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Surgeon TestimonialHadar Spivak M.D.I absolutely love Dr. Spivak. He is very straight-forward which I love. So am I. The office staff has been consistently great. They are just as great now as they were back in 04. I do wish that I would have been told what my eating restrictions were for the night before surgery. I just happened to call and ask before I was about to treat myself to a big steak. |
Plastics Consultant on October 3, 2011 10:19 pm
So I never got to have my plastics consult in FEB. But yesterday was my day. I met with Dr. Lomonaco. I was very comfortable with my consultation. I think I spent about an hour Between talking with him and having my "before" photos taken. I feel as though my expectations have been properly set. Everything I want can be done. THhe only part I am concerned about is my arm lift. The possibility of those horrible scars almost defeats the purpose . but guess i will have to "wing it". HA! I kill me! In addition to that he would like to do the surgery in two stages. I understand the reasoning behind it and will do whatever he feels will help him to be sucessful in creating the body that I want and give me the best chance of recovery and healing.
now the hard part is going to be coming up with the 21k for my first stage of plastics. *sigh* wish me luck all.
But Dr. Lo was very complimenary of my surgery and said that I should not lose anymore weight and that everything I was trying to lose was excess skin. =( So surgery is my next goal. Pray for me.
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My 4 year bandiversary date just passed!!! on August 7, 2011 1:14 pm
It was July 18th. So it has been 4 years since I was banded. WOW wee. I want to give a little back and tell you about how I feel about my decision to have weight loss surgery.
Its still one of the best decisions I ever made. i was still able to eat most things that i shouldnt from year 2 thru 4. Now a days I am now having difficulty eating fried chicken. I know I shouldnt have been eating it but i did. At first it was fine to eat as long as it was fresh and I ate slow. Now even when I attempt to make fried chicken myself knowing its fresh i still cant keep it down so i figure whats the point. I was probably a naughty patient because I still kind of ate what I wanted to just in super small quanities. But now things simply dont feel right in my stomach anymore! I have started switching at few meals a week to straight clean eating. Like fresh fish from the fish market and fresh vegetables. I have made slight physical activity changes. I consistently park farther away when going to the mall or grocery store. I took ballet class for a few months last year.... i also too zumba for a few months this year. I cant get into the exercise kick. maybe one day i will. i have run into a few people who have had their bands for a longer time and a shorter time than mine who have not have had as good of time with the band that I have. I like to say that it was because it was because i made better decisions. but it was probably a little bit of that and a little bit of luck. lastly, i think that my expectations for this surgery were realistic based on the lifestyle that i lead.
dr spivak asked me when i went in for my consultation how i would feel if i only lost about 50 lbs. I said fine. My inital reason for weight loss surgery was not to be thin without any type of work involved. It was to gain control of something that i never had control of. now when i go through emotional turmoil i only gain maybe 10 or 15 lbs instead of 50 or 60. my band was the tool that helped me take control of my weight. its not an end all to my issues.
things i would have wanted to do differently if i had the willpower....
exercise throughout my inital weight losee and diet throughout and meet with a nutrionist. Had I done these things i would probably have less of a need for plastics.
also something that i think that we should all consider is clean eating. i am concerned about the health of america. if you know anything about me you would know that i am anything but a health freak or tree hugger. i simply think that we need to wake up to all of the health issues that we are having and really take a look at the food we are putting into our bodies. i think our government and corporations are benefitting from how unhealthy we are in certain ways. i also think its bullshit that it costs more money to eat healthy than it does to eat crap. since i have started using fresh herbs and recipes i can really feel the different in the way i feel after eating and in general. just think about it. im not all food guruish. im just throwing it out there! =)
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Plastic Surgery Consult in FEB on December 17, 2010 8:10 am
I have scheduled an appt with Dr. LoMonaco. I have an appt Feb the 11th with Dr. Lo! I am terrified and excited. I am terrified that I may go through with this plastic surgery. But I feel that it is necessary. My visit to Victoria's secret was the eye opener for me. Even though I have lost weight I still look frumpy. I can honestly say that my constant weight change is the culprit. In my teen years gaining and loosing weight didn't really effect my skin. But i guess as you get older things change. I need a tummy tuck/body lift, I would like breast augmentation as well because i also have one breast that is noticably larger than the other.. I wear a size 10/12 but the muffin top is ridiculous. Clothes that fit me in the "waist" do not fit my anywhere else since I have always carried my weight from the waist up.
Can I afford this surgery? Absolutely, not. Do I still want the surgery? Absolutely. In 2010...... looks are more important than ever thanks to tv and internet and our ability to reach people. I consider myself a realist. I know that in order to lead the kind of lifestyle and to have the kind of partner that I would like, I need to be more pleasing to the eye. I do not think that I am unattractive. I just know that the game is more cruical than ever. My desire is not to be a size 3. But to look good at the size I am now. I would like to be able to wear form fitting outfits with out skin bulging from everywhere. *shrugs* You may call me vain.... but again... I call myself a realist.
I am afraid of the recovery after the surgery but I feel as though I will regret not having the surgery now. I came to the same conclusion when I decided to have my band. My bestie rolled her eyes at me when I told her previously about my desire to have plastic surgery. I stripped naked for her two weeks ago.... and she gave her approval of my goals. lol. seeing me and then seeing me naked is two totally different things.
I am sure that I will be discouraged from the surgery since I have yet to have any children but I feel as though me not having surgery will hinder my ability to find the right parter. period.
that is all for now. good luck to you all in your endeavors to health and happiness in 2011. I intend on moving towards mine.
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I am alive on November 3, 2010 10:18 am
I am alive and well. I had a weird moment. I went to victoria's secret to get a new bra. The lady was measuring me and insisted I show her how the bra looked. After we did that , she said... "wow you have lost a lot of weight havent you?" She went on to talk about her breast implants and things. So for the first time, I was seriosuly considering having a tummy tuck and some of this skin removed. I guess i have been up and down so long that the extra skin was just a part of my unattractiveness that I was used to. So I have decided that in the next three years I would like to have a tummy tuck,and whatever other skin removal can be done without major scaring and maybe a breast lift. By the way the INCREDIBLE bra at vs is awesome. So if a bra can make me feel super good imagine what getting rid of thos excess skin could do. ha. unnecessary...maybe.... vain....maybe...worth it?? only time will tell. ha. screw it. I bet i can finally like the way my clothes fit again. lets be real. i have lost a lot of weight and dr spivak is very happy with my long term results. but this excess skin is sad. i remember being in highschool and weighing 170 and being a size 7. i weight almost 190 and am i size 12/14. we shall see
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Whats new! on July 3, 2010 3:29 pm
A bought a house. I am back into ballet class for about a month. Im going twice per week. trying to get it up to 3 times per week. I have decided to get back into ballet so i can regain my strength and flexibility.wish me luck
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Yay me on January 26, 2010 3:19 pm
So Dr spivak was very happy with my results. he said that it is always good to se a patient that has stayed on track after wls even though i didnt think i had. i am actually 5 lbs lighter than i was when i saw him last. no fill in two years and i was wtill able to loose 20lbs in the meantime but i gained 15 back. all my fault. i know how to fix it though no biggie. yay
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im going to get a fill tomorrow on January 25, 2010 9:55 pm
It has been two years since i had a fill. and i need it. between work stress, life stress, and endless drinking i have gained a little weight back. im back up to 202. but luckily i still feel good. the important thing about wls is that everyone's journey is different. i wanted to get weight loss surgery to help control my weight changes a little better. i could have had better control than now but i havent been able to make an appt. i probably shouldn't go to tomorrows appt. this past friday i was involved in a car accident with a hit and run drunk driver. but i cant keep putting off my fill. its a mist. i need to retrain my body to eat less and better.
remember wls is no quick fix. as with every thing in life... it is a work in progress. i think i am able to be more positive about this than others because i knew that i was getting a "tool" and not a cure. be sure to prepare yourself for "what if "x,y,z doesnt go like i thought it would" im pretty sure in about 6 months i will be back in my size 8 skirt in stead of busting out of my size 12.
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soooo... on October 10, 2009 11:18 pm
I ned to make an apt to see spivak. i havent been since the beginning of the year of 08. i have picked up 5 or 6 lbs in the past few months. my size 10s are very tight. and i actually busted the zipper on one. but it was a weak zipper...i know it and you can't prove otherwise. ha. i have gotten back to eating soup for lunch on most days thanks to the job being right next door to chilis which helps a lot. i could probably cut back on the alcohol. but what else would i do after work? hmmm. i have been looking for a dance class to get into. my energy levels are down. i think most of this behavior is due to work stress. stupid job. i can see the weight creeping back in my face. stupid mirror. ha. i am sure i need a fill and also i should just get my band checked out to make sure i dont have any issues. typical. i always forget to take care of my health. on a brighter note... i think that without the band i would have gained a lot more weight during this stressful period. so i am still thankful for my band just a little pissed at myself i have gained a few. but i have making a doc appt on my to do list which is still about a mile long but at least it is on my list right?
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Tired on October 1, 2009 7:34 am
I finally got that promo. Which was a little bit of a big deal.... but not too much. Im tired. now i have to figure out how long it will take me to master this position so then I can focus on my next one. my eating habits are crap right now. im drinking too much wine and margaritas. i do try to cook once per week which keeps me out of the restauants with bars at least two nights per week. i go to the movies at least once per week and see 2 to 3 movies. i need to clean my car and my apt. but on a brighter note i cleaning out my closet in june and now i can actually walk through my walk in closet. ha! its freakin awesome. now i am trying to go through all the clothes in my dresser. just figuring out most of them are too big. i need a fill really bad but simply haven't been able to afford it. stupid bills. i gotta find a roomie.
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its been 4 months..... on April 27, 2009 7:42 am
since my last blog. still working, sleeping, and tivo-ing it up. dating here and there but of course nothing too serious. i dont know how much i weigh right now. i think i have gained a little.... like maybe around 10 lbs. nothing shopping better won't cure. but i think i amjst curing lonliness with poor food choices. which is why i had surgery anyways. this way when i get sad or depressed i only gain 10 lbs instead of 50. ha.stupid summer is almost here. damned bikini season.
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Happy New Year!!!! on January 5, 2009 9:54 am
Goodbye 2008 and Hello 2009.
