My plans for Spring Break got cancelled & I have no reason for all these club shirts anymore. My friend Bec says she has food poisoning and car trouble. I'm not sure if I believe her - but there's nothing I can do. If I knew before I would have went to Chicago with Yeun. I never been there. She's going alone. I've done things like that too - but you can't help but be worried.

Now for February. I knew February wouldn’t be a good month for me. I started at 240 on January 28th and 237 on February 4th so let us just say 239 on February 1st. So today I weighed in at 230. So I lost 9 pounds last month or 2.25 pounds per week. Where the heck was I when this happened? It was all during the first and last week in the month. I won’t complain. I thought I did a lot worse.

I'm finally prepared to give away my clothes that's about 10-12 sizes too big for me. I have them packed. I also saved my favorite outfit so I can show myself the difference of weight loss. I went pass the -125 lbs lost today.

First Monday weigh-in for a while was 229.5 but after my shower my scale changed its mind & said 228.5. So...228.5 it is *lol*

I was thinking how overweight people (especially women) tend to quarantine themselves when they think they're overweight. We think how we shouldn't "inflict" our attendances to others. I snapped out of it only after losing some weight but we deserve to enjoy life too

You know what also makes you feel good besides food? Sunlight. I was just sitting in the sun reading my German homework and it just feels so nice to have your book lit with true sunlight and feel the warmth of its rays on you.

Today - so far - is a good day. I have loads of homework I have to do before bed. Lots of painting *cry* and three different exercise in business class. But I feel good enough to do them again.

Met my councilor today. Spoke about my self-esteem. My past relationships. I'm not sure if this is what I expected. I'm telling a lot, and I like her, but I expected more...I don't know..feedback. Still, I like it.

I lost -3.5lbs this week. So far 7 pounds this month. I met my goal of -6 pounds by V-day! I'm hoping to see if I can make it even more!

If you look at my page you can see a new medium goal I added for my Spring Break before meeting with my friends.

"-136 lbs (will leave me with under one-hundred to lose) - By March 1st"

That'll require me to be at 224.5 so I'll need 9 pounds. It's not a serious goal, but it's something I'd like to work towards.

Today I went to my first kick boxing class. It was hard, and I smell now *lol* but I'm glad I made it through. God, I hate mirrors though!

I also told my friend Becca how much I lost. She was surprised I even had that much to lose on my frame. She's always been blind to my weight though. I have no idea why I said it but I trust her. I didn't tell her how much I weighed though, or how much I weighed now. I just said I'm about halfway done.

Anyways, I'm eating a bit more today to make up for my work out. I'll get it done.

Oh P.S. - That German exam I thought I would fail, well I didn't do as well in general, but I did much better than I expected. I'm really glad. I think I might give myself a low fat smoothie and just be happy.

And shower. Blah...

The first day of February, and my sweet but evil job decides to bring in Doughnuts and Bagels! Sure, kill me with kindness and carbohydrates why don’t you!? I just said I’d turn over a new leaf! I ate a bagel (1/2 breakfast, 1/2 for lunch with cream cheese), half a jelly doughnut, and a bottle of water. It’s bad in carbs of course, but this doesn’t sound like a bad day right? I mean, this must sound like a normal person’s food day. So I think I’m doing alright. Obviously I’ve been loosening my 1000 calorie a day thing. I shouldn’t, but I set new goals this month to try to counteract it.

Tonight will be BBQ chicken (with the skin taken off by your truly) and some salad.

I have to admit to good and bad days. No one wants to admit to bad ones. I want to lose 6 pounds by Valentine’s Day. Overall I want to lose 12 pounds by my birthday (Feb 21) because March 1st is Spring Break and (as long as my friends keep their promises) we’re going to see each other after like a year and a half. I want to go to Six Flags, if not once, than twice! I must buy my season pass. Not to mention, for some reason I like the sound of being in the 220s. It’ll mean I only have roughly 100 more pounds to go. (Which sounds horrible, but from where I came from, sounds great)

Dear Body,

I hate you. Mostly. I know we have a love-hate relationship, but if I could dump you for another one, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I know you hate me too, and it shows. Still, some of you is okay Let me explain.

