Struggling with how to handle attention...

Aug 07, 2012

I went out today to the town where I teach, which is about 30 minutes north of my home.  I try to avoid going out there on days that I don't work, mainly out of effort to retain as much of my personal life as possible, but I had errands to run and had to meet a friend.

While I was out there, I ran into a young man who was not a student of mine, but was in a class across the hall from my room.  He rolled down his window to compliment me on my weight loss and say that he didn't recognize me at first, that I looked like a different person. 

While he was very mature in his compliments (some students have not been in the past), this brought to light a possible preview of what will be coming when school starts in two weeks. 

And suddenly, I'm terrified.

In the past, I have always self sabotaged my weight loss when I have gotten large amounts of compliments.  My "invisibility cloak" of fat has been a security blanket, and now I have to let go of that blanket for good if I'm going to keep my diabetes in remission and be healthy enough to have low-risk pregnancies.  I want more than anything to be a good mother, and in order to do that I need to first BE a mother, and that is less likely to happen if I can't get to a healthy weight. 

But I HATE the attention that comes with the weight loss.  I don't like being in the spotlight.  And with wls, the attention will keep coming until I get to goal, because I'm losing so rapidly... but I'm still losing slowly enough that it will take me several more months to get to goal.  Which is fine, but that's several months of attention that I'm not looking forward to. 

Maybe some counseling is in order to help me prepare for this.  All I know is I can't let this be the source of my demise.  Too much is at stake here. 
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03/29/2012
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