Get to my 180 weight goal by July 07

Current Stats: 386/175/165....new goal 160????
(starting weight/current weight/goal weight)

The journey begins....
12/04
I just turned 29 and have finally come to the conclusion that surgery is the best option for me. I am 386lbs, which is the highest I have ever been. I have tried the diet and exercise rolls, but I have 226 lbs to lose to reach my 160 goal, and I truly believe that this surgery will be the tool that helps me get there. I have been reading the profiles and forums on this site for a few months and finally decided to join. I found my doc through NeWeigh in Houston, which is a great organization, I had been to another surgeon, whose bedside manner wasn't going to help me at all. I plan to post updates through my process so that other can benefit from reading them like I did. I have my first consult on 1/6/05....wish me luck!!

7/22/05
I am in my fourth stage of appeal with Cigna, they are tough! The issue is documentation of weight loss attempt within the last 5 years, which I have, but they are being technical about it, they want it with one doctor only, but their guidelines don't specify this, so I am going through an external review board. I have lost the 20lbs the surgeon wanted me to lose, I am down to 370ish these days, it's hard to keep it off but I am trying. Hopefully this last appeal works and I get approved and can move on, the NeWeigh team has been awesome in working through the insurance issues and keeping me motivated, I know they will be great after the surgery. More to come if I get approved!

7/28/05
I got approved today!!!!! My schedule date is 8/8/05!!!! I am sooooo excited! I have pre op work to go to on 8/1 and 8/2 and I am ready!! Wish me luck!!!!

8/1/05
I did my pre-op hospital testing today, blood work and whatnot. It went smoothly, the staff was really nice, I am a little nervous, but ready to proceed, I am ready to change my life!

8/3/05
Had my last meeting with the surgeon yesterday, Dr. J is so great! He was very pleased with my progress, my final weight is 363, whooo! He wants me on a liquid diet now to shrink my liver a bit more as a precaution for the laproscopic gastric bypass, slight bummer, since I was looking foward to a few more dinners, but no worries, I am glad to sacrifice for a new me! 5 more days!!!!

8/5/05
3 days left!!! The excitement builds! I am running around trying to get everything ready, I have been shopping to get stocked up, am working to clean my house and stuff now, I am almost ready to go to surgery just to take a nap!

8/7/05
Tomorrow is the day!!! Here we go! It's time! I can't believe it's finally here, I am sooooooooooo ready, and oddly calm. I can't say I am worried, or anxious, I am very prepared, my house is stocked, my mind is rested, and my soul is calm. Let's do this!!!

8/11/05
Back home and sore!!!! 5lbs gone already, never to be seen again!!





8/14/05
I weighed today, since I am officially 1 week post op tomorrow, I wanted to see my stats... I went into surgery at 358, today I am 349. 9 lbs gone forever!!!!! Feeling pretty good too, I have been out and about, still have some soreness though, and I am being careful not to do too much each day, but I am feeling better every day.

9/5/05
I am about to return to work (acckkkk!!). I feel great, have had some sick moments, and discovered some of the limitations of the pouch, but overall, I feel great! I have lost 26 lbs since surgery, 54 lbs since Jan and I love that! I look forward to more loss, I have a personal trainer now to work out with, because I want to be focused in my exercise. Onward and downward!!!

9/14/2005
Had my six week checkup today... I'm down 30lbs since surgery and a total of 58 since I started the whole process. 58lbs I'll never see again!!!!! It feels great!!

9/23/2005
Okay, so now I am six weeks out and down 36lbs since surgery, that's an average of 6lbs per week. I feel great, my workouts are going really well, and my clothes are starting to fall off of me, I already had to get a smaller bra, which was a great feeling. I am even starting to get more male attention, I can't imagine what it will be like once I hit the 250 range. I have my problem days, but I try to focus on getting in the protein and the water, which helps A LOT. My first goal is to break 300, which I only have 22 lbs more to lose to get too!! I haven't been under 300 in at least 5 years.....


10/2/05
I am now at a total of 67 lbs down, 39 since surgery. I can't believe how well things have gone, I have my good and bad days, but I still know this was the right decision for me. I miss some of my old habits from time to time, and the constant protein thing gets on my nerves at times, but the results keep me going!!

10/12/05
74 lbs gone forever!!!! 46 since surgery..... Still working out with my trainer, things are going great, no problems lately, I cannot complain at all....

10/23/05
Alright!!!!! Down to 303- that means 83 lbs total, and 54 since surgery. I feel amazing, I have to stop myself from shopping, each week I can fit into something else old in my closet, I don't need to buy new clothes, but I just couldn't help myself this weekend, I am into 26/28, down from 34/36..... it's a great feeling to be able to grab something off the rack and not be petrified it won't fit. My workouts with my trainer are also going well, exercise is KEY!!!! I am dropping the weight and I am not looking too bad in the process. Onward and downward!!!!

11/1/05
I broke 300!!!!!!! This was my first BIG goal, and I was 299.8 this morning. I haven't see a 2 as the first number on a scale with me on it in over 6 years!!!! This is too cool for school! I am even getting more attention and glances from men, which is supercool. My co-workers think I am crazy and they are starting to see how I really like to dress, they never knew I actually have good fashion sense and even a little bit of style. The journey is really starting to get good now!!!

11/14/05
Welcome..... to the plateau....... I am stuck at just under 300. I added a day to my weekly workout schedule, and I have been pumping in protein like crazy, but no moves on the scale. I have, however, lost inches. I bought a pair of size 28 pants thinking that they would be the right size.... wrong!!! Too big, should have bought size 24 since they were stretch jeans. Then, at work, we had team shirts made, and mine ended up being a 3X. I haven't worn 3X anything since I can remember, all my shirts have been 5X for so long. Everything is going really well, no real complaints, I have had a couple of "bad food" weeks, where I can't really eat much, I have been craving and addicted to soup for a while, but that's a good thing. I should have new pics posted soon, I was very excited when I took them and looked at them compared to the first ones. 88 since the beginning, 60 since surgery 3 months ago. Not too shabby.... Onward and downward!!!

