Heroin and WLS.....
posted on 5/9/11 4:08 pm
It's not like I have ever actually done heroin, or any illegal drugs for that matter, but from what I have read it seems that people who become addicted to Heroin are always chasing that first high and to that end I think wls brings some of us to that same place, the lowest weight we have been as adults ever. Yup that would be me, I weighed 135 when I was in high school, that was the last time I saw that weight. When I had wls my goal was to get to a size 10, but as I lost weight and hit my goals I kept lowering them until I settled on 138 as my ultimate goal. When I made it I was thrilled, when I surpassed it thrilled even more. The first four years of my surgery were easy and the last two is me chasing that high I felt when I weighed 135. The more I chase the further away I feel like I am getting, I have a fat mentality and feel I look like I did at 283.5 (my beginning weight). I don't know what I weigh now, I avoid the scale completely and my jeans feel snug and I am not happy. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again, I start diets constantly, keep changing what I will allow myself to eat trying to find the right combination of stuff that will let me see that magic number again. Sadly I think my protein bars are making me fat, yeah because I love them and tend to abuse them. Isn't there some irony there, the one thing I found that is supposably healthy and helps me meet my protein quota and I now think I might be addicted to them. They are pretty much the only thing I eat every single day regularly. Oh well, I guess when I am naked soon I will lose weight because I refuse to buy one item of clothes bigger then a 6. lol Yesterday was Mothers Day, I took this beautiful picture I am posting, its the only good part of the day, the rest was shit.
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