ObesityHelp

If you are stuggling with substance abuse post-op, I welcome you to a group created at "In The Rooms" for those of us who are...
http://www.intherooms.com/group/view?gid=1182

Hello all,

As per the request of the founder, I am writing to provide follow up 3 years post-op.  Though this journey has been filled with a lot of ups and downs, I can tell you, I am no  longer obsessed with my weight, food, and how I look anymore.  I am no longer saddened when invited out because I surely won't find anything to wear that will look good.  I don't dread shopping, but have become quite the clothes-horse.  My quality of life in that regard has improved immensley.  I wish I could say I have turned into an exercise/running machine (like some of my counterparts - shout out to Kirsten, Kevin, & Monica), but that wouldn't be true.  I can say, however, I don't avoid walks, hikes, and outtings that would have been an overwhelming prospect in the past.

My weight has been stable for over 2 years now and I weigh in at around 139 these days.  I have a range of plus or minus 2 pounds.  Given my starting point of 285, I am thrilled with the results of the surgery.  I went from a size 22-24 to a size 8-10.  Sure, I'd love to get rid of this extra skin I carry around - to close the chapter on my past obesity for good, but that isn't an option financially.  I have seen friends transform their bodies, minds, and lives over the past three years, and love the confidence I see evolve in the process. 

This surgery doesn't come without its difficulties which leads to the age old mantra of many of us "they operated on my body, not my mind".  I caution newbies about addiction transferrance.  Talk to your doctor and be aware of obessive/excessive patterns that may develop post-op. 

Overall - I will say that I have a new peace of mind after WLS.  My confidence has increased 1000 fold.  My perception is that I am truely judged on the content of my character versus the external facade... I would not change my choice to have this surgery and hope that those of you who choose to move forward on this path find happiness, peace, and self-love in the process.  It isn't all about your appearance, we have to stop the negative self-talk we have fed ourselves for years.  Do the work and you'll be happy you did!  Love to my OH family!

You were my answer for everything –

My celebration when I was happy, my comforter when sad

My company when lonely,  my filler when empty.

I would look to you to mark every holiday, event, and family gathering as I knew you would always be there.

You were dependable, reliable, and ever present.

Then I betrayed  you. 

I altered my body so you and I could no longer connect.

Without warning – you were shunned from my life and our relationship was forever altered.

But I miss you.  What do I do now with the time, with the desire, with the need for you?

It is an ongoing battle between body and mind.

Though physically, I got what I wanted, mentally, I suffer for the loss.

I try to replace you – a futile effort that only leads to self-destruction.

Now, you are utilitarian in function.  Now, there is no joy in our meeting.  Now, you are but a tool to continue living.

How did this happen?  What have I done?

You are but fuel to keep my body alive – nothing more.

Though dysfunctional, I miss our relationship, I am saddened by the loss.

I feel like a freak in my own body – with physical signs of our previous relationship reminding me daily of what we once had.

One day I will be over this – I tell myself that everyday. 

But as the days, months, and years pass, I realize you were more to me than you should have ever been.

I was addicted to you.  I allowed you to fill the holes that existed within myself, that can only be filled through self evaluation and healing.

You are still with me – but a shadow of the one I knew.  We are no longer lovers yearning for one another, but merely acquaintances that pass on a busy city street with a polite nod.

I must let go of what we once had, and accept our new fate.

The mourning must end and I must move on.

I must look within myself for the answers and realize it was never you who  held them for me.

 

 

 It has been 2 years and 3 months since WLS and I figure (as I noticed my friends don't update often - I DO check on yall) - I should update my info.

Not much has changed since February (my last post) and I realize at some point, I am repeating the same information.  So let me just say this...

Life is good.  There are still challenges and daily frustrations with food (those things I can't have anymore) - but I am striving for a place of peace with that.  I am still in awe of what I used to eat on a daily basis and how much my life has changed in that regard.  I see obesity all around me (especially in the little ones) and wish I could tell them to avoid the pitfalls.  We are a society of eating to socialize, eating for therapy, eating to celebrate, and don't forget to get as much food as you can for your money!  The portion sizes, caloric intake, and fat content of our foods are atrocious.  At some point we have to stand up and say - Hey - are you TRYING to kill us all??? - 

Everyone hates to hear ranting or guidance from a reformist (especially one that has no choice) - but I just hate to see our kids heading down a path that has caused so many of us heart ache and self hate.  We are no more accepting of overweight people, and yet so many of us are going there... I don't expect society to be any more tolerant than we all experienced on our worst days.  So what do we do?  

For old-timers - perhaps we should shift some of our focus from our own weight-loss journey to helping prevent the need for such a drastic path for others.  I don't want our sons and daughters to have to undergo surgery to correct their weight.  I don't want them to suffer from the lack of acceptance and those who are mean-spirited among us.  It is my goal to do something to assist in a shift in our society.  One that promotes taking care of our bodies and eating for the RIGHT reasons - not as an emotional crutch or socialization.

Sorry for the small rant early in the morning...but it was nice to shift off of self and on to a larger picture.  

Over and out - 
Love you all! 

It has been 2 years since my surgery and I felt compelled to write an update for the pre-ops out there wondering what it is like after this much time.  I have to say - life is good.  I have maintained the same weight now for over a year (140) which is a total loss of 145 lbs.  I vary 2 lbs either way but generally end up back in the same spot.  I went from a size 22-24 to a size 6-8 and have learned to love shopping again - okay...I am a shop-a-holic.  Buying clothes was never so much fun.

I do have excess skin that I would love to get rid of with plastics, but to date, I haven't been able to get that done.  Big changes in life (such as a move across country) have limited my ability to do so.  Though it is hard to feel completely "new" with the signs of the old me literally "hanging" around - I cannot complain.  My current state was only a dream 2 years ago. 

I have referred a number of people to this site as I found it immensly helpful over the past 3 years as I prepared for surgery, was denied, appealed, approved, got a date, was a recent post-op up, and even until this very day. The wealth of knowledge,  as well as the support offered here, is unparallelled.  I highly recommend reading profiles and getting tapped into your local message board in addition to meeting people face-to-face when possible.  Support is a HUGE factor in one's success.  There are those days when you ask yourself - what am/was I thinking??? - but those pass by quickly when you can connect with those who fully understand.

I still eat limited amounts of food - still have to wait between eating and drinking and have not been the best with my vitamins/protien.  I must be honest, time makes one lazy in that regard - but I know it is necessary and continue to work to "get back on track" in that regard.  The diversity of my diet is lacking at times as I seem to go back to what I know works without issue.  There is still no bread, rice, pasta - however crackers work.  I am unique in that regard as I understand many can and have transitioned into these items without issue - even before their 1 year mark.  But why fight it right?  Carbs were always a difficulty for me and I don't want to get back into old habits.  I think I dumped once (NOT pleasant) - but in 2 years - I have to say that is good.  I have no issues with sugar and chocolate is still an option - not in ANY way as it used to be - but I can have some and be okay.

Many friends have been made here and I hope that everyone reading this is doing well on their journey.  It is tough at times - but so worth it. 

Best to all!
Shelley J.