Its hard to think I may be sabotaging myself...would I do that to ME...but I think I am..I'm in Quitter Mode...ever since realizing it is possible to eat too much and having to go back the old days of fighting food addiction with NO TOOL basically, no limits, no restrictions....just me and my forever weak willpower.....I wish the Hospital would get it together and call me back with my appt. dates for all the upcoming tests to find out why I can eat so much.  So yesterday I was being so good.  I did my 9 miles on the bike at the gym, all day I had 2 double Nectar drinks and 8 crackers and lots of water, go home had plain roast beef for dinner, about 8 oz...---see I can eat alot....but still NO CARBS ....all protein...I was doing great....but even all that dry roast beef didn't stay in my pouch, and I didn't drink for almost an hour after...but there I was hungry still...so I had 6 slices of pickled beets...low calorie, low carb at that amount......then everyone went to bed..........yep then I ate all the SF Butter Pecan Ice Cream..I would say there way probably about 2 cups left in the container...and thats when I realized I am quitting myself..I'm trying to fight but I didn't expect to be fighting only 4 months out from surgery and I have been stalled so long ....I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF.....

I just spoke to my bariatric nurse yesterday and told her how I was worried something is not right and that my "tool" (for some reason I resent that expression) isn't working right and that in my taco test... I was able to consume 3 crunchy tacos from taco bell with NO problems at all...she agreed that something isn't working and probably my stoma opening is too big so I have to have a CAT Scan, EGD and Upper GI in the next couple of weeks  to see if what we suspect is true, and of course in the meantime its just like the old days of counting calories and watching carbs....I am so angry to have gone thru all this and now have to live just like I was fighting food and keeping tally of the war.....I am not sure what my surgeon will do but she better do something....I never had the limits like other people from the very beginning...I have always been able to drink fluids as fast as I want which makes me think the stoma "hole" has always been pretty big, I was all prepared to not be able to drink more than a sip at a time --because that is what they told us....but that was never true for me, I can chug 8oz at a time just like I always could.  I am so afraid they are going to try and blame me for "stretching" my stoma out, and be like "oh you ruined your "tool" too bad for you...."