Scary times
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

This has been the scariest part of my journey. It's been frustrating, painful, scary, painful, and scary. Did I mention painful and scary? The last two nights have been horrible. I haven't slept, I've cried a lot, I almost called my doctor at 11 PM last night. Let me explain.

My infections went away. That's great. Once they went away, I started having some issues with  my breasts. I had a lift, and the stitches are underneath the breast and pretty much anytime you move, the stitches move. They can open, and mine did (well, the left side). It had green goopy goo (as I maturely call it, LOL) coming out of it, yet oddly, didn't hurt. The doctor said it was normal and happens because of the placement of the stitches. Well, then oddly, the right one started hurting, even though nothing was open. So I went to the doctor this past week and I told the doctor about the pain so he opened it up on purpose to make it heal quicker. Well, that pain has been even worse since. Two days ago, the binder (goes around the stomach but also touches the breasts and hips) wound up rubbing against the breasts a bit too much and caused the right breast to bleed through 3 gauze, the bra and to the binder. Then yesterday, it got so bad I couldn't take a deep breath or yawn without it hurting. So mom and I came up with the idea to fold down the binder so it wouldn't touch the breasts (this is not a good thing for the stomach or bra area, but I gotta pick my battles). It got to the point where I couldn't move my right arm and cried all night long.

I've had a lot of talks with my mom about if I did the right thing. Of course now, there's no going back, but still ... what if my breasts don't heal right? I also had a talk with the doctor about my thighs, because I HATE them. They don't match! I have these big thighs and a small top. I had these dreams of being a 6 or 8, which my stomach is, but I can't get them over my thighs. It's miserable. :( Anyway, he talked to me about the different procedures and they just are really unsafe - he won't even do them unless it's a very drastic case. The procedures are just like the breast, only more likely to be infected and cause blood clots because you don't want to move/walk, etc. There is a new trial procedure coming out with a laser, but all that does is get rid of the fat, so it leaves loose skin. So I think I've decided to just deal with the bad thighs and just work out as much as possible.

I love my doctor. He could be getting so much money from people, and he is putting people's health first. When I wanted to do my arms as a lift instead of lipo, he sat with me for over 30 minutes going over pictures, stats, recovery information, etc. And ultimately, it came down to him wanting me to have the safest recovery and operation. I can ask him anything I want, no matter how stupid the question is. He makes me feel like a supermodel, even though I currently look like Frankenstein. He comes in at every visit, not just a nurse. I feel so safe when I go to the doctor. It's kind of far and annoying to go every week, but I look forward to it. Honestly.

Another hard part about this recovery is the sleeping. The first 3 weeks I slept in a recliner, which I hated because I cannot sleep sitting up (or on an angle). I'm a bed girl the whole way. I'm not only a bed girl, but I'm a side and stomach sleeper. After my WLS operations, I was on my side after 1-2 weeks. I just had to. So I finally got into my bed, but it's so uncomfortable. My mom has set it up almost like a hospital bed, but it's not MY bed. I miss sleeping on my side, and I can't get up on my own. My mom has to lift me up and slowly push me down. And with the breast situation, who knows when I'll be able to be on my side or stomach. :(

I guess I'm writing this for me and for all of those out there who are getting ready for their plastics. It's a VERY serious undertaking. Please don't take it lightly. It's so much harder than you think. Don't take on too much at once. I did three things and I don't plan on doing any more. Manage your pain meds in a smart way. Don't take a pill just because your pinky hurts (okay, I know that's exagerating, but you know what I'm saying...). I've learned how to manage my meds in a smart way and I'm hoping to be off the pain meds completely by the end of next week. The information says that you should be on the pain meds for about 2 weeks for each operation and I did 3 at once. So it's triple the pain, triple the time (yes, I checked this with my doctor).

But the most important thing is .. listen to your doctor. If he tells you to hop on one leg, pat your head with one hand and rub your stomach with the other - do it. They're the doctors for a reason. And research your doctor, too. I got lucky that mine works in conjunction with the weightloss center where I had my WLS, but not everyone is that lucky. And try to go to a reconstructive surgeon, not a cosmetic/plastic surgeon.

Okay, I think those are my thoughts for now. I feel better.

On Tuesday I interview for the job I gave up to have this operation. I pray that I get it. Then I pray that I'm all better by the time it starts!

Some thoughts
Current mood: sad

I've had so many thoughts through my head today. They say 2 weeks after the surgery depression hits. I guess mine hit a bit early because I'm not recovering the way I want (or expected?) and the infections and such. I feel like I'm way behind in my recovery. Why can't I walk normally yet? Why do my arms and boobs throb constantly? Why did my friend, who had the exact same 3 procedures, get back to work in 2 weeks, while I'm still just sitting and watching TV all day? I know everyone heals differently but I'm just sad about it.

Tomorrow I have a checkup for the infections. I have to go 2 times a week right now. Yuck. 4 weeks left of being bandaged 24/7 and being taken care of and having to have someone help me dress and pee and shower me. 4 more weeks until I'm me again.....

