I did not have the surgery.

Apr 11, 2012

I keep getting questions on Facebook about how I am doing post surgery and I thought I should just address it in a blog post so I don't have to keep answering the question over and over. I appreciate all the interest and good thoughts being sent my way but I did not have the surgery. If I had, I would be blogging like crazy about my journey but unfortunately it did not work out.

From my older blog entries you know that there was an issue with the psych clearance, they wanted me to go for therapy, etc. It's my own fault that I didn't have the surgery because I refused to go for therapy. Do I regret this decision? No. I believe that certainly everyone, especially bariatric surgery candidates could benefit from therapy but I didn't agree with the reasoning behind why I "needed" it. If I had dreaded up the past, it would have only increased the scars from it more and empowered the person who abused me. I will absolutely never let that person have any power over me again and if it takes prolonging my journey towards bariatric surgery again, then so be it. At least I will be able to say I did it on my own terms.

And yes, I did say that my journey is not over. I will be changing my medical insurance July of next year, and I know for sure that they do cover it. You are probably wondering.. Won't they just try to get me to go for therapy as well? I don't think so. I had gone for a psych eval when I was trying to get the surgery covered back in 2008, said all the same things and I was passed without a question. I do believe the person who I went to this time for psych clearance was trying to be TOO thorough, and they could have said that I could benefit from therapy AFTER surgery which I would have gone to because I know it's not easy post-op and I probably could have used it to help me deal with the extreme lifestyle change.

I don't think that this reflects negatively on Dr. Buchin whatsoever. He was trying to do his best to ensure my outcome would be the best it could. He and his staff were wonderful to deal with, and I wish things would have worked out differently because I know I would have been in very good hands.

What are my plans for the immediate future? I'm attempting to become a mother. When I was 24, I began the steps to try to foster to adopt but it became derailed by family emergencies and things that happened afterward. It just stopped feeling like the best time to proceed. The yearning to become a mother has never left, and in fact it has become increasingly hard to ignore since. Aside from being a thinner version of myself, what I want most out of life is to be a mother. I was raised by my mother (who became a single mother after my father died when I was four) and by my grandmother so the idea of being a single mother doesn't feel so foreign or difficult. I was brought up with tons of love, I was spoiled rotten and I wanted for nothing. I couldn't have asked for a better mother or grandmother and I hope my child can say that of me one day. I do live with my mother, so my child will have my love as well as hers.

I was recently diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which will definitely be helped by weight loss so I am going to try to lose some weight on my own while I work with my reproductive specialist to become pregnant. If it can't happen, I will go back to trying to adopt. And then when it's time for my medical insurance change, I'll attempt the path of bariatric surgery again so I can be healthy enough to chase after a toddler. :)

Anyway, this won't be the last that you hear from me.. I'm sure. I wish all of you great success in your weight loss journeys and I hope to see you on the other side (the post-op side!) one day!

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St. Cloud, FL
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Jul 17, 2007
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