Today is my nine months surgiversary and I’m having a bit of trouble after seeing my numbers on the scale not move as much as I wanted. I weighed in at 176.2. - only a lost of 4 lbs. in one month. I don’t know what’s going on with this four pound loss for the last two months. And what’s up with this point 2 lbs. that I keep seeing month after month?!? I’m really upset about it and part of me feels like my tool has ‘stopped’ working. I don’t know what else to do. I’m just very frustrated right now. I’m trying to stay positive keeping in mind how far I have come, but sometimes it’s a little hard and today is one of those days. Matter of fact this has been a bad month emotionally which is the other half of having this surgery. I knew that it would be difficult, dealing with all of the emotional reasons that I was able to use food as a coping mechanism for so many years and then having to re-learn how to have a healthier relationship with food. I think it was a little easier for me to deal with, when I was losing significant amounts of weight in the first few months right after surgery. Now that it has slowed down somewhat, and I have more time to think about everything more in detail. I’m praying that everything will pick up, my weight loss and my spirits. This blog hasn’t turned out as uplifting as I wanted it to be, but it’s honest and it’s real. It’s part of the learning and growing process that comes along on this journey. Hopefully, next month I’ll have better news to report on the weight loss front and I’ll be a bit more cheerful. Wish me luck, & keep praying for me as I do for all of my weight loss OH Family!

~Nikki

I can't believe I haven't updated my page since January at 4 months out!! So much has happend..I've been so busy. At my last weigh in, I was 196. 0 When I weighed in on my official weigh date (01/27/08) I was 192.4 only a lost of 3.6lbs. From then I was on a serious plateau of no losses which bothered me immensely. It's funny when I think about how I feel when I don't see the numbers move down on the scale now, compared to pre-op when the numbers would go up, and up and up and I would say "o well, that's another 5, 10, or 15 lbs that I've gained" and totally shrug my shoulders and eat whatever it was that I wanted. But seeing the numbers stagnant now, frightens me more than anything. I guess it's a defense mechanism. I always think "I don't want to go back to where I was" and seeing the number not move, always seem to bring up that fear in me. Especially now that my eating habits have kind of "normalized' in that I can eat a bit more variety than a few months before. Lord knows I was sick of TUNA because it's easy to chew and I tolerated it really well. If I never see a pouch of tuna again I will be thrilled!! Anyways, being stuck at 192..4 - 192.0 for two months was a bit rough. I knew I was still losing because the clothes that I had bought were all too big again. This meant that I was losing inches. I am so proud to say that I can fit a size 12!! This is a huge blessing coming from a size 24 just seven months ago. Not only am I in a size 12, but the 12's are too big as well! I've been really conservative about replacing my wardrobe so everything that I have purchased has been from a consignment shop. Derrick keeps telling me to just go get whatever I want, but I really don't want to invest too much money in clothes that will be too big in a month or so again. I'm waiting for my 1 year because hopefully I will have reached my goal weight and stabilize a lot more.

I had my 7 months post op with Dr. Mo on March 19th, 2008 although it was eight days shy of being exactly 7 months post-op. I weighed in before I went to his office because that scale is so off it frustrates me. FINALLY my scale moved and it was saying 184.6 with a BMI of 31.7. I have no idea how or why it took that long to move!! I'm just glad that it went down 7.4lbs. I would've preferred a total of 20lbs. (10lbs/month) but something is better than nothing, which is what was happening. Being at 184.6 is a total of 96.4lbs down from my original 281 pre-op, pre-consultation and official weigh in with Dr. Mo. After attending Dr. Mo's seminar, he mentioned that it was okay to lose some weight while waiting for my appointment for my official weigh in. I went on Atkins and I lost 21lbs. My official weigh in on my medical records was 260. On my surgery day, I weighed 245.4. As I'm sure many of you can relate to and understand, it was never a problem to lose the weight, it was keeping it off and adding more once I did re-gain that was the problem. Now, at 184.6lbs, my life has changed drastically. I haven't reached my official 100lbs. lost but emotionally I feel that much lighter. This surgery is more than the physical rewards. It's coming to grips with all of the emotional reasons why I over ate and why food was my bestfreind. That is the hardest part. Having to face and deal with the real issues rather than substitute them with food. It is still an everyday struggle. Now, I just have the tools available to make the process a lot smoother. I'm still doing what I'm supposed to, sticking to my schedule, getting my exercise in and not eating emotionally so overall I am doing well. Dr. Mo was concerned because I'm taking at total of 87 grams of Iron a day and my levels are still coming up as anemic. I've been anemic my whole life and so has my mother and sisters. It's definitely genetic. He told me to add vitron C to my supplements and hopefully that will help to bring my numbers up to where he's more comfortable. Other than that, I 'm hanging in there. Really enjoying life, and being active. I've gotten so many compliments on how great I look. I use to get them before but it was different. It was different because I blocked whatever it was that the person said to me because I didn't believe it myself. Now, I'm confident, and my self esteem has grown so I can and do accept compliments without saying "you're just so nice". I simply say "Thank you" and I mean it. These are just a few of the ways that I have matured over the last few months. God has truly worked it out in my life. It took a lot of prayer, dedication and humbling to get to this point. I still have a lot left to go, but I know I will get there. I'll try to keep on top of updating so that I can look back and see the progress I've made on those difficult days. My official weigh in on 04/27/08 so I'll be sure to post the results there. I'm not expecting much change from 184.6 but any change in a downward slope is good news!  God Bless & Good luck to all of you out there on this journey.

~Nikki

I've been so busy since Thanksgiving with Christmas right around the corner and me getting back on track with life in general. This is the first opportunity I've had to log on and update my journey. I had my 4 month post op appointment with Dr. Mo on 12/19/07 and I weighed in at 196.00. That's only a 5lb. lost but something is better than nothing. AND, I'M OFFICIALLY IN ONDERLAND!! Dr. Mo said that at this rate I will definitely meet my target weight of $135 -140. My lab work came in showing that my vitamin D was low and so was my iron. I've been advised to add an additional iron pill in the middle of the day in addition to the two that I already take at bedtime. One other thing is that my hair is falling out even more than before. I keep telling Derrick that I'll be looking like him in no time. LOL I'm taking the biotin and getting in my protein but it's not slowing down the hair loss. I'm praying that it gets better it before it gets worst - if that's possible!! Other than that, life is really Great and I am SO Blessed! I'm enjoying so many things that I didn't before and now, I love being outside the house. Best of all I don't make excuses anymore to not go to events when I'm invited. For the first time, I've been enjoying every aspect of my life. We went on a Cruise for my birthday and I had SO much fun. (I'm uploading pics so be sure to check me out) I hiked up and down a mountain in Puerto Rico without breaking a sweat or being out of breath or having to use my inhaler. I was so happy I had tears in my eyes. I felt such a sense of accomplishment. When we booked all of our excursions, I didn't realize it at the time, but they were all walking activities. In the past, I would've never done that. This surgery is such a blessing and I am so grateful that I can enjoy my live to the fullest without regret. I thank God everyday for bringing me through.

Happy New Year! 

~Nikki