Let's see.... i have gained about 6 lbs thanks to new birth control and maybe the holiday season. No big deal....yet. lol. I haven't had a fill in a year and have maintained my weight very well if i do say so myself. I think another fill would be good sometime in 2009.
I have started reading more and drinking less. I use to love reading but stopped. So i promised I would start back. I have seen a lot of movies also to spend time doing something other than drinking. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Four Christmas', Twilight(loved it), Valkyrie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, Doubt, all awesome movies by the way. I saw a lot more but can;t remember.
I am still doing dating here and there. But no one has really lit my fire.
My nieces are getting old and funny as hell! love those little ladies!
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wls on November 11, 2008 6:23 am
Its been a while since i wrote about wls. heehee. but seriously, i have had a lot of friend requests lately for newbies seeking out pages of wls stories and experiences. Let me be the first to say... your surgeon and nutritionist should ban you from my page! hahahaah. i am not eating the way i should. i drink a lot of my calories from a wine bottle and eat a lot of queso and salsa and ice cream. I tend to stay away from meat all together. I havent lot any weight in over a month. I have never been the one to follow the rules with anything I have ever done in my life. I think that I have still been pretty lucky to have lost all of the weight i did.
my page is not to be modeled after. its simply to give you(and sometimes myself) a shot of reality . im have lost a lot of weight and do a lot more dating but i am lonelier than before. i drink to make myself laugh and then sleep at night. my last couple of relationships really did a number on me. not to mention i have a new part of my life to poke fun at. but like i always said... as soon as you get rid of one problem... a new one is stretching on the sidelines getting ready to come in and play center... hahahahaha. and my new center is a bitch. soooooooo ironic. lets just say i get i have something really special to share with the next special person in my life. lol.. you can take that as you want to.
i finally broke down and went to the grocery store to by yogurt instead of ice cream. that shitty part is, ice cream was just easier to buy in bulk as cvs than yogurt. i actually prefer yogurt. ha!
but on a brighter note.... i have the new implanon arm implant birth control... not that i really need it these days. ha! but its nice not to think about having to take the pill!!!!!
lets see.... i need to start takin vitamins. I found my new favorite place to shop...even though i need most of their tops in xl which they dont carry. dont worry...i already sent an email to their company's purchasing department. lol. i need to go get a fill. its been almost a year since i had one.
i have an interview tomorrow for a promo. the store is 30 miles from my house. i have decided that if i get it i am going to ask for an obscene amount of money. it will definately be a cut in my monthly commission and a shit load of gas and a whole lot more responsbility. so im gonna make sure to ask for what i want salary wise to offset the butt fuck i weill be getting financially. i figure that way, i don't necessarily refuse the position and leave myself open to places on my side of town. i am so happy here. i never should have left this side of town in the first place. i am soooo much happier here... lotf of places to drink, and by my specialty cigaretts and shop! ha
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dating on October 12, 2008 9:06 am
dating is the devil. i have decided to actively seek out a life partner. i have joined like 3 dating site and try to frequent social websites. i have met some interesting people. but nothing that clicked both ways. i am ok with that...... just lonely and horny as hell. its hard being horny and trying to make wise decisions at the same time. my weight loss is at a hault. which is cool because i can shop in places i never have before. i shop in the juniors dept for bottoms . thats awesome. still searching for my new store to shop in.
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im alive on September 21, 2008 2:06 pm
i survived hurricance ike. i was without power for 7 fucking days. it was awful. a tear feel from my eye when i drove to my apartments last night and saw the corridor lights. pretty freaking amazing. im watching my tivo and on my laptop. life is good.
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hmmmmm on September 3, 2008 12:37 pm
I bought a second dress from forever 21. i havent been in there in years. interesting stuff. I never buy complete outfits from store. my secret is to buy different pieces from different stores and put them together. usually works well. michael kors tops with jeans from target. so the date i talked about that went super well... he got mia. hmmm maybe it went to well. lmao. been out on about 3 other dates since then. noone that too much lights my fire. one goes to church 3 times a week. doesnt smoke, doesn't drink and doesnt believe in premarital sex. ha! ya i told him we werent gonna work out. lmao nice guy... but what am i gonna do? take a flask to church? yeah doubt it. ha!
i am technically on vacation. i have been slleeping , smoking, drinking, and shopping. little bit of cleaning. is it weird that i moved in april and still have boxes to unpack? i should have never thrown away that bookcase i have. ha! i have boxes of books that i have no where to put. i did buy a matching ottoman and chair for my couch. the are retailed for 550 per piece. i found it at aarons lease to own clearance center and got the set for 200. yeah!!!! that was a freaking bargain!!!!
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DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN... on August 12, 2008 7:28 pm
I had a date last wed night. Oh my God. I looked so damn good. I can say that. I looked so damn good. I bought a large dress in the juniors dept of macys. Added some flashy accessories and some killer camel colored open toed heels to show off my red toes. I looked so good the men that were out on their own dates were having trouble focusing on their own dates. hahaahahahahaha. black men, white men, and in between were all checking me out. my date followed me to smoke cigs and to the bathroom. well just say he was my escort. hahahahaha. the date went well i had a great time. and thats all that i am gonna say about that situation. ha. think as you will.
work is cool. i have joined like 50 dating sites.i am determined to get married by 2011. so i figured i better get started. i want a reason to rush home instead of working myself like a dog at work. or maybe i should just get a dog. ha.
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My weight on July 11, 2008 7:45 am
So I have kinda been posting about other shit. Sorry, newbies. Im sure that isn't helping you. If you are looking for technical, stat, keeping info, I am not the one to read. My wls was not a technical by the book experience. I will be one year out in a few days. My body is still hughly fat. My stomach,arms, and legs are still extremely flabby. But I don't care. I do not plan on having plastic surgery(ask me again in a year if im not married..hhahahahaha). Men look at me longer, and engage in conversation more , and give me their phone numbers. So I feel like my life is back to normal, I am a former skinny girl. lol. And I missed that life.
I spent the entire day this past monday at my complexes' pool with a black swimsuit and colorful sun hat sipping on wine and listening to my mp3 player. The men continued to smile even though im fat. I must say a beautiful face is always well displayed with an attractive sun hat =).
The pictures that you all can see on my page now is from feb. So I am sure I look even better now. I am wearing size 8 pants and skirts from the gap and yes there is some stretch in them. heehee.
I am sooooo happy right now. Except for one thing that I think would but too much for you all to take. hell its too much for me to take most days.lol root of my alcoholisim as of late. but what the fuck. im still happy. i still wake up every day.
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Wanna hear me bitch? on July 6, 2008 4:59 am
Some people are just completely and ridiculously retarded. And yes, this is another story about work. =)
So my store closes at 8pm. We happened to be super busy that particular day. It was about 7:45. We close at 8pm. We had 5 people walk in the store at 7:30 in addition to the other customers we were already working with.
No fucking problem. Happens all the time. Luckily, I have really great people that I work with. Everyone stayed a minimum of an hour after their shift. So we it gets to be about 8:45. One of my reps started counting down his register. ONE crazy customer (who by the way came in and asked to speak with a manager very loudly during a phone call to customer care)started trying to rally the customers. Told my representative ,"where are you going...you still have people to help." Speaking to the other customers she says, " I can't believe he is trying to leave and you haven't even been helped."
The other customer takes the bait and starts complaining about how long she has hat to wait and blah blah blah. MIND YOU.... the facts of it is... at 7:45 all but two reps are left because most idiots to back in to a store at 15min still. Again, it happens thats not my complaint. with these nut jobs.
My complaint is that they were talking so bad to my rep that he had to come and get me because he felt uncomfortable with them talking about him while he was right there. I was freaking livid.
I walked out and aske "crazy" what the problem was. She says, "well, he is trying to go home and everyone hasn't been helped yet." I inormed crazy that he was going home because his shift was over at 7pm(its 9pm by now). I continued that we only had to representatives that were scheduled to be in the store and that the other 3 were going about and beyone to assist our late coming customers and that my team goes about and beyond every day and might like to get home to see their families.
Guess what "crazy" said........ "Oh". It took everything in me to not kick her out of the store. I don't mind people getting crazy with me. Thats what I get paid for... but when they try to disrespect my team.... I get fucking pissed.
THE SHEER AUDACITY OF THIS WOMAN KILLED ME.
Remember i said she was on the phone talking loud and wanted to speak with a manager when she came in. So i talked to her. She went on and on about how she was so glad to finally talk to someone competent and how the people on the phone never know what they are talking about and how she always comes into the store to get stuff done (which i asked her if that was the case, why was she on the phone in the first place?) of course that question was never answered. She blah blahed to me about went to sit at a counter in front of like 5 customers. I let her sit. then I walked about and put her name at the bottom of the list. I got smiles from the other customers in the store. That crazy woman thought she was sneaky. Stupid broad. Then she tried to drop my bosses name in different places i guess to make her seem more important to me. ALL OF THIS SHE IS DOING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. I SWEAR SHE WAS ON SOME COKE. Luckily I have the ability to turn her ass out until i called her on "this lie" or "that lie". The woman tells me all about the phone she has researched and how she gets special pricing, and how she has a friend that works for SAMSUNG and blah blah blah. So she is about to leave when i over hear her discussing with one of my reps about the features. Of course all the research she does and the people she knows she still picked a phone that didnt have all the feature she wanted. DUMBASS broad. Shes the kind of female that makes me dislike women in general.
MORAL OF THE STORY...... If you walk into my store at 10 minutes til, talk down to my people, drop names, and try to rally the other customers. I will be forced to provide you with a mirror that shows you what a huge ass you are. The worse part about that is..... I do it so well, that when you try to complain to my supervior, the best you can come up with is , "well, I guess she didn't say anything wrong, and yes I got everything done, I guess it was just the "way" she told me. Yeah, thats how 7 year olds act. "So and so was mean to me." blah blah blah. fucking retards. You want to act like an ass, i will do my best to make you realize your the ass. And damn, Im good at that.
heehee
heros!!! on July 3, 2008 8:05 pm
is the shit! i have been watching the full seasons on "on demand". God I love on demand.
MMMMMM lets see. I put on a swimsuit for the first time in about 3 or 4 years. My sister and the girls came to town. I spent two days at Moody Gardens with them. Hell I got a tan. hahaahahah. We had sooooooo much fun. I am still fat in a swimsuit but hell, I didn't think the band would give me perfection. But it did get me back in a bathing suit. I even left Galveston to come home and get in my complexes pool.
