I want to be at my goal weight by December 1st 2008

This is just so hard.  Here it is 3 a.m. in the morning and I can't sleep because all I can think about is all 7 cc's in my band has been removed Saturday morning.  My fill on Thursday went great!  I ate a small supper, no problems.  Then Friday I was so tight all I did was vomit.  In hopes that it would pass I hung in until Saturday morning...which ended me up in the surgeons office.  I was so miserable.  Thank goodness he met me there!  I just don't understand this band.  I'm scared I might be one of the ones that it won't work for.  I am so ready to change and so afraid at the same time.  
Why, why is food so important?  What is going on inside me that makes me so weak around it.  I smoked for over 20 years.  When my grandson was born (even though I have 4 kids) I decided I did not want to die or carry oxygen instead of him and I quite.  I used the patch (the tool) and in 3 months was free!  It has been over 2 years and every once in a while I will think how good a cig. would be and then the thought quickly passes.  Now if I think how good just one bite of that pizza, or donut would be....I take it.  The thought over comes me until I do.  If I walk away, in the back of my mind I am thinking about it......until I finally go do it!  
The true test of my will power and willingness to really change is now.  I know the band is empty, I know I can eat whatever I want.....I and only I can make the right decisions.  Since I am a cash patient revision surgery is out of the question for the next 4 years! LOL  
I think I just needed to post.  I needed to vent with out the board in fear of being flamed....I must suceed and I must over come this obsession with food! 

I did really good with my eating today. It is difficult because I have been in a training seminar since the second week of Feb. and all they eat is pastries and candies and then lunch is a feast for all! I am bringing my food from home and sticking to it but I still can't get the scale to move. It is making me bonkers. Another week with out one pound lost! I will go to Amazon tonight and look for the 30-30-40 book that was recommended and see if that helps! I need breakfast, lunch and dinner spelled out for me! If this don't get the scale moving I just might try nutri system for a month and maybe that will help me get my head wrapped around portion size and good balances of protien, carb, fat, and calories!! Stay with me my friends, I am going to do this!!! OR go broke trying! LOLOLOL