November 25, 2007 on November 25, 2007 6:02 am
Well, I decided it is time to write something here again about my journey. I am now just over 5 weeks out and down 61 lbs. total with what I lost before surgery. I am thrilled with that, and have to keep that in my mind as I struggle through each day trying to eat. Eating has become simply an unpleasant experience for me, and I am having more difficulty with that than I thought I would. I just want to be able to eat something without the fear of how awful it might make me feel, and staring at food trying to decide if it will go down well or not. I'm not depressed or anything, and actually haven't even cried or been sad since surgery, so I guess I'm doing OK! I guess I didn't realize how much the act of eating meant to me, and that is what I miss more than some food items or volume of food. I am never hungry, although I do sometimes get a craving for something. Right now it is hot dogs! But I don't dare try one because I'm afraid it might be one of those things that I'll have to throw up to stop the discomfort after eating. I have only done this 3 times since surgery, but sometimes it can't be helped. I have become addicted to the Food Channel where I can at least watch people eat, although I look at those portions now and am blown away by the fact that anyone can eat that much at once! Can't believe I once did. Sometimes I almost gag watching people eat like that. Thanksgiving was kind of difficult, not a good food day. We went to my daughter/son-in-law's for dinner so I didn't have to cook. She had such a beautiful table set, snacks before, punch, wine, beer, cider. I had a few pieces of cheese, a few nuts, a small piece of turkey w/gravy, a tablespoon of mashed potatoes w/gravy, one bite of stuffing, one tsp. of squash, and one tsp. of cranberry relish. Water to drink! No dessert! Still felt like crap for hours afterward. Probably just too much carbs, I still can't do hardly any of those well.
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Tuesday I go back to work, so I hope that goes well. I still get tired more easily than before, but as long as I get my protein in I do OK, and as long as I don't get another bout of diarrhea(had that Friday afternoon and all night). It really weakens me, and every time I think I'm past those spells, another one pops up. Not regretting this surgery, but really ready to have things get better and stay that way! Tomorrow is weigh-in day for me, so I will see how much more I have lost. Getting close to 300, so can't wait to drop below that! It's been at least 15 years since I've been below 300 lbs.
November 5. 2007 on November 5, 2007 5:31 am
Well, I had my 2 week check-up on the 2nd, and was down 21 lbs! I had not weighed myself at home, and knew I had lost but was surprised it was that much. Went to a group meeting with the NUT that was basically pointless. I felt everything was very much geared toward RNY and Band pts. She kept telling us not to eat this or that because it would get stuck, and food doesn't get stuck in a DS stomach! But I didn't want to constantly challenge her, so just sat there and listened and I'll do what I know I can do as a DS. I was really hoping to get some good insight into what I could have and felt let down that all I was told was that I'll get diarrhea if I eat fats(not true) and that I need to limit my calories to 900 or less/day(which I also consider not true, from what I've read) I really think they should do an individual meeting with the NUT at this point because what you eat really does depend on what procedure you have had done.
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So, I'm sort of on my own now but being very careful as I have learned that it is still very hard for me to eat much of anything yet at this point. I have the Kashi Go Lean honey-cinnamon oatmeal for breakfast made with milk so that gives me 12 grams of PRO. It is the best oatmeal I have ever had! Takes me about an hour to eat it, but I can get it down. Blue Bunny yogurt for a late morning snack is another 9 grams. I have also started doing soft boiled eggs which go down OK, and drink a lot of 1/2% milk as that is an easy way to get in Protein as well. I have tried a few different protein shakes but cannot gag them down! So I pretty much eat very frequent small meals and have been able to get 60-70 Grams of PRO in per day without shakes. Part of my problem is that I am never hungry, especially in the morning, so really have to make myself eat and force the food down. But I feel OK and am healing well, so can't complain. I did weigh myself this morning because I am so afraid that now that I'm eating food again, that I won't lose anymore. Guess I still can't believe that this will work! But I was down another 4 lbs. so I guess I'm OK. I don't want to get obsessed with weighing myself, so am not going to check again until next week.