11/22/2005
The plateau is broken..... I have actually run into the problem of not eating enough to match my exercise. Imagine that -- not eating enough!!! That's a weird statement to make, much less live! And I have to concentrate on eating, lately I have not really been interested in eating, I will drink my shakes and get my protein in, but not much else, really. I will start trying to eat salads with grilled or baked meat to break this trend. I am very pleased with my progress, everything is going well!! I'm waiting for new pictures to post, the before and after is something else!

11/28/2005
My pictures are posted!!!! And I am only 3 lbs from the Century Club!!! The holidays went great, turkey is a great protein source, so I ate without guilt there.... my workouts are going great, I am starting to be able to really pull some weights working with the free weights, and I love it! Onward and downward!!!

12/02/2005
I did it!!!! I'm in the century club!!!! I offically just hit 100 down since the start, and 73 down since surgery!!!!!!! This rocks!!! Still working out faithfully, get my protein and vitamins in like a crack fiend, and keeping it together. La vida es muy buena!!!!

12/08/05
Okay, I hit 282, that makes 104 overall, 76 since surgery. I am trying to make 80 by 12/13/05 when I have my 4 month surgerical checkup, I want to WOW my doc. He is totally great, I want to show him how well I work my tool! I haven't been in the gym this week, so phooey on me, my job is wearing me OUT..... but that's another loooooong story. At any rate, I really need to go shopping cause my clothes are like bags, but I am wearing heels full time these days, which I love, it's the true me, I used to always wear them, then got too big. Now, I am back sporting my 3 inchers and getting MAD attention. Onward and downward!!!

12/28/05
Down to 275...... that makes 111 overall, 83 since surgery. I kinda slacked off during my brithday and the Christmas holiday, but I am back on track, and working out with a vengence! I had some amazing wow moments, including being wooed by a 23 year old. Imagine that..... I am sooo loving the attention, I haven't felt this attractive since high school. I have to make sure it doesn't go to my head! Water is the hardest thing for me to get in these days, but I am struggling it down. It's hard to remember everything you have to take in daily, but I am concentrating on getting it done.

1/06/06
Happy New Year to me!!!!! I am stuck at the 272-273 mark, I got back in the gym after being mucho lazyo over the holidays. I bought more sessions with my trainer, I did my body measurements and was like WOW, I have lost 12 inches in my chest! How great is that, from a 54 to a 42. I am also feeling amazing these days. I still have my bad days, like today, I tried to eat half a sandwich and got way sick, but overalll things are great!

01/08/06
Alright, the last post didn't exactly cover everything. I'm dealing with some depression lately. Mostly due to the fact that I have been stuck at 272-275 for a little bit, and I am trying to reach 250 in time for a wedding I am going to in Feb. The personal life is also all thrown off, I've had to re-evaluate some of the treatment I have been receiving from people, and realized I had to let some of them go, resulting in the loss of a friendship I didn't know meant that much to me. It's funny that as you lose, you start to think about who you are and how you want people to relate to you and treat you. You realize that not everyone out there is for you, and you have to let go those that are against you. It's a hard process, though. For so long, I let myself be a doormat, being strong enough to stand up is tough. All this brought on some triggers that led me to bad habits again, not that I have binged on butterfingers or anything, but fat free chips and other snacks that I shouldn't. It's going to be hard, but I have got to kick the urge to snack and get back on track. And quickly.....

1/21/06
Still stuck, I have hovering at about 269 depending on what day u catch me, it goes between 269 and 272. I am still in the gym, and even did a complete rework of my food routine, I am pumping in about 70g of protein and 60 oz of water a day. But no moves on the scale. I am going to just stick with it, though, eventually it's gotta move. I have noticed some inches moving so that's keeping me going. I stepped up my training for 2006, more intense cardio, more weights, I'm feeling good, so I can't really complain..... but..... I WANT THE SCALE TO MOVE!!!!! I know there's a breakpoint where your body slows down, but a complete stop is unthinkable. Anyway, I still have some time before the wedding trip in Feb to see my best friend get hitched, so I will continue to work faithfully.......

(moments later)
Why am I tripping? I have lost 117 pounds! That's a whole skinny person! I have done a whole LOT of work to get here, it's gonna take a whole lot more to get to 160, and not overnight. I should just take a great big chill pill and go sit down with a protein shake and shut up.... Okay, now I'm done.

2/5/06
Well, I think I have figured out that my weight loss will not be continuing at the break neck pace I have enjoyed so far. Now is when the real work begins, the hard part, as they say. I am still in the gym, my workouts have picked up, I can do way more than I could to start out with, and my measurements make it obvious that the hard work is paying off. The areas I lose slowest in are my hips and waist, but I think that's just genetics,women in my family don't typically have small waists or hips. My stamina is great, I now charge forward on the elliptical like it's nothing, I had to change programs to keep it challenging, which is great. I also spent time for the first time cleaning out my closet to get rid of my 30/32 clothes. This was big for me. I wear a 22 now, but my mind won't tell me that the 30/32 didn't still fit. I had to bag that stuff up to keep me from still wearing it. It's a strange thing to not be able to see what others see, knowing you all have eyes. I will have to work on the mental perception part. Onward and downward!!! (just slower now)

2/14/2006
Happy Valentine's Day to me!!!!!! It's a great day! I'm down to 259 and having the time of my life. They say that attention is drawn to you after a certain point, and that is most certainly true. I know for a fact my attitude has changed along with my appearance, and those changes make others change with me, how they treat me, and what happens. I found someone standing right in front of me all along who has changed his view, and treats me like gold. And I am loving the upgrade. I also know I am more confident with myself, and love me before anything, whereas before I was so looking to please others. This surgery changes your body, but you also have to work to change your mind, and it can all be for the better.