Hair: You are a nappy headed ho. It’s to be expected because it’s the only type of hair in my bloodline, but it doesn’t stop me from hating you. If a guy ever tried to run his fingers through you, they’d probably have to be amputated. You’re expensive as hell to do, and no matter what you’ll never look good or natural. The only time I like you is when you smell like cold milk after I wash you with my favorite shampoo. Turn Asian, and then we can start rebuilding our relationship.

Ears: I love you. I pierced you guys twice and I’m finally starting to use you. I know I’m not very nice because I squeeze the back of my earrings too tight and had to re-pierce you a couple of times, but you’ve never gave me much trouble. I also blast music into you for at least…2 hours a day. You’ll probably go deaf by 40, but you’re doing a great job now! Thanks for not being too big or too pointy. I know people with that trouble.

Eyes: You’re a wonderful shape. But you’re boring. Spice it up baby! I’m tired of all those people asking me are those contacts and having to give in and tell them yes. Turn gray! Turn blue! Hell, turn red and scare some kids! Anything but this boring damn dirt colour.

Nose: I wish I could say the same for you, you overgrown bastard. You’re not long, but you’re fat. I guess that’s a common theme with me. However no matter how much I lose you’ll still be too wide with wide nostrils. If I enough money or ever get into a car accident, I’m going to slim you into size. The only benefit is that you semi-fit my face.

Mouth: You’re okay. I think you’re too plump sometimes, but you could be worse. Some guys like that. Maybe you’ll thin out as I get older.

Skin: Sure, you’re semi-clear most of the time, but I still hate you. Bleach faster. Also, tighten up! What’s the point of being thinner when I look like Jabba the Hutt with folds of disgusting skin?

Neck: Look! You’re starting to gain bones! I’m actually proud of you. The more I lose, the more you emerge. I’ve started wearing necklaces because I like you so much.

Arms: You were bad then, and you’re bad now. I can’t win with you, now can I? Now I have bloody bat wings! I’ll have to wear an arm corset unless I can get rid of some skin. Even then, you’ll have scars! I hate you unbelievably much! You’re important too!

Hands: I’m glad you’re shrinking. I know I haven’t been treating you so well, I’ll try to clean you up and file you down better when I have time. Keep getting smaller, and I might treat you with that pretty pretty pink heart Zales ring.

Breasts: You are *not* my Pride and Joy. I just figured if you were going to be stared at so much, you might as well have your own names. Don’t think you’re off the hook either. I’m 20, not 60! So what the heck have you been doing to me?! Not even Victoria can save me. If I get anywhere near enough money, I’m getting you pulled up to my damn neck! Not to mentioned even out. Sheesh.

Stomach: Okay, you’re getting better. “Props” for that. But go away faster!

Reproductive organs: Go tie yourself! Do you really want 6-10 pounds pushing on you for 9 months? Yeah, I don’t either. And become more reliable! I’m tired of guessing your timing!

Pussy Cat: I hate him too. I'm sorry. We'll work it out later.

Thighs. Catch up to the rest of us! You’re still bloody huge. Well, more huge then the rest of me.

Legs: I think you’re not long enough. If you could grow maybe one or two inches? You’re not so bad though…but I’d love to make you better and make you my shining feature. The rest of me is covered in freaking marks that I’ll never get rid of! You’re still possible to work with.

Feet: Shrink! You’re still huge! You’re ugly too, but I think all feet are ugly. If you guys could just be a 9, that’d be great. I’d have loads of wonderful shoes! I’ll never put you in heels when walking to class again. If not, well, don’t think I won't ignore you and put on my peep toe wedges.

Toes: All of you are okay, except you pinky toes. I’m crazy. Don’t think I wouldn't take a hammer to you curly freaks and beat you straight!

We can’t fix most of this, but try guys, will ya! I can’t afford ALL that plastic surgery. Don’t think I won’t try though!

Kimberly

With Photos!