Diet Day 33 on February 5, 2011 5:36 am
I got up at sunrise to drive up the college at the University of CT to take some pictures because I heard that the deer feed in the fields near the end of the pastures and everything was covered in ice. Of course I didn't see any deer, but I did take a nice picture I am adding. It was truly breath taking. About 8 o'clock I felt so sick I called out of work, I really don't think I am ever going to get better from this flu. For food I had two chicken taco's and last night we tried some items from a new Chinese bakery, I had a few bites of a savory chicken puff pastry that was really good and a super light Asian cheese cake. I only had a taste and saved the rest for Saturday for diet day off.
Diet Day 32 on February 3, 2011 8:50 pm
Today started very early, I had to get up and drive Doug's Mom and Aunt to the airport for their flight to Ft Lauderdale and then their cruise on Saturday. It was the most incredible sunrise I have ever seen over the icy covered trees, I had my camera but I couldn't stop to take pictures because I wasn't sure how bad the drive was going to be. Needless to say I should have stopped because the ice is only in selected areas, and I was unable to get even one decent icy shot, which means I should get up super early tomorrow to go out, I am really not a morning person so that might not happen. Sadly on the drive we even saw some beautiful deer down by a stream, no place to stop to take their picture either. Ugghhh this sucks. I did take a couple of pictures of the ducks at the marina right after work which I am including, the icy is soooo thick, they were sitting on the only non icy covered spot tucked into the side of the rocks leading down to the water. Okay for food, I had 3 small protein bars at work today, I think because I got up so early I needed an extra bar to keep me going. We went to dinner tonight with Kevin and Meagan and Doug's cousin Danny and his gf, I skipped the appetizer and order shrimp in garlic sauce over pasta, I ate only the shrimp and virtually no pasta, okay maybe a tiny bit but not much. I was super good it came with a half a baked garlic clove. Very yummy. For snack I had a few crackers with my cinnamon rainsin peanut butter. That stuff is really to die for.
Diet Day 31 on February 2, 2011 4:16 pm
I am still sick with the flu, I had to leave work early because I felt so terrible sitting in my office I really thought I might faint I felt so weird. I tried buying something at the pharmacy to help my symptoms but I am now afraid to try it, I told the pharmacist everything I couldn't take and he suggest Mucinex-D 12 hour extended release. Doug said that stuff is going to make your heart race for sure, so I skipped it. He wanted a surprise while I was out so I bought us some peanut butter, he got maple flavour and I got cinnamon rainsin flavor. We both tried it on some saltines, mine was really good, I don't typically eat peanut butter because of the calories and lately I have no taste for it but this was really good. Oh well, I guess I won't buy it again. lol lol I had two small protein bars while I was at work today, a couple of crackers with the peanut butter, a bowl of the pasta I made yesterday for dinner. And for snack I had sf rice pudding with ff cool whip. I haven't taken any pictures since I got sick so I think I am gonna go find something I took last week.
Diet Day 30 on February 1, 2011 4:31 pm
I went back to work today from being sick, it sucked, I was equally as miserable there then when I am at home, but there you can't lay down. For whatever reason when I breathe through my mouth my stomach fills up with air, I have this super hard air pocket moving through my system, its painful actually and I wish it would pass finally. I have no idea why it happened, I don't think I have been this sick since I had wls almost 6 years ago. Today was good eating wise, I had a protein bar at work and made the low fat pasta dish for dinner, I can't eat much with this gas, I had a kozy shack sf rice pudding for a snack and now I feel horrible, bloated and wishing I could fart. Yeah thats classy, but its the truth, this bloating feels horrible. I looked equally as horrible at work today too, but so what I showed up and go everything I had to done. I took a few pictures over the weekend of my swans and the lighting was awful so I converted them to black and white.
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Diet Day 29 on January 31, 2011 1:22 pm
I still have the flu, I stayed home and worked from home today and I still feel miserable. I should really label this as a diet day off but for me I think it was fine, I had some oatmeal for breakfast, a banana, and half a salami grinder without most of the bread for dinner. Doug and Kevin are very sore from trying to get all the snow off the roof and decks in preparation for the next storm, they wanted something easy and take out grinders it was. I didn't really eat much today so I am counting it towards a diet day on and Doug and Kevin got loads of exercise, they are back over at his aunts right now doing her roof. All these roofs caving in is really scary. I need to go find a cheerful picture to post.
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Diet Day-Off Day 28 on January 30, 2011 2:25 pm
Against my will it was determined we would have another diet day off today, I am too sick with the flu to fight so I just let them order whatever they wanted from Domino's. They got pizza, cheesey bread, cinnastix, and chocolate lava cake. I only ate two cheesey bread sticks and one of the cinnastix dipped in the pure sugar glaze, yeah me, of course I was sick within 10 minutes. I went and layed down and actually fell asleep, I could hear these chimes in my dreams, well it was my phone ringing (my ringer is windchimes) and of course that got me wide awake again. I was so thirsty I made my tea with lemon, I had barely drank anything all day, I had to work from home all morning and never drank or ate anything until we had lunch at 1pm. So now that I am hydrated again and not sick I figured I could try the chocolate lava cake to see if I could make myself sick and more miserable. Who do you think my worst enemy is here? Yeah I know its me. This flu thing sucks, hopefully its over one way or another soon. I found this picture I took last week after the last big snowfall and thought it was a nice farewell picture if I die. lol
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Diet Day-Off Day 27 on January 29, 2011 4:35 pm
Doug and I went out this morning shopping, I was determined to get my bagel and to get it right, I have come to the conclusion that DD's that have drive-thru's set the timer on their toaster shorter then the DD's that you have to go into. So we go to DD and I ask the drive thru lady if they can make the bagel with butter hot, she asks what do I mean its going to be toasted, and I said but its never hot, its luke warm. I swear I have tested every DD in a 10 county radius, I was actually considering offering my services free of charge to DD headquarters to test their bagels. So I get my bagel, and it even feels hot, yeah its a miracle, until I unwrap it and its a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. Yuck, I don't like cream cheese very much and when I do it I always get the lowfat version as you cannot tell the difference and it gets rid of calories. So we go to BJ's and of course the only thing I want I forget to buy, my lemons. Wonderful. I go home and decide that its time to go out and take pictures, and by the time I make it down to see my swans its dark and gloomy, and since the last snowstorm there is atleast crotch high snow to get through to get down to see the swans, but I did it and it was just as disappointing as I expected, the light sucked, so needless to say I trudged back. I decided to go feed the seagulls on my way home by the marina near where I work, there were some cute ducks in the water also so I got some nice Mallard duck shots. I think they are beautiful ducks. When I got home we looked up the cruise we want to take, it starts next week over the CT river to see the wintering bald eagles. I have to call and make a reservation so when Doug's mom and aunt are on their cruise I will be on a cruise too. So for dinner we got Chinese food afterall, even though Doug protested. I got barbque boneless spareribs and fried rice. It was really good, we didn't get dessert this week, which I now regret but atleat I am not sick. I am not sure if I will have a snack or not later, we shall see. I am adding one of my favorite duck pics from the set from today.
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Diet Day 26 on January 28, 2011 7:20 pm
I am miserable, I am realy getting sick now, it was such a long week at work and very frustrating ontop of all the other bullshit going on. Hopefully tomorrow I can relax, thats such a joke since I never relax, I don't even think I know how to anymore. But I can go take pictures thats about as close as I ever get to being relaxed. Today for food I had my Oh Yeah bar at work and we went out for dinner at the casino, I had a wrap with roast beef and spinach, I ate about half with most of the actual wrap removed and all of the bulky lettuce taken out. I had a small side pasta salad that was pretty good, I ate a couple of chips, not really a diet dinner but close enough, tomorrow is diet day off and I think I want Chinese food, not sure yet. I had some bananas with ff cool whip when I got home for dessert.
Diet Day 25 on January 27, 2011 2:37 pm
Today was the second big snow storm, I am so tired because I have been up since 5am, Doug spent 3 hours snowblowing this morning and one pile is 12feet high, I think it will be here until June. My throat is really sore, I am finally getting what Doug and Kevin have and I feel miserable. I got to work late because we had to go pick up Doug's Mom at work and drive her and a co-worker home, the roads were really interesting especially the back roads but luckily the sun came out and all is fine now. Of course there was more drama at my house this morning, I can't take much more, its really getting to be too much some times I think my head is just going to burst. For food today my company bought pizza for everyone who braved the storm, they picked all yucky choices so I had a slice of plain cheese and later on had half a protein bar. We had chicken taco's for dinner. Doug conceded and went on the scale today after all the snow blowing, hes down to 250.7 which is now over 20lbs lost. My jeans were kind of loose today, its the first day I am really noticing anything in my jeans, so I am hopeful. They promised to stop teasing me about my weight and the fact I won't get on a scale, they don't understand but thats fine atleast its been acknowledged that some of the work of losing weigh lies with me. I took my camera with me today but only took 2 pictures so I will have to find a nice bird picture to add here.
Diet Day 24 on January 26, 2011 4:21 pm
It's cold and snowing, I even have a picture to show that birds need to try to stay warm also, its a turkey vulture sitting on a chimney I took a week or so ago. I think all birds are beautiful even this one. I didn't get to take any pictures today which is really sad since the snow flakes were so big and beautiful. As to eating today I had my protein bar at work and about 350 calories worth of diet pizza for dinner, I just had a snack of blueberry Special K. Doug and Kevin now don't want to tell me what they weigh because they say I am not weighing so why should they, whatever, I don't care, I am not weighing just to make them happy, I do things my way and this is my way, I know when I hit goal I know how my jeans will feel, I know my body very well. They think that they only reason I weigh what I do is because I can't eat much without getting sick, they really don't get the fact that I can eat all day long every hour, get sick, get better and eat again, and I have done it before. Hence the reason I have sworn off sweets and junk, I am trying hard to eat right and keep a good attitude, but it makes it so hard when nothing I do is given any credit, the surgery gets all the credit and I get nothing. It doesn't matter I know the truth and I know how much I am trying and I won't let anyone screw it up.