2/23/2006
I have officially made it to 100 down since surgery!!!!!!! YAHOOO!!!!! That makes 129 overall. And I am soooo pleased. I got back from my trip to Washington DC this week, I had a blast, it was great. I had some major events occur:
1. I could fit in one airline seat comfortably
2. I could walk the airport with my luggage and I didn't feel like collapsing.
3. I could walk in the city and all the landmarks all day and not feel like collapsing. I actually felt really good.
When my best friend saw me, he was amazed. We have known each other since college, this is the smallest he's seen me, it was a cool moment to see his reaction.
The other thing this trip taught me is how to still have fun, but not overdo it on my diet and how to still listen to my body. I ate whatever I wanted, I even drank (quite a bit), but when I got home, I got back on my plan, and got back to losing. I am so glad to have that control, before, I would still be on a downward spiral into weight gain, fueled with Oreos and coke. I am still working out with my trainer, still getting the protein in, water is still a struggle, mostly because I forget, but I'm working on it. I'm trying for 245 by the end of March, we'll see if I get there. Onward and downward!!!!

03/11/06
Well, it's just keeps getting better...... I have 250 on my profile now, bit it's actually 249.4.... I broke 250!!!!! I can't even remember the last time I weighed this low. I am feeling like a million bucks, and I can't get enough positive feedback from the people around me. I have decided to up my workout schedule, so I'm going from two times a week with my trainer to adding a day to workout on my own, I found a gym location near me so that I can workout on Saturdays as well. I also adjusted my goal weight after talking it over with my trainer. She's shorter than me and weighs 170, she's a size 8, which is where I want to be, so with my muscle tone and added height, 180-185 should put me there. I can't believe it's only 70 pounds away. I have lost 136 pounds since Jan 05. That's mind blowing. Everything just seems to get better, my job is going better, I am working at fixing things around my house (my yard was looking like wild kingdom) and the love of my life is returning the sentiment in all the right ways, all of time. Content am I? Yes. But still working, cause 70 pounds don't disappear on their own..... onward and downward!!!

4/5/06
Another month, another 10 pounds.... I am happy with that. I don't want a lot of sagging skin, and I can tell that I am in the last stages of what I will lose because inches in some places have slowed down or stopped altogether. But the loss of inches in my waist and hips has picked up -- finally! Still working on my routine, and still working out with my trainer, which was the best post-op investment I made. I have my bad moments, when I eat junk but I am quick to pull it back together and get back on track. I have my 9 month followup appt with my surgeon in May, and I want to be 230 for that, so I need to get it moving for real!

4/27/06
Okay, it's been a minute since I posted.... things are good, I had a moment of insanity, about two weeks of all my bad habits coming back to kick my butt. I am truly an emotional eater, when I'm not happy... I EAT!!!! At least I recognize it now and can work on stopping the tide from carrying me out to sea. My job is running me ragged so my nerves are just bad. Plus, I missed a week of working out, so that didn't help either. But I got back on track, so I am where I was about 2 1/2 weeks ago, at 242. I'm just going to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. I can also eat more than I have in the past, and I notice it. It's actually kinda scary. I can eat 3/4 of a Jr. cheeseburger with one bun off. I couldn't get half of that down about 3 months ago. I am still concentrating on getting my protein in, I actually found a new supplement that will easily keep me at 50-75g of protein a day before my food intake, which is a good thing. And I fit into a size 18/20 jean!!!!! WOW!!! I am loving it... When I get to a 14, I am just going to pass out!

5/6/06
Okay, on 4/30/06, 7 days ago, I was at 242, now I am at 236, that's 6 pounds in 7 days. I had only lost 3 pounds last month, now I basically dropped the rest for that month. The only thing I changed was increasing my protein intake to 100g a day, I am still exercising and getting my water in, I have found that this has made my snack attacks go away, and I am back to eating like I am only 4 months out, which is waaaayyy wierd, I called my doc's office to make sure something wasn't wrong with me. I was looking to be 230 by 5/18..... looks like I might make it!!

5/28/06
Okay, I didn't make 230 by 5/18, I have gotten to 234. I have to remember that the fast drop days of this weight loss are over. I am still dropping weight, but it's not going to magically peel off anymore. And that's really a good thing, I am working extra hard to keep my body together while I lose all of this, I don't want to be all flabby at the end of it, anyway. The workouts are obviously doing their job, I have lost a total of 152 since the beginning, which is an AMAZING accomplishment, I am in awe of myself at times. I wear a 18/20 or 1X these days, sizes I haven't seen in over 10 years. I still can't get it in my head that I am this small, though, I still see myself at 26/28. I do have breakthrough moments when I see how good I look, and I am still motivated to get to my goal, I have only 54 more pounds to go, I have lost 3 times that already,so I can't say it can't be done! Onward and downward!!!

6/20/06
Things are going well. I am shooting for another 8 pounds down for the next month, I have 4 to go with two weeks left, hopefully I will get there, I have been eating like a donkey the last week. I have been stressed beyond belief and I willingly let the old habits right through the door, hell, I even pulled up a chair for them. But it's back to basics now. I'm still working out with my trainer, and it is really paying off now, I can see the muscle tone in my legs. I also bought my first pair of size 18 jeans this past weekend!!!!! It is really getting to the time when I am going to be impressed, the next size is 16, which I have never really worn in my life, I was in size 18 in like the 9th grade, so that will be great. I have a consultation with a plastic surgeon next month, I need a tummy tuck and the girls need to be brought back to north for real! We'll see how that goes.....

8/5/06
Well, I am only three days away from my one year rebirthday! Since surgery, I have lost a total of 134 lbs, together with the 28 I lost before surgery, I have lost a grand total of 162 lbs since Jan 05. I have gone from wearing a 30/32 (and some 34s) to an 18 that is starting to get big these days. It feels amazing. These days, I feel like I can do anything, and I'm having a great life. My honey is great, my job even got better, so I am a happy girl all around. I still want to lose another 44 lbs, and I will continue to keep up my program until I reach that goal. I didn't come this far for nothing!!! Onward and downward!!!!