I am driving to longview tomorrow. I can't wait to come home though. I want to enjoy the rest of my vacation in bed and tanning by the pool. hahahaahahahahahaahahahah.
Work is a bitch. I am tired of working with people. People are retarded children. I have had a couple of incidents of employees complaining that Im too mean. Not to me but a few levels up. Idiots. When my boss gets on my nerves.. I go to happy hour... tell a few "I hate my boss stories". ...n then sleep it off. Jeeze, why cant people be more like me. ha!
I still need to go get my last free fill before my anniversary. Pray for me!
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the scale says on June 18, 2008 8:12 am
175 today.
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Next month..... on June 6, 2008 8:56 pm
will be one year since my surgery. I have become my old self(before obesity),physically and socially. I am loving life. My job is paying me well enough for me to pay my bills and have fun too! Sounds silly but true. I saw my ex on tuesday. not the one im still crazy about but the one who basically left me high and dry right before surgery. it was amazing. i felt nothing. absolutely nothing. he is still him. we use to have fun. (pre-cohabitating). I would love to get back to us hanging out. but he is still acting funny. i just need him as a drinking partner so i dont have to drink alone. people love to talk to you when you are alone.i still love my short haircut. my shopping has been successful lately. now i just need to decorate my apartment, find my some dick...i mean a man, start saving a good amount of money, and look into buying a townhouse. ha. life is sooo good righ now.
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Sex and the City !!!!!! on May 30, 2008 3:25 pm
Saw it last night at 12:01 am. It was wonderful. I full emotional rollercoaster. Me , Courtney and a couple of girls from work went. We all dressed up and wore dresses and took silly pictures in front of the movie poster. And of course we had a few margaritas before we went. DUH! it was a blast. an all girls event. Watch for photos!
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last night on May 18, 2008 10:04 am
WOW. i got super duper drunk last night. i made drunk calls and everything. started out at papadeauxs ended up at the spotlight karoke bar on westheimer. holy shit!!!! i havent been there in almost 2 years. we had sooooooo much fun. i ended up finding some great clothes yesterday. a pair of juniors jeans some michael kors tops and some shoes that were only 35 dollars. and some bomb accessories.
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feeling good on May 17, 2008 2:41 pm
I love my life. I have a job. I have an apartment I love. I have my basic health. I have my nieces. and i havent really thought about the ex with the pregnant girlfriend too, too much.
I went to papadeauxs(busy seafood restaurant in houston) on a friday night. Which is amazing for me. I usually avoid busy spots like the plague. I walked in not feeling mortified at how horrible I looked and how great everyone else looked. I felt pretty good. its a new day for me.
Im watching a "sex n the city" episode. So old, carries still talking into the camera. hahahaah. I already bought our tickets. we are going may 30th to the anjelikan at 2:30 pm to have cosmos and ladies time. I can't fucking wait!!!! every preview shows a little more than the first. they are such assholes. sheesh. I am soooooooo fucking excited. sex and the city the movie!!!!!!! god is so fucking good.
I am suppose to be shopping right now for tonight. i just shipped back some crap i got on line. and when i say crap. i mean crap. yuck. but i did get a pair of nine west pumps from macys online. i have been looking for those shoes forever. score!!!!
my place is ofically a pigpen. im gonna clean it tomorrow and monday. somewhere around drinks tonight...tomorrow night and hopefully monday night. and i have a meeting to go to on tuesday ...even though im techinically on vacation. pray fo rme people.
Im still here.... on May 10, 2008 8:33 am
Im still here working like a dog. getting sexier by the day. more and more men are staring. i have been doing lots of shopping. never knew i could wear charlotte russe. I call it a teeny bopper store. Really cheap material and trendy fashions. I found 2 peairs of jeans... juniors 13's tha are falling down as we speak. I also found 2 dresses!!!!! I have been looking for a flattering dress for myself for sometime. everything was super cheap. Found some nice tops at new york and company and even went to Victoria's secret. Havent shopped there since high-school. (no questions about that last part please). hhahahah. but in all honesty... i am loving the stares i am getting from the men. i hate them... but i love them. it makes me really me really uncomfortable. i think it is really inappropriate. but at the same time I llove it. what can i say... I love the attention.... did i tell yall i have a fabulous pair of patent leather yellow pumps? fierce. but im still lonely as hell. im soooo tired of being alone. i would love to roll over and enjoy some man in the middle of the night. grrrrrrrrrr.
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i hate being a girl on April 26, 2008 8:59 pm
So I am crying my eyes out cause the love of my life is spreading the news of his girlfriends pregnancy on myspace. He is all excited and shit. Less than 2 years ago... i was crying while he drove me home from the abortion clinic. Don't mean to get so real with my OH blog I know you are expecting WLS talk but as I have said before... even though the weight is gone the drama still lives. but i have no one to talk to about it. im supposed to be downtown with my best friend celebrating her birthday but i fucking cant do it. i cant stop crying. i hate being a fucking girl. what was soooo wrong with me. this girl is literally my opposite. shes white, tiny, and artistic. thank god i stopped by the liquor store to by some wine. its gonna be a long night. be well people. and by the way... myspace is the devil. i wish i had the energy to go whore right now. yeah.... i said it.
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I am home! on April 19, 2008 8:08 pm
It's my 2nd day in my new apartment. I teared up last night on my balcony. I am feeling more at home now than I have felt in the past 2 years. I have actually unpacked two boxes already. I moved boxes with me from that last 3 moves... so this is a huge deal for me.
My apartment in goregous! I know its not a house... i am simply not ready for a house. I want to hold on to this young adult feel for a little bit longer. Its a midrise.. on the fucking 3rd floor ... so that part sucks. I need to invest in a rolling cart. It was a bitch carrying 3 bottles of wine and hair appliances this evening. ha! I have a shit load of cabinet space and granite counter space. too bad i dont cook anymore. I havent cook ed in over a year. Sometimes I miss it. My bedrooms too bright so I am gonna have to put curtains up.
I love this area. I went to the liquor store(no giggling please) and there was ghetto folk, foreigners, hicks, uppity folk, grungers, preps, .... i fucking love the mix of people. It fits me so fucking well.
And somehow I am broke. Don't know where all my money went. i suppose all the shopping and boozing i been doing did it. But i have to do something while I am celibate right? lord, I miss sex. You didnt think I was gonna post without mentioning sex did you? lol.
anywho.... i have been walking around smoking and doing laundry in the fucking nude!!! and i love it!!!!!
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prolly need a fill on April 8, 2008 8:45 am
I havent lost any weight recently. im teetering between 184 and 182. but then again i did just get my visit from aunt flow. who knows. I probably need one more fill until I am at goal. I know I should really be doing some kind of exercise but I am just not into exercising. *sigh*
I have had the blues lately cause I have this new issue to deal with. I have been dealing with it since november. Unfortunately it is one of those lifetime issues. I have to completely revamp the way I deal with people in the future. Usually, I am "spill the beans suzy" but with this..... I have no clue how to deal with this.
My ex from 5 years ago has been coming over to watch tv with me lately at night. Sounds silly but its the only companionship I have right now. Luckily, we are just friends. No, really. Just friends. I use to be in love with him. In the worst way. Now, his girlfriend moved away so hes lonely. and Im just lonely i general. Its just nice to laugh with someone.
I am moving back out on my own this month. Back to the galleria area where I have been dreaming about. I have missed that area so much. I have decided that I will refuse to move to a different location in my sales district. I am currently as the most sw location.... everything is is on the east side of houston or north side. I figure if I am goingto find a companion I am going to need to be where there is a larger group of people. Mainly, black men. ha! I am trying to be proactive about what makes me unhappy. My apartment is beautiful by the way!!! I also have decided to start monitoring my credit more closely. I figureI am old enough to start looking for a home for myself. I keep saying "when I get older, when I get older". Shit... Im older. hahahahahahah Im on the downside of my 20's.
I have so many people from highschool who are married and having babies and shit. I just feel like I am late. My mother says that, the majority of them will be divorced in about 10 or 15 years cause they are two young. I guess I can find some sanctuary in that. hhaahahahahahahah. I know im evil. but im just jealous. Me and courtney both feel like the last people we know not married. I will also be moving closer to her. yay. it sucks not having each other just 5 or 10 minutes away. Its an event for us to hang out these days.
I am off today and have decided to go shopping. I really want to buy a dress. A pretty dress that i can wear out to a club and also a pretty sun dress that i can wear with a hat. But with my upside down trianlge shape its hard to shop. I don't have the hips and thighs most women have. *sigh*.. but I figure.. it never hurts to try. maybe a miracle will happen and i will find the perfect dress.
My old boss is getting married in november. i am super excited for her. She is another beauty type. She's 5'11. prolly like 170ish. Big hips and butt(not model like). with light green eyes(shes black). SHe is one of those beautiful people who is beautiful on the inside as well. So I can't hate her.
anywho... i guess i am gonna go smoke a few cigs and fake some energy after getting to bed at 6 am and waking up at 9 30.
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fuck it on March 27, 2008 11:06 pm
so he wrote me back and said that he coulnt "not respond" to me. that he thinks about me often but cant dwell on the past. told me how special i was to him and that i was one of the best friends he had ever had. he also said he was back in town to deal with some "self" issues he was having.
and i wrote him back again giving him my number and telling him i would always be here for him. which i meant. and i am still friends today with exes like that. he hasnt tried to call yet. so... fuck it? im sad about it.. but today. im just sleepy and tired and not wanting to cry.
on a brighter note..... my lease is up may 1st. i went to my old apartment on westheimer. They dont have anything in the building i want yet... but im gonna stop a couple of places tomorrow and see whats up.
on and even BRIGHTER note. I bought 2 size 10 skirts. heehee. gut still big .. but it will always be there. its a part of me. fuck it.
im lonely... gettting thinner... missing my nieces.... thriving at work..... needing a haircut.... and fucking sleepy...... fuck it
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my letter to him. on March 15, 2008 11:54 pm
I am sharing my letter with you all because i am literally have no clue how it sounds. do i sound like a psycho? most of it references things that only he and i can understand. but i tried to write it so that if anyone else ever read it that they could only guess as to exactly what im talking about. for example he bought me a pink texas hat when we visited dallas. princes greatest hits was a present he gave me.csap is what he called courtyney. pleas give me your opinions.
