Well, i can't believe how long its been since  i last visited this site!  It's so helpful to go back and read what i wrote about during the last two years.  i have really come a long way and i'm stinkin' proud of myself.  that's something that is hard to admit outloud.  i don't like bragging, but dammit, i should!  it has not been easy to keep my weight even and to keep with my workout schedule, but i did it.  i live it every day.  i'm still struggling with food addiction issues but i am sooooo much better off now than before WLS.  food is not the main focal point of my day anymore.  food has changed (for the most part) from something to eat to something to help me live and be healthy.  i still eat candy way too much and don't follow all the dietary rules.  shoot--i'm eating potato chips as i'm typing this!  but instead of eating the WHOLE flippin' bag like I would have before, i have a handful instead.  nice.

my latest news is that in two weeks i will have plastic surgery on my stomach and arms.  i have tons of mixed emotions but am generally really excited.  the stomach skin is soooo disgusting.  really.  i know that many of you know what i'm talking about.  it's almost like it has it's own identity:  i have to move it around to fit properly in my pants, underwear looks ridiculous because it doesnt really cover my stomach, it bounces up and down when i run or during sex, it spreads out to the sides when i sit down, it is just plain gross. i am really looking forward to it being gone.  it's really not all about vanity, i've decided. it's about utility and hygiene. yes, it's a bonus that my stomach will be flat (or flattish), but that's not why i'm doing it.  i'm having my arms done too but  that is definitely for vanity purposes.  i'd really like to wear short sleeved shirts (or, gasp!, a tank top!!) without my arms jiggling everytime i move.  the scars will be tough for me to deal with.  i heard they will be long and not pretty.  the tubes they put in after surgery will be tough to deal with too.  i guess there will be alot of pain and uncomfortableness for the first week, but after that i should feel better. 

another benefit to coming back to this site and reading my blog is that i am reminded how lucky i am that i have such a great support group of friends and family!  i am really fortunate to have people that love me and have been a part of my journey since Day One.  i love them all and i make sure that they know how special they are to me.  i couldn't have done this without them!!! 

wish me luck!

WOW! These last few months have been so monumental for me.  I got a new job with a really nice boss, I flew on an airplane and fit in the seats with room to spare, and I have one more pound to go until I reach my goal!  I weighed myself this morning and about fell off  the scale when I saw 200.  I CAN'T WAIT until I see 199!  I feel like any weight loss after that would be just a bonus, so to speak.  

I did not make perfect food decisions when I was on vacation last month.  But instead of beating myself up like I would in the past, I took it as a learning experience and came up with better ideas to implement when I travel again.  "Protein first" was a problem for me almost the whole week.  We ate out almost every meal and it was hard to find small portions that I could eat (no or low carbs, etc). I was proud of myself for keeping a water, calcium and vitamin check off list for each day.  That really helped me keep on track and make sure that I wasn't skipping anything.  I also worked out a few days of vacation which really helped me feel OK about not eating as well as I should.  It was my first Thanksgiving post-surgery so I think I did pretty darn good considering the situation I was in!  Now if I can get through Christmas without completely blowing it! :)

I can't believe it's only been five months since my journey began.  I feel like I've been living with this new way of life for years now!  I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.....I am stoked about the number of pounds lost and plan to lose more.  The one bad thing that has happened is that I have let carbs back into my diet which has really slowed down my weight loss.  I'm only losing about two to three pounds a week which is kinda depressing.  It is SOOOO true when the doctor tells you that if you eat carbs then you will crave more carbs.  True.  Carbs are evil that way.  According to my dietician I should wait until I'm six months out before adding any carbs (besides veggies) and I obviously ignored that rule.  The other sucky part is that I can typically tolerate any food now.  I had some Doritos today and had an Oreo the other day.  YIKES!  I guess I'm confessing because I need to admit that I am human.  I just need to keep an eye on it and make sure that I don't get too carried away.  Doritos are still my downfall.
In addition to the number of pounds lost my energy level is crazy high!  When I workout I feel like I could go for at least another 45 minutes or more.  I have continued to up my time spent on the treadmill and the elliptical machines.  I even RAN on the treadmill for a whole two minutes!  I could care less if anyone else in the gym was noticing--I was soooo surprised at myself for even trying to run.  YAY me!

Well it's time for an update. I realized that I haven't written since April and alot has changed since then.  I'm down somewhere around 62 pounds yet I haven't weighed myself in a week because I was getting a little weird about weighing daily.  I have my three month check up next week and will wait until then to see how much I've lost.  

I measured myself last week too and was pleasantly surprised.  I can definitely feel a change in my clothes and I do feel lighter.  I am bummed, however, that my bat wings are getting worse and worse.  They really are ugly.  They weren't pretty before the surgery but now I can FEEL them flap around!  That's definitely one spot that I will have plastic surgery on.  

I attend a monthly support group through my program and am feeling really glad to have such an option.  I have my friends and family to whine to but of course they have no idea what I'm going through.  Last month I was feeling down and really did not want to go to the meeting but I went anyway.  One of the discussions was about how people feel about themselves when they are years past surgery.  It was VERY alarming to hear them say that they still think of themselves as fat a lot of the time; that they are STILL not used to being as small as they are.  WOW.  Two ladies were actually under weight and needed to gain some weight.  They both said how scary the idea was to PUT ON weight.  They both were afraid that once they started to put weight back on that they would just continue and gain their weight all back.  That is definitely my worst fear.  I'm only three months out and I am already thinking about eating "real" food again and can't wait til I'm a year out and can eat "normal" again.  It will be a huge mental struggle for me but I will definitely keep an eye on it.  I have worked soooo hard to get to where I am right now that I can't imagine giving up how good I feel right now.  Thank God I have a support system set up to watch out for me.  

For now, I will keep plugging away at this process and try to "stop and smell the roses" and realize how far I have already come.  This is a journey and I tend to forget that.  That feeling is completely understandable because I was definitely a fat person that wanted everything now!  If I wanted McDonalds I didn't think twice about driving there at 11pm in my PJ's.  Now I don't get to do that and it's probably a good thing!