...and I'm down 92 lbs.  Wh00t!!!

So, I haven't been around much.  I've been busy living and enjoying the new me.  Volunteering, socializing, just being out & about.  Living life.  And not worrying too much about my surgery, my body, etc.  Is that weird?

Hm...

...it kinda is, isn't it.  I mean, so much of my pre-surgery life was aboout my size. I am not ignoring my size, my surgery, taking care of myself or any of that.  But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel DAMN good for the focus to be off my weight and on who I am.

I am not, and was never just my size.  My weight.

Ok, so since we're being honest - I'm also getting a lot of attention.  People who knew me are stopping in their tracks.  "You lost a LOT of weight".  "OMG - you look so different".  And some attention from the fellas...lol.  But even in all that, it feels good to for my size to be an aside.

Ok, and in post-surgery land:
- eating is a process and is trial and error.  Generally, carbs don't agree with me, fruit does so I keep it handy always. I eat all the time, just small portions, anything in small doses.  Mayo, sugar, fats, and fried are still very much not my friends anymore, so I spend a lot of time with fruit, veggies, Thai, Chinese - my new friends.
- weight loss: has slowed down dramatically, so I started couch to 5 program.  So far, my body doesn't hate it  

That's it!  I'm off to cross a few goals that I've achieved off my list

This is so surreal.

So, I've been reaching into the back of my closet for all those clothes that I kept "just in case".  In case I lost a lil weight...in case I finally started working out regularly.  In case Spanx came up with some panties that would take me down a size.  Or three.

Amongst these was a pair of Seven jeans, that I found on the clearance rack with no size tag. I had no idea what size they were, other than SUPER TIGHT and UNABLE TO BUTTON WAISTBAND....lol.  So they'd been sitting in my closet for years.  Until my birthday this weekend.  I was reaching to find something to wear that fit, so I tried them on and they fit!  Whoot!  Then I went to the store to find some new ones, and low & behold - I'm a size 18! Woohoo!  Down 3+ pants sizes (at least), 70 lbs and I can see/eel this change.  *does happy dance*

 So yeah, the newly size 18 jeans are a birthday present from me - to me.  I rocked them to a concert over the weekend.  A concert involving a lot of walking, dancing, being out & about and appreciating my new body.  And appreciative of the new lease on life I've been given. How my knees feel.  How my back now feels.  All of which is a good thing.

Yep....18 again.  It feels good. 

that's me on the left, btw - circa 1982

I'm down 64lbs, clothes are too big, still working on water & nutrients.  But my loss is becoming PHYSICALLY obvious.

which got me thinking...

"what happens when you get "skinny"?

See, people are already treating me different.  Acting different towards me.  I'm already getting more attention.  More compliments on my clothes, hair, shoes.  More doors held open.  More people smiling at me.  More attention from men.  I'm not immune to this, and this isn't completely new to me. After all, I haven't always been this size.  BUT still...

What does happen when you get skinny?

My psychologist asked this during my pre-surgery evaluation, and I *thought* I had an answer.  I've been "skinny" before.  I'm ready for that - emotionally & intellectually.  I don't mind the attention, I know how to field it.  I just want to be healthier.

Hmph.

when I was skinny before, I was fighting that last 15 lbs.  10lbs.  5lbs.  Even when I was "skinny" - I thought I was fat.

I'mma need to ponder on this one, for real.  But what say you?  What happens when YOU get skinny?

Hm...10 weeks post op, and....this hasn't been the most fun week.

Weight:  I've been stuck around 55-60lbs down.  Today, the scale says 61 lbs down.  It's tricked down a bit, but I'm cool with that because I knew I'd hit a plateau.  I need to step up on the exercise and not obsess about the scale.

Exercise:  I wish I enjoyed walking, treadmills etc.  I LOVE swimming, but Saturday's workout gave me da cooties.  I need to really get my Zumba on, or get used to the elliptical, etc. 

Eating:  this is the area I'm having the hardest time with.  I'm inconsistent.  It's not that I'm eating unhealthy.  It's the enjoyment that's inconsistent.  I dunno - maybe this is a hurdle I need to get past?  Like today, I had pineapple in juice, a low-fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and water.  That means - no protein!  Tried to eat some thin sliced roast beef, and literally felt like I was gagging.  I'm going to try some yogurt in a bit, but I'm really worried about vitamin deficiencies at this point.  Oh, and I'm dehydrated.  Ugh.

Da cooties:  yeah, so the pool made me sick I think.  Or KLN.  Either way, I've been phlegmy and coughing.  I had some antibiotics on hand from pre-surgery, so I TRIED to take them.  Crushed.  They almost got stuck, and it took me about 6 hours just to get a couple of pills down.  Which also killed my appetite.  

The positives:  my back and knees are much better.  So is my blood pressure.  And my endurance is improving..  OH...and all kinds of clothes are coming out of the back of my closet.....lol.

Until I post again...much love in your journeys.