I remember how we began.I remember how we played and loved.. I remember the tub, I remember the late nights… stretched out on the carpet. I sleep at night and dream of kisses on my shoulders and kisses on my neck. I found a peaceful sleep in your arms. I try to forget you.. with he, him, and they. So I wear my pink hat to hid the shame, I listen to the hits, the greatest, by prince, a little Jamaica funk, to help me forget about… they, him, and he. I remember our trip and how at peace we were. It was just you, me, and he or was it she? I secretly prayed that 3rd day to be shown the door again. And that you would say, “Baby insert name of choice here, let’s go get back in bed.”My love for you was so selfish. I just wanted you to be happy. I knew you loved me at some point. I remember it like it was yesterday. So I guess you can say ..u used to love me, but just commonly. You said I didn’t understand cause I had no passion. The truth is, I used to have a passion. Now I just dream about my passion.
Please do not respond back. Just delete it. Not sure what it sounds like or if it even flows on paper like it does in my mind. Probably sounds ridiculous because you probably don’t remember any of it. But it is, what it is. Be kind and delete this. Csap just met somebody and they are crazy in love. She keeps asking me things about you and me and comparing them to us. Hilarious huh. I guess I should break it to her that “us” was just …………. Spacefiller until you met your “HER”. I hope u have a great birthday. I am thinking of you always. But please don’t respond back. Im having a hard time forgetting your exist. And to think, I use to be able to forget about people so easily. | Leave a comment.
*sigh* on March 15, 2008 9:32 pm
I have been really missing my ex this last month or so. Not the most recent ex but the one before last. And by "ex" i do not mean most recent bedmate. Those are two different kinds of people in my book..
Anyways... I have been having these super vivid dreams about him. Not in the least sexual. But they were so vivid i woke up a couple of times crying.. just because i woke up and realized it was a dream. I miss him soooo much. we were soooo in love. when i started dating him, Courtney said something changed in me. and it did. I remember thinking about death, and no longer fearing it. I remember being tired and exhausted from work and pregnant and having the energy to go to the store and going home to make his favorite foods. i remember us stealing our time together.. we would turn off the tv, the celll phones, light candles, and get in the bath tub together and just talk and drink, or smoke cigs and just be. we would put on marvin gaye and just lay together naked on the carpet an talk about life. i remember his son and how much it made me happy to see the two of them happy together.
I know in my heart that he was troubled with himself and his direction in life. he had an artistic soul... could play multiple instruments and do lots of things musically, he knew how to tinker with different shit. he was always planning out his future. he never wanted to be famous but to be rememberd for doing something special if you can understand the difference.
i use to have lots of trouble sleeping...hell sometimes i still do. but whenever i layed with him, i was at peace. he made me comfortable. he would put a hand on my stomach and i would cringe and try to move away. but he eventually made me understand that he didnt care about my stomach. i know he loved me genuinly.but something changed in him that made him want to leave me. he never disrespected me or cheated on me that i know of. he moved away to pursue his music. and he is doing it and meeting people and doing lots more artistically. he seems to be happier. i just wish he could have been happier with me. i was crushed when he left me. i stayed in bed for weeks except going to work. i didnt even eat. i would just go to work and come home and sleep and cry and work and sleep and cry. tomorrow is his birthday. and in a few days will be the anniversary of when we lost the baby we made. i think that was the last straw. when that happened i knew it was the end of us. our baby died inside of me and we died the same day. he use to say that he was too happy with me and if he stayed with me he would just be happy with basic life and wouldnt pursue his dreams. god forbid if your happy with basic life.
but i truly believe there is still real love between us. i just found out that hes been in town... about since the time i started having the dreams. there has to be something connecting us, right? how else could my brain know that he was here.
i sent him an email . a poem really. about my thoughts , about our love, about our past. at the end i begged him not to respond and to delete it. of couse i want him to respond back that he loves me still. but i know that he is with someone else and that i am no longer his number one lady. i dont want to fuck with his head but me not telling him how i was feeling was fucking with mine.
i really hope he is happy because he deserves happiness. i just still hold on to maybe one day his happiness may include me again.
sometimes i understand about him saying he was to content. we were both too happy in our own little world. both piseces and constant dreamers.
i am now coming to terms with the fact that everyone i have had a relationship with after him has been in an attempt to forget him. and i just cant. i try really really hard but it hasnt happened for me yet.
i just pray that he still has a connection to me like i obviously do to him.
i fucking hate this feeling. i hate being helpless. how could someone who loved me so dearly move on and away from me like that? i have never been unrealistic and i know what love "actions" are like. all of his actions except leaving me were love. i cant hate him for wanting to satisfy his soul. *sigh* | Leave a comment.
my collarbone on March 14, 2008 9:47 am
I forgot it existed. I can feel it now And its visible to me in the mirror. Sounds silly but 60 lbs ago it was lost in a sea of fat. ha.
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wow... on March 7, 2008 10:04 pm
im down to 190.
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I know Im not supposed to say this but... on March 6, 2008 6:24 pm
Damn, Im getting extra sexy these days. Im a manager for a major wireless carrier and lord. I know I thought I had a mean ass walk. but I know for a fact now. every damn time i leave the office and walk across the floor i can see the heads turning though the reflections on the glass in the store. Men and women. The men are even smiling at me in front of their wives now. I havent felt those looks in so long. I catch myself giggling in the morning when i put on my 4 inch heels to go to work. Like i said,
i know im not suppose to say it. but shit! if i cant say it on my fucking oh blog where can i say it. im fucking sexy and it feels good to have my "groove back. " mmmm i love my band people.. what can i say.
speaking of wireless carriers... this is my public service announcement. at least once a month for the last 2 years i have had someone come into my store and whine about how they don't want to wait on us to order a replacement phone. They are loosing thousands of dollars by being without a phone or they are loosing lots of business by being without a phone. People... If you have to have a cell phone working at all times... add a 2nd phone to your account for about $10 a month as a backup handset. Loosing thousands of dollars or paying an extra 120 bucks a year.... mmmmm... sounds retarded doesn't it. Don't get me wrong. My cell is my life! but i have a 2nd line and a backup handset in case i need it. So when your crying that your loosing thousands of dollars per day or even hundreds and you dont have the common sense to have a second line... your a retard. and i have no sympathy for you. it simply makes no sense. the sad thing is.. i have run into about 5 customers who have a 2nd line. Those people.... look great, de-stressed, and they are always pleasant. thats because they have enough common sense to have a back up plan for the "most important thing in their life". sheesh. dont be a victim... be proactive.
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a size what???? on March 5, 2008 7:09 am
12. I bought two pairs of size 12's at the Gap yesterday. Jeans and a pair of slacks.
No joke, I havent worn a 12 since probably high school. Granted, Ive got a bit of a muffin top but I cant help that. I carry , my weight on top so until I loose some more weight it will be there. its not too too bad. But if anyone knows a great pair of jeans for an upside down triangle shape please let me know. My lower half is the first to loose the weight and my upper half is the last. My waist unfortunately is bigger than my hips and butt but not bigger than my breasts. Sheesh. | Leave a comment.
So I am butt nekid........ on March 4, 2008 10:36 am
standing in front of the mirror. My body is looking more familiar everyday. My hips and butt are no longer completely covered by fat stomach rolls. Dont get me wrong... the rolls are still there but barely anymore. My legs have their definition back. I can see muscle definition in my thighs and calves again. Watch out Halle! Here comes natalie. hahahahahhaah totally kidding. But I am loving the changes I am seeing in my body. Now just if someone else could love the changes. ha!
Happy Birthday to me!!! on March 2, 2008 4:54 pm
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 26 years old. Last year this time. I had just switched jobs and was miserably fat and uncomfortable. I always forget my birthday is coming cause there is only like 12 days in Feburary.
I just started work at a new location. One of the busiest in the city. Im stepping into replace a friend of mine who got a promo. I will be replacing her for a couple of months until I get my promotion. The team there has responded well to me so far. I like to say its because im as knowledgable and capable as I am beautiful. ha! Just kidding...kinda. Most members of management are usually men. Rarely, are they black, female, wear heels like a runway model, and young. HA! My friend did a great job at this store so it will be a challenge to stand out on my own. but i will do my best to find a way.
FYI ...bodywise... its my tom but not really. it shouldnt be for another week and this has been going on for over a week. Im assuming it has to do with me loosing almost 10lbs in a month. *shrugs*
and damn.. all this shit going on with my job and im lonely as shit. bastard men. ha!
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Band Buds on February 27, 2008 9:11 pm
http://z7.invisionfree.com/Band_Buds/
This is a great site for Banders. Friendly and not any of the angry catty posting that we sometimes run into on OH. I love both sites. Try it out and see.
I am 194 as of today
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I am re-thinking my goal weight on February 27, 2008 9:36 am
I am less than 30lbs away. Dont ask me why I am rethinking. I just am not sure if 30 lbs is going to get me to where i want to be. But with that said, maybe if my fat ass would exercise i would get the look i was looking for. my lazy butt. ha!
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Michael Jackson on February 25, 2008 7:24 pm
And no, im no gonna talk about what most of us think about when we hear his name anymore. I bought this Jackson 5 hits cd before my trip. Many songs were not the usual ABC Rockin Robin that are so well known. Now, when i listen to music, t try to hear more than the melody. Im listening to all the background music and sounds trying to figure out the sounds and im listening to the ways the singer use their voice.
Michael Jackson was an amazing singer. The things he was able to do with his voice at his age. The sheer control he had. Whether he was self taught or taught by whoever. He had a real gift for delivering. The boy was so talented. One song in particular.. I think it was called I Wanna Be Where You Are... made me tear up. I know I sound insane but to hear the talent that he had as a boy and to think about how he has turned into a pop culture joke almost was soooo upsetting to me. Makes you wonder what happened in his life or what went wrong. Why are the geniuses always fucking nuts and socially outcasted. HMMMM..... I have been called fucking nuts on a number of occasions... guess i just have to wait on the genius part to kick in. HA!
But seriously, the boy was one of a kind.