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Diet Day 23 on January 25, 2011 3:18 pm
Doug weighed himself today hes down to 252.6, which is nearly a twenty pound loss already, he started at 271, I tried to get Kevin to weigh today but it was a no go, he said hes not gonna weigh because I don't weigh, I said I go by my clothes, when I am at goal I will know it. He doesn't get how intune to my body I am. I was starving at work today, because my son called his morning and upset me once again so I ate my protein bar at 9:30am, so basically by 3pm I was physically hungry, I ate half of a protein bar. I know going hungry is the worst thing you can do for a diet. I had a small bowl of the pasta I made yesterday for dinner, its pretty good, very little pasta and lots of low fat meat and ff sauce with reduced fat mozzarella cheese. I try to balance everything I eat to make it as healthy as possible. I doubt I will ever eat truly clean but I try to eat well and I always have a snack of some sort of fruit instead of eating something sweet and bad for me. I was talking to one of the photographers at work today and he captured an image of a bald eagle near the marina near our office, now I am going to have to go scouting around trying to find them flying. Bird in flight pictures are beautiful and diffecult, the eagle picture would be a definate feather in my cap, so to speak. Here's a seagull picture, its almost as rare as a bald eagle, right?
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Diet Day 22 on January 24, 2011 5:19 pm
Today was the beginning of the 4th week of the diet, its going well so far, we planned dinner of low fat pasta and turkey meatballs., it turned out better then the last pasta dish I made, Doug and Kevin both liked it. I had a protein bar today during the day and some strawberries and ff cool whip for dessert. This is going to be a long week waiting to see when my car is going to get fixed, not being able to drive sucks.
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Diet Day 21 on January 23, 2011 2:33 pm
Today is Sunday and the 21st day of our diet, I worked from home today because I am not going to risk driving my car unless I have too. The weather was cold too, so staying in wasn't a bad idea, I can't take pictures when its below freezing. Sitting home makes me want to eat though, probably good thing I never do it, I had strawberries and blueberries with ff cool whip for breakfast and a chicken sandwich on a lavish wrap for lunch, I haven't eaten dinner yet but I am thinking of having oatmeal or soup. Doug isn't feeling well, and I feel super tired so maybe I a getting his cold too. Hopefully not.
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Diet Day-Off Day 20 on January 22, 2011 5:52 pm
I won't go into why today sucked but it did, I will talk about the only fun part of the day, I went down to see my swans and when I got there it was lunchtime and they were asleep. WTH? I couldn't believe it a group of about 25+ swans and all were floating around asleep, oh well, maybe next time. So I start walking back to my car and I see a couple of swans have woken up and are out by the old abandoned little cove, so I trudge through the snow through the deer tracks out to the point and there they are all waking up right in front of me, I was thrilled. I sat and took pictures until my butt went numb from the cold. The light was terrible, very bright and no contrast whatsoever but I don't care, I love the swans. The last few pictures were taken of the brave swans who crossed the current and went into the other cove, there the contrast was beautiful as was the light. I added one of the several hundred pictures I took. Oh I almost forgot, when I was walking back I saw this bird I wasn't sure exactly what it was, it was flying over the base, I snapped some quick pics, not clear at all but its a Bald Eagle. Oh My, thats my dream to get some soaring bald eagle pics. As for food, I did get my bagel for breakfast, it made me kind of queasy, but is a carb and that can happen. I didn't eat lunch as I was out doing my pictures but for dinner Doug's mom made us a lovely chicken dinner, I had white meat, stuffing, broccoli and corn, I didn't eat much I had a stomach ache from all the stress today. We did go to out to get some desserts since it was diet day off, and I got a brownie treat, I ate two bites. I will probably have some sort of snack before bed but not sure what.
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Diet Day 19 on January 21, 2011 7:37 pm
I had today off, I went and got my hair done this morning in the snow, it was such a beautiful snow storm, I got to watch it from the hairdresser chair, with pretty big flakes. I did go take pictures afterwards, I am posting one here. I didn't eat a whole lot today, half a protein bar, 3 slices of a thin crust chicken pizza and some banana's sliced with ff cool whip. Tomorrow is diet day off, we alreay begged Doug's mom to make us dinner, but I can tell you I am gonna get myself a bagel for breakfast.
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Diet Day 18 on January 20, 2011 5:14 pm
Today was a very weird day, it started with me passing out flyers of Ryan at the homeless shelters and soup kitchen near my office after it was determined that he had taken the bus after he escaped on Tuesday. I spent time talking to some homeless people about Ryan's brain injury, one gentlemen took the flyers and said he would help distribute them, he was very kind. I took one to the local DD I go to, they can't hang anything and the lady there didn't even want to look at the flyer. Just another reason to tell Dunkin Donuts to go fuck themself. Kevin found out that Ryan had made it to the local casino and had boarded a bus to NYC, Chinatown, Really? Seriously? We found out about 4pm that he was at a hospital in NYC, someone found him wandering around alone since Tuesday night and called 911, they brought him to the hospital and found his id bracelet and called his mother. They are on their way to go get him now. What a relief, Kevin can finally sleep again, hes handed out more flyers and searched so many places and to think he was on a bus and gone almost the second he went missing. He happened to leave the restaurant on an alley opposite the bus depot, and a bus just pulled up, he told someone on the bus he had only 20 dollars but wanted to go west and the guy told him how to do it, how bad he felt after Ryan was all over the news all night long. Thankfully its all over now. I didn't eat much today, a protein bar during the day, and a omelet with broccoli and ff cheddar. Kevin and Doug had pizza, I refused to eat crap today no matter what, I know they were celebrating finding Ryan but I would rather celebrate with a smaller size then crappy pizza. I just had some strawberries and blueberries with ff cool whip for a snack. I am so tired, I don't think I got more then a few hours sleep over the last two nights, the cop showing up late last night really made it impossible to sleep, I thought for sure he was there to give us some bad news. But he was only trying to get more information. Tomorrow I am off, getting my hair redone, yeah I can't wait.
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Diet Day 17 on January 19, 2011 4:13 pm
Another dreadful day, Kevin's client, Ryan is still missing. Everyone has been searching all night and all day, they have the bloodhounds out and his picture is all over the news but no sightings whatsoever. It's so scary, I mean between the railroad tracks and the river beyond anything could have happened. Kevin was out all night looking, hes out still, he came in to eat, they had my famous open faced tuna melts and then right back out. The police and hospitals and everyone are trying to find him, how does a 6'1 traumatic brain injured patient just disappear. It really was an awful day. I would love to just sit down and eat and eat and eat, that or not eat at all, I had a protein bar and a couple of english muffin turkey melts. I don't know if I will eat anything else, I just feel so numb right now, I won't even go into the calls I got from my son today and the oil running out. That seems so trivial now, its going to be 15 degrees tonight, Ryan has to get found soon before something terrible happens.
Diet Day 16 on January 18, 2011 4:10 pm
Today was a terrible day, it iced and rained, I got to work early and ate my protein bar, everyone had some problem at work and then I got the call that the my co-worker who lost his wife came in to place his wifes obituary I went to see him and offer my sympathy, it is so incredibly sad. She was forty years old, they don't even know what killed her yet, I guess she died quickly though and peacefully, someone offered their prayers, he said he believed in god, I just stood there thinking how on earth can you believe in someone who would take the womyn from you that you considered your angel. I don't understand how anyone can believe, it just makes no sense to me, a merciful god would never let the terrible things that do happen, I just really can't get my mind to fathom it. I spent the rest of the day very sad, all I wanted to do was eat away my sadness but I didn't instead I sucked on my lemons from my water. I left work and went to the grocery store, I bought some turkey for my wrap, Doug is still out looking for their missing client, its been hours now and its wet and cold, I hope everything is okay. I bought a box of cereal with a puffin on the box, is that silly, it's not a childrens cereal its a heathy cereal. It made me go look at all my puffin pictures from last summer, I loved taking those pictures, the puffin is one of my favourite birds outside of my swans of course. I had a turkey wrap for dinner, with a 100 calorie lavish wrap, low fat turkey, ff cheese, dijonnaise, lettuce and tomato, it was very good. For dessert I had strawberries and blueberries in ff cool whip. I am adding a picture I took this summer.
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Diet Day 15 on January 17, 2011 4:15 pm
Today is Monday and I was talking to one of my friends at work about journalling my diet and how it keeps me honest because I won't lie about what I eat and knowing I have to write it down keeps me from eating anything bad. I was also telling her about my walk through Stop and Shop past the Valentines day chocolates saying to myself you only cheat yourself. I swear I think I really laughed out loud when I thought it, but whatever works right. Today I had an Oh Yeah protein bar, I finally went and got them Saturday and for dinner we had chicken taco's and I had some strawberries with ff cool whip. I will probably have a small snack later as its only 7:30 now but I am sure it will be something healthy, given the fact we have gotten rid of everything bad.
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Diet Day 14 on January 16, 2011 4:02 pm
Today was really terrible, I got to work this morning and I called my friend in customer service and she was beside herself, one of our co-workers had gone home to check on his wife and found her dead in her bed, she was unresponsive and he called 911, we were really hoping he was mistaken but apparently not. This poor lady had just become a grandmother for the second time last week, she was very young, either in her late thirties or early forties. It is just unthinkable. Needless to say work was very somber today. I had met this lady a few times and was trying to think of her first name and it finally occurred to me her name was Beverly, and the reason I couldn't remember is because on Thanksgiving day a lady I used to work with years ago was found murdered in her house with two other people. She was bludgeoned to death, her name was Beverly also, so I was associating the name with her. No one has been charged in the murder either, they were looking into her useless children but still no word. How tragic for both of these ladies named Beverly. I had very little appetite today, I had a protein bar and a yogurt and a small salad and some strawberries with ff whipped cream. I can't imagine what my poor co-worker is going through right now, his wife was his entire life, he talked about her endlessly everytime you spoke to him. It's just so very sad.