Of course...
Current mood: sick
Category: Life

Only I would develop 3 post-op infections at once. Don't worry, they're not life-threatening. I developed an infection in my new belly button because I wasn't cleaning it properly (I didn't know what was the button, what was my skin, what was the scar, etc....but I know now!), and then I developed two kinds of yeast infections from the overload of antibiotics. One is the normal kind and the other kind is a flesh eating kind. Yes, flesh eating yeast infection. I'm already on a round of medications for all of it and after only 3 treatments, they are all doing much better. But still - EW.

On the plus side, the doctor says everything is healing beautifully and (DRUMROLL PLEASE.................) I've lost 23 pounds!!!! My goal weight might actually be attainable now. For the first time, I'm in the 100s. I'm proud to say, I weigh 187 pounds. He also says more will come off as the body releases more fluid (which is why I pee every 4 hours). My appetite has completely gone away. I maybe eat 2 of my 4 oz and actually do drink my fluids. Imagine if I do hit my goal??? My BMI is now 30.1 ... and 29.9 moves me into "overweight" from "obese." I might just shit my pants when that happens. As my nephew says, "HO-LY-COWWWWW!!!"

But PS ... I hate my thighs. They don't match the rest of my body now! EW..... maybe next year when I finish my arms I'll do the thighs. Who knows.....

Time to get out of the chair. My butt hurts. I have to move every few minutes. Yucko!

Wowww

The day of the surgery, I weighed 205ish. The week before, I weighed 210. Today, I weigh 189. I just can't believe it. This is without any exercise and only drinking half my liquids. I just can't believe I'm in the 100's! Tomorrow the stitches come out and the nurse says I'll feel MUCH better after. Hopefully, because it's still pretty painful!

Another update
Current mood: pissed off

The drains came out today. YAY. I feel so much better without them in.

My first shower was horrible and painful (I have to be rebandaged after and that was the painful part) and I'm not sure how often I wanna do it.

My body is progressing nicely. The pain is still pretty intense sometimes though.

Oh and they took 6.5 pounds of fat off my body during the surgery. WOW.

Quick Update

Just a quick update since I'm blogging from my phone.

Surgery went well. Doc sent me home with a catheder because I wasn't putting enough out. The pain is the most intense I've ever experienced, although I have a theory it's more the binding than anything. I have 4 drains that will come out Wednesday. The catheder came out at my day after checkup where I saw my body. HOLY SHIZA. It was amazing. I think my boobs are my favorite part, no joke.

Today I will take my first shower and see a full length body shot.

And as much as I swore I wouldn't use them, the pain pills are necessary.

That's it for now!

Today is the day. :/
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

Well it's less than 30 minutes until I leave for the hospital and less than 2 hours until I start my surgery.

Yes, I'm freaking the hell out and even at 11 PM last night was doubting myself.

There's so many reasons to the doubts. The timing is all wrong for my family (although right for me). It's expensive and my family could use the money. It could've possibly cost me a wonderful new job (which would've come with a great raise to help my family pay the bills that are coming from my mom's hospital stay). Possibly even cost me someone special. Maybe it's even deeper than that. Maybe it's the fact that when my "double roll" isn't there anymore, and that insecurity goes away, I finally have to live and I won't have anymore excuses? Yes, this is only part 1 of the surgeries and I won't be 100% done, but I will be closer to what I've been working for for the last nearly 3 years.

A lot of my reasons are about helping my family and everyone tells me I need to be selfish. I've been putting everyone first for ... well, pretty much forever, but especially in the last 6 weeks. I've had to make really hard choices and this is just another one and whatever results from it, so be it. I have to worry about me. But that's not who I am, and anyone who knows me, knows that I rarely put myself first.

:SIGH:

This is not a good mindset to have 1 hr 45 minutes before going in to the surgery. I'm sure I will feel better when it's all said and done. Hopefully I'll still get that job in a few weeks and I won't have TOO many regrets ......

Oh, and just a heads up to all that will go through this in the future ... if your doctor tells you to use Magnisium Citrate to "cleanse your system" do not take it (it's carbonated, duh!). Milk of Magnesia works perfectly.

Time to go ..... see ya on the other side .....

Pre-op stuff...
Current mood: worried
Category: Life

So today I started my pre-op stuff. These 5 little under-the-tongue thingies that help prevent swelling and bruising. It was scary and made it real I guess. Tomorrow I do my "cleansing." Can you believe they wanted me to take something carbonated? I haven't had an ounce of carbonation in 3 years. I asked 2 other doctors for suggestions and we settled on Ex-Lax. Over the counter, pill form, and gets the same result.

I spent a good portion of the morning getting information about a recovery center. It's not that expensive, and even possibly covered by insurance (after an initial cost of $500). But you know what ... we have dealt with so much ... we got through my mom's brain tumor. I can deal with this. We may call my mom's home health nurse to help if we need, but I'll manage my pain meds, and I've already figured a way to get myself out of the chair. A few friends have volunteered to stay during the days while my dad is gone and maybe I can even get a few to stay over. We'll see what happens.

I had my one year check up at the WLS. Officially, I've lost 21 pounds since my last check up there, which was when I was 3 months out, so ... 9 months ago. So that's a little bit more than 2.3 pounds per month that I've lost. It was more than that until my mom got sick (I've gained 7 pounds since my mom's ordeal started). I hear the tummy tuck is awesome for making you lose your appetite. Yay. :)

No turning back now ......