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im home!!! on February 25, 2008 12:13 am
Im home!!!! but i miss my girls already. eve if they do tire me out 
SHITBALLS on February 23, 2008 8:28 pm
I got all sick and shit yesterday.. My fever was so high last night i woke up and my hair was all curly like i had take a shower and not straightened it. My BROTHERINLAW took pity on me and took care of the girls today. I was in and out of sleep all day long. my body is all achy and i tire easily. I just had my nyquil and i get to drive home tomorrow! YAYYYYYYY. I miss my bed and my tivo. Thats all i am going to do tomorrow and monday.
P.S. I am offically 196 lbs!!!!!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN. ha .. and i dont even do church.lol Im sure that statment will piss some one you off but it really wasnt meant to. I simply dont do church.
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To all Pre-Ops.... on February 20, 2008 8:35 am
I remember the desperation I was feeling in the months before I made the decision to have wls. I felt like I was at the end of the road. I didnt want to see family and friends so they could give me that look of sympathy or the ever famous"I don't think you need wls". Its a scary thought to decide to have wls... its even scarier to follow through with it and know that people are watching to see IF you fail.
What I want to say is that NOTHING is forever and bliss is short lived. For every happiness and every obstacle we defeat there is another around the corner. Ond day you might wake up to some life altering news and this is after you have gotten down to your goal size of 6. Maybe you find out your HIV positive. Maybe you will be sitting in the doctors office looking at a woman who is your "BEFORE SIZE." Will you be wishing you could trade her obesity for your HIV status?
Our battle with obesity is just another obstacle for us to defeat or be defeated by.
"So Natalie, What the hell are you trying to say?"
Well folks, Im just saying....shit happens. Nothing is everything.And it could always be worse. Everyday is another day we have here on this earth. So lets enjoy it the best we can and work the hardest we can.
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mmmm kids are tiring on February 20, 2008 7:12 am
I have been soooooo exhausted with these kids. I have been having trouble eating at well. I know its because i am eating tooooo fast trying to get stuff done on "their time". Thank god they are cute! HA. I miss my store people though and I miss my bed. but i wouldnt trade this time with them for anything. even if they are bad sometimes. ha. and I am under 200lbs since i got here i think. My sisters scale says i am at 198. but I will use my scale when i get home to verify.
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UN FUCKING BELIEVEABLE on February 13, 2008 8:14 pm
OK. As some of you may have read.... I am in Longview taking care of my two nieces. Olivia is 3 and Isabella is about 18 months old. I am here because my sister gave birth to be newest niece. Her name as of now is (shewhohasnoname). HA! Her parents are trying to agree on a name. An american name and a nigeria name because her dad is NIgerian. Sheesh. Two different nationalities to choose from... I would be stumpted too.
Anywho... So I took the girls to go see their mom is the hospital. She always has C-sections due to some uterine? issues. And my brother in law is a doc who is always on call. So i am here for two weeks and then my mother will be here for two weeks when I leave. I am exhusted just taking care of Olivia and Bella. I cant imagine what it is going to be like for my sis when we leave.
Back to the unfuckingbelieveable part.... So I pull into the drive way and get out to open the garage. The car has the built in remote but their garage door currently needs(a lift) to lift when opening the door. I get out and leave the car running cause its cold, open the garage, try to get back in only to find out the car has automatically locked itself with MY GIRLS inside!!!! My cell phone is in there by the way. Oh and did I mention that their home has an entrance gate whos remote is also built into the car??? mmm yeah. UNFUCKINGBELIEVEABLE. So I am yelling at OLIVIA to unbuckle herself. Poor thing. I stressed her out and she started crying a little. I felt sooooo awful. So then I walked around to all the doors and of course the only time they are all locked. And then Im about to break a loose door until i remember my sisters words when she gave me the car keys,"yeah bella lost the spare i need to get one made." sheesh! so here i am crying, walking around in the cold.... looking for something to break the car window with. Couldnt find anything. But then I remembered that you can call 911 for stuff like that. SO being that I dont have a celly, I squeezed myself in between the iron gate and the wall and ran to the neighbors house and banged on the door. Thank the lord the neighbors were super nice and not terrified by the crying black woman at the door. I called 911 and the cops and the firedepartment came.
By the time the girls got out, all olivia had to say was," Aunt Madally, Im so hungry." and Bella was sound alseep pissed cause I work her up. The officers were soooo nice. One grabbed my diaper bag and purse, the other got Olivia out and walked her to the door, while i carried bella.
I was a mess. I was so horrified that I did that. Im just sooo thankful the girls kept their cool better than their auntie did.
I didnt dare call my sister or brotherinlaw. Thank god he didnt come home early from the hospital because I think the cop car and fire truck would have been enough to send him into cardiac arrest. They live on a hidden street so it would have ONLY been for their house.
The sad thing is. Had I not has my wls I would not have been able to fit through the gate. God, allah, whoever she is .... is soooooo good.
I think I am gonna go buy the neighbors some cupcakes.
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Oye Vay? on January 31, 2008 10:17 am
I dont know.... I am feeling lonely, bored, kinda of depressed. Ihaven't gotten laid in a while so that used to be my substitution for love and companionship. My most recent sexual partner got caught in a lie a big one. And I unfortunately put my foot down on lies. If I can't trust you then my desire to fuck you dies. I can't help it. Its just me. I have been drinking a lot more since then to help me go to sleep at night instead of the sex. but not so much sine this last fill. I dont have room for alcohol...only the important shit like protein and water. ha! serves me right.
But I am leaving on the 10th to go see my girls so I am sure that will fill much of my void. they are soooo much fun to play with and to watch them grow and change before my eyes is so rewarding. cheesy, but true
NSV...... All of my winter coats that I havent been able to wear in almost 3 years are now almost too big for me. Its fucking amazing. I guess I never really understood how big I had gotten these last couple of years. Also I have this pair of sweat pants I bought back in 02 that have always "fit me". the drawstring has been knotted since 02 but the always "fit" me. now the are literally falling off my butt. I had to switch pants last night when my roomie had friends over.. yeah it was kinda embarassing like that. they fell. in front of them. ha! HIL-arious.
But I really miss having someone to sleep with and play with under the covers. I have never considered myself a needy woman. I have always been able to find different ways to satisfy those silly needs. I just think without food and without the stomach capacity to drink that I am running out of options ya know.
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I love my gyno..... on January 29, 2008 3:31 pm
For no particular reason other than she is thorough, quick, and gentle all at the same time. If you are in the houston area go see her...
www.barbarafogielmd.com
Restriction???Ohhhhhh now I remember. on January 26, 2008 8:47 am
mmmm yeah. apparently i forgot what restriction was. my fill is working wonders people. i had a few mishaps this morning and last night with food.
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23lbs gone since september on January 24, 2008 2:18 pm
went to spivaks office for a little fill and i have lost 23 lbs since sept. cool beans huh!!! life is good.
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17lbs gone since NOVEMBER on January 22, 2008 4:42 pm
I know it may not seem like a lot to most of you but it is a huge deal for me. I dont think i have had a fill since october. This is through the holidays people and under a tremendous amount of stress. my band is doing everything I wanted it to do. i was not looking for a miracle drop 100lbs in 6 months. I was looking for something to help keep me strong during these tough times. i think i have found it. i still eat a lot of what i want just in smaller portions. I had surgery 6 months ago. i am feeling so good about myband. my clothes are still falling off.
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MY! how time flies! on January 13, 2008 6:09 pm
Just a quick update. My boss quit so it is just me running my store. which actually looks good for me because I have been holding down the fort very well. Although I am clocking more than 50 hours a week to do it. So I am extra tired and grumpy right now.I havent gotten laid in a few weeks. As I have said before, I am not a happy camper when I am not getting any.
My new living situation is great.I have a huge room and huge bathroom and huge closet. what else "huge" could a girl ask for?  My roommate is a storemanager so we both work superhard except he has too much company. mainly one friend of his who is pretty much like a stray dog. My roomie is a great GREAT person. But he tries to do too much for people who don't deserve it. he literally gives the sun and the moon to people who do simple things for him. Im a great friend too but you have to learn whos your friend and those who are taking advantage. but anywho...my blog not his...right? hahahaha...i have NO life right now. what can I say.
My weight loss is fine. just need to get in for my appt. I havent been since october. and feb i have to go to longview for my 3rd niece to be born. im gonna take care of my other 2 girls while my sis is getting acquainted with her new girl. I can't wait to be away from my store and playing with my girls...they are the most fun! they exhaust me but they make my heart sing. its sooooo fun watching them grow and change. and listening to the oldest try to say my name is the best. it comes out like"aunt madally" I love it!!!! 
GAS!!!!! on December 27, 2007 8:43 pm
Just wanted to stick this little note in for those researching and wanting to know how the body changes after wls... I have NEVER been so gas-y in my life. I belch and fart more often. The shit actually hurts my stomach if it isnt released in a timely manner. So Watch Out for the gas people!
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HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS!!! on December 25, 2007 10:57 am
I hope everyone is having a great day! I am not a big Christmas person...I really think Christmas is for kids... I absolutely hate the way Christmas is ll about the excess of gifts and presents. I think that is fun for the kids but it added unnecessary stress to my life. the last thing i need is another reson to spend money. my ideal christmas is rest and relaxation with the one i love. but no one to love this chistmas. i am spending christmas like i usually do... home alone sleeping and watching tv... which is alll i wanna do.... except maybe prove to someone what i naught girl i can really be.ha!
I am going to finish packing up my clothes today and tomorrow. i havent unpacked any of my boxes i just need to get my clothes together. I will be able to celebrate new years eve in my new apartment. i cant wait... but the sucky thing is.... i have 3 dates potentionally... the most recent ex..... the new dick... and an oldy but goody friend. I usually spend my new years eve with a "sure good thing". I like to start the new year on the good foot if you know what I mean. ha.
i am so thankfully for my band and my return back to my old life... my job had a christmas party and it was one of the first time in a couple of months that everyone has seen me in non-work clothes... my male coworkers were giving me nice compliments all night at dinner..... then after a few drinks I was getting "those looks" from them. I just enjoyed the appreciation for the return to the "old me". It felt super good. and did I say I looked hella good. .. cause I did. fabulous boots and an A-line skirt..
but i am feeling like a nap so i will talk to you guys later!
