Anyone who knows me knows that I am very concerned that my kids don't end up to be fat like their mom. I feed the kids healthy foods, we limit TV time and I try to be a good example by eating well and exercising a lot. My hubby and his family are of a normal, healthy weight, so our boys have a genetic chance of being "normal." Both boys look perfectly healthy and both consistently wear the size lower than their age (i.e. my almost-6-year old wears 4T and 5s). They're not fat. Or so I thought...

I took them to their new pediatrician a couple of weeks ago, and she's awesome. My good friend recommended her, as she takes her FOUR kids to her and has had great experiences over the years.

The appointment was wonderful, until the BMI discussion. Apparently, my elder boy (5.75 years, 47 pounds) is in the 89th percentile and they prefer him to be at the 85th. She said in a serious voice, that "we need to keep an eye on that since that means he is in the at risk zone of becoming obese." I stammered out a "yes, I want to be careful as I ended up having bariatric surgery myself." She said "it's not a big deal, no need to diet or anything, just don't let him gain more. Up the exercise and keep snacks healthy and all should be fine."

I went home, plugged in the numbers in the CDC's online child BMI calculator and found that losing ONE pound would put him in the healthy BMI range. I felt much better. That is worth watching, but not worth freaking out over. I'm glad I know. Soccer just started, so maybe that will help him knock off that pound, naturally.

Then it occurred to me that my friend's four kids are bigger than mine (over 10-pound birthweights and for example, one of the kids is at least a year younger than one of mine and weighs 4-5 pounds more and their infant wears size 18-24 month clothes) and she has never told me the doctor said anything about their weight. To my eye, these are NOT fat kids, just bigger.

Apparently the doctor HAS noticed her kids' higher BMIs, but did not make a big deal out of it. Sensing my inherent next question, my friend--who I have known for 30 years and always has been one of my biggest supporters--said in a quiet voice, "well, the doctor has seen my husband and me in person and probably figured it was okay." (This is my paraphrase, as I cannot remember it exactly.) My friend is a runner and has a lean body type and her hubby is athletic, so that made perfect sense to me. In other words, the doctor took one look at me and saw the obvious obesity and that was a red flag to look for in it my kids.  

I felt like my little world turned upside down. I spent a few days thinking about it and went back to my friend. I basically said "I don't know how to talk to you about this, but I want to thank you for being 'real' with me. That was probably hard for you to say to me. Because I've lost nearly 100 pounds, I think I am practically skinny. I forget all the time that a 250-pound woman is still HUGE in this world and that's all the doctor could see. Thanks for helping ME see that." I felt like this was one of the most grown-up chats I've had--part of my "becoming authentic" rehabilitation, I guess.

She admitted that it was hard for her to talk about, too. And she agonized a little over saying anything to me, but she knows I want to be told the truth so that I can get emotionally healthier by dealing witn things out in the open. I'm lucky to have her in my life.

I admit it, I've been swept away a bit by this process and my progress. I literally have dozens of people in my life who always say amazing, supportive things to me. Strangers and trainers at the health club come up to me and ask about my weight loss all the time. I actually am seeing my friends even more than ever before these days because they want to see my progress in person. (And by the way, I try not to disappoint my audience--I put on form-fitting clothes, do my hair and make up, etc.!)

I guess I got a little carried away with my progress and forgot that strangers would look at me and still see a woman out of control, instead of a woman on a mission who has lost almost 100 pounds.

It's very sobering. I'm still VERY happy at how far I've come, but I have to remember that I have a long road ahead of me--possibly another 80-90 pounds and probably reconstructive surgery. I wonder how small I have to get to be able to squeak by and have it not be an issue with doctors and other strangers. So that they could see ME, not just the fat. A question for the ages, I suppose, because if they don't judge me because of weight, they'll find something else to judge, right?