Ok, I have to keep this short, I am supposed to be studying for a big exam happening in less than two hours. My day has been so screwed up. I was supposed to work from home but could not get on the network and refused to drive in so no work for me today.

Anyway, I am doing all my pre op testing Monday October 6. I am doing a consult with the nutritionist (that my surgeon uses), a psych eval, an egd and going for surgical clearance from my pcp with accompanying blood work. Everything is happening monday, that is 4 different appoints, 9, 10, 11 am and 3pm. I was told I could get a date around the 3rd week of October possibly. I am not claiming any dates until it is set in stone though. So, I missed a day of work today and will be missing work on Monday to do all of the necessary testing. I was supposed to go to a job fair Tuesday, but I am off too much with today and Monday so I will probably just work that day.

I am still super excited and can't wait to proceed with everything. More updates to come, probably next week.

Ok, you can tell I am excited right!!!!! Drumroll please!!!!! TODAY 9/26/08 I GOT MY LETTER OF APPROVAL IN THE MAIL FOR MY REVISION FROM LAPBAND TO RNY. My God is an awesome ontime God. All praises go to Him. I am so very excited. I have been doing what I need to in order to get my mind right (read seeing a shrink weekly). I am so ready for this, not even nervous a little bit. My Dr's office will be calling me back shortly to talk dates. My letter says it is good for 90 days so the procedure will need to happen within that time period. I want to go for the soonest date possible. My work will be trippin cause they already have tasks in my queue up thru November. However, my boss was put on notice back in April/May that this would be happening and I didn't know exactly when. I am too excited to type anymore. I will get back when I get more info.

Wow!!! Month 4 already. Well, here's where we are. Last month my surgeon's office submitted my paper work with another letter of medical necessity to try to get approved now without waiting for the full 6 months. I did not get a denial (yet), I did receive notice that they did not receive a diagnosis code from my surgeon. The info was resent and I am still waiting. Meanwhile, I am no fool, I will continue my monthly visits with my pcp. He is really supportive of my trying to have gastric bypass and hopes I get approved soon. He has diagnosed me with high blood pressure now. Not exactly what I want to hear but I can't say I am surprised, it does run in the family. Besides I have been under extreme amounts of stress lately. I have been seeing a counselor (psychologist) weekly now for a few weeks and don't really seem to be getting anything out of it. I am so emotional trying to handle everything coming at me. My son sees a psychiatrist for his ADHD/ODD. I made special arrangements to go to the appt this month because he has been having a lot of problems at school. My mother usually takes him but she wanted me to take him by myself. I am glad I talked her into coming because I would have thought I was crazy if someone was not there to witness what happened.

