The confusion lifts
The contradictions melt
We're left alone
With the one
The one is all we need
The one is the breath we breathe
The one is love

~Janet Jackson

new beginning.....when i first met her, i had NO idea we would be in this place.  we were strangers that met for ANY other reason than falling in love.  i was "dear abby" and she was "anonymously & desperately seeking advice". LOL  then began a series of events that would change LIFE as i knew it forever.  we went from strangers to penpals to acquaintances to friends to 'sista'friends to sistas to girlfriends to lovers. in that order.  it was destiny.  pure and simple.  there were no falsities, no disguises, no big talk solely for the purpose of making ourselves look good so we could conquer one another.  we gave each other the unadulturated versions of each other.  i would have never thought that she would be my ONE.  i wrote a piece MANY years ago and it wasn't until i felt her love that i knew what it really meant:

When I look at my yesterday
That was void of you,
I wonder what was my motivation to go on to today.
Then I know
It was my tomorrow that said your destiny awaits.

that now carries FULL meaning for me.  i no longer wonder.

and so to her i say.....thank you.  you STILL skillfully love me and you STILL make each day, each hour, each minute and every second new and refreshing....every moment is filled with a revitalizing newness.

so here's to you (holding up my glass...lol)

my neoteric inception.........

Haven't written in a LONG time.  A lot has happened.....some things change and some stay the same.  Well let's start with what hasn't changed;  still no surgery.  Most likely I'm not going to have it (anytime soon anyway).  What has changed;  I've lost 42 lbs on my own!  Yay me!  I had a very emotional breakup with someone who didn't deserve the type of love I bring.......(but joy cometh in the morning).......a remarkable woman is showing me what true love is and I am thankful to have her in my life.  She constantly shows me that I am the queen of her destiny.  So life is good.  Can't complain. 

update my situation..........  

well i was all set for my surgery for 5/7.  nothing else needed to be done, but my payment for my out-of-pocket expense, my pre-op visit and to show up the day of surgery.  well on monday, 4/16, i was informed in a company meeting that we were switching insurance carriers effective 5/1.  the new insurance would NOT cover WLS   

so anyway i went in a tailspin tryna come up with SOME way to have surgery before 4/30.  i contact every reputable surgeon in the area.  i finally got one who could work me into his schedule and then BCBS tells him i would have to take ALL my labs and pre-op tests over again.  they said they would work hard to approve me within 15 days.  of course i didn't have 15 days!!!!!!!!!!!  so that was a no go.

so here i am, back at square one.  i am considering self-paying, but this shit is expensive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

anyway....i made a vow to "actively" wait for the WLS instead of just sitting on my ass.    i will take one day at a time and do what i can to win the battle between the me within and the fat twin that the world knows too well.

i fight with depression over this and i refuse to give in to it.

Well I'm officially less than a month out until my rebirthday!!!!!  There are a lot of things in my head......some of which I'll write about in the days to come........