Yesterday I got alot of paperwork done for yet another scholarship app for my daughter. Leo transferred to a new command (he is in the Navy) and I was asked to be an Ombudsman. I was the ombudsman for his prior unit for two years. I am so honored as this command deals with Sailors who are deployed overseas but not as a part of their own unit. That means many families are home dealing with different issues not part of their team.
I was asked to develop an online support group, as well as getting together locally with families. Well hello...that is what we do here!
Today I am not faring as well as I'd like. I am having issues as a result of adding more iron. In keeping with Ann's eloquent post about Confessions....I woud like to talk about  something that is not to be ashamed of.  Depression. Although I have been seeing my physicatrist,   depression and anxiety have become  a major issue for me post op.   I have suffered from depression since I was about 14 years old but my Mom was more concerned with my weight and when she would take me to a doctor, I would get diet pills instead of dealing with the underlying issue.God forbid I was fat!  At 23 I got married, but my first husband did not believe in medicine. (Good thing he is my ex now) When we separated in 1998, I started taking antidepressants for the situational depression aka the pressures/sadness of divorce. 

Fast forward to 2002. I had found and married the man of my dreams, moved to Virginia and when my sailor came home from deployment got pregnant. Wow. I miscarried 8 weeks later. Four weeks after that my Mom passed away, very unexpectedly. Three weeks later, I miscarried again with the twin I has previously lost. (I didn't know I was carrying twins) These events sent me over the edge and I saw 3 differerent phsicatrist's before finding the right one. God Bless this man and the medicines he prescribed. I was on heavy duty meds until I was 4 months post op and was able to come off two of the meds. Now at 10 months out my doctor and I have been trying to find the right balance since absorbtion is now an issue.

I find myself wanting to eat everything bad to comfort my pain. Then I look at all of you here, and am so glad I have such a great group of caring folks. I put the cookie in the trash, take another protein drink and crank up the music to get passed those demons.

I share my story because I am not ashamed of my mental health issues. We share if we are diabetic, or if we have high blood pressure. To those struggling with your own demons I am here for you.

I pushed the limits anyway. I have been maintaining my weight for the past month or more. Today I visited my daughter at her work...an ice cream shop. Yeppers, I had to get some and I am paying the piper.
DUMP city. Just too much sugar. Nausea, sweating, feeling faint, dizzy and crampy. It is so not worth it. 
The pouch rules.
I did buy a new dress yesterday from BJ's wholesale club of all places. Due to my chest size and the belly skin, I got a size 12. I brought it home, put it on and must say I look like a million bucks! Got new shorts too, but shoulda taken the 10's.
My neice is getting married in August and I can't wait. I need to get my teeth whitened and think I am going to  have the Zoom procedure done.A dazzling white smile will distract from a few lumps and bumps. I really want a boob job. Maybe next year if Leo makes Chief.
Until later..
Thanks for stopping by

Today marks the 4th or 5th straight day of rain. Rain + cold = pain for me.
I don't want to do anything cause my Uncle Arthur--arthritis--is flared up with a vengence. Plus the fact that I still am having depression issues. I saw dr Ellison and he increased my Paxil,left the Seroquel alone and wants to see me in a month. Phhsh. 
Last week Leo shot a nail in his fingers while  building our porch. What a trooper he is back to work the next day and the job is nearly done. Amazing man I married. 
I keep forgetting to get the special batteries that my damn scale needs. I know I'm not gaining but not loosing either. My choices for foods have been slacking of late. Hoo boy. I can eat chocolate. I can eat 3 cookies. Now I am just getting back to telling myself that NO you can't. I love food. But I have learned to love my newfound health and dare I say beauty. 
Anyone else have that pad of fat on their tailbone and/or pubic bone? It really bothers me. 
I need to buy more protein powders but $$ is a problem of late. Leo goes to school full time and gets no assistance for books. Man are those things expensive even when he buys on ebay or half.com and such. Then there is the daughter, Kristin, who will be going to college in the fall. More $$$ to lay out for admission fees etc.And I still have not received a refund from the wls expo.  Anyway, I digress. I need to get protein in through at least two shakes a day. I cannot eat enough food to get in all my protein. Been drinking a lot of coffee and and peppermint tea and needed so meting different. In the kitchen I go to mix up something special. LOL So today I made a Big Train low carb spiced chai..with a scoop of unflavored protein and a couple of splashes of SF daVinci vanilla syrup. Can you say yummy? It takes like gingerbread with a hint of vanilla. Very soothing. Now I got to get out of this chair and get the bones moving. At least for a little while anyhow. Then this afternoon I'm def gonna take a nap.
Thanks for checking in with me. Have a good day!