WOW on December 22, 2007 8:58 am
So I went shopping earlier this week. I bought a nice jean tommy hilifiger skirt for 13.99... it was one of macys red apple sales with an extra 85% off bullshhit.... the price isnt the but the price isnt the big deal .... but the size was.... it was a 12 people!!!!! a fucking size 12... on my fat ass! hahaha... granted it had stretch in it.... but fuck it.... its a 12. *doing my happy dance*
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Right around the corner..... on December 18, 2007 9:27 am
Christmas is right around the corner and wow time has flown..... I just wanted to stop and and give everyone a little update on me. I havent been to get a fill since october but my scale is still dropping.
I clocked 50 hours last week at work. Damned holidays.
And I love my band. I have been very nervous to get on a scale since I havent had a fill in two months. but wow... its still moving in the right direction.. maybe not as fast as i would like... but B.M.B.... that means before my band..... during stressful times like this.... i would be slowly gaining weight. and before I could realize it I would have to get out my fat clothes or buy new ones cause last years fat clothes dont fit anymore.
I will be moving into an apartment dec 30! I am taking over the lease of a friend who isn't getting along with their roommate.. I have known both of them since 02 I believe.. I worked with one of them at Verizon and now the other at Sprint. ONe got a dog and that just isnt flying for them. So i am thankful..gets me out of galveston and total monthly bills are 700.... i was looking to pay about 750 for my rent when I moved out in feb so this is better. and their lease is up in july... so this isnt a permanant situation. And it is a beautiful apartment. huge....nice carpet.. huge garden tubs and vanity so i can chi my hair to perfection every day.ahahahahahha... and close to my store.
NSV... i am going to get my favorite skirt Christmas ready... let me elaborate..heeeheeeheee.... the last time I wore it was probably new years last year.... my ex's favorite skirt. I have always looked great in skirts.. I have nice long legs and you know I love my heels. Needless to say he and I were out at a club and and I danced with him and he umm tore my skirt... and thats all I will say about that... and he tore it with his hands on accident your dirty minded people you....heehee. so I am going to get it sewed.....why do i love this skirt? I dont know. its just me...black , tight , with a little slit in the back and beltloops cause i like to mix a little class with my sass and wear a long overcoat over it... always get compliments when I do that. heehee.
The most important thing is that it fits me again... I am not asking for perfection... cause i wasnt born that way... im just looking for "ok with myself".. you know where i have those days when i say ..."damn, you looking good." or the days when i say .... " i may look like hell but at least im pretty and healthy."
so.... with that said.... let me take my fine ass to work.... so i can keep paying for my fine ass band! hahahahahaha
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My first holiday season with my band! on November 24, 2007 10:46 pm
well go fucking figure... I had been fighting sickness all week. I wake up thanksgiving day.... with a fever. I was sooo pissed. So I literally could only stay awake like 2 hours at a time. I spent most of the day sleeping just trying to find some energy. I had maybe a spoonful of dressing.
The day after.. a whole other story. lol. We had a bosten market feast at work. I piled my plate high. Something I still do. My coworkers just laugh at me cause i never eat a 3rd of the plate anymore. But I attemtped to eat some white meat chicken and had an episode in the bathroom. Yep.. came right up...
Then later at home I was just plain ole eating too fast and had another episode..
What can I say... I love holiday feasts.... I almost feel as if an era has ended for me. I know I am not supposed to be missing my food and I am suppose to lie to you and say every day is easy as pie...heh pie. But damnit... its not easy every day... Food has been my best friend for a long time. Its hard. but do-able. cause now... i just cant eat like i used to.. as much as I want to. *sigh* .... would it be obnoxious for me to ask for an unfill for Christmas?
OHHHHHH I forgot to tell you guys!!!! This past weekend was my coworkers birthday. And I went out to a club for the first time in over a year. I went to the gap bought a new pair of pants and a skirt both size 14 thank you!! I haven't been able to shop in the gap in almost 2 years. I always feel stupid walking into a store that sells a size ZERO. Needles to say...we all had a blast. Sunday we went to brunch at La Strada's which is Latin for "basically the same shit you did saturday night but during decent peoples church going hours" hahahahahah. My girlfriend had a blast and she was really the life of the party. I will post pics as soon as I get them. Well the NSV for me was shopping at the gap and all the wandering eyes that kept following me at both places. Hell, I never forgot I was a cutie, but I think some people did. lol. assholes.
In case you are wondering about my sex life.... I still have one... still with the fabulous lay from previous posts.. just not as frequent as I would like thanks to working in retail and this stupid flu... why did i get a flu shot again? sheesh.
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Soul Searching on November 11, 2007 9:48 pm
I am using this post to help bring me back to reality about what is important to me. I got this band a few short months ago. My inital weight loss was great. But i have noticed the scale a little slower to move now. I was given a very simple wake up call by a perfect stranger.
I went to waffle house a few days ago... early morning around 7. And this big burley guy went to pay his check. He was having small talk with a waitress that commented that he didnt sit to eat long. He told her it was because he had had gastric bypass. I was feeling extra friendly that morning after enjoying a morning romp with the new lover(see below posts). I volunteered that I had been recently banded. The guy look at me and said great... just don't forget not to eat and drink.
When I tell you his words hit me like a ton of bricks.... try 2 tons. ha! I could hear Spivak in my head telling me... don't eat and drink. Which makes perfect sense. He said it would strech my pouch... which is probably why even though I have been having regular fills, i wasnt noticing the same weight loss. der! so I have stopped eating and drinking. I feel full a lot faster.
So I say this to hopefully, give to someone else, what the big burley guy at waffle house gave me. A swift kick in the ass. ha!
And with all of this said... I have gotten back on "the pill"... So that could have a lot to do with the scale as well.... and my eating habits.
What is going on? on November 5, 2007 8:15 pm
Eating- I am eating more than I should be at this point I feel. I am going to request to see Dr.Spivak personally this month. Don't get me wrong.... I am not throwing back double quarter pounders anymore. But I am not just sticking to soups anymore. And my stressful workload hasn't given me a lot of time to grocery shop. But people keep telling me I am looking smaller everyday. So... *shrugs*
On a much brighter note, I told you guys last post about a new gentlemen friend. I have never experienced intimacy like this with someone so "new". Its like the man can read my brain. And I am not an easy person to read. I have confused the shit out of people all of my life. I am a genius at manipulating people into thinking what I want them to think. (wow did i really just say that out loud). And I feel like I can read his brain. We make love for hours. I feel like we were made for each other. I am not foolish enough to believe in forever...... but I will savor this "here and now" as long as I can.He is dedicated to learning me and I am dedicated to learning him. He knows whats in my heart without me having to tell him. He knows things about me that I have never shared with another person before. I guess that isn't what makes him to special.... but what he will do with this "knowledge" of me is the thing I long to see. Will he appreciate the "Beautifully Fucked Up" me? He has been trying to get me to use my "words" instead of my body to communicate with him. And for him.... I will try
My 3rd fill on October 29, 2007 10:49 pm
I went to Spivaks office on this past Tuesday. According to the doctors records I have lost 11.5 lbs since my August visit which is probably pretty good. I for some reason want 10lbs to fall off of me per month.
I was pretty disappointed... The same fill nurse that I had last time filled me again. (ARGHHHHH). To refresh your memory... I didn't care for her because she seemed to think that I didn't need a fill and I was loosing fine and she didnt want to do floro cause "I am in my child bearing years and I don't need unnecessary exposure to radiation or whatever."
Same damned scenario.... this time.."I don't think you need a fill.... you have been loosin fine." blah blah blah.
I mean I know she is a nurse who has done her job for a long time. I know she is also banded. But I also know when my stomach is allowing me to eat more than I am used to. Maybe my loosing has to do with me making really tough but good decisions. Maybe im about to try and eat everything in sight... and would like to have the secuity that the band that I PAID FOR... wont allow me to eat any longer. If I could do this shit, on my own.... I would never have gotten the band. Right? I mean ... am I the fucking IDIOT that spent 13000 so that someone could tell me not to maximize of my free fills for the first fill. | Leave a comment.
Wow. Tomorrow is ...... on October 17, 2007 6:31 pm
My 3Month Bandiversary!!!!! I haven't gotten on a scale since my last fill. Life has been super hectic. I have been having a lot of fun lately. Or at least trying to. I had some Amazing sex this past weekend. The gentleman and I super duper hit it off. Our grooves were the same, our stamina was the same.... we were both extremely attracted to one another. Yeah we have met up 3 times since last Saturday. FABULOUS SEX! FABULOUS SEX! FABULOUS SEX! It was just amazing.... and if you have read my blog.... I have been looking for it. lol.
Lets see.... what am I eating..... Today I had a few chicken wings from Wing Stop... they were super good. I have been drinking a lot of the Lipton Green Tea(Diet) and the little crytsal light "to go" packets. I am also still eating soup from chili's. Me and fast food hamburgers don't do too well. Which use to be an everyday thing for me. Now if I have to eat one I throw away the bread and just much on the meat and cheese.
I need to schedule a fill but my work has been super crazy and the holidays are going to make it a lot worse =( But I will be getting a promotion and a raise this next month. Its the promo I have been expecting since I came back to work for my company... So pretty much I already do the job .... my pay will just now reflect it... and I will no longer have a personal quota. That will be great... cause both of the other members of my mangement have been on vacation this month.... so my sales goals have been in the toliet for myself.
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Sex and the City....... on October 6, 2007 1:26 pm
Still makes my cry... Courtney and I use to put tgether our DVD seasons and get a half gallon of ice cream, 4 packs of cigarettes, and 2 bottles of wine and just ball. The last seson was just super moving for me. To see all of their dreams come to be and to see all of their realities become their living dreams. I feel like I am a combination of all 4 girls... I'm painfully sarcastic like Carrie, completely self indulgent like Samantha, cynical like Miranda, all lined with a "belief in shit working out" like Charlotte.
I am super behind on school. I will be reading all day today and tomorrow. Courtney wants to come visit me in galveston but the last thing i need is another reason not to do school work.
BTW... i got laid last sunday..... could have ben better... could have been worse. *shrugs*.. definately fun while it lasted.
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NSV- Non Scale Victory on September 29, 2007 9:30 am
OK people... Remember those size 14 jeans that were super duper tight??? No longer. Fresh out of the dryer, they are just slightly snug.... and a great fucking fit *slapping my own ass* ... heehee.