Diet Day-Off Day 13 on January 15, 2011 5:06 pm
The day started off well and ended in my stupidity. Doug and I went out this morning shopping, I needed new warm outdoor wear, Doug teased me about connecting with my masculine side after I bought a mens plaid workshirt and thick lined hoodie to wear with it. I hate wearing my coat when I am taking pics but it was -5 this morning so I needed something. I bought some new SD cards also at BJ's, so I never run out of space when I am in the field. So I set off to my little slice of Heaven, having eaten only one 30 gram protein bar, yeah me no bagel today, so I get there and troop down through the snow to the first bridge but the swans are so far away and I am on the wrong side of the bridge for any good light. I trudge back, not even one decent picture, so I drive down to the next location and I get out and check out the opening to the rr tracks, it was nearly seeled in snow. I wanted to cry, I twisted my back this morning when I slipped on the ice and my back is killing me, all I need to do is fall down now and I am really screwed. So I figure I have to try, so I unload my gear, its all set up on the tripod so I can use the tripod as sort of a walking stick in the snow. As I get everything out of the car, a man pulled up his truck at the house opposite me, he sees me with my camera and yells over you want me to show you an easier way. Well hell yeah I do, the mans name was Joe and he let me walk through his property down to the end to access the tracks. I told him I was so envious of his perfect location and he said he killed himself to be able to afford it but he loved it also. So I get up to the tracks and there they are, the swans and geese, ducks, gulls, all together, incredible, beautiful, spectacular, I am again in awe. I took a few hundred pictures, I am thrilled. I then went to the marina to photograph the seagulls and then I go home and since today is day-off Doug wanted pizza, I had my heart set on a salami grinder so I went and got both and went home to eat. I had one of Doug's cheesy bread slices and less then half of my small grinder with some potato chips. I got full pretty quickly and ate one strawberry peep I bought for myself for dessert. I felt pretty good about my day-off diet since I had gone to the Hostess store to buy some breadcrumbs for the seagulls and I didn't buy any junk, just a bottle of water, so of course I had to go ruin all my hard work and exercise by getting an ice cream sundae from Burger King when Kevin and Doug went out. It was so good and even though I didn't eat it all, that would have probably killed me, I did just crash my blood sugar and have to eat some of my organic cereal and another peep just to get myself back. How stupid is that, I know those sundaes are full of sugar but yet I went for it, even when I passed by my favorite brownies and candy and everything else today. Instead it was death by ice cream. I do feel better now, but it really sucks and I hate being so stupid. Pictures are coming.
Diet Day 12 on January 14, 2011 5:05 pm
Today was day 12, and I tried on my goal jeans again today, hoping they would show me some tiny love and nope, they showed me I have to keep up the diet and trudging around in the snow. I guess it pisses me off that Doug and Kevin have lost so much weight and I feel nothing yet. Oh well. I ate 3 protein bars today, yes I was pouting, for dinner I had the same pasta I made last night and for snack a bowl of my Organic cereal, I might have a Icelandic yogurt later as I got some yesterday because they were finally on sale. Tomorrow is my free day, I think I want a grinder, Doug said he wants pizza, we shall see what we end up with. I am hoping to go back to the river to take pictures tomorrow, I would spend every moment that I could there if it were possible.
Diet Day 11 on January 13, 2011 8:50 pm
Today was one hell of a day, I got up at 5am because I was on a mission to go photograph the swans this morning in the river right as the sun rose, Doug said it could not be done. I was gonna do it anyway but a challenge always makes it better, yes the snow was way over my knees and when I was climbing over the snow bank with all my gear I really did think I was nuts. But it was beautiful to see the swans come up as the light turned golden and the cloudless sky was filled with such a beautiful amber glow shining right on my swans. I stayed for nearly 2 hours and got some nice photographs, nothing spectacular which just means I need to go back again, I would love to go tomorrow again but I am so tired and sore I doubt I could. The other good news of today was doug weighed 259.5 this morning, he started at 271, so thats really good, Kevin only lost 5lbs but I will take it, I still need to work on him. I don't know what I have lost, I doubt its much but thats okay I have plenty of time before April 5th to get to goal. For food today I had two protein bars, a fiber bar, a small bowl of pasta with low fat beef and low cal sauce and a small bowl of a new cereal I bought thats totally organic and has flax seed, pumpkin seed, and oats, its pretty good.
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Diet Day 10 on January 12, 2011 3:43 pm
So we did get the big snow storm today, driving was pretty intense and only 4x4's were out today. No one was at work besides a few key people but I was actually able to get a lot done. I left after the snow stopped and the roads were cleared even though its since started up again but much lighter. We must have got atleast 2 feet of snow added to what we already had. Tomorrow I am going to take pictures before work so I am gonna be in bed super early so I won't be tired like I am today. For food today I had two protein bars at work and I made mini pizza's for dinner on 100 calories english muffins with turkey pepperoni and fat free mozzarella cheese and sauce, I really like the turkey pepperoni, the reason I hate regular pepperoni is because its greasy and this wasn't at all, and super tastey. I had a small bowl of the fruit triffle I made the other day for dessert. That will be it for today, but I think my calories should be good. Doug weighed and hes down to 260 something, hes going to weigh again tomorrow morning to get an exact number, I need to get Kevin to do the same. I have my period and am still bloated so I can't tell anything yet really although my goal jeans feel okay not like I want them to feel but not unable to breath tight today. Oh yeah one more thing, I thought this was funny so I had to add it, I went to the grocery store after work to pick up a few things and I walked by the baked goods and they had the cheese croissant that I like, I thought to myself that today was a snow day and it wouldn't really hurt to have a treat, and then I gave myself the little talk I gave to Doug and Kevin, that when you cheat you are only cheating yourself. I think I laughed outloud when I thought it, but I did pass them by and came home and ate my mini pizza's and never missed the croissant.
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Diet Day 9 on January 11, 2011 8:43 pm
A little too perfect, thats how I describe the Zone Perfect protein bars I bought at Wal-Mart the other day, they taste too good which means of course I want more then I should have. Today I had two protein bars for lunch and two for dinner, since I was going to see my girlfriend at the convelscent home tonight and knew I would not be home to have dinner. When I did get home I had a turkey sandwich on a 100 calorie english muffin with dijonnaise and fat free slice of cheese. I just had a small bowl of Special K as a snack. It just started to snow, and we are in for the long night and then day of snow, you can tell this one is gonna be big right from the beginning snow flakes. Hopefully Thursday will be great light, I bought a tripod so I could go back to my little slice of Heaven and take some more bird pictures, oh yeah and I registered for another photography seminar today for a bird photographer. It's in May but I can't wait.
Diet Day 8 on January 10, 2011 8:23 pm
Today is Monday, its been a full week of dieting, I don't really notice much difference but I am getting my period so theres always that to blame. I talked to animal control today about the neighbors dog, hopefully she can contact them and make them do the right thing before I have a nervous breakdown over this dogs welfare. Just another source of anxiety and worry, now over this poor dog. Ughhh. Oh a more pleasant note I have downloaded all my pictures from the weekend and I started to go through them, I am very critical and evaluate each one before I decide which should be kept and which should be deleted, its a very time consuming process. I used to keep every shot basically and that just takes up too much space and the redundancy is boring, so I edit judiciously now. As for food today I had to buy some new protein bars yesterday at Wal Mart because I never went to the Vitamin Shoppe to get my Oh Yeah bars, the ones I got are good, they seem very sweet to me, each has 15grams of protein and 200 calories, I forgot the brand already. I had two today at work. This approach doesn't work as well as the one bigger bar, but its only for a few days so I will wait it out. For dinner it was chicken taco's again followed by a small bowl of the fruit dessert I made last night. I forgot to buy my greek yogurt while I was at the grocery store so for snack I might have a banana, I have it sitting here but haven't eaten it yet. lol I bought everything for our meal for Wednesday during the snow storm, we are having mini pizza's on English Muffins with turkey pepperoni and ff& reduced fat cheese.
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Diet Day 7 on January 9, 2011 5:39 pm
I get extra points for today because I actually exercised, A LOT!!! It snowed last night again and of course stopped before morning, again, so no snowfalling pictures, but I set out at 9am to find a great location to shoot. I started driving towards Mystic, CT and on my way I remembered reading about this cove where all the swans over-wintered, I have tried finding out how to get there using Google maps but there was no clear route. So I started down this residential road hoping it would end on the cove and instead it ended on another dead end, as I was backing up I came upon a gentlemen snowblowing his driveway, I stopped him and told him I was a photographer looking for directions to the cove, he told me basically there is no direct access but that I could park down the street and walk down the train tracks until I came to the elusive place that from now on in this blog will be known as HEAVEN. I set out, walking through atleast a foot of soft fluffy snow down the tracks, I came upon the first glimpse of water and I could see a swan family far off in the distance, oh yes this is what I seek. So I kept going taking pictures as I walked, in the far distance I could see what looked like a hundred white bodies, could it really be true that I found the swans winter hideaway. Oh yes, it is just as I imagine Heaven to be if I believed it existed. Thousands of birds together in the most beautiful cove, ducks and Candian Geese, swans with their nearly white cygnets and a zillion seagulls all living peacefully together. I saw crows and raptures, black birds and chickadees, you name it it was on this walk. It was so beautiful, I just stood and took it all in for the longest time, the only thing that stopped me from going further was the train bridge had open slats. My mission, find another entrance to the train track on the other side. So I trudged back through the snow to my car, one 2 gig card full. I drove until I found another entrance to the train track on the other side and walked back down the tracks, stopping again before the bridge but viewing from a completely different angle. After more pictures I went back as far as I could the other way before reaching another bridge, more pictures, more desire to see more, more driving, more walking down train tracks once again. In all it seems like I walked 5 miles, Doug laughed when I told him that, he said I would be lucky if it was a mile and a half, I said well it was through the snow, that has to count for something. lol It was so incredible, in all I have over 700 pictures to go through, I will delete probably 70% of them, there are many duplicates with different camera settings, but I have started to look at them and they are just beautiful. Okay for food today, I skipped breakfast and lunch and ate the lovely dinner Doug's mom made for us, roast turkey, stuffing, potatoes and broccoli, she used low fat everything to make the stuffing and had low fat gravy. It was all so good! Since we had a great meal we decided to make a dessert that was diet approved, its a fruit triffle with strawberries, blueberries, blackberries layered with crumbled angel food cake, a layer of sugar free vanilla pudding mixed with ff sour cream, and sugar free cool whip, all in alternating layers. Its very good and lots of yummy fruit. I had a small bowl as a snack. I doubt my calorie count was very high today and I am sure I am short protein, but I will catch up tomorrow, today was magical, its really the only way I can describe it. Photos to come.
