I have sung in a community choir for 6 or 7 years. I've been an active member, serving on the board of directors. Music is really something that soothes me, relaxes me, lets me be who i want to be. This September, tho, i didnt go back. I sent an email to the director, and the president of the choir, saying that i wasn't coming back. I felt badly, leaving them like that (i had been in charge of publicity, they'd have to find someone else to do that job). I told them, and myself, that i just couldnt handle the politics of what had been going on ( i wont go into it here, its really not that important). Over the last couple of weeks, tho, i've come to realize that it wasn't just the politics. The primary reason i quit is because i can't stand the way i look in a skirt. Our "uniform" for performances is a black blouse and skirt. Our director insists that we tuck in our blouses. I stand in the front row of the choir. I just couldnt do it. I can't do the tucking, i can't do the pantyhose, i just can't do it. I want to go back to my choir, but i can't go back, looking the way i do.

As i started writing, the clock on my computer clicked to 11:11. My wish for today is that I get back on track and start writing my food down. I started that a while ago (October 13), using a little book that i'd write in. Then i moved to the food tracker here on the OH website. While i really like how it shows everying in a pie graph, i found that, when i wasn't near the computer, i didnt track it. So i'm going to go old school, and go back to using my book. I'm going to start measuring, too. I want to be accountable for my eating. I need to be in that habit, so I'll be more successful later.

I read somewhere (probably in a forum post) that WLS is only 65% successful. I don't want to be part of the 35%. I need to do all the things that put me on the right path. I want to be healthy, thin and beautiful. I want my outside to reflect the person inside.

I'm auditioning for a play tonight, community theater. I probably won't get the part, because of my size. For a long time now, i've only gotten small parts. These are fun, but i want to see if i'm up for the challenge of a major role (or at least a medium sized role) but i dont think i'll get one till I'm medium sized. Hollywood or small town theater, the prejudices are the same. I can't wait until i can say "i'm ready for my close up"... and not be afraid of the camera.