And I have been drinking a little more than usual. . I mean probably like two or 3 drinks 3 times this week. Im just lonely. I need to get laid again. OF course it doesnt cure the lonliness... but it gets me through the night. Which is all i really need right now.
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Olivias BDAy on September 22, 2007 7:56 am
Yesterday was my Olivias 3rd birthday! She is such a little grown up. Olivia is my oldest niece. Isabella just turned 1.... and they have a little sister that is due on my birthday... March 3rd. I have always missed her birthdays for one reason or another. I missed her birth because of work. I actually had taken off a few days and flown to dallas so I could be with my sister. Then her docs pushed back her c-section. and i had to return to work. her first birthday I had to work and her second birthday was the last hurricane in houston. I was on my way to my sisters house in longview but mother asked me to go to sisters house in dallas in case any friends of family wanted to get out of houston. of course no one ever made it out of conroe and i stayed at that big house all by myself while they got to celebrate olivias 2nd birthday. damn ... that was whine-y wasn't it. heehee.
I actually started crying yesterday watching her play with friends. it is just amazing. 4 years ago my sister was crying thinking she would never be able to have any babies.. now she has 2.. and one on the way. The "powers that be" have a sick sense of humor dont they?
She is suck a great wife and mom. I am super jealous. I would love to have my own little family right now. But only if my husbands a doctor like hers.lol i dont think i could work and be a mom. I would also love to be pregnant again. I remember it being such a good feeling.
NSV.... I wore some size 14 tommy hilfiger jeans i havent worn for a year and like 6 months. they honestly were super night but hell. i got them on is the important part. I am well on my way.
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Offically 2 months!!!! on September 18, 2007 2:00 pm
Today is my two month bandiversary. Nurse said I was 5.5 lbs down from August 21st. People I was honestly expecting to gain ten. I was just eating too much bad stuff.And drinking too much bad stuff. Lots of wine the last month. Peer pressure is a bitch! HEEHEE. Oddly enough, she aid none of my fill was gone. all of the original 2.5 was still there. not sure what that means. I got the impression she didn't think I needed a fil. Not sure if it was cause of the steady weight loss or the saline or what? She wasnt going to do the barium after the fill. But she asked me to drink water and asked me how it felt. I told her I felt normal. So she said maybe we should do barium. So we did and it flew right down my stomach... she said ok... maybe you need a little more. so I am about 4 ccs right now. I am just so happy I lost anything. I was just praying I didnt gain. BTW... aunt flo is freakin back. the bitch is stalking me. ha!
I travel to Longview tomorrow to see my girls and my sister and her husband. I can't wait. Olivia is turning 3 years old on Friday. It will be the first birthday I get to spend with her. They are all traveling to Nigeria to visit my brother-in-laws family on the 28th. My sister is preggo again to so lord knows how this trip will go. heehee. Shes an internet junkie like me.
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maybe... on September 13, 2007 8:47 am
Maybe my escalated eating has to do with me being lonely. It usually has been in the past. I have been eating a lot lately. I dont know why I am feeling so lonely all of a sudden.
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my band on September 8, 2007 9:01 am
I wanted to share with everyone how I am feeling right now. I love my band. the portions of food I eat compared to preop is unbelieveable. I have not moved on the scale in the last few weeks. but i do not want that to discourage any pre-wls candidates. i know a lot of you read our blogs and posts. just as I did and I continue to do. it is almost a patience game with the band I feel. Most bypassers loose a lot faster. I am in no rush....well maybe a llittle..... heehee. but i just have to keep on trucking. can't wait for my next fill on the 18th of this month. that will be my offical 2 month bandiversary. i love that i no longer eat until i am ready for sleep. i love that i can wear my clothes that i havent worn in a year. its amazing that i could never recognize that i gained over 20 lbs in a year last year. that is what happens. life happens and i never realize the physical toll it takes on me. my band well help me to find my serenity even when everything around me is crazy. my band is my new best friend. to think.... i have only lost 20lbs and im already having ephipanies.ha! love you guys and thanks for reading!
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quick update. on September 6, 2007 8:30 pm
ok people. so I have been really discouraged lately cause I havent really lost any weight these last two weeks or so. i posted my concerns on the board and i got nice responses telling me to relax.... and that i was probably loosing inches that i just cant see on the scale right now... I am thinking it is probably true. my pants are still a lot bigger than they were 3 weeks ago. my belts dont even hold up any more very well... also... i dug out another pair of 16 jeans (polo) that fit perfectly. the were even saggy at the end of the night . the FIRST pair of jeans i talked about a few posts ago was 156% stretch. this pair is probably 40% stretch. i put them on... and teared up. i thought it would be a much longer time till i could fit into them again. it felt so damned good. i mean.... i am not trying to be a stick figure here. i just want to be able to go shopping and not have an emotional break down. i can remember looking for suits to wear in feb and literally crying in the dressing room because i had to go to the Womens section and thta stuff still didnt fit me. the were big enough in the waist an arms but too big in the hips, butt and length. i am such an oddball shape. i am top heavy but with regular D cups. and no hips. so i am still feeling good about my surgery. i have already made an appointment for my 2nd fill on the 18th. I am going to see my sister and her family on the 20th. My niece isturning 3 years old!!!!! i missed her birth and her 1st and 2nd birthdays. so this will be an event for me. shes my mini me!!! we look so much alike. shes in my photos in case you want to see her. and side story...ladies... i got laid.... two days ago... the drought is over.,... but sadly.... i still need more..lol. i am such a dirty girl. what can i say. face of an angel and libido of a 18 year old man. oye! if i wasnt such a good girl.....use your imagination for the rest...lol
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My first SLIME episode on September 2, 2007 7:27 pm
OK... So I was at work... eating day old chicken from taco cabana. The previous day, because it was fresh I guess. I ate a little bit and it went down fine. But that day ohhh boy. I was starved and just plain old didnt chew long enough and swalled too fast. it felt awful. My face must have looked really weird cause my boss got this worried look on her face. SHe kept asking me all these questions like , "are you ok..do you need something.. do you want me to call anyone..." i just kept shaking my head. I just tried to sit really still for a while and figured it would eventually go down. NOT a chance! I rushed to the bathroom trying my best not to vomit. Then it happen. I opened my mouth and the slime came out. Looked like a mixture of sheredded chicken and stomach mucous. But I felt tons better after that. Needless to say, I left the bathroom..walked to the table... and threw away the chicken. They don't call it weight loss surgery for nothing. lol
Just thought I would share.... on August 25, 2007 11:57 pm
I havent really had any weight loss lately. I have kind of been stuck in one place. I am just guessing that it has to do with me being able to eat semi regularly now. Also probably aunt flo. I will say I haven't really thought about any beef lately. I have been making much better food choices. I have also discovered liptons diet green tea which as no calories or sugar which is freaking great!!!! And it tastse pretty freakin good people. I totally know that I should be exercising but I just can't get around to it. Yeah, I know its called being lazy. But come on, cut me some slack. I am trying to get adjusted to these food changes. If you are reading this right now I want you to send me a note asking me if I have exercised yet. Shame me into it. You and I both know that exercise will help me get to my goal faster and make this life adjustment a lot easier. Cause lord knows, once I am all cuteR and sexiER i will want to keep up the good work. Shame me people Shame me!
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Who in the hell told Aunt Flo she could stop by??? on August 24, 2007 5:59 pm
Damn. Flos' a whole freakin week and a half early. WHat the hell! Damned weight loss. *giggling* I guess that explains why I have been feeling extra plump. GEEEEEZ LOUISSSSE
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I forgot to tell you!!!! on August 23, 2007 3:02 pm
This is such a minor thing but..... I have a pair of size 16 Jeanstar jeans that I havent been able to wear since this time last year. needless to say... I wore them to work this week. Don't get me wrong.... They are tight but hell, theyre the kinds of jeans you wear tight.I love my coworkers so much. They are such a great support team. They always let me know that I am getting smaller and smaller. I feel so blessed to have such great friends. Cause only friends boost you up like that.
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My First Fill! on August 22, 2007 12:10 pm
Ok people. So I had my first fill this am at 10:30. Ummm can we say "fun times". No sarcasm there folks. I thought it was fun. The flouro was soooo freakin cool. I actually got to see the barium swallow trickling down my stomach!! It slipped right on through. The first fill had 2 cc's. The second was an extra .05. That one kind of slowly trudged. It was so cool. I enjoyed it very much!
The nurses were wowing at my weight loss. They told me I was doing a great job!!! I am super excited. I actually already feel the restriction. I almost choked eating today. Thank goodness. I feel sooooooooo lucky. I have had lots of stories of people not feeling anything for the first few fills.
YAYYYYYY ME!!!!
and by the way i still need some sex! ha
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AWWWWW NUTZZZZ on August 12, 2007 9:48 pm
So..... In 10 minutes it will be August 13th. My weight lass has stalled thanks to the fact that I can eat regular food now. I have been more hungry lately.
And yeah.... so what. I cheated and HAd some french fries and some chicken salad. Sue me! I work retail and the hours such. Aint a whole lot of options at 9PM when your tired and hungry. ......... Yeah ... that was just me... making my excuses ..... as usual. I promise guys I will try and be better.
Between moving and surgery .. these changes are fierce. And for an ADD poster child , change causes major destruction. What can I say. I pray that my restricion on the 22nd is some *restriction*. I need it.
I will tell you what else I need..... some damned sex. Jeeeeeees Louizzzzeeeeeee. Another one of my emotial security blankets. But hey, at least that one burns calories... right? heehee.
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August 1st on August 2, 2007 9:53 pm
Was offically my two week mark. only two more weeks til i can have real food. dang it. im alittle hungry. I will chalk that up to the fabulous job of my surgeon Dr. Spivak. The jerk! Couldnt he jab my stomach a few extra time so that I could be less likely to want to eat......I know.... Im an ungrateful little witch arent I. heehee.
Today I had a protein shake for breakfast. A half a salad(no meat) and half a bowl of soup from chilis. everything went down great. But I was almost eating like I use to and had to remind myself to slow down. Thats super hard for me to do. My job use to be really stressful so I use to not eat until lunch or not until dinner and then order the biggest thing on the menu and stuff myself. Training myself to eat like a lady is rough. But I am sure me only eating once a day was a big part of my problem.
When I got home I had another protein shake and some 2% string cheese. And I feel satisfied.