First, the dr says to me as he does each time he sees me "Have we met?" To which I respond, you ask me that everytime you see me. True enough I don't go to every appt but I have been enough times for him to not keep asking me that. Anyway, I mention that I have heard of this new ADHD drug vyvanse and that it is supposed to provide "consistent relief of symptoms up to 12 hours". This sounds great to me as my son's current meds are providing 0 relief. I am mentioning this as a possibility for a new script and just to get his opinion, definitely not saying prescribe this or else!! What happens next is what got me like WTF!!! He says well it is new and I haven't heard of it and don't care to, if you want that then get another Dr. My mother and I look at each other in shock. Long story short, I felt like he was upset by my thoughts on what should happen with my son. He asked me if my insurance was medicaid, again I am like WTF!!!!! We have been going to this doctor for 2 years since we moved over here and our insurance has never been medicaid before so why the hell would it be all of a sudden? So I am thinking ok, he is offended that the young black girl has the nerve to question the meds her own son is getting so let me offend her back. He then asks me who put my son on the Risperdal, again WTF!!!! I say "YOU DID" He is like "What? I did". So he says why, it is not an ADHD med I say no kidding, it is to treat the ODD, you took him off Abilify that the old dr had him on and switched to risperdol. Then this mfer says I never diagnosed ODD, do you even know what ODD is, and what is the difference between ADHD and ODD? I am like are you serious??? Of course I know what it is, hell I am the one who put 2 and 2 together that ODD was part of the problem. He says I have not heard of ADHD kids having ODD. Well, I am shocked because it is common for them to have both. Anyway I tell him the difference in laymans terms after all he is the dr and I don't need to break it down. So he gets a book and reads the ODD definition and says I don't see any of this. I am like DUH, that is cause he is on the risperdal, take him off and you will see it. And furthermore if you didn't diagnose ODD and don't feel he has it and risperdal is not an ADHD med why the HELL have you been prescribing it for 2 damn years. He concedes I am right and asks me if I want him to up the dosage. I am like NO, obviously what he has is working, you can't tell he has ODD right now, that is not the problem, the problem is the ADHD symptoms are not being controlled and something needs to change. He says well I can prescribe a higher dosage of current med (concerta) or refer you to another dr. I say maybe you should do both, he says both what, I say up the dosage and refer me to another dr, then "Oh, I can't refer you you need to find your dr yourself", then why the hell did you just offer to refer me. Silly old ass man, I am all for respecting your elders but damn, just retire already. Now I have to find another psych for my kid and that is so damn hard to do. The ones in this area don't take our insurance and I would have to pay cash on a sliding scale and that is not an option right now. I am going to speak to his pcp and see if they can refer us to someone or else I will call the insurance but this whole episode has me highly pissed. My mother was like, I can't believe he went at you like that. I think I had a sign on my forehead only he could see that said FUCK WITH ME TODAY. Unfortunately he read it wrong, it actually said DON'T FUCK WITH ME TODAY!!!! Then he said I think Chris is upset by us arguing I am thinking well Bitch you started it. I will go toe to toe over my son's health and he really got under my skin that day. So much so that I had to get some me time so I spent money I didn't have for a mani/pedi at my fav spot.

I need to call my insurance and see where they stand with the last request for approval. Oh yeah, my doctor was kinda frustrated with me, I was up 5 lbs from my last visit. If he only knew it was really 10 and I was able to take 5 off before seeing him. Anyway, I have tried to eat healthy, even gave the protein train a try, but I am hungry as hell with no fill in my band and craving all the wrong foods. I need to do what I said in one of my last posts and do weight watchers, at least I can eat real food from all food groups and not feel deprived. I found all my documents from ww, book of points and restaurant book, along with the starter book. I just need to take the next step. It would be nice if I could lose 10 before I see my doctor again. I am to start taking a mild diuretic for the high bp, it might shed a few lbs of water weight too. I need to call my surgeon's office to let them know of this new co-morbidity, maybe it will help.