10/11/06
Still losing.... down another 5 this month, and it's a fight now for every pound, it seems. I am still working out faithfully, still getting in at least 50-60g of protein from supplements alone, and still taking my vitamins. I can't wait to get to the maintenance part, I have lost 171 already, I have about 35 or so more to go, I just want to be done at this point, it's getting on my nerves to be so conscious of every little thing, but that's part of what I signed up for. I have to keep reminding myself that anything worth having is worth working like hell for. And I am definately working....

11/11/06
I kicked up my program and got 8 outta the way this month.... I am not working with my trainer anymore (too expensive), but I have all the knowlege I need to keep my workout program going.  I adjusted my cardio to 30 min 3-4 times a week, with strength training 2 times a week.  I also have had a change in tastes on protein and I can't take one of the supplements I used to take a lot, so I'm trying to find a replacement and eating more protein in the meantime.  But it's working out just fine.  I haven't lost 8 lbs in a month in a long time.  I want to break into the 199 field for December.  My goal is to be under 200 for my B-Day, Dec 15th.  I think I may even be a size 16 -- I just haven't been in any stores to try any clothes on.  I still want to lose another 30 lbs, and this is definately the hardest part of the whole journey, the last pounds are WORK!!!  Don't let anybody say that this surgery is the easy way out, I have been through hell and back over the last year and change.... but, in the words of Maya Angelou - I wouldn't trade nothing for my journey now! 

1/11/07
Happy New Year to me!!!!  It's a great day today, I broke 200 lbs for the first time since my early high school years, and I am too happy!  The scale said 198.8 this morning, and I almost did a backflip.  That's only 2lbs for this month, but I have lost inches in a major way, so I know my body is still losing and rearranging things as I go down the weight chart.  I am in 14s now, which is amazing to me.  I have had to relearn where to shop, all the stores I was so comfortable in are now too big.  It's a hard switch to make in my head, but it's a great feeling! 

2/11/07
It just keeps getting better..... I bought my first pair of size 12 jeans this past week.  I have never worn a 12 in my adult life.  I am also finding that I can't shop in any of the stores I used to live in.  Ashley Stewart, Layne Bryant, Avenue.... all memories.  I can't fit the smallest size in there anymore!  And I find that I have to ask salespeople where my size is, I still automatically go to the plus size section in the back of the store, but now my size is in the front!!!  It's a amazing mind shift, I am still working to get used to it.  And the attention from men is outrageous.  I enjoy it to a degree, but it gets on my nerves sometimes too.  Funny how you think something is so great but when you have it you see that it's got flaws too, huh?  Anyways, I am still working out, and I find that when I work out, my weight loss slows down, which is good now, because I am close to my goal.  My doc says my ideal weight is 150, but I do not think I want to be that small.  I'm a size 12 now, and I can see and feel bones in places I didn't know you could do that.  I would imagine that at a size 8 I would be too thin, and look a little wierd.  We will see how it goes, I am not really concentrating on losing weight anymore, it just keeps going on it's own.  We'll see where we land.......

4/14/07
I am now just 9 pounds away from my goal... and 3 pounds from a total loss of 200 pounds.  That is a defining moment, my friends.

Okay, somehow that size 12 turned back into a 14, I can only wear SOME 12s... DANG!!  But I am working to get into the 12s for real.  Still losing, and now I am finding I have periods of extreme fatigue, where I can't stay up at night and it seems like I pass out asleep, not go to sleep.  I like the fact that my 14 is a misses 14, not a women's plus size 14.  I officially cannot wear plus size clothes anymore!!  It's so cool for people to see me as a small or average size person, the looks of interest or envy are cool to me.  It used to be looks of disgust.  Now when I meet people, they tell me I look athletic and thin.  It used to be "you're such a nice person", or "you have such a pretty face".... that crap.  The way fat people are treated is so amazingly different.  I find that I fall into that stereotype as well, that I am thinking the same discriminatory thoughts about larger people that thin people used to think and say about me.  My friends who have had the surgery do the same thing, it's odd that we should become hypocrites.

As for food intake, I find I can do pretty much what I want.  Recently, I just started eating sushi again, I can eat a roll (6 pieces) at one sitting, sometimes only 5, depends on the roll.  I can eat a small bowl of turkey chili, or 3/4 of a fillet of tilapia from Luby's or somewhere, or a whole 6oz filet mignon.  But NO SIDES with any of this.  So it's not like I'm scarfing down big meals.  It's nice to be able to order from the general part of the menu, though.  People still bug me about why I don't eat a lot.  Sometimes I tell them, sometimes not.  When I don't, they just accept that I'm thin and that's how I eat.  I'm still religious about my vitamins and supplements, and my protein and water intake.  I still do a protein shake in the morning for my day starter, and I make sure I have protein in every meal I have during the day, I focus on that still. 

I have a trip planned for July and another in October, so I am going to start working out with my trainer again starting today.  I am going to focus on building muscle, since the fat is gone.... wow.  That's great to say.  The FAT IS GONE!!!!  Hehehehehe!  Well, I have to change my closing slogan...  ONWARD AND LEANER!!!!

5/28/07
Okay, I gained 4 pounds.... GRRR!  I am NOT happy with that! I have been eating pretty well, but my exercise has slacked off, with my new job and all, it's been difficult to get a routine going again.  I am determined to get it done, though.  I have a new weight routine, so I am planning to make some moves this month and get back on track, I still want to see my 180 goal!!!

6/27/07

Alright.... down one pound.  I am starting to think I am done until I get my plastics.  I think I have about 20lbs of skin to remove, I have a consult scheduled with Dr. LoMonaco on 8/14.  I want a lower body lift and breast aug.  I will focus on maintenence and toning until then.  I want to see what he tells me... cause I'm about to go CRAZY trying to lose this last 12 lbs....

7/26/07
Well, I am down to 188 right now.... which is great.  Hard to hold on too though.  Funny how life gets in your way when you are on a roll.  I was down to 186, but then up pops the break-up monster!  ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!  Of course when you're depressed, the first thing you want to do is eat, so I start craving all the wrong things.... but I'm going to kick the monster in his butt and do the Fat Smash diet starting next week, I now want to see 170!  I have my plastic surgeon consult on 8/14.... with any luck, I will be able to get done what I want done.  We will see.....

