The above little guy says it all--I feel like pulling my hair out! People are so weird, sometimes!

Lately, I have had several people I know (not dear friends, so why should I care?) ask me how much weight I have lost and how I'm doing after my surgery and the conversations have roughly gone like this:

I tell them "130 pounds gone and I feel great!" And they ask in a concerned voice, "Really?"  and step a little closer.

I reiterate that I am feeling great and then they say, "Really? No complications?" wrinkle their noses and make a general waving of the hand motion in front of their own bodies as if to indicate that "is your body actually okay?"

I say "nope, no complications, I have been extremely lucky. My 3 and 6-month labs have been really good."

They say "Well, you probably have to follow a specific diet, right? Like low-fat or low-cal?" I say "nope, in fact, just about the opposite. I have a couple of rules to live by, including taking vitamins and eating lots of protein. But I really do have to eat high-fat to keep my system running smoothly."

I swear they suddenly look disappointed. I mean it. They seem let down, as if they wanted to hear that all is not as it seems and that I regret doing this crazy thing to myself. The look on their faces is pretty obvious. And they do not say "That's great!" or something appropriate to show they wanted me to give such a positive answer.

I have puzzled over this a while and I come up with some possible answers as to what I perceive as odd behavior:

1) These people are social morons and should be forgiven. They were raised by wolves in the wild and can't help themselves.

2) They want a juicy story. I mean, who doesn't? I love stories where someone's eyeball falls out of their head as much as the next guy, so who could blame them?

3) And the one I personally believe to be true: society loathes gluttony, especially the kind that got me to a whopping 344 pounds. Gluttons should be punished, not given a second chance. If my Brad Pitt filmography serves me well, then gluttony is one of the 7 Deadly Sins, right?

It's simply inconceivable that someone who sinned as much as I obviously did would get an untainted chance at redemption. A chance to save herself should come with a hefty price tag, such as weight loss failure, complications and lifelong problems. So far, the price tag has been exactly what I expected and not a penny more. Who knows what the future will hold?

Because I am a people-pleaser by nature, I usually swoop in and throw them a frickin' bone. I throw out that I exercise a decent amount, I have to take vitamins and try to do low-carb. At least it's not a total free ride, right? But they're STILL not satisfied with that, though. It seems the punishment does not fit the crime and I am not suffering enough in their eyes.

I feel like saying "Hey, asshat! Would it help you feel better if I fainted right here from malnutrition, or if I told you I lost the use of body part X because of my weight loss surgery? Cheer up, it's still early--I could die anytime soon."

I also would like to take them, "Ghost of Christmas Past"-style through my history, to see that I have suffered enough up to this point by being trapped in a fat prison. The humiliations, the loss of control, the hopelessness. That might shut them up. 

I guarantee these will be the same clowns that will say I should stop losing weight in a couple of months because I am "too thin," even if I still weigh 200 pounds! I've seen it all before, thanks to my OH friends.

Just some random thoughts...

Yesterday morning, I woke up to find that our finished basement/kids' playroom had flooded with gallons and gallons of water. The rainfall broke a century-old record in Chicago and it's still raining as I write this. 

Fortunately, we learned a lesson from last year's flood and have all of our stuff up or in plastic totes, so we lost nary a crayon despite nature's commendable efforts. I'm not sure we'll be so lucky with the flooring and baseboards, but that's still nothing compared to what people are facing elsewhere.

After taking care of that clean-up headache, I took a hot shower. I got out and wrapped myself in a towel. I usually just hop out and dry myself and hit the ground running. Not this time. I put the towel around my body and was actually able to close it completely--no skin showing at the gap!!

I walked zombie-like into the kitchen and showed my husband my new towel mini-dress and he said "wow--you are lookin' good" in that sexy-yet-still-husbandly voice. You know the one...the one that means if the kids weren't standing right here...well, you know.

                                      
Then, I went shopping for an outfit to wear to my 20th high school reunion next week (yes, I'm one of THOSE people who go to them.) And no, sadly, I am not going so I can "show off" my new bod, as I was pretty athletic throughout high school and to these folks, I'm sure I will look pretty fat by comparison. I've never been one to care about that stuff, though. Hence the 344 pounds finding me.

My sister and I hit the Lane Bryant and she was my fetch-it girl, getting me different styles and sizes while I stood semi-nekkid in the fitting room. I had to keep sending her out to get smaller sizes!! I decided on a square-neck pewter blouse with black embroidered scallop designs on it and a black twirly skirt. The blouse is size 14/16 and the skirt is a 20 (yes, I have a proportion problem right now!!) Holy crap. I used to be a 30/32 in tops AND bottoms.

If that wasn't enough excitement for one day, then I went and picked out some t-strap dress shoes--size 9.5, instead of the clunky 11s I was sporting before surgery. Holy crap times 2.  Who knew my feet were so damn fat, too?

When I got home, I tried on the outfit for my hubby, kids and brother-in-law and they all were very kind. I felt like a princess.

The other day, my husband said he spotted a collarbone starting to show itself (I've had him on collarbone-spotting detail for months!) and he also commented that I had a "wiggle in my walk." I seldom blush, but that did it. I couldn't stop blushing! Even the word "wiggle" makes me giggle now.

In about a week, I will be 7 months out from my DS and about 130 pounds down. I feel terrific. My labs are good, and I am brimming with energy.

As a nod to my PCP's concern, I increased my carbs to slow down my weight loss a little this month. (She wanted me to slow down to 10 pounds lost a month). BTW, I am NOT going to do that anymore. Experiment over. This month has been s-l-o-w on the scale--about 6-7 pounds gone, I think. (but yet I still AM grateful for this loss). I have my official weigh-in tomorrow night.

I love my DS and this chapter in my life. Thank you all for helping me get this far!

So much is running through my brain these days, lot of it not so good:

I went to the 1/2 price clothing sale at the main, three-story Chicago Salvation Army. I got some amazing deals: about $25 for about 20 shirts that should fit me for the next few months. Mainly short- and long-sleeve knits, but it's what I need right now. Maybe some day, when I go back to an office for work, then I can get fancy-schmancy with clothes that need to be ironed!

While there, I showed my mom a cute shirt that was size large and she said, "I don't think you'll actually get there (that size), so I wouldn't bother getting it." I told her that I MIGHT make it and then she backpedaled and said "well, you don't know WHEN you'll get there if that style will be in." At least she's trying, in her way, I guess.

She also sharply told me to "get over" Norm's death the moment I heard about it and was weeping. "After all, he's not your child or husband--he's just a friend." It's a wonder I ever developed empathy at all, given my genes. Thank God for made-for-TV movies and sitcoms.

I'm in a bit of a weight loss stall. It's only natural, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm upping my fat and protein. We'll see.

My six-month labs came back and they were good. I have to try and raise my HDL cholesterol and my hematocrit is slightly low, so I am slightly anemic. I am starting an iron pill, so hopefully that will get higher by my next labs.

Today, my big boy went to his first day of kindergarten. It's all about him, I know, but I couldn't help but think that I'm on my way to reaching one of my goals--not embarrassing my kids because of my excessive weight. Last December, a boy in my son's preschool class told me I was "the biggest person he had ever seen." That was awful.

And while I was, by far, the BIGGEST mom there today, at kindergarten drop-off, I still felt pretty good. I haven't been this weight--220 pounds--in more than 10 years! To many women, that weight would be a signal for a starvation diet, but I am okay with it.  

Well, that's enough pissing and moaning for now.