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Diet Day-Off Day 6 on January 8, 2011 6:52 pm
Today is diet day off but it doesn't matter I had no appetite today at all, my bf's neighbor leaves their dog outside in the freezing cold, this has happened a few times since it got so frigid out and the first time I called the police only for them to come home right after I called, so I called back and cancelled the call. I called animal control last week and the officer promised he would do something, today again all day it went on, I was in and out taking pictures of the snow and every time I left I could hear the dog outside barking. I started to feel myself getting physically sick at 9pm, I couldn't take it anymore, the dog started barking again so I called the police, I guess they have radar for when I call because they came home shortly afterwards, but I didn't cancel the call this time. I went over and confronted them, of course the fucking scumbags lied and said it was the first time and that the dog had food and water, really its amazing that a whole lake was frozen over when I went to take pictures of it today but a dogs water bowl can stay unfrozen at 25 degrees. Needless to say when the police arrived I was near tears, he told me I did the right thing and that I needed to speak to the female animal control officer, that she had lots of clout with the humane society. I just cannot physically endure seeing the dog teethered to the back deck lifting each paw up from the frozen decking with no way to escape the freezing cold. Its sickening, seriously heartbreaking. I really can't handle these types of situations very well, I get super emotional, I can still feel my insides trembling. Okay onto something more pleasant, I did take some nice snow pictures, I will add some later when I upload them. The only meals I ate today were breakfast and lunch, I had a bagel for breakfast and we made pot roast for lunch, I didn't make it and I wanted to make it in the slow cooker so it didn't come out like I was hoping but it was fine, I ate a small portion. I haven't eaten anything else because I was out and then too upset once I realized it was still going on. We got a snow storm last night and it started snowing again heavily around 7pm, I am planning to get up early tomorrow and get some more snow pics, I have two locations I am going to try, it really sucks the actual snow has been at night, I want to photograph it snowing during the day, I am hoping that will happen tomorrow morning. I have a 4x4 so driving isn't a problem, and photography is the only thing that makes me happy and escape all this fucking shit. And someone wonders why I fucking hate some people. These people gave me more then enough reason.
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Diet Day 5 on January 7, 2011 6:35 pm
It's been nearly a week of dieting, its not really hard, I haven't been craving anything really so I am doing a good job of eating enough at each meal. Today was chicken taco's again, they are easy and Doug loves them, I forgot and made them extra spicy by accident, but I liked them that way. So my day was an Oh Yeah bar (350) (30p), two fiber one bars (90 calorie variety)(180) (8g) and two chicken taco's (300) (20p) and a greek yogurt (140) (14g). So if I do the math I am under 1000 calories and I estimate 72grams of protein, I could be off with the taco's I bet the protein is higher actually because we use whole wheat taco shells that have protein also as well as the ff cheese and ff sour cream and ff chicken. Yeah this stuff is riveting isn't it. But I really want to keep track of what I ate and how I am feeling, so sorry about this but it is what it is. lol Tomorrow is diet day off, I want to have a bagel other then that I don't have any diet busting plans.
Diet Day 4 on January 6, 2011 6:51 pm
It's been four full days now and do I feel thinner and better, ummm no, no noticeable difference. Damn! lol lol Doug said he thought his pants were tighter, great so all my hard work and no ones losing weight. Tonight I made chicken parmesan, well sort of, breaded with panko chicken breasts baked in the oven and some healthy pasta with a spicy sauce and ff mozarella. I thought it was pretty good, no one was jumping up and down and raving but it was eaten. I got a low cal recipe book, I am considering a meatloaf sandwich for tomorrow but Doug wants taco's. We shall see how ambitious I am tomorrow night. I want to try to make some menu's for next week and actually shop ahead on Sunday. It's amazing how many people I see in the grocery store I know, I guess the fact I never cooked anything before is why I haven't spent much time there. In the past few days I have seen two people I work with, two people I used to work with and my ex-sister in law. I am secretly hoping for snow for tomorrow morning so I can go to the marina and take pictures. I hate hate hate this cold weather, its killing my hands.
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Diet Day 3 on January 5, 2011 5:08 pm
I tried the Pure Protein bar I saw recommended on the messageboard, the all chocolate one got spit out and tossed it was gross. I did eat the chocolate chip one today at work and had a stomach ache all day, totally bloated, I guess this brand does not work at all for me. I will stick with my Oh Yeah bars, I actually think they are really good atleast the Almond Brownie Fudge is, I didn't try the others because the calories vs protein weren't as good a ratio, I try to get 10 to 1, although these are alittle higher in calories I still think they are worth it and I do like the big bar because its all I eat all day long. I bring and extra lemon with me as a treat for my water during the day. I am addicted in the worst way to lemon. I decided on chicken for dinner today, I found a recipe that is made with dijon mustard, light mayo, garlic and spray Pam olive oil with a panko coating and baked in the oven. I made baked red bliss potatoes to go with it, it wasn't a big hit, unfortunately the dijon flavor wasn't very strong and it took way too long to bake. Oh well I tried, they ate it of course because there was nothing else and I found it pretty tastey. I promised I would produce some pasta dish for tomorrow so I am gonna start searching for a recipe now. I am not very good at the cooking thing but I am pushing myself to try so everything we eat is healthy.
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Diet Day 2 on January 4, 2011 6:54 pm
Today was day two of the diet, it went pretty well, I decided that Doug and Kevin were having open face low fat tuna melts made on the 100 calorie english muffins with light tuna, light mayo, tomato and fat free cheddar cheese. Doug and Kevin both were surprised they were pretty good and that they could have as much as they could. I had the same type of open faced sandwich but no tuna for me, I don't eat fish, mine was low fat turkey with dijonnaise, tomato, and the same cheese. It was actually really good and the calories are really low. I had my protein bar for lunch and my greek yogurt for snack and I think this is going well so far. I am planning a whole wheat pasta with turkey sausage and low fat hamburger and sauce for tomorrow. My goal is to try to change things up enough it doesn't get boring and enough food that no one is hungry.
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Diet Day 1 on January 3, 2011 4:12 pm
It's January 3rd but its the first day of our New Years diet. I wanted to start fresh right on January 1st but that was met with opposition from those I am dragging along with me, namely my bf Doug and his brother Kevin, and their dog. Sunday was also a no go because it was well Sunday and diets can't start on Sunday. lol lol Okay so I allowed them to eat anything they wanted up until midnight last night. I even woke Doug up at 11:30pm to suggest he might want to have a snack because they would be gone in the morning. I don't know if they realized how serious I am about this, but they do now. I have about 15lbs to lose, I am not going near a scale until I know I am back at goal, I know by how my jeans fit, I can probably get it right within onepound. We discussed our meal plan for today and chose fat free chicken taco's, they are always a favourite and when Doug is dieting eaten about 4 times a week. The problem is everyone gets sick of chicken tacos and then the diet ends quickly. Not this time, I am totally taking control of this train wreck and doing it my way. I thought long and hard about my role in enabling Doug and Kevin to gain weight, that I would be the one to get the food or go to the grocery store and bring in the bad food. The problem is I can eat one cookie, they can eat a package, hence the problem. Since I would never dream of bringing them drugs or alchohol or cigarettes why on earth was I bringing pizza and donuts and ice cream. So it ends, its not really a diet actually because it has no beginning and end it is just going to be a modified way of life that I have to stick too. I know if I quit and give in everyone else will too. So I have to stay strong. I rarely eat out of hunger, I eat because I like to, as most of us do, so I need to work on listening to my body much more and eating when I need to eat. I did very well today, I had one protein bar with 30 grams of protein (Oh Yeah Almond Fudge Brownie) and two chicken taco's. I have my Greek Yogurt if I want a snack. I have planned tomorrows menu, they are having tuna fish wraps with reduced fat mayo and these flax seed whole grain wraps I found. I can't eat fish so mine will be turkey. I have been looking up options for low cal cooking, as Doug is a very fussy eater, Kevin loves healthy food so hes easy, but Doug he's another whole issue, he basically has the taste buds of a 3 year old. This is going to be an adventure, they are both already not happy. Oh well, life isn't about being happy now is it? lol lol Wish me luck I need it, and oh yeah the dog did fine, he ate dog food and that was it.
My photography on December 26, 2010 7:39 pm
">www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf
If you love birds and nature these pictures are for you. Enjoy | Leave a comment.
