As I'm writing this blog I actually have tears in my eyes! Funny.  I stepped on the scale this morning and was ecstatic to say the least but didn't cry.  i told my fiance that I've lost 100 lbs but didn't cry (I'm not really one to cry) but for some reason, writing it on here makes me cry. It brought back the feelings and thoughts I had when i would read others blogs before having this surgery and thinking "man, I hope I lose that much one day" but ALWAYS having doubts in my mind!  ALWAYS thinking I'd be the ONE person this surgery wouldn't work for. Maybe I'd lose 50 lbs but definitly not 100!  Don't get me wrong, I was very hopeful, wishful, but doubtful nonetheless. After all, NOTHING else I'd ever tried worked for very long so why should this be any different?

The other thoughts that flooded my mind and I was sharing with my fiance was when he and I first talked about marriage and possibly getting engaged, I told him that I wouldn't marry him until I was skinny...I wasn't going to have to go to "omar's tent factory" to buy a dress (sorry if that offends anyone, just the way I felt about myself)!  And here we are, a little over 3 months away from our wedding and I'm wearing a size 10 and still shrinking! I don't quite feel "skinny" but damn, I feel good!!

then I thought about how I've ALWAYS felt like this skinny person trapped inside a fat persons body!! As I would pass in a mirror, at my heaviest, I used to think "who is that fat person staring at me??" I guess that's prob considered denial.  I'd see pics of myself and be disgusted and look away quickly (denial), trying to get rid of the pic and thinking..."when did my ass get so freakin BIG?" And now I'm not that fat person anymore!! And I'm crying again writing that statement (big baby lol). I never wanted, never liked, totally despised being that fat person! and now I'm not her anymore and I'm thrilled!

On another note: I bought my wedding dress over a month ago and its too big.  its going to cost me more in alterations than to get another dress so off dress shopping I go. THIS time, I'll buy a corset back to give me some room to shrink.  Its kind of hard to "estimate" how much weight I'm going to lose in 3 months and a wedding dress is not one of those things I can buy the week before....without dying of anxiety over it anyway! But as I was trying on dresses last month, one lady said "oh my gosh, your waist is SO tiny!!" HAHAHA have NEVER heard that!!

Another random "skinny moment" or "not feeling insecure moment" was last week at work.  One of the guys told a story of when he was little and he has the same horse he's had since then and the horse is like 32 years old! And when someone asked the horse's name, he says "Misty"...which is my name....and everyone is laughing! One of the guys I work with is pretty simple minded and I'm very sarcastic and very quick witted and I give him crap all the time!! so he's LOVING the fact that the horse and I share the same name...so later that day he tells the guy who has the horse..."hey, let's go feed Misty" thinking he's funny.....now, if that would have been said 6 or so months ago...I would have been SO insecure being referred to as a horse or associated with being one!! I wouldn't have shown it to anyone but wouldve felt that way. I said "good thing I've lost almost 100 lbs or I'd be offended"...and of course no one understood how or why...cuz none of them are over weight! but it was a feel good moment for me anyway!!

Hope you all are feeling as fantastic as I am and enjoying this journey!! xoxo

I went shopping today for some summer clothes/shorts/capris/dresses.....and I couldn't believe it...I fit COMFORTABLY in a size 10!! That's just crazy!! Just 7 short months ago I was wearing a size 22! INSANE! I''m almost in single digit sized clothing!! This surgery is the BEST!!

I can't believe how fast this journey has gone by (once I had the surgery). It doesnt seem like its been 7 months since I had surgery!! But it sure did feel like eternity to get the surgery done.  I'm SO grateful that I had the opportunity to have this surgery and I had such a WONDERFUL surgeon with NO complications!! :D  I've lost 81 freakin lbs since surgery...UNbelievable!!  and 98 since July!! That is insane! I feel WONDERFUL!! my joints no longer hurt, my back rarely hurts and it used to hurt EVERY DAY, my feet no longer hurt (I can wear NORMAL tennis shoes to work instead of super absorbant shoes that I was still in pain)!  I get to wear CUTE clothes now...not ugly BIG clothes (i  mean seriously,WHO makes those clothes for overweight people? they are NOT pretty...if they are they cost a small FORTUNE, right?) I shop in the normal section of clothing stores and even wear junior size clothes! NO MORE PLUS SIZES for me...EVER!  Sometimes when my fiance does laundry he'll be putting clothes away and say..."how do the girls (my daughters) clothes end up in our clothes?" and I'll look at whatever he's holding and say "honey, that's MINE!" and he always says "oh! they look so SMALL!" :D    The weird thing is....he pretty much never tells me that I look good, or skinny or anything like that.  And if I mention something, he'll say...ya, you look great...but you've always looked great. So maybe he's afraid if he says something he's insinuating I used to look bad??? weird. whatever...men! lol. I'm feeling great inside and out!!!

Even though I only lost about 4 lbs last month and 4lbs the month before that, I feel great!! I'm losing inches like crazy!!! The weirdest thing about this whole journey is how others look at me. I'm the SAME person I've always been, yet I'm no longer invisible to the general population!  I get creepy guys LURKING at me at work all day (the "joy" of retail).  men are so retarded when it comes to hitting on a woman...its like their cave man instincts come out....they stand WAY too close (like in my personal bubble)...they stare way too long with a goofy, creepy smile on their face and say really stupid shit all the time like "how YOU doin"...in a joey from friends voice! uggg...its so NOT complimentary! I had one guy nicely ask to take me to lunch one day (which I declined since I'm engaged and wear a BIG FAT diamond ring on my finger every day) but at least he was nice! EVERY ONE else is gross!

I've worked with a couple people who have had the surgery and lost lots of weight and said its super uncomfortable to have people tell you all day how great you look....I think thats in the eye of the beholder.  It doesn't bother me at all to have normal people give me compliments (unless they want to stand there for like 10-20 minutes repeating themselves OVER AND OVER saying the same thing..."oh wow...u look GREAT!...I can't believe how good you look! oh wow...you look GREAT..." you get the idea :/  otherwise, most people just say it once and move on...and it really is a compliment...doesn't make me uncomfortable...and i don't look at it negatively like some people do ....yes, I do look a LOT better than I did...i FEEL a lot better than I did and I'm sure that comes out in how I look as well. I get told how much prettier I am or that I am glowing ...a LOT! I've always been a bubbly person, smiling all the time so I don't know how or why I'd be glowing except that I'm HEALTHIER so maybe my skin is healthier too??? probably. 
I still LOVE my RNY! but i hate the creepy guys I attract now...but I guess its just one of those things I'm gonna hafta learn how to deal with. 

Pre surgery weight: 270
surgery day weight: 253
current weight: 175
goal weight: 140

woohoo! only 35 more lbs to go to goal weight! I haven't been under 170 since I was 19 or 20 so I'm looking forward to hittting that goal soon as well!!

I was starting to think i was done losing weight!! On one hand, I'm super grateful that I've lost almost 100 lbs and in a size 12, comfortably so I would've been OK with being the weight I am....but just OK.  Although I haven't been exercising lately (due to a broken toe) but I was exercising previous to that and not losing either.  But now that the scale is moving again...I'm SUPER excited! especially when it drops about a pound a day! YES!!! My wedding is 4 months away and altho losing any weight will cost me a lot in alterations, I'm happy to pay and be skinnier before my wedding :D

I hope you all are loving this journey as much as i am