My incinsions are almost fully healed I cants express enough how fabulous of a job Dr. Spivak did with me.
OT... I got my ipod from ebay today. I love it already.
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WHEW! on July 31, 2007 8:09 pm
Ok. So I moved in with a roommate on 7/5. And I moved in with my mother yesterday. That was a quick move. I was moving so that I could say an extra 400 bucks a month so that I could safely pay for my surgery. But the living situation there wasnt all that great. Also, I am thinking about moving to Dallas to finish school so I didnt want to sign a lease. Needless to say, I will be able to save a super amount of money. I havent lived with my mother since I was 18 years old. This is super weird.
My weight today was 230 when I got on the scale. I am going to try not to watch the scale so much but it is so tempting to check my progress daily. I have never owned a scale because even at a size 9 I was at least 150lbs. It made me sad. But now I see the value of it. To let me know when I am getting out of control.
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8 days out on July 27, 2007 12:40 am
Just to let all know I am feeling good. Back at work in my heels. My coworkers are telling me i already look slimmer and my skin looks healthier. Weird huh. Maybe its the MAC.. hee hee. who knows. I am sure my skin feels better since i havent had any friend foods in a week or so. But I am a little sore and super tired. Today was my first day back at work.
But all in all. I feel different actually. I know this sounds silly but for the last two years I have only gotten deep garnet red on my toenails when I get pedicures. This week for some reason I picked out a bright metallic pink with tints of purple in it. It is just odd that I would o it now. But the think is I feel more comfortable doing in now..... So that is sjust what I have been thinking about today.
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LETS TALK ABOUT SEX on July 25, 2007 8:34 pm
OK. This is for my female banders. What differences have you all noticed since the band?? And I am not talking about being more bold, or feeling sexy. I am talking about physical. (I swear I am a good catholic school girl) but I have a love of "well-endowed" men. Trying to figure out how careful I need to be in the future. I didn't post this on the board so as not to offend others. Please send me a message with your experiences. Thanks.
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Hogan Knows Best on July 23, 2007 3:37 pm
I absolutely LOVE "Hogan Knows Best". They are cutest little family!!!!!!!!! I swear if they get a divorce I will never watch another reality family show. Except for "RUNSSSSSS HOUSSSEEE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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3lbs gone on July 22, 2007 1:12 pm
Just to share..... I have lost 3 lbs since 7/19. Imagine what will happen when I start exercising.
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Feeling much better today on July 21, 2007 3:04 pm
Just a quick note to all. I am feeling a lot better and have a lot more energy today. Probably because I was able to get some soft food down. I can walk a little better. Still cant put my heels back on for work... but soon. | Leave a comment.
Home and Banded on July 20, 2007 10:51 am
Just a quick post. I was banded on the 18th. I got there at 7:30 am and left around 6:30 pm. I hated the hospital nurses' assistant that was assigned to me. I am one of those people who hate loudness. I myself, have people who complain that they cant hear me. I tend to talk softer..... you know treat others as you would have them treat you. This woman yelled everything at me. And ignored everything I said. She asked me if I wanted the light on. I said no.. and she proceeded to turn on the light. She asked if I wanted her to tie my gown, I said no. So she tied my gown... which once again got caught around me.. which is why i didnt want it tied. she kept pouring me cups of crystal light and tea. There were 3 glasses on the table by the time i left. She asked if i wanted more ice in my cup. I said no, of course she went to go fill it up with ice. I am one of those people who like room temperature water instead of ice water. The woman simply ignored my requests. It got to the point where I just stopped wasting my breathe. My poor mother was giggling knowing that I was on the verge of cursing the little woman. I was so happy to get to Galveston to my mothers.
THe surgery itself was non existent thanks to the anestheisa.My fabulous surgeon came in and shook my hand and asked me how i was doing. I said I am ok. Then I ask him if his wife fed him well this morning and if he slept well. Who the hell cares what i feel like. Im gonna be napping. The nurses and he just laughed as he said he rested well. I swear, I get freakin hilarious when Im drugged for medical services anyways. The first time I was ever put to sleep I remember before I fell asleep I told everyone that the insurance was paying mony so I could feel good and that I could probably get it on the street for 200 bucks. ha. im nuts.
I remember being in the preop room and them wrapping stimulators arounds my calfs(probably to keep me from getting blood clots in my legs.Getting my IV going.Me Making jokes about how hairy my legs were. And did I mention my aneshesiologist was some young attratctive italian looking doc.ANd he had that scruffy unkept look that I love. Like he didnt get around to shaving that morning. He was a cutie. ANd to think.. I havent shaved my legs like in two weeks. lol
I am super sore now. The pain meds the doc gave me put me right to sleep. BUt when I wake up my body feels inoperable. I am moving more today than I was yesterday and I hope that tomorrow will be better than today.
I have noticed that I will need to stop watching commercials. You never realize how tempting commericals are. I saw an olive garden commercial that made me want to put in an order. But the sick thing is...... I hate Olive Garden.
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3 days on July 15, 2007 9:06 pm
So.... It has been a while(almost a month) since I have updated here. I wanted to stay away from OH for a little while. I am super ADD so I had to let me surgery out of my mind and focus on everything else I could think of. ADD is an amazing tool once you learn how to use it. My sales at work have been fabulous and I have even applied to college in Dallas and I have moved out of my beautiful singles girl apartment into a room in a house. A lot has gone on.
I am only 3 days away from my surgery and starting to feel a little scared. What if I dont wake up. I am thinking about writing letters to the people I love just in case. I know I am only 25 and I have no serious health conditions but anything is possible............ But on the other side, I could wake up and take on the new life I am destined to have. The one where I havent given up on myself and I have a new friend to help me through my struggle.
I am such a forward and blut person, I am almost regretting sharing with friends and family about my surgery. What if I am not successful in my weight loss journey? Will they think of me as foolish and unwise? Granted.. there are many things I have failed to complete ...(a side effect of my adhd and just being lazy i guess). The funny thing is, failure.... seems like a worse fate than death...... Literally, but that would be obnoxious of me to say.... wouldnt it?
Pray for me, think good thoughts for me please. Put a note under your pillow. Anything. Thanks guys.
Got my date!!!!! on June 20, 2007 9:16 am
July 18th is my day!!!!!!! Almost a whole month a way. I have no clue how I am gonna be able to wait so long. I also have a wedding to go to on the 21st. But I have to keep my date. I have to make it happen. 2007 is half way over. | Leave a comment.
Tomorrow is Monday.... on June 17, 2007 5:35 pm
Tomorrow is Monday. I will call Dr. Spivaks office and ask for the next available date and then share my date with my job. The anticipation is killing me.
Waiting on Monday Monday on June 15, 2007 9:50 pm
I have decided to call Dr. Spivaks office and ask for the very next surgery day available. I talk to the loan company today. I am just ready. I feel it through and through. I had a customer today in my store who went on and on about how i should choose the bypass. Even after listening to her experience and the experiences of her sisters, I am still choosing the band for me. I just want to say that I appreciate all the advice and experiences that everyone has shared and I have taken them all into consideration. But this is for me and the time is now. Please pray for my strength to follow through with this.
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Keeping my eyes on My PRIZE on June 12, 2007 11:04 pm
Hello People!
I am just biding my time till my move. I have turned in my notice to vacate and contacted my utility companies. Of course its 1AM and I have yet to pack anything. The anticipation that I am feeling right now is amazing. First it will be my move. Then I can schedule my date. Then I want to get back to my younger self like partying more. Not a lot. I just want to get the inclination to go out and just do it without having a major melt down because none of my clothes fit me and the ones that do look ridiculous. Anywho..... be well people.
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Hello June! on May 29, 2007 7:59 pm
Hello everyone!
I have been gone for a little while since loosing my job. Luckily, i am currently employed thanks to great friends and great bosses who were happy to have me back at my old job. Good news with that is I will hopefully be promoted in the next month or so. Which will mean more money!!!!
Also, my lease is up and the end of June and I will be moving in with a roommate which will save me about $700 bucks a month. So as you can see I am still preparing myself to have my surgery before this year is over.
I am also no longer with the boyfriend, which has nothing to do with the weight loss surgery. I realized we were broken up when he moved out of our apartment, right after I lost my job. I thought he was going to take care of his mother after surgery and he never came back and told me he had signed an apartment lease some where. Pathetic... I know.
But surprisingly enough, I cried and listened to sad love songs for about two weeks, and I am over it. These are the times when I am soooo thankful for my resilenece to the crazy shit that happens in life.
Right now I am preparing for my move. I am super excited about going to a different part of town. I move about once a year. I love being forced to adapt to new surroundings and people.
Just waiting on April 6, 2007 7:11 pm
It has been such a pretty past couple of days in Houston. I can't wait until I can wear sleeveless shirts in public. I can not wait until I can have the nerve to buy a swimsuit again. I feel like my surgery day is getting closer. Pray for me.
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4/4/07 on April 4, 2007 7:39 pm
I went to my seminar with Dr. Spivak this evening. He was great just like he was the first time I met him. I feel very comfortable with him and the procedure. He is ready to schedule me since I am self pay.
And i have to say this......THANK YOU COURTNEY!!!
Courtney is my oldest and bestest friend since preschool. I almost canceled my appt with Dr. Spivak because I thought being unemployed that I shouldnt be focused on my surgery. Courtney told me that I have been putting this off time and time again and its something I need to follow through with. I am so blessed to have her in my life. Even if she is 5'10 blonde size 6 model-type ever gorgeous. LOL yall should see us out together and the look of confusion on peoples faces. its hilarious. even more so funny is how a-like we are... outside of our physical differences. we can go without seeing eachother for a month and get together and having the exact same pair of heels. i love her so much.
Now I just have to focus on finding a new job.
3/26/07 on March 26, 2007 8:47 pm
I am not an OH first-timer. I first found this site back in 04. I was interested in having surgery and even met with a couple of surgeons. Some how along thing way....as usual... I started loosing some weight and decided that maybe I didnt need wls and maybe this was the time that the weight would stay off. But, here I am again bigger than ever. You always gain more than before.
This time I am determined to follow everything through. I am determined to gain my life back. 2007 will be my year.
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Before surgery 252lbs
Surgery day 246lbs
7/26/07 236lbs
3/1/08 193lbs
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