..i wish they would just change the days when there is a holiday cause of all the times i really need the support right now and nothing i can do about it..and they are stupid for doing that cause on holidays are the worst for needing support! and a month is a long time to wait for the need...ok thats all for now...pray for me and i will pray for everyone i know...in my own way...ok i hope peace comes soon and a end to a never ending road getting this surgery it seems ready for the losers bench!

last time i posted i was quite frustrated obviously. I thought about it for awhile and decided to do what someone recommended i do. Lead instead of follow..Be a example for my best friend and my brother but without even doing anything my brother calmed down and is continuing his process and apparently gettin his surgery very soon. I am alil scared for him cause i feel like he just hasnt done very much for himself in getting ready for it.. just tryin to rush it. I know it seems that i concern myself too much about others but i am just venting..i know when to keep my mouth shut in real life. my best friend seems to be doing alot better thankfully.. She is starting her food journaling which i am obsessed with now. I never realized how useful it was to be able to see exactly everything u were puttin into your body everyday. But she put a application on her phone for sparkpeople and is doin it..im so happy for her to do it..i lost a few pounds just from doing that so im happy. I have been doing ok..cant seem to get past the 320 area..i cant get to 319 to save my life! its so frustrating but i know to stay calm about all that. i have so many appointments for the first week of february its crazy but do-able.The doctor said that i was a perfect candidiate for the surgery and that i was well educated on the surgery and the risks along with it. I just consider everything in life comes with some risk some more than others and its a simple choice of how u want to risk things.. I mean it this way.I can either die from my weight and having high blood pressure for a few years and destroy my heart or i can have surgery and have a chance i could have something go wrong ..its simple one or the other and i choose to take a chance for myself to make my blood pressure better..and plus i want to have a child one day i cant really do that right now either..so yeah alot going on in my head right now but nothin i cant understand on my own..nothing too serious going on lately just wanted to update everything and say im still on my way and the doctor said i would get my surgery by the time my husband gets deployed again in may. im really happy for that ..i really wouldnt want to do this without him here...xoxo