7/28/07
Official weigh in.... another 4 down!!!  2lbs away from 200 lost total!!!!  WOW......... and this is an honest break of the 190s.... I haven't seen 190 on the scale in a lil over a week, so I know it's gone.  I'm about to start the Fat Smash diet, I am sick and tired of all the protein and meat, it will be a welcome change to get creative with vegetables.  And I am really excited about eating beans and rice!  LOL.  Still exercising, it's a staple in my life now, gotta have it, or I really notice when I don't.  I'm still not wearing the 12s I want to wear, but I am happy with how I look, I know I have done great work, so I WILL NOT complain.  I do now want to get to 170, though.  I originally said 180, but I am officially revising that now.  This is a big step for me, in the beginning, 190 was gonna be it for me, then I saw it, and wanted a lil bit more.  I think 170 is the mark.  This whole process is absolutely about yourself and what YOU are happy with.  I absolutely know I control my destiny, and no one can tell me different!  So.... FAT SMASH... here I come!!!! 

Onward and downward!!!!!!!!!!!

12/06/07
I should be shot for not posting in so long... LOL.  Life has been busy!!!  New job, really getting settled in to how things are going, and I have been doing pretty good.  Had a 3 month streak of NOT getting my azz in the gym, but I have resolved that, and my eating and everything has been going well.  No episodes of any problems or nothing, so all is well.  I am officially permanently under 190.  I find it takes at least 60 days of steady showing at one weight before I can really claim to be there, cause it will fluctuate.  My body seemed to finally want to move on and lose some more, so I have been in the 184-186 range for about 3 months, which I love!  I would like to lose more, but I am still waiting for my plastic surgery approval, so I am not really driving hard to lose till I know about that.....

Food intake is cool, I eat just about whatever, but some days things that used to be okay don't work and I get sick.  I also still dump, but I can eat some sugar, just not a lot.  I pretty much know where my limit is, and if I over step it, I pay for it!  My body seems to be changing a bit, I am smaller in some places (arms, legs) even my stomach area seems a little smaller.  I am not wearing 12s yet, but I am more happy with how I look in the 14s these days.  Now that I am back working out, it seems as if I am toning up.  Maybe that 3 month break was a good thing, gave my body time to rest and relax... now it's back to the bricks!  And trust me, that first time back was KILLER!!!!  LOL, I definitely lost some conditioning and it took about two weeks to get back to a somewhat decent level on the treadmill and my weights.  I had to start back to my pre-conditioning levels almost!  That was embarassing!  Plus, I find I really do love lifting weights, it's relaxing to me.  

Oh - last thing.  I cut my hair.  When I was fat, I wore weave and braids to have big hair to balance my big face.  First thing I did when I lost enough was cut it real short cause only skinny chicks look right with short hair, right?  Well, then I decided I want to have hair again and be small cause I didn't know what that felt like..... well, now I truly know I LOVE SHORT HAIR!!!  LOL.  I just like it short, and I think I look damn good that way, plus it's easier to keep up with all my gym time.  Sooooo - it's going to stay short!!! 

12/11/07

My B-day is in 4 days!!!!  Yahooo!!!!  And today - I can claim the double centry club!!!  I always wait about 30 days to stay at a weight before I know I am really there - the body can play tricks on you and you gain 5 lbs in a day and never see the low weight again, but I have been at 186 for a month so it's real!!!!!  I am sooo looking forward to partying with my girls this weekend, it's going to be a blast and I WILL be having a GREAT time!!!

Lemme tell you something about WLS - it DOESN"T change WHO you are.  I have been struggling with dealing with some things in the relationships in my life, and about me not demanding and stepping forward for what I deserve and it's ME, was never the WEIGHT that allowed it.  Some people thing WLS will make them popular, well liked, well treated or respected, NOPE - only YOU can do that for YOU - and it shouldn't take WLS to make that happen, but easier said than done.  

12/28/07
Well, we are closing the year out... I wanted to be sure i posted before 2008.... this year has been a wild ride, and I have LOVED every minute.  I finally got to my goal of losing 200 lbs and a size 14 and I am LOVING me for real!  I hope and pray that I will be able to get my PS next year, but even if i don't.... I feel and look GREAT!!!!  I don't regret a single moment of the last two and a half years, and I am so happy i made the choice to change my life - it has only gotten better.  Sure I still have my good and bad days, who doesn't, but the bad days aren't nearly as bad as they used to be.  i am looking forward to 2008! 

02/04/08
Man, the holidays are NO JOKE!!!  LOL.  I went up to 195 by New Year's Day.  I ate my azz off all through Christmas and what not and really didn't go to the gym worth a lick.  And it SHOWED!!!  Whew!  I had to get back on the grind for real, which I did just before New Years, and I am now back to my 186-187.  I swear I was ready to throw myself in front of a train when I saw 195 on the scale.  I don't EVER want to be back in the 190s again..... not even visiting!  I also had an IUD put in at the beginning of the year, a bunch of folks have been getting prego at work and on the BAF board, I don't want that shiot to catch me!  LOL.  Besides, I hated the pill, it was messing with my moods and hormones.  Plus. not having to even think about BC for 5 years is totally attractive to me!  LOL.  So, I got back in the gym, and cut my carb intake like totally down (I was on a bread and pasta kick that was killer!).  I started taking an appetite suppressant to get control of my snacking, and loaded up on protein bars to munch on at work when I got the snack monster knocking my back down.  Well, it worked.  Two months and those 9 lbs are gone.... WHEW!!  I was going to start crying if I couldn't get em off, cause I have done waaaayyyy too much work for me to start backsliding now!