Dating updates: Why do I still talk to the ex??? I don't know, I need to have a long talk with him real soon, to make sure he knows this is not his "anymore". Talking to a nice guy I met online, at least he seems nice so far - he has a good representative, but then again so do I. Haven't met in person yet, but he has 1 thing against him already, he works nights like my ex. I won't knock a brother for working, get that money, but night shift leaves little time for fun. The guy I blogged about recently, the rude asshole I sent an email to, has started text-stalking me. Yup, I made that term up, it is the best word I can come up with to describe what I feel he is doing. First of all, I had already decided to stop communicating with him based on the rudeness and lack of a prompt reply to my email acknowleging the rudeness, would have told him myself but read on, I think he is psycho. The very same evening that I posted about that guy I got an email from a girl regarding this guy. His full name was the subject line. It was likely sent to everyone on his email list as he sends chain emails quite a bit, another rude ass act. Anyway, it was basically saying that if you are in contact with this guy then run quickly, if he is on the left side of the street go to the right. I responded and asked her for her story. She told me that he stole from her, her family and her church and that he preys on women of the church. I can't exactly call myself a woman of the church but I could see how the red flags I saw made a lot of sense. Oh yeah, she also told me to look him up on www.dontdatehimgirl.com.  Now why did I find like 9 entries on this dude dating back to 2006 I believe. so much stuff was there, lots of kids, no job, theif, did time for what he did to some chick. Now granted a woman scorned is a scary thing and I can't say I believe 100% of what I read but I saw enough to know I made the right decision to cut him off of all contact. I never even met this guy in person. Now back to the text-stalking, this dude text's me almost every damn day, sometimes several times a day, I stopped responding to him weeks ago. He sends stupid messages like "Question  am I cute, fine sexy or ugly?" or simple good morning, good evening, hello amanda. Then he sent this evil response which was to be his "LAST RESPONSE TO ME" that is what it said, only problem is it was followed by 3 more the next day. I need to find out if I can block his damn number cause I am not changing mine, I changed it many years ago behind another stalkerish ass dude. I still remember running into that dude I changed my number on, he was like yo, somethings wrong with your #, it does'nt work, I was like oh, it works just fine, you just don't have the right #, him: well can I have it, me: hell no, you're the reason I changed it. Too many people have this # though for emergencies for my child and for business so I need to resolve this shit now.

So, I am a little annoyed with my surgeons office right now.  I received a letter from the insurance company saying the latest request came without a diagnosis code. WTH!!! After all that I have been through, how could they not send a diagnosis code. I am more than angry but I know that this surgery will happen in due time. I am trying to be patient but I am anxious to leave my job and need to have surgery first. My insurance is really good, I will only have to pay a $250 copay for surgery and I can take 6 or 7 weeks of std with 100% pay which I plan to take full advantage of. Other news in my life - I got a letter from the Child Support Enforcement in Illinois. Seems like they may have located a current employer for my son's father. He is a total deadbeat and will likely quit when he realizes what happened, but they have been ordered to withhold for child support. It will be a miracle if I actually receive any money though. To date I have not received one penny. The funny thing is though, he plays the role to his friends and family like he does for his child. He does nothing for him, doesn't even call to say happy bday once a year. So anyway, I really hope they get some money from him, I receive no support from anywhere, no public assistance of any kind so anything they collect will go straight to us. There are a lot of things I can take care of if it really happens. I still have not bought new school clothes for my son, between buying school supplies for both of us, books and tuition for me and trying to keep electricity on and food we have just repeatedly been coming up short. I am just happy the last set of clothes I bought him still fit pretty good. I would like to buy him some more stuff though. He will need a new winter coat and some warm clothes. He also want to join the boy scouts which of course costs money. I am going to try hard to get him into that. It meets monday nights but I can do homework there while they meet. I was just talking to my new counselor about all I went through to get a child support order. My son's father was there at the hospital for his birth but not for the signing of the birth certificate. I went downtown and got a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity from the vital records dept and made him sign it. This was crucial in getting me an order for back support almost to birth since he freely acknowledged that this was his child. His girlfriend tracked me down after listening to his lies of how I was keeping him away from his son. Truth is, I didn't know where to find him and none of his family would tell me. She did me a favor, she gave me his address and phone number and I visited for two reasons. First, I have always wanted my son to have a relationship with his dad and Second, I wanted to verify that he lived there.  I took all that info and got him served to go to court. Couldn't get him served before since I didn't know where he was. He never did show up for the several court appearances or continuances and the final judge had had enough. She gave me everything that I asked for since he didn't care enough to show up. Anyway, that is all for now. I will update on this insurance issue and child support issue later.