A New Update for the end of 2010 on December 23, 2010 7:36 pm
The end of the year is almost here, I have had a decent year in terms of my weight, I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and weighed 145 which is 7lbs over goal, I might be more now, not sure, I haven't been trying to be good but the past few days I have had no desire to eat. Tonight I made dinner but didn't make anything for myself, I just ate a couple of leftover meatballs with sauce, I wasn't really hungry. Later on I ate a small bowl of Chinese food and half of that went to the dog, oh well, I guess its good if my diet starts early because I don't want to eat. I honestly think the source of my lack of appetite coincides exactly with getting a yankee candle oil/reed air difuser for my office. The scent I got is lavender and since I got it I have had no appetite basically. Its very strange, I have a whole box of candy sitting in my desk at work and I haven't eaten any of them. I was going to make all sorts of things for tomorrow, I was talking to a friend at work and she brought me in the recipe for friend cookie dough balls, but no one seems interested so I am not going to bother especially since I have no appetite. Its nearly Christmas, I can't believe this year is over, that Will is now 21, I never thought I would ever be this old, I always thought 30 was old, until i got there. Then when I hit 40 I thought 50 was old, now I am 46 and I think wow I really am old. It sucks in so many ways because I was MO for 20 years and couldn't do so many things and now I am thin and able and my body is fucked up. I have arthritis pretty bad, my hips are not good at all, my neck/back I can live with but now my hands hurt all the time. Why my hands, everything I like to do involves my hands. I talked to my pcp about it when I saw her a few weeks ago and she said keep your hands warm its the only thing I can really do. I have bought a bunch of gloves but its impossible to keep my hands warm all the time. I am always cold, almost never take my coat off no matter where I go, its sucks, now I understand why people move to Florida when they get older. Speaking of my doctor I had a scare a while back, I was in excruciating pain enough to make me go to the E.R., I was convinced I had acid reflux really bad it just hurt so much, turns out instead I had a ten year old gallstone blocking my bile duct, my liver enzymes were sky high and my pancreas function was off too. I had everything retested and my liver enzymes are going back to normal so my pcp thinks the stone passed and is hopefully gone. I need to go back and be retested which I was supposed to do last week but I didn't, I spent the day at the hairdresser getting my hair highlighted and trimmed. It's probably not a good excuse why I didn't go but its the truth. I like my hair although straightening it every day is a lot of work, I do like that it looks longer when I straighten it, although its really not naturally straight at all, its pretty wavy. For the new year I really want to get back down to my goal, right around 135, give myself a couple of lbs to play with. I know that I will be fighting these same 10lbs forever probably because everything comes in cycles, where I want to lose weight and I care to I just don't care at all and gain weight, to I don't care if I eat or do anything. It always seems to work that way, but I will get back to goal because someone said I can't, yeah well watch me, I can and I will. I won't let myself fail this wls thing otherwise I will be too pissed at myself. I have fucked up every other aspect of my life this is one I want to continue to make work. Everything I have ever done is a mistake, and I am sorry for them and wish I could do it all over, believe me I would choose completely different this time around. But sadly you get one chance and I ruined it, so now I have to go on with whats left. That sounds sad and pathetic, but I am trying to be truthful with myself, basically I need to try to make the best of a bad situation. Okay that enough for now.
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It's About Time.... on June 20, 2010 8:19 pm
That I finally updated this blog, its been years since I bothered. I do keep my photos up-to-date but words, ehhh, not so much. I am 5+ years out from my open rny, so much seems to have changed yet the questions and concerns are always the same. I don't know that I would go back and have a rny if I had it to do over, I am pretty sure if insurance would cover I would switch to the DS surgery only because of my arthritis and my inability to take Nsaids with the rny. But overall I am happy with my choice, I am maintaining my weight loss and keeping myself at goal. Sure it means sacrifice at times, I definately get sick if I eat the wrong things and I don't eat big meals at all. If I eat breakfast its a DD cinamon raisin bagel with butter (my addiction, I could live on these if I could live on these), I skip lunch during the week and drink lemon water all day long. I am addicted to really really strong lemon water, I crave it and carry it everywhere I go. For 12 calories for a whole lemon I don't think its a bad thing to be addicted too. Dinner is my main meal and I try to be pro-active in eating healthy, choosing something proteiny and some healthy sides. I have issues with some things, including pasta, rice, veggies and fruit, causing pain and gas. Sweets are my nemisis also, but thats a good thing, I am sure if I could eat a pint of ice cream I might do it. I am an emotional eater, either I eat nothing when I am upset or whatever is around. My indulgence is chocolate and Goldfish. I adore both, but don't over do either, well not the chocolate anyways, sometimes the Goldfish just call my name. lol lol
I have developed an actual hobby, Doug bought me a camera for Christmas, a Nikon D5000 DSLR, its awesome and I love using it. I am actually reading a book and trying to learn techniques, except everytime I open the cover and start reading I get drowsy and fall asleep, its better then Ambien, it so reminds me of the boring physics class I took in college, but I am gonna force myself to learn and not just look at the pretty pictures in the book. I even joined flickr so I could post some of my photos online. I am all about attractive pictures, I like to see the world my way, pretty and colorful, I have been obsessed lately going everyday to take new pictures. I even walked around an entire pond the other day, over a mile to look for good shots, its like exercise almost, but not really since I wear heels and walk slow but hey I am outside and doing something I enjoy. I think its really keeping me sane in my insane world.
Well there you have it an update after all this time......
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This was the letter I submitted to insurance in the... on June 2, 2008 11:51 am
Diet History
During 1989 I became pregnant with my son, my weight started out at 235lbs and during my pregnancy I only gained 20lbs. My metabolism seemed to be kicked into high gear, my eating remained the same yet for the first 7 months I was losing weight not gaining. At that point I found out I had developed mild gestational diabetes. My weight and blood sugar was closely monitored. All my weight gain came in the last month of my pregnancy and was mainly water. I gave birth to a healthy 7lb 13oz son on December 19, 1989. Within a few weeks of delivery my weight was down to 205lbs. I tried breast feeding my son and after 1 agonizing month gave up. At this point my metabolism returned to normal along with my blood sugar and slowly but surely I regained the weight I had lost.
From the years between 1990 and 2003 I tried every diet that I could find, from Weight Watchers to Adkins, to Slim Fast and the grapefruit diet. My highest weight during this period was 278 when my son was in nursery school in 1993 and from there I dieted my way down to 230 and yo-yoed up and down between 230 and 250 for the next 10 years.
In the year 1999 I got divorced and after a very stressful year started to develop the symptoms related to diabetes. I had a hemaglobin a1c test done in 2000 and was found to be within the normal range. At this point I felt my heredity was catching up to me, my mother had been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was 32. I began an all out assault on losing weight and keeping diabetes at bay as long as possible. I followed my doctors recommended diet for diabetics to the letter and still managed to gain weight. Going from 240 to approximately 265 over the course of the next few years. In the spring of 2003 I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. My fears had finally been answered, I had spent years scared and dreading this eventual outcome and felt helpless to try to lose the weight to keep myself off medication. Since becoming diabetic I have gone through additional nutritional counselling and religiously check my blood sugars and walk 3-4 times a week. I want to remain healthy and complication free but even with all my efforts my weight yo-yo’s between 260lbs and 280lbs. My blood sugar hemoglobin a1c which started out at 8 is now down to a non-diabetic 5.7 with medication. But unfortunately my weight is what stands in my way of elliminating my need for medication and severe arthritis in my shoulder and hip keep me from more aggressive exercise. So I am caught between a rock and hard place when it comes to diet and exercise, my metabolism is slow to start off with and the diabetes makes it even slower and my inability to exercise short of walking makes it impossible for me to improve myself. This is how and why I am at the point of needing, wanting, desperately seeking WLS to save myself from the future complications of diabetes and the ravages of arthritis. My mother passed away shortly before I became diabetic, at the time of her death she was taking 5 shots a day and still her diabetes was out of control even with the help of the Joslin Clinic. I do not want to end my life in a wheelchair and helpless to help myself.
It's Been 3 Years..... on April 6, 2008 7:16 pm
Its amazing to me that 3 years ago yesterday my entire life changed, I had my rny and after 4 days in the hospital I came home free of diabetes medication. I am still in awe of that fact, since that day I started losing weight, its been an uphill battle to accept me. I know that sounds strange but for so many years I had given up on myself and now all of a sudden I was focusing my attention on me, how I looked and what I could now do. I learned to love clothes shopping again, boot to the knee, omg, I could never wear those before, now I have so many pair I can't keep track of. I will admit I went wild with the clothes, I wanted everything, I could shop every day. Now 3 years later, I shop occasionally and still get excited to put on a size 4 skirt and see it zip. Its like a miracle every time it happens, but its not the focus of my life anymore. Yeah life does come back, I got over myself, so to speak. I started to do other things again besides obsess about my weight loss, not that I am not still obsessed and filled with fear about re-gain, but I don't let it affect every single moment of every single day. Its been an amazing journey, one I can't even believe I was ever given the priviledge to take. Take Care Hugs Heidi | Leave a comment.
Brachioplasty/Neck Lift finally done. on January 23, 2008 3:53 am
Its been a week since my brachioplasty and neck redo and I have been doing pretty well. Last night the pain was worse then it has been in my arms and the stitches behind my ears hurt alot. I was hoping to get some of the stitches out yesterday but with Dr Pershing in surgery the resident opted to just take out the stitches under my chin and leave the rest. They hurt a great deal, they feel like they are pulling and healing tightly behind my ears. I have to make it almost another full week. I have to go into work another night this week, I went Sunday and Monday and might go tonight since I am taking William home. I need to rest and wear my compression garments. I want to do two more surgeries to remove the bra flap skin and my thighs. I am not obsessed with plastic surgery as some might think. I mean really I have had only 2 things done in the last two years. I would love to just have it done with so I didn't have to drag it out so long but that just not possible now. I am hoping maybe the bra flap skin is possible soon, and I will skip the breast lift. All remains to be seen. I just need to get through this one first. I didn't get much sleep last night and its nearly 7am as I write this, I just got very hot, my thermostadt appears to be broken internally, I get hot and cold very easily. I am going to lie down again. Until next time.
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One pound below goal on December 9, 2007 10:05 am
I am currently one pound below my all time goal of 138, which is the optimum weight for my height of 5'5. I guess I will now be lowering my goal down to 135 for the time being, but we shall see what happens from here. Its been a terrible month, my emotions have been all over the place and my ps got cancelled and rescheduled to January. I hope that next year is better than this one. I doubt I could do another year like this. I just want peace and happiness in my life and it seems that will never happen. Maybe by some miracle it will. I can only hope.