On the plastic surgery front, I have dropped the PS I had a consult with last year, his staff hasn't been able to give me an answer on my file and won't even return my calls.  Plus, he was out of network for my insurance, and I found a new doc thru the OH website, I have a consult with him this Tues.  He's in network, and has a great reputation.  I figure this is just the way it was meant to be, much like the way my RNY went.  I didn't like the first surgeon I did a consult for it either.  Que sera, sera... but I want my PS done in 2008!  Lower body lift for sure, breast aug hopefully.  We will see what happens!!!! 

3/8/2008

Man oh man..... it's been a good month - lost another 3 lbs... can't complain.  I have now seen that I just have to go with the flow, but not overdo things, I haven't been a religous as I would like with the protein routine and working out - but I am listening to my body and not abusing my opportunities - in other words, living like I have some sense!!!  LOL.  I have been in the gym - don't get me wrong, just not gutting it out and obsessing over it - if I was tired, I didn't go, I rested.  And I haven't been doing the protein supplements in the morning like normal over the last two weeks, just cause I got tired of em, but I have been sticking to my vitamins.  I always stick to those - it's serious business and they don't have calories, so I have no excuse to skip them.  Losing the last couple of pounds without concentrating just shows me that my body is going to do what it damn well pleases and I just need to keep acting in good conscience and I will be okay ;)

I had my consult with the new PS - I like his office and staff much better and he doesn't want to do the LBL and Breast aug at the same time - he says it's too much work so they would need to be done seperately.  In order to submit the info to my insurance, I had to chose a data, and it's June 5, 2008.  I am focused and praying on this - I really want to see these 20-25lbs of skin gone, it will make me feel SUPER better - and it'll stop me from wearing the dang girdles and crap!  I would love to just put underwear then my clothes on, but I refuse to let the girdles go because of how I look without them.  

N-E-Ways --- it's been going great - no real issues or problems!  Onward --- (don't know if I have anymore downward left in me! LOL) 

4/12/08
I am approved for my LBL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, insurance TECHNICALLY has approved a pannicectomy (sp?).  Insurance is such a joke sometimes - they will pay to remove the skin, but don't pay for any of the contouring or anything - so the lip, butt aug and the shaping to make me look DECENT is on me - but that's okay by me!  Insurance has to pay the bulk of the tap so I am grateful!  And June 5th is booked at the hospital!  It's a DONE DEAL!!!!  My pre-op appt is May 13th - it's coming sooo fast - just like my WLS.  It's so true what they say - he might not come when YOU want him, but he's always RIGHT ON TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am happy, happy, happy!!!!!!

4/21/08
As yall know - I was all happy a couple weeks ago that I was approved through my insurance, right?  So what saga could I have at this point? - the out of pocket costs after insurance! The doctor I saw quoted me 17K AFTER insurance on Friday - I spent the weekend in the bottom of a couple of bottles of wine and a pack of cookies!  BUT - being the analyst I am, I had to know WHAT THE HECK happened with that glorified approval?????  Wellll - here's what happened:

When I started, the doc I went to was in the UHC network (that's why I picked him), two weeks after my consultation and before my insurance approval, he moved on to open his own practice and left the UHC network.  Unbeknownst to me, this made my approval more of a discount incentive rather than payment for a procedure.  So the quote they gave me was essentially a total out of pocket quote with the insurance approval as a added discount, rather than really paying for anything.  His total for a Lower body lift, butt aug and lipo would have been 25K!!!  With my insurance, it was knocked down to 17K ---- ummmm, will you take a post dated check? - Like for the year 2020???  LOL

I got to researching - the procedure that was approved and deemed medically necessary by UHC is called a panniculectomy.  This is ONLY the removal of skin and fat from approx 2-3 inches above your belly button to your pubic bone, and from hip to hip.  This procedure does not cover or address the tightening of the stomach muscles underneath - that is an abdominoplasty.  It will also not address any back fat, and if you have issues further than your hip, you may have 'hooks' left on the sides.  Now, I don't know about you - but I can live with 'hooks' instead of the APRON I got now......

I searched and found an IN NETWORK surgeon and talked to his staff - THEY ROCK!!!  I can get the panniculectomy and abdominoplasty and it would be about 3-4K outta my pocket with the insurance coverage --- ummm, can you take my DEBIT CARD - cause I GOT THAT!!!  LOL  The 17K doc didn't even want to discuss backing down the procedures or altering the quote (at first)!!!  Well - BUNK THAT!  

I refuse to believe that God brought me this far and got me the approval for the MAJOR part of what i want done to let my dream be dashed - I REFUSE!!!  Now - I will admit - I got vain with all those other procedures - I can and WILL live with imperfection - I am not seeking perfection, only God is perfect, I am seeking comfort and the ability to move without complication, and to not have rashes and skin issues - so I will gratefully accept the release from that burden and IF God sees fit to make way for more - my praise will abound - I am only a servant to his glory - I follow his path always!!!

Update:  As of late today - I have now decided to forgo the LBL and just do a panniculectomy with abdominoplasty - w/the IN NETWORK doc..... last I talked to the other doc - they had lowered the other quote to 14K - then quoted me 9K for the panniculectomy w/abdominoplasty but then said they needed more time to quote it because I threw the insurance coverage at 90% in their face - guess they realized they weren't dealing with a dummy.  Too bad - because now I don't trust them at all! 

4/26/08
Alright - so here's the PS update - I got an adjusted quote from the doc I started working with - 5K out of pocket for me for the pannicelectomy and the abdominoplasty.  I had to get creative, but I got that and I can do it..... BUT I have two consults with other docs - one this upcoming Wed 4/30 and one on 5/12...... I will have to get another opinion before I really make a decision, but it's great to know that I definitely have the money no matter what.  I am really comfortable about that - and know that I will be lead to whatever is the best solution for me - and this stomach will be GONE no matter what!!!!!  Wow - no more stomach in just over a month - I can't even believe it!  I can't wait to post before and after shots!!!  I hope one of the other two surgeons can beat the price and still give me what I am looking for - I will wait, pray and see what happens......