Well, today I am having a good day. I just got confirmation that my tuition for this semester is paid in full thanks to a grant that was just approved. There is a small chance that this will be rescinded but for now I am just enjoying not having a balance. I took my tuition money for this month and paid some very past due loans with my credit union. I think I just may be able to catch up on them all this month. I have started seeing a "counselor" at my doctor's request. Some times I feel like this very strong woman who can handle what is thrown at her, other times I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and it is just too much to bear. I have had thoughts of suicide in my life although this was a very long time ago. I have never really told anyone until seeing the counselor. When I feel the weight of the world I get very emotional and sometimes irrational, I just can't see the silver lining at all. Recently I have noticed this happening more and more and I cope with it by drinking more and more. I never used to be a drinker but now it is a coping mechanism for me. I need to address this because I don't want it to continue down this path. I mostly drink at home but I keep drinking more and more. It is the only way I have found to take my mind off of the weight of the world. The counselor asked me what I hope to gain from our sessions and I didn't really have an answer. Now I think that the answer is I hope to gain another way of coping with all that is going on in my life.

I am struggling hard financially and am contemplating taking a second job again. I just don't know if physically I can handle it though with school and a full time job already. I am also considering taking a new job altogether. I either need to find a higher paying job or a less stressful job and definitely one closer to home. I am working from home right now cause I couldn't make myself take that hour and a half drive this morning plus my back has been acting up and sitting in the car that long doesn't help. Anyway, getting this grant has lifted a huge burden from my shoulders. I was under the impression that I was not eligible for grants since I have my B.S. already but I made sure the financial aid office knew this and they even called me to double check before processing my application for financial aid. I am months and months behind on my gas bill though and I need to work on catching up so that we have heat this winter.

Relationshipwise I am feeling that I just need to take a step back and not date at all. I would love to just date myself as some say but I am far too broke to do this successfully. I have been talking to several guys on the phone and doing so has convinced me that maybe this is just not the right time for me. I have 0 patience for bullshit and don't mind calling a brother out on it in a minute. I have been trying the online dating thing (again) met my last long term bf that way. Anyway, I met this guy and we have been talking by phone for a while. I start to notice that everytime we talk there is noise in the background and he is having conversations with any and everyone that crosses his path while I am on the phone. The last time he did it I got so annoyed that I hung up and sent him a not so nice email about his manners. I mean it just had to be said, I basically told him not to call me again unless he had time to talk to just me and it was quiet enough for me not to keep asking him to repeat himself. I haven't heard from him since. Good riddance, hopefully my message to him will help the next sista he tries to talk to. Not to mention this brother never called at night and very rarely on the weekend, surely something suspicious was going on with that but I just don't care enough either way.
Then another guy that I went out with a few times many months ago starts texting me telling me that he wants to start talking again and how beautiful I am blah, blah, blah. I say then give me a call if you want to talk. We talk a few times, but we both have busy schedules, mine is probably more busy. We make plans but he doesn't really follow through. We had plans one saturday to get together and he is texting me like I will be done soon with what I am doing, I am about to get ready to leave yada, yada, yada. I say you know what, never mind, just stay where you are. If you are thinking about getting ready to leave then you are not leaving yet so just forget it. Then we make plans again to go out before he goes out of town. I say call me when you finish running around, he says ok, I don't hear from him again. This is a weekend trip, I figure when the weekend is over he will call but nooo, he doesn't call. By wed, I call him, he doesn't seem too interested in talking so I end the convo and hang up. I figure if he is as interested as he claims to be then let him come to me, I haven't heard from him since. I am just through right now, too much other stuff going on so forget it all.

Ok, here is a tiny bit of wls related goings on in my life. Since being unfilled I have lost my damn mind. I can eat everything that was giving me trouble before and I have not been sick once. I have enjoyed this way too much and am about to do weight watchers by myself cause I can't afford no meetings. I have to see my pcp in about 11 days and he will kill me if I have gained anymore weight. I would like to get the scale to move down to lower than my last visit. I know this will take drastic measures and I may even do a slim fast thing for a few days to jump start everything. Not sure yet but I have to do something. I need to act like I am making an effort, I don't want to do anything to slow down my approval. I am trying to stay at my job until I can have this surgery so the sooner I have it the better.