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Almost PS time again on November 12, 2007 12:04 am
Its almost time for my brachioplasty and neck revision, I found out the other day too late I could of had my surgery on November 7th but I didn't get the message until after that date. I am still sad and upset by this fact, I wish I had known, that would have been so much better then having my surgery on the 28th, for work reasons mostly but also the proximity to Christmas. I have started taking Yaz to help my PMDD and its been a diffecult month for me, I have had lots of pain from my arthritis, I don't know I can continue, I can't stand the daily pain. Its caused my tummy tuck to swell also, it feels like I do 1000 crunches a day and believe me I don't. So I am at a loss as what to try now, the anti-depressants didn't work for me either. I just can't take meds, never really could, I am sick of it all, I hate pain and I hate the fact that I have gotten so bad with the PMS symptoms. Its such a vicious cycle. I guess if you post at 3am you really don't have much good to say and I really don't. I feel sad and depressed, I have been eating badly also, something else I am scared the pills have caused is an increase in my appetite, I crave things now, which I didn't before. I am sure I have gainged weight but have avoided the scale. I eat out of depression I think, I am so not happy and eating is my friend again. I have to stop it now, I bought a bunch of protein bars today and am going to eat only them and no other crap. I didn't come all this way to get fat again. I won't weigh until after my plastics and the swelling is down, I really want to hit the 130's. It is my goal to be 138 and I really do want to make it happen. I was 140.8 last time I weighed a few weeks ago. I really do hate being in pain, its caused me to feel really bad and to stop caring about how I look and dress. I really do have to stop these pills, I honestly can't take this. Sorry this is such a downer post, I should be happy that I have come as far as I have but to have every single part of my body hurt like it did when I was 283.5 doesn't make me very happy. I woke up tonight because of the pain. This just makes me sad.
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Some thoughts to put out there.... on June 24, 2007 11:08 am
I have always been a huge supporter of OH since the day I joined and continued to do so as time allows, I have seen my share of ups and downs and drama and quite frankly have been involved in my own drama's from time to time. What really annoys me though is that this is supposed to be a support board and some of the people here seem anything but supportive, they just seem to want to fight and argue anything. I think I may try out that ignore button after all, maybe that will make the problems go away. lol I haven't updatted in a while since my weight is pretty stable around 140's, still not hit that magic 139 but I am still working on it. I am hoping to get a date for my ps in the fall to get my arms done, I have been waiting for my $$ to arrive and I got notice yesterday its on its way. Wooo Hooooo. Finally. I am hoping to have a little touch up on my droopy neck also, it really bugs me and I want to see it go. Its like a constant reminder I was MO and I am so wanting to not see that when I look into the mirror. But we shall see. My life is pretty much in flux right now, trying to work on myself, not such an easy project. I have been really trying to find myself, thats always fun. But I am feeling much better about my life since I started working on me. I can't live in an anxiety filled world dictated by fear. I need to let that go, its not easy but I know it can be done. Wishing everyone the best. Hugs Heidi
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Well its about damn time. on March 31, 2007 6:30 am
I guess I should update my blog, yeah I hate the word blog, where did it come from anyways. Journal sounds fine so who invented an ugly sounding word like blog, I keep thinking thats where they grow cranberries or something. Anyway, lets see whats been going on with me, hmmm well I am 4 months out from my plastics, and healed well, except for my neck on one side still hurts a lot, its loose too, which means for it to look good I need a revision. Something I don't know I will be able to afford anytime soon, I still want my arms done also, another out of reach thing right now. Perhaps someone else will die and leave me loads of money. No I am not wishing death on anyone but hey if it happens I will take the money and run. So what else is new, well I think I have officially gone mad. Yup stark raving looney toon mad, but that seriously won't come as much of a shock. I guess it was just a matter of time before that happened. But hey as long as I look good being nuts what difference does it make. I guess thats about it for now. I am off for some shopping therapy, it always helps.
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Plastic Surgery on November 6, 2006 5:56 am
Well I have done it, I went and had my tummy tuck and neck lift on Wednesday November 1st and lets just say it was quite the experience. I had the procedures done at the Yale University Medical Center, it is a teaching hospital and the rates are reduced because of it. But the rates might be cheaper but everything else is totally top notch. I have nothing but good things to say about my experience, from the orderlies, nurses, doctors, everyone was terrific. I started out at 7 am arriving, brought up to the pre-op area at 7:30 and then got my iv started, no I won't talk about that as it makes me wanna pass out but the doctor who did it was great, then they took me up to the marking room, not sure what you would call it but they spent quite a bit of time marking lines all over my tummy and neck to get me symmetrical and get rid of as much skin as possible. I think they took me up to the o.r. around 9:30ish but I don't recall exactly. I remember wheeling into the O.R. and talking to the nurses and anestesia doctor. The nurses commented on loving my hair colour. I got up on the table and they started making me comfortable and the anastesia guy told me he was gonna make me sleepy, I reminded him for the zillionith time that I needed the anti queasy meds in my anestesia and he promised I would get everything he had and a double dose to boot. lol lol Next thing I know I am waking up in recovery. I remember I was awake but couldnt really open my eyes. It was 6:40pm. Yup it was long, nothing went wrong just lots of nipping and tucking I guess. Poor Doug was worried sick because it was supposed to be over at 3ish and didnt end until after 6ish. But I came out of the anestesia well and was fine to leave by 9:30, the nurses were great giving me juice and water to drink. I was never queasy at all, felt pretty darn good for just having a major surgery actually. There was drama at the pharmacy for Doug trying to get my meds filled, they took forever so I had to sit in recovery an extra hour until one of the nurses phoned over there and threatened to never send another post op patient to their pharmarcy. The meds where there when we left. I got home around 11ish pm and had an uneventful night. I was given valium and vicoden and some antibiotics to take. The pain meds only last about 2 hours on me because of my malabsorption. Its not totally unbarable but it does hurt pretty bad. I had 4 drains, 2 in my head and 2 in my stomach. I got the head drains out on Friday, 2 days later, but still have a head full of stitches and staples and lots of swelling that hurts like you can't believe. An endless headache that wont go away, but my neck looks pretty good so I hope its worth it. I have been posting pics pretty much daily of my progress for anyone who wants to follow along, its looking better everyday. I go back to the doctors today and hopefully she takes out some of these dang staples but we shall see. I will write more later. Hugs heidi
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2006 As it Was on March 15, 2006 12:00 am
Today is Thursday, January 5th, 2006, the beginning of a new year has just occured and hopefully this year will be the best one yet. Its been a fun month and I was even blessed to lose another 5lbs, something that has never happened over the Christmas holiday. I am sure my loss will be low next month as I feel I am eating more, but I always tend to eat more over winter, I think its my kinship with bears, I am stocking up on fat for the long winters sleep. lol
Today is Sunday February 5th, my 10th month anniversary and my eating has been a little bit bad this month and I refused to weigh as I don't want to be disappointed I didn't make the century club yet. I am going to try to have a few good weeks and then I will weigh and hopefully I will be there by then. Hugs till next time.
This has been a very exciting month for me I finally made the Century Club on February 18th. My wonderful friend Gina from Texas helped me to get my century club card, shes such a sweetheart as are so many other wonderful people I have met through OH. Since this month was trying as well as exciting, I went to the doctor and had my labs run, I was sure I was having a kidney stone or something but turns out it was just anxiety and my doctor said I was the glowing picture of health. I have been avoiding the scale like the plague to make sure the 100lb loss sticks, but
I have lost a few more pounds! Woooo Hooooo. Till next time Hugs Heidi.
Today is my One Year Anniversay of my WLS 4/5/06, and its been an amazing year, I have gone from 283.5 to 178 which is a loss of 105.5 and I have gone from M.O. to overweight. This also means I have made my doctors goal weight for me, but I still would like to see the 140's personally so I have a ways to go. I hope to make it by my 2 year anniversary. Hugs Heidi
Today is June 18th and I haven't updatted in awhile I guess because I have been so busy. Much has changed in the last few weeks, Will went to live with his dad after a very stressfilled month of May we finally decided it was time for the move. Things seem to be going okay between Will and his dad, although its not perfect but no one expected it to be. I am taking Will to Disney World on the 4th of July, just him and me, it should be fun. I haven't been in a few years and definately not at my current weight of 170ish pounds. Some days I feel thin and some days I feel fat so we shall see how I feel after trucking around the theme
parks for a week. I have paid for my plastics which should take place in October, I need to get a date in August but I should be able to pick whatever I want, so early October it is.
Its's almost my 15 month anniversary and weight wise I am staying about the same around 170lbs. I would still love to lose a few more pounds but I don't really see it happening now, I am pretty much in maintenance. Lately eating has been very stressful, I get very anxious when I eat, like today at lunch I ate the topping off one slice of pizza and a
couple of french fries and we split a small cannoli and I was so stuffed. Yeah I know none of that was good for me, but its still odd how little I can eat now adays. I took William to the casino the other day to Big Bubba's and I got a salad with pulled pork and pulled beef and chicken.
The only thing I ate was the pulled pork and pulled beef and a little cheese, the rest I never touched. It was good but obviously I didn't get my moneys worth. On Tuesday Will and I leave for Florida and tody I decided to totally screw up my hair. I cut the bangs super short and then decided at midnight to start bleaching out the black, hmmm smart move, at 2 I bleached again. I woke up to a very sunny morning, oh wait no, that wasn't the sun it was my hair. I went and spent 5 hours at the salon to get it fixed.