5/5/08
Ok- went to the consult on 4/30 and I have a new Doc picked out!!!  Dr Rose!  WHOOOO  I put my non-refundable deposit down today so there is NO turning back!  i am sooo excited - the facility he works out of is loads better than the other one and I am not dealing with the nickel and diming and crazy $$ the staff quoted with the other doc.  And he says i will be pancake flat!  i can't even imagine that - I keep pushing my stomach fat around in the mirror every night trying to imagine what I will look like - I am now 30 days away - the date is still June 5th with the new doc - so I am working on getting all my leave paperwork submitted at work and getting things at home together.  I decided I would be out from June 5 to July 7 - that will give me more than enough time to heal and deal with the new, slimmer me!  

6/5/08
Today is Tummy Tuck Day!!!!!!  I will leave my house in the next 30 min to go and have this GUT CUT!!!  I am excited, a bit scared, but ready to just DO IT.  I took my before pics sunday, did my measurements last night so I have all my stats.  I super cleaned my house, organized everything and there is nothing left but to just wheel me in and get it done.  I am soooo ready!!!!  See you on the flat tummy side!!!

Measurements: Hips - 45.25''
Waist - 37''
Midline - 41''

6/7/08
Ok, two days after my TT and I am feeling pretty damn good!  Not in pain, just uncomfortable.  I am amazed at how much pain I DON'T have.  The drains are, of course, getting on my nerves, but they should come out Tuesday.  I have been up and walking around more late yesterday and feel pretty good to walk around today.  This has really been a less difficult experience than I anticpated, I am VERY plesantly surgprised.  So far so GREAT!  I plan to post pics when I get my drains out - to be honest, I haven't even looked at myself that much yet, but I can tell something is very different cause when I go potty, the hunk of meat that used to lay on my thigh ain't there no more!  LMAO  

6/16/08
This has been horrible.  Two days after my 'supposed' TT, I was writing about feeling all good and whatnot - well, I was also still all bandaged up - I had not seen my own skin yet.  I got to see it on 6/8 - the day after my last post and that's when my world fell apart.  Turns out my asshole surgeon only did a panniculectomy on me, he did NOT do a tummy tuck at ALL!!!!  He wasn't there when I woke up from the procedure so he of course didn't tell me then, when I went to his office the next day to have the gauze changed, he wasn't there to tell me, and when his assistant changed my gauze, she had a look on her face that was wierd but told me that it was just a lot of swelling..... well when I looked on Sunday - SWELLING MY AZZ!!!!!  At my post op appt that following Tuesday 6/10, I confronted him because he didn't even tell me THEN to start off with that he didn't do the TT!!!!  Well, then he tries to 'sell' me on the great improvement due to the pannis removal - MOFO I paid for the panniculectomy AND the dayum TT!!!!!!  Now he's telling me to wait 3-6 mos to see what it will look like and also NOW telling me that I will never be flat because there is too much tissue  WTF???  Before the procedure, he was promising I would be washboard flat!!!!  Lying ass!!!  Dr. Franklin Rose in Houston, TX cannot handle a high WLS patient - it's too big a job and he obviously does NOT have the skills.

7/13/2008
I am on the Wagon!!!!  LOL - it's a new diet plan that I started and it WORKS!!!  I was 189 at the beginning of this week, and severly DEPRESSED over it - I saw this new plan, read about it, it kinda made sense so I decided to try it this week...... I am 182.5 today!!!!  And I have had cookies and milk TWICE a day, EVERYDAY!!!!  OMFG!!!!  LOL - It's been amazing.  I still drink my wine in the evenings, eat cookies and milk, and I lost weight, and was only in the gym on Saturday.  I don't even want to question HOW it works, I just plan to keep following it until the bitter end!  I am so happy to be back down from the 189 ledge, I could cry!  Well - I ain't the cryin type so maybe not that LOL!  Anyway - things from the surgery are still settling - I am swelling up at various times and it's wierd as all get out, but other than that, it's all good - Round 3 with jackleg surgeon to come after I go to Vegas next week.  I am just not in the mood to deal with his punk azz till I get back from chillin! 

7/30/08
WHEW!!!!  It's been a CRAZY month!!!!  Let's see...... first back to work after the fiasco TT - that was hard.  I wanted to look a certain way when I returned, and it was hard to swallow my disappointment and keep it moving.  Have some major things going on at work, I will be taking on a LOT more responsiblity and they were just waiting for me to get back to start ramping that up.  It's going to be exciting,looks like this may be the job I stay at for more than 2.5 years..... that my current record.  Anyway - was in Vegas last week - half the week on business, the other half relaxing and it was FUN!!!  I got to walk the strip - I went last time in 2006 and had a good time, but THIS time I was comfy in my own skin and all and it was really cool.  Got looked at SEVERAL times, and had a dude stop me and ask to sit with me and by me drinks cause I was so beautiful!  That was a major boost!  I also wore a tank top and shorts in public for the first time without feeling that I needed a jacket - AND of course I fit perfectly in the airplane seat - and schlepping all my crap around in the airports was no trouble at all.  I am sooooo glad that I did not have to attempt all that at 386 - I never would have made it.  As for my weight - I fell the HELL off the Wagon plan in Vegas and was 185 when I got back, three days now back on the Wagon - 182!  That plan is amazing!  I get to eat what I WANT (for the most part) and I am really full and satisfied!  I am glad I decided to try it, it's easier to stick to than I thought, and it's waaaaayyyy more friendly than Atkins or other stuff I have ever tried.  I DO still take my fat burners though.....   Well - I STILL want to be 165 by the end of the year - so let's get going!!!!!!  We will see how far I get......

