Picture of the day..... on June 22, 2011 5:14 pm
I call this Mommy and Me....
Diet Journal.... on June 20, 2011 5:50 pm
I accidentally saw a co-workers diet journal today, she had gained a pound and was all pissed off at herself. I never really kept a journal, I write here but it all seems pretty meaningless, I mean I read back and I don't really get anything out of it to see what I should change. I guess writing really isn't my thing and trying to figure out how I can eat perfectly all day long, and a healthy dinner of chicken and potatoes and then sit down at 9pm and eat Doritos. Why sabotage what I work so hard for because I can't say no to something stupid like Dorito's. I have given up so many things that are my trigger foods yet lately the Dorito's are the only snack food I want or have. I have not been eating bagels, no brownie bites, I even made chocolate chip cookies and didn't eat any. So whats my problem, how can I continue doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result, I know that doesn't work. Every Monday I promise myself this week is going to be a good one, that I am going to really crack down and eat less, no snacks and more walking, I do get the more walking when I am out taking pictures but the less snacks, well not so much. So I guess I have to start pushing myself to be more honest and stop sabotaging myself. I am adding a pic I took over the weekend.
1/2 inch...... on June 16, 2011 8:51 pm
You wouldn't really think 1/2 inch would be that big a fucking deal. I put on my belt today and when I was at my thinnest weight I could wear it in the last hole and it wasn't tight but not loose either, now I have to move the belt over one notch, which is exactly 1/2 inch away and its tight in that hole but I can survive. So why does 1/2 inch make so much difference. Why do I feel like I did when I was MO, I am positive I am just as big as I started, why is my head fucking with me so badly???? I think I might be in the midst of menopause or a nervous breakdown lol lol Whichever it is its driving me fucking nuts. I really have been trying to eat right, take all my vitamins so I don't feel like shit all the time, I have all these vague issues, first the migraines, then I wake up all sweaty, then my hands start falling asleep when I am sleeping and wake me up. I feel really bloated at times like I could pop or I feel so much pressure it physically hurts. I get tired sometimes, yet I cannot sleep very well. I won't even go into the female issues, but they are there too. I guess its all part of getting old, but I fucking hate it. I hate when my hands hurt so bad I can't hold my camera anymore, I hate that my hip hurts when I walk down the railroad tracks to go see my swans, I hate that I can't see the lcd screen on my camera because its too close to my face, seriously this getting old shit sucks. I did manage to take some nice shots of my swans yesterday, it was a bad day and the only thing that brought me any joy.
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Losing My Mind..... on June 6, 2011 10:49 pm
I just spent a half hour typing out a post about my migraines and my eye doctor appt and how I was feeling and posted it only to read the previous post and realized I had already posted the whole thing the other day. I have no recollection of posting it. Okay its official, my brain is fucked. Here's a baby swan pic, atleast I can still do that right.
Migraines.... on June 4, 2011 9:16 pm
It started a little over a week ago, first with the aura and then the headache, then again a few days later followed by another headache followed by another aura and then the next day a headache. I called my PCP because I was really scared could it be something else, something to do with my eyes, I saw some black spots also and my grandmother had detached retinas when I was a kid. I went to the eye doctor and he said my retina's were fine but it sounded like migraines and that I would have to have my PCP run a bunch of tests to find the cause. Great just another thing to do with my brain that means its fucked up, as if they panic attacks were not enough now this. I get really sick after the headache, like I don't want to move and just lie still, I even called in sick to work the other day, something I haven't done in a few years. So today I went down to the river to see my swan babies and I found them but they were on the other side of the island too far away to photograph. I stayed for probably two hours until I got to cold to stay any longer. I decided to go to the park with my Canada geese although they are pretty much grown up now. When I got there I was shocked, there was a whole new batch of babies as well as a few families of babies of various sizes, I don't know where they all came from but I was happy to see them. The light was not good but I did the best I could to get a few baby geese pics. Here' a cute one.
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