Will and I went to Disney World on July 4th, we had a wonderful time, although we did have a delay of our flight in Hartford and just made the flight at Dulles but unfortunately our bags didn't. So we get to Orlando around midnight with nothing but our clothes on our back, Will was
pissed because he wanted to carry on his bag and I said why bother just check it. lol lol Oh well maybe he was right. We got out car and went to our hotel and then went to sleep around 3am. Got up the next morning and went to MGM and spent the day there, found out our bags arrived
that afternoon. It was great, the hotel was in a great location and I had no trouble sleeping and the car was fun to drive. Day 2 we went to Typhoon Lagoon, got tickets to see Pirates of the Caribbean, Will loved it. We went to Planet Hollywood for dinner. On day 3 we went to Epcot
Center, day 4 was Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom and on day 5 we went to Blizzard Beath. Day 6 we went to Universal and Islands of Adventure. I had a great time, so glad we went. I came home weighing 169 which is awesome since I have never lost weight on a vacation before. I also
got my plastic surgery date, November 1st for the tummy tuck and mini neck lift.
I just passed my 17th month anniversary and I went past my goal weight this month and now weigh in at 159. I just made goal a few weeks ago of 165 so surpassing it has been a dream come true. I am having my ps on November 1st so I am hoping to lose anything else I can before then. I want to come out of it weighing 150, which will make me normal. Woooo Hooooo. I bought a pair of size 10 jeans the other day, and they fit nicely although not loose like my 12's. But after my tt who knows. Talk to you soon, Hugs Heidi.
Today is October 2nd, nearly 18 months since my surgery and I currently weigh 156lbs. I am on my way to my pre-op plastic surgery appt today and I am scared of course, I hate blood work and alittle afraid if everything isnt okay I can't have this long awaited tummy tuck and neck lift. I am so excited to have it done yet petrified of another surgery, I
was so lucky with my gastric bypass I am really scared I am pushing my luck here. But its onward and upward. I am so excited I booked my trip to Lexington, I get to meet all my favourite people including Leilani, god I love that womyn, and rooming with Kathi aka Mom of Many. Tooter, Amy, Val, Becky Sue, Sally, Vickie, Mariella, Kathy, Natalie, Marty
just to name a few of the people I can't wait to meet. I am so excited to be going and I so look forward to finally meeting the wonderful friends I have made here on OH. This past month has been very exciting for me, I celebrated my 42 birthday in a very special way, something I have
never done before and that touched my heart so completely. I am so happy and excited and more in love then I have ever been in my life, life is good. I snapped a pic yesterday with Will, the first one taken of us together since he was a little boy. Hes nearly 5'10 and so am I with my 4.5 inch heels, but of course he still weighs 15+lbs less then I do. When I weigh less then him I will know I have arrived. Love to all.
Hugs Heidi
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Post RNY and the rest of 2005 on June 15, 2005 12:00 am
Today is Monday, April 4th, 2005 and tomorrow is the big day, and I will readily admit I am scared, not of dying, but more of my surgery being cancelled for some reason. The hospital called this morning and told me I had to arrive at 7:50am for my 9:50am procedure. I was so excited, I was hoping to get it over with in the morning so I could just be on my way to the losers bench early in the day. I had a friend at work take some official before pics, and I can say yucky yuckity yuck. What is that thing attached to my backside, who gave it a permit to park there, oh my, well it shall be sent packing soon. Speaking of packing I gotta
go finish, hmmm am I going to have surgery or a Carribean cruise? lol lol Be back on Friday. Beginning weight 283.5, day before surgery weight 271.
Hi Honey I'm home....lol It's Saturday April 9th, 2005 and I got home from the hospital yesterday. I had a pretty easy time of it in the hospital, the doctor said I did wonderfully. I walked approximately 6 miles around the nurses station during my hospital stay. Once home from the hospital I walked a mile around my neighborhood and this morning I woke up and walked 1.5 miles. Today I went to the garden center to look for the new tree I am going to plant to commemorate my surgery. Thus far the whole experience has been a positive one, although the painkiller Roxicet, gave me hallucinations so I have decided to stop taking any
meds and deal with the pain. I have been doing pretty good getting in my protein so far and really hope that drinking all this yucky stuff turns me into something incredible.
Today is Tuesday April 26th, 2005 I had my 3 week follow up appointment with Dr Aranow today, and since I have left the hospital (with iv fluid weight) I am down 23lbs. Dr Aranow said I was doing wonderfully and I have been released to eat pureed food, and go back to see him again in 2 weeks. Today I went to the casino for lunch, I got a potato with a bit of cheese and some turkey breast with gravy. I chewed and chewed everything very well, and had absolutely no problems. Its nice to eat out again with everyone without having to drink protein and not touch the
food. Bye for now.
Today is Thursday, May 5th, 2005 and it has been exactly one month since I have my RNY. I feel so good, some days I forget I even had it done. I went back to work at the beginning of this week, and other then being tired when I get home everything went really well. All my co-workers were very sweet and told me they could really notice the loss, especially since I now have a neck. Food has been going very well, I have been in the pureed/soft food stage and chew everything till its mush in my mouth. I have had no troubles so far, and am eating things like refried beans with bits of chicken, oatmeal, turkey and cheese rollups, ricotta cheese with a bit of sauce, yogurt, string cheese, cheese and turkey salad, and of course still drinking a protein shake a day. I have been pretty good about getting my water in since back to work, seems easier there. Every time I walk by the water cooler, I take a cup.
Today is Saturday May 21st, 2005 yesterday I went to see Dr Aranow and I have lost another 9lbs since my last visit. This brings the total since surgery to 27lbs and nearly 40lbs since I began my wls quest last year. Dr Aranow said I was doing great and that I didn't have to come back for another 3 months, at that time I would need to have labs drawn.
In other news, I have been landscaping my yard, and its looking pretty good. I am pleased with the work I can do myself now. Its been fun planting grass and new flowers, I am really enjoying it. Well I am off to finish my digging, till next time.
Today is Saturday June 4th, 2005 almost exactly two months since my surgery. I will be updatting my picture tomorrow to see if I can see any more loss since I don't have a scale. This has been an amazing journey so far, outside of a pulling sensation on my right side that Dr Aranow said was normal I feel great. I think the eating is going very well, now I need to work on making myself drink when I am not really thirsty. Its a bigger challenge but I will eventually be able to do it.
Good Morning today is July 5th, 2005 exactly 3 months since my surgery. I spent a few hours yesterday staining the floor of my deck, had to powerwash it and the house first but its coming out great. I can't wait to get it inished. I am really excited about making my backyard into a real paradise.
Today is August 13rd, 2005 its been 4 months since my surgery I was nearly 10lbs lighter then a few weeks ago when I stepped on the scale. That makes nearly 60lbs gone since the beginning of my wls journey. I am pretty happy with all my hard work, it seems to be paying off. Bye until next time.
Today is Tuesday September 6th, 2005 alot has happened this month, and some of it not so good. Hurricane Katrina was the worst storm I have ever seen, it changed so many lives, its unbareable to watch the news and see all the death and destruction. I only hope that I can continue to give something back to help my fellow human beings, right now I feel that there is only so little I can do, but everyday feels like there is new hope. I have hit the 70lb mark with my weight loss, it really has changed me, I am a different person now. I view the world and everyone in it totally differently, I have alot of sorrow and alot of hope, I
want to embrace each day and make the most of it. Its very overpowering some days, like my head is swimming with thoughts and emotions that are out of my control. Hugs until next time.
Today is Wednesday October 5th, 2005 and its my 6 month anniversary. I have lost alittle weight this month, I am hovering around 75lbs lost depending on the day and time of month. I need to lose about 35lbs more to make my goal but I will be happy with 100lbs lost in total. I have
been wearing basically 14-16 size at this point and a few 18's but everything else is tooooo big. Its funny when I try on my old clothes, I don't feel that much smaller but the clothes tell a different story. I have been buying new clothes, yesterday I got another new coat, its fake fur and I love it. Okay until next time, Hugs Heidi.
Today is Saturday November 5th, 2005 and it is my 7 month anniversary, I am now at exactly 80lbs less then when I started this journey. Hugs till next time...
Today is Thursday November 24th, 2005, Thanksgiving day. I have much to be grateful for this year, my renewed health, my son William, my great friends on OH and for my life being happy. I have had some tough times in the last few years, but for once I think everything is finally coming together and my life is getting better. I try to make all this adversity make me stronger, and sometimes I think it does and of course some days I want to wallow in my pity party, but when I look around and see how many struggles other people have I realize my life is pretty good. I hope I can give something back and help a few people along in their journey to good health and happiness, that would be the best gift of all.
Today is Friday Decmeber 2nd, 2005, I have taken my 8 month pictures a few days early. This past month has been incredible, I have made it to Onderland. I even took a pic of the scale to prove it to myself. I haven't weighted this little in nearly 20 years, its so exciting. I have been doing pretty well with eating, even at Thanksgiving I was good. I have had a few bites of sweets here or there but nothing
major, haven't gotten sick or overdone it on anything. Of course I would lose more if I exercised more, or at all, some days I am just so lazy others so motivated to move around. I will never be a gym rat type person, but I need to find things to keep me moving and help me continue losing. I am excited all my decorating is complete, so now I can truly
sit back and enjoy the holidays.
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2005 Before Surgery on March 15, 2005 12:00 am
Today is Sunday February 6th, 2005 and I will be going back to Dr. Aranow's office for an official weigh in this week. I met with Kim Daniels and the dietician and everything is a go, now I just have to take off the last few pounds and I should be all set. I had lost all but 3 pounds before Christmas but I decided to enjoy my holiday and not worry about losing weight. In January I was alittle torn about the surgery, I guess I was feeling sorry for myself as to why I needed surgery to get thin when others were naturally thin. But my resolve has been restored and I went on the Adkins shakes recently which are quite good, I hope to get myself clear of the last few pounds very shortly and on my way to a new me.
Today is Friday February 25th, 2005 and I went to Dr. Aranow's office this morning and have now officially shed my 10 pounds. My chart is now forwarded to Lois and I should be hearing something soon about scheduling my date. I will call on Monday morning to see how things are
progressing and when I might be looking at having my surgery. Today was a very happy day. I am hoping to continue the Adkins shakes and lose as much before surgery as possible. I started using my Gazelle every morning
and evening and I really think its helped. Bye for now.