8/4/08

Well - tomorrow it will be three years!  I am waiting until the morning to update my weight though (hoping to break into the 179s LOL)  It's been a GREAT three years - especially since the last year has just been maintaining.  And it hasn't been the easiest thing in the world, but I have done it.  I haven't gone back to 200 since I left it - not even came close.  I have kept working out, and done various things to keep myself on track - now I am on the Wagon plan and it's fabulous for me.  I have been able to keep off the 9 lbs I had gained after my plastics and went back to work with in July - and even though I got off the plan for a week, I got right back in the groove and got back on track with no problem.  I think I may have found my long term maintenence plan.  I have enjoyed shopping and dressing in new things that I haven't worn in years, or thought I COULD or SHOULD wear, I have traveled more in the last two years than my entire life and it's been AMAZING to be in this new, smaller me.  I am admittedly obsessive about staying small - since I had been so big for all my life, there's no way I want to give up the ground I have gained now!  And I will need to work on that obsessiveness at some point.  For now, it keeps me in line, and keeps me honest.  I am still deathly afraid of returning to anything like the 386 me - there's no way I want to go back to the prision of that body and I will continue to work hard and do ANYTHING to make sure I don't go back!!!!!!

8/5/08

Today is my 3 year sugriversary!!!!!!!

I can't believe it's been this long!  WOW - my how time flies!  There are so many memories and mental references of the 'old' me that I have forgotten, it seems like lifetime since I was in a bad way with my weight.  I look at my before pics in AWE of that woman in them. 

It hasn't been an easy three years either.  I worked my AZZ off all this time and CONTINUE to work my azz off to make sure that chick in the pics does NOT come back!  I have carefully monitored my eating and NEVER go more than 10lbs outta wack.  I think I have had about two times when I gained 6 or even 9 lbs and I put the brakes on everything and got it back down.  Before WLS, I let 5lbs turn into 10, turn into 20 and so on - NEVER AGAIN!!!

And I am proud of me!  As of this morning I have gone from 386lbs to 179.6 lbs!!!!! That is 206.4 lbs LOST!!!!!  To say that I have LOST more than I WEIGH is amazing to me, and that I have kept it off to within a 10lb range for the last year means it ain't just a fad - it's here to stay.  My life is so much better, healthier and lovelier now that I can move to enjoy it, I don't want to lose this feeling! 

Have I been perfect the whole time?  NO!  I have eaten things I shouldn't have, have stopped exercising at times, I have dumped, I have drank (last night as a matter of fact) and I have seen the effects of it.  WLS is NOT the easy option.  I think those who have WLS sign up for a LIFETIME of monitoring, of checking, of some level of worrying ALL THE TIME - so ain't nothing easy about it!  BUT - for those willing to put in the work, the reward is AMAZINGLY FANTASTICALLY GOOD!!!!!!

And - I WILL NOT celebrate today with food!  How many times did we treat ourselves to food in the past?  No - today, I celebrate by simply loving me today, with no reservations, no apologies and no being humble...... TODAY I AM THE SHIOT TO ME ALL DAY!!!!!

 
8/10/08

Sooooo - I have been doing this Wagon Plan thing pretty good - 176.2 this morning!!  At this rate I will definitely see 175 - lawdy lawdy lawdy!!!  I can't even imagine looking down at MY feet and seeing 175 anywhere near them on a scale - that will truly be a day of revelation and rejoice for me.   If you are wondering what the hell plan I am talking about - here's the link to it :http://thewagonplan.wordpress.com/  it is based in science - although it's not created by a doctor.  It does work if you follow it!  I have been on it since 7/7 when I went back to work after my surgery and I must say - it's been a great plan for me!  Because I am now 3 yrs out, liquid only, no carb or any other plan with serious restrictions just doesn't work for me - I can't concentrate long enough to get through something like that anymore.  I used to do the protein train (Atkins Phase I) all the time, no sweat - now, if I even THINK about it, I'm hugging a piece of toast for dear life within 20 min!!!  PLUS - I do dump, but can eat some sugar, so I like to have a lil something.  Well, on this plan, I can have cookies, candy, doughnuts or whatever as long as I balance it and work it into my calorie count for the day.  It sounded crazy to me to start with, but when I went back to work 7/7 at 189lbs, I said I could give ANY damn thing a shot!  I have really not been hungry - it's actually a challenge to get the calories in!  And I do have to get them in - not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much.  Anyway - to me, it the perfect plan for 'vets' of WLS who need a good way to maintain their weight without doing anything totally drastic and depriving themselves of the foods they crave.  Now- there's still plenty of stuff I CAN'T eat - BUT - there's so much more I can on this vs. Atkins that I am okay with it!  I am still going to wait till the 1 month mark to weigh back in on my chart but having lost almost 13lbs since the beginning of last month is great to me!  Even with one week of going off the plan (was in Vegas) and gaining 5, I got right back on it when I returned and poof! 
Oddly enough, the only thing I can now think of is once I hit 165 - what then?  I've never been that small and to say that I'm done losing weight will be the oddest feeling in the world.  Like losing your best friend or a pet or something..... like I say - WLS is only on your body - YOU gotta work on your HEAD too!!!

9/4/08
I went shopping at Ashely Stewart this weekend - they go down to a size 12, so I figured I would SEE IF I could fit into them - been at 14s for a while, but noticed that they were loose and I even FINALLY got into my size 12 Gloria Vanderbuilt jeans again with no problem!!!  I bought 5 pair of pants at AS - I was SO excited!!!  I took a pic (it's me in the orange shirt) and was thrilled to be in a 12..... well, I posted the pic and everybody was like 'your pants are too big' I didn't want to hear it!!!  LOL - so yesterday after work I pop into NY and Co and grab a size 10 and an 8 so I could PROVE my azz was still 12......... the 10 fit NO PROBLEM - the 8 FIT, snug - but FIT!!!!!!  OMFG!!!!  I bought 4 pairs of size 8 pants!!!!!!!  I am totally, utterly THRILLED!!!!!  I have gone from a size 32 to a size 8!!!!!  This is AMAZINGLY good - totally AWESOME and VERY lovely indeed!!!!  I will stay on the Wagon till I lose enough to make the 8s nice and comfy to where I can tuck in my shirt with no problem - probably another 5-10 lbs.  THIS has been my goal all along - and I MADE IT!!!!  Hard work DOES pay off and this tool DOES work if you respect it and work it!!!!