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missmidwestlady's Blog
My Experience...So Far
I was banded last thursday August 16th, 2007. Friday I slept pretty much the whole day and it was just a huge Blurr. Saturday was PURE HELL. I was depressed, lonely, miserable, bored, and STARVING. I wanted the band out. I was regretting it and in tears. I felt I had rushed into this without giving it careful consideration. The torture started when I was staying at my moms and I had to endure watching her eat pizza and my bro and his gf eat Mcdonalds. It was torture. I wanted to die then be like this. I was soo hungry and the band wasnt helping. It was only a constant reminder that if I touched the food I'd seriously regret it. So it took strength I didnt know I had not to just have a nervous breakdown. I wanted to cry, just not in front of them. I wanted to scream "why me" "this isn't fair". Why can't i enjoy the occasional fast food and still be thin. Why do I have to have a piece of silicone implanted in my body to be "normal". I believe the average person is thin, so statisically WHY ME. I try to think things could be worse...but I just can't help wanting to be "normal". I went to different lapband support sites, forums, and chatrooms. It helped. People were VERY supportive and offered excellent encouagement and advice. One thing a lady said to me was think about how your life is going to be when you are thin. It had me thinking maybe thats the reason I want this thing out of me. I have been huge my whole life. Not only do I have to constantly deal with being the only minority in a room(which is a different story), 9 times out of 10 have to deal with being the heaviest. I've never been a thin person. I do not know what to expect at all or if anything would change at all. All I know as of right now is that I LOVE food. Food makes me happy and its there ALWAYS. I know when I'm down eating crab rangoons or nachos is going to make me feel good. Feeling miserable Saturday, the ONE constant thing I had going for me that made me happy I couldnt have. FOOD. I felt like an addict relapsing. I couldnt convince myself that being thin is going to make me happy because that is unknown territory. I'm used to being fat..being rejected and ridiculed.I've been on this earth 23 years and for the bulk has had to live my life in a shell due to my weight. I'm used to having to settle for only certain jobs, not being outgoing or adventerous. Not being very social or having boys approach me. I really hope the grass is greener on the other side. 1 Comment(s)
Comment by redbonehonee on Aug 20, 2007 at 08:43pm
hold on sis it will get better
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