Hello today is Sunday March 6th, 2005 and I called and spoke to Lois on Friday about my insurance submission. She said she called on the 1st and submitted my information over the phone and was given a case number. When I called the insurance company to check they said that they only do approvals with written information and they had no record of receiving anything. Now I am scared, I will have to call back and speak to Lois again on Monday to see if shes heard anything. But I so want to have this happen in April and the waiting is killing me. I am so ready to get on with my life and right now I feel like I am living in limbo. I know I am rambling on, but I had a dream last night that the insurance
approved me for the wrong surgery and I had to start the process all over again. Hopefully next time I post it will be with some good news.
Today is Tuesday March 8th, 2005 and I have spoken to Lois at Dr Aranow's office this afternoon, she said that she sent 13 pages of info off to my insurance company yesterday. She told me that she has me penciled in for surgery on the 5th of April if I get my insurance approval in
time. Of course when I called the insurance company they told me they received all my information from the doctor but they have up to 45 days to respond. Ugghhhhh I hate insurance companies. I will pray that when Lois gets back from a few days off she will hear some good news.
Obviously me calling the insurance company isn't going to get me anywhere except more anxious. Until next time.
Today is Monday March 14th, 2005 and I am going to call Lois this morning and am praying for good news from the insurance company. The stress of waiting is overwhelming, its like I feel I am in limbo not being able to make firm plans for my surgery date but yet knowing I could find out at any moment it is a go. I have no idea how long they will hold
that date for me, I might have already lost it. All I know is after reading literally hundreds of profiles on this site I can now truly understand the pain and anquish that everyone goes through waiting for approval. How did we get to the point where our insurance company decides our future and our health when we have no say and neither does our doctor. Thats pretty scary. Cross your fingers.
Its still Monday March 14th, 2005 and I have had a very exciting day, I called Dr. Aranow's office this morning and spoke to Lois and she still had not heard from the insurance company, so I decided to call myself and see what I could find out. I first spoke to a very nice lady who put me on hold to check my status, when she came back I told her I
needed to know asap to secure my April 5th surgery date. She said let me transfer you to your case manager and perhaps she can expedite my request. Once I was transferred I spoke to another very nice lady who said my surgery request was complete and very thorough and that she would give me directly to the R.N. in charge of my predetermination, I them spoke to Mary-Ann. As soon as Mary-Ann got on the phone I could hear the good news in her voice, she said she had wanted to call me personally to
give me the good news I'm APPROVED!!!!! OMG I still can't believe it, I must have been walking on air all day long. I then called Dr. Aranow's office back to report my good news and Lois said she would be in contact with the hospital and send me paperwork on exactly what I need to get
done. April 5th was the date they have pencilled in for me, so I am crossing my fingers that that is my official date. Only 3 weeks away and a million things to do. This is truly incredible, after what seemed like an eternity to finally get good news. I am so very excited.
Today is Wednesday March 15, 2005, I got a call from Lois yesterday afternoon that my surgery was scheduled for the 5th of April and that I needed to get a medical clearance from my PCP and an EKG and blood test. I have made an appointment for next Tuesday to get my medical clearance
from my PCP and then on Wednesday I have a pre-surgery class at the hosptial to go over what exactly to expect when I get there. Also next week I need to go for my EKG and blood work (yuck) but hopefully it won't be too bad. Lois said she has mailed all the paperwork to me that she
needs filled out for all of the clearances and tests. After that I wait for a call from the hospital on Monday April 4th to tell me what time my surgery is going to be. Now I only have a million things to do before my big day.
Today is Friday, March 18th, 2005 and I went this morning to get all my pre-surgery blood work done and my EKG. I went to the Middlesex Hospital lab they have in Marlborough and of course I was a tough blood stick
once again, 5 tries and 2 techs and a nurse later and they finally were able to get the blood out of my hand. Why on earth are my veins microscopic when everything else on me is supersized. lol lol Everyone there was wonderful including the sweet lady who took my insurance information. The EKG was a breeze and the same lady who drew my blood did my EKG also, she was so kind and offered so many supportive words about the surgery. She told me to come back for my post-surgery bloodwork so they can see how well I am doing. Its so good to go to a place where people
really care about their jobs and the people they have as patients. They turned what is always an unpleasant experience for me into something very positive. I left feeling very good about myself and my willingness to committ to my future health.
Today is Saturday March 19th, 2005 and in just a little over two weeks I will be on the other side. It still is so amazing and awesome to think this is really going to happen. I don't think I mentioned it before but I have cut my hair, really short, shorter then I would have liked actually, but that was just because the girl that cut it was clueless. So now when it starts falling out it will be way less mess on the floor. I guess thats a good thing, I am gonna grow it out a bit as I shrink and then hopefully once it stops falling out I will be able to get a new kewl doo. I will post some official pre-op pictures right before my surgery, so I can remember this horrible haircut and how fat I really am. Not that I really want to remember either but I think it will be fun to look back at when I look thinner and actually have hair again. lol
I can't wait for everything thats going to happen, except maybe the pain of the surgery, I could live without that....but I guess a few days of pain are worth it when it means the quality of my life will dramatically improve. I am very excited today, I go between scared and excited all the time now. But today is an excited day.
Hello today is Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005 yesterday I went to my pre-op clearance with my PCP, Dr Hylwa, and she read all my blood work and EKG and did talked to me for a long time about the surgery. She said I sounded very much ready to go and very knowledgeable about what to expect and what I want my outcome to be. Shes such a sweetheart, she said since she has a few wls patients now shes going to make the hallway of her office into a runway so we can all model how well we have done. She said hopefully once I am down to my goal weight I will be off my diabetes meds for some time to come, which is exactly what I wanted to have
happen. Dying like my mother did, taking 5 shots of insulin a day, is nothing I ever want to have as an eventuality for my life. Life is for living, which is exactly what I intend to do.....vacations, yardwork, bike riding, maybe even a hot air balloon ride. Hmmmm I guess I will have to ask my doctor if wls cures fear of heights also. lol lol Probably not but its worth a shot. My final step tonight is my pre-surgery class, then I will be ready for surgery on the 5th. Only 13 more days to go.
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2004 Continued on October 15, 2004 12:00 am
Today is Tuesday November 2nd, 2004, Election day, my son William has no school today and yet I am still awake at 6:30am. I guess its a habit now to get up this early. I have been spending more and more time on this site, even visited the chat room for the first time a few days ago.
Its so nice to chat with people who have had the surgery and who are doing well. I hope I can be one of those people also. The only thing I fear is getting into my panic mode before the surgery. I have no control when these panic attacks start, they seem to come out of no where
sometimes and last for a few weeks. I just try to talk myself down, I don't ever bother trying to take meds or anything, nothing seems to work except whatever is bothering me getting resolved.
Today is Saturday November 6th, 2004 and its just days from my consult now. I am getting alittle apprehensive that maybe this is too big a step for me to have surgery. I hated my gallbladder surgery a few years ago and I can't imagine going in there volunteerily and letting them put iv's in me. But I am hoping if I cross one hurdle at a time it won't
be so bad, that I can prove to myself that I am stronger and ready to face the challenges that lie ahead. I watched the Al Roker special last night on tv and his talk about replacing exercise with his passion for food, I hope I can make that transition. I want to begin bike riding again....I haven't ridden a bike in years and thats one of my first goals after surgery to get a bike and start riding. Bye for now.
Hello today is Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 and I had my consultation with Dr Aranow this morning. His staff was very pleasant and I felt at ease as soon as I entered the office. Once I met Dr Aranow I was very sure I had made the right decision in trusting my surgery to him. We went over the risk and benefits of the surgery and picked the procedure that was hoped would give me the best results. I could have opted for the lap band but this procedure did not feel right, I opted for the gastric bypass. I have several things I need to do before I can submit my paper work for approval, a psychological evaluation with Dr Kim Daniels
on November 30th. And a meeting with the dietician on December 9th. I have to go to 4 support meeting which I arranged to trade Saturday nights with Mondays to be able to go starting next week. I also need clearance from my PCP, Dr Hylwa, whom I need to call and make an appointment. And last and not least I need to lose 10 pounds. So I will be dieting and exercising my little heart out to get these pounds off as quick as possible. Once I get all this done, I will get approval and a date....woooo hoooooo Dr Aranow said it could take as little as 2 months,
but most likely be in 3 months. I am hoping for February when my son is off school for a week. But I will take whatever I will get. Now I have to start planning for work coverage and training and getting myself ready for my new life to begin. Yeah for me!!!
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The beginning on August 15, 2004 12:00 am
Hi my name is Heidi, and it is August 2004, and I am looking into having WLS as a last resort if my current life plan doesn't succeed. I am diabetic and have very painful arthritis and if I can lose enough to avoid surgery that would be ideal, but if not I am off to see Dr. Aranow's seminar on Sept 29th. Either way my journey to a better life begins now.
Its September 30th, 2004 and I have just got my consult date with Dr. Aranow. His seminar last night was very good, and just made me more sure that my decision to go forward with the surgery was the right one. I am scheduled for Tuesday November 9th at 8:30am for my initial consult.
I have to prepare my weight loss history and fill out all the pertinant forms to take with me. Today is the first day of the new me.
Today is Saturday October 30th, 2004 and its the day before Halloween, just a mere week before my consult with Dr. Aranow. I have completed all the paper work that I received at the seminar and have sent for my medical records from my gallbladder surgery and from the chiropractor. November 9th can't get here soon enough. I know that after that date I will have to be dieting to lose whatever amount of weight the doctor assigns me. I have eaten a few final meals, things like pizza, and chicken with honey bar b que sauce and ice cream. I am sick of food at the moment and don't really care if I ever get to eat again. We have been working in my yard this week and I want to be able to do things without feeling like I have to take a break every few minutes cuz my heart is going to explode. My goal is to be healthy and be fit, in the best shape of my life. I am gonna take this tool and run with it, use it to the
fullest. I know I can succeed I just need the opportunity to prove it. I will post again after the consult.
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