OK...so I am going to tell what happened to me on Sat. My husband and I decide to go to a Mexican music concert in Sac. it was a last minute deal so you could imagine how i was feeling. We were having a bad day and believe me it just got worst. So we were hanging out and dumb a$$ me decides hey why not have a beer it is cheap and big so my husband and I can share we were lucky that we were found by some of his family so we decided hey lets sit by them. I went potty and came back and was having a drink, having fun, relaxed and then boy oh boy did i start getting a sharp pain in my left side, I then started telling my husband hey my side hurts and that i was in a lot of pain and so being the comprehensive husband that he is (lol) he was just like your drunk that is what it is and i was like no i am not then before i knew it I PASSED OUT. I came to on the steps of Arco Arena, for one we were way at the top and it was warm but some lady brought me back by putting rubbing alcohol in my face (dont ask me how she got it) and my husband's cousin was pouring ice cold water down my back and head so yup that brought me back. THe security guard then said that she was going to call the ambulance because i was out of it, yes thinking that i was drunk and i kept telling her that i was not then i started to explain that i had surgery and that the gas in the beer was trying to come out and it couldn't and that i was in a lot of pain. I will never forget the look on my husbands face he was upset thinking that i was drunk the tried to get me up and i just kept falling because of the pain in my stomach it felt like my intestine contracted it was HORRIBLE! I then sat in the toilet at ARCO thinking geez can it just come out and of course it didn't. I got up once again and tried to walk it off well the pain got the best of me again and i fell again and then the security was like i am going to call if your on the floor and by then i said GO FOR IT i have insurance anyway but i thought for sure with my luck i will probably poop my pants or something on the way out, so i just kept saying let me calm my pain down PLEASE!! The look on my husbands face was unforgettable.... so i finally got up and sat at the top row of arco arena and there the AC was hitting me and i just closed my eyes and calmed myself down and the pain subsided and then my husband kept telling me lets go home but i just couldn't i was scared that i would be in the middle of the parking lot and then i would have to use the restroom so i kept telling him to wait and he thought that i was just trying to be strong and stick it out but only i knew what the hell i was feeling. Well I finally made it home with pain yes but not as much i took a warm bath and fell asleep. The pain lasted throughout the weekend and my stomach is finally relaxing this morning. It was a scary ordeal but it opened a lot of doors of conversation with my husband on Sunday, we really talked about what happened and i realized that he was scared and did not know what to do but i told him that he had to listen to me because only i know my body best and it also helped out because we talked about all my emotional crap i am going through and i out the cards out on the table and asked if he was willing to support me because i need to figure out myself but i need his support and of course he said he loved me and is willing to help me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...I officially turn 29 jeje!!  Well since i for some reason are scared to post on the main board i dunno why...  so I think my downfall started when i volunteered to be part of the 5 day pouch test..yes i was not successful and yes i do feel like i am not were i should be physically and psychologically at this point in my surgery.  It has been a year and 4 mo.  since my surgery and I am still not at my goal weight, I do sit and cry while i type but yet as much as they are tears of sadness i honestly feel good putting it out there (my feelings)  I feel as if I have been bottling stuff up inside and no one understands (but you).  It has been hard i believe the past couple of months first of all economically it has been way to hard and thank god now i am back at work.  My only son started preschool and i leave him there all day and boy that is hard for me because he cries and cries for his mommy and yet i cannot pick him up early because i dont get off of work till 5 and yes i know it is the best thing for him.  You see i dont want to take him to my moms because for one she is a clutter queen and she is going through enough of her stuff to be putting up with my son and she tends to be really negative and i honestly do not want that around my son because growing up it hurt me too much.  THat is something that is really hard for me and as i type i realize it is something that i have to work through soon cause it hurts.  Another reason why it has been hard for me well there was a teacher that i loved and adored were i worked  passed away on Sept. 9th and yeah i know she is not in pain anymore and she is an angel in heaven but yet it is hard too.  Another reason why it HAS been hard for me well my husband and I were not doing to well because yes in part him but all this emotional crap i have been carrying for far too long is/was affecting us, my insecurities and my self doubt has messed with me and us.  Sometimes he is just retarded :)  I want affection and to be felt taken care of and i get him to want me to become more independent and just maybe I am too needy. I don't know but you know something just dawned on me he is just like my mom he works hard to give us what we need but sometimes all we need is just a hug.  I just had an AH HA moment. I sometimes feel like a little kid drowning, I feel as if i failed myself but TODAY the day that i was brought into this world i sit and cry because it is the day i chose to become free and start all over again. I will be that success story that I hope that I would be!! THanks all for letting me vent!!

ok sooooo yesterday i went to my one year review with my Dr.  Well I was talking to the nurse and we were just talking about how stuff is going and all and YES I started CRYING LIKE A BIG BABY!!  I was telling her that i am at the point in my surgery that I really need to figure out why i got to 322 pds. and she was saying that she thinks it is the hardest part but it is good that i want to figure it out so i will not go back.  Th emotional part of it is the hardest but i feel i need to dig deep to figure it out!! Am i wrong.....?  Ok so the Dr. told me that i need to lose 50 more pds. ( lost 106 so far) and he would like me to lose it by Dec. when i go back to see him!!  He would like for me to go back to basics because I told him that i was eating the "DEVIL" CHIPS and crakers it honestly felt good to be honest!   So i continue and then i dared to ask about plastics and he said i will not let you know till you come back with all ur weight off.  He said you are BEAUTIFUL just imagine when you finish losing weight all the men would go crazy and i told him it doesn't matter cause i am married...jeje lol! He then asked how i was feeling and i told him what i told the nurse about discovering myself and why i got to that weight and that there is ppl who tell me stupid things and he said you know that is sabotaging and it did not ponder on me what he meant!!  So i went home...

I am at home and i receive a call from my aunt a skinny one BTW!! and she asked how did ur appointment go and i thought WOW she wants to know....so i told her about what the dr said and how emotional i was....and guess what she dared to say    why are you trying to figure out what you got you there just forget about it and leave it alone...you know your problem is that you loved food and you have to realize that food is not good for you...i was like ok whatever so we hung up and then i thought to myself it hit me like  a TON of BRICKS...she sabotages me every chance she gets.............i sat and could not believe what she said and wow i was amazed on how ppl. can be soooooo hurtful!!

just though i would share  and thanks for letting me vent!!

  I have officially survived one year of being a Gastric Bypass Patient.... and I would do it all over again!!  A year ago today i was out of surgery and super excited to start my new life!!  I started out at 322 and I am down 110 pds.  It  has been a journey both physical and emotional.  I believe I am at the point in my surgery that I have to deal with the psycological aspect of it.  I have to face the truth of why i got to the weight i did.  THere are times when i feel i have not lost any weight but there are times when i look in the mirror and say damn who is that hottie, it feels good to finally approve of yourself to finally feel good and happy (for reeeals though).  OH has been part of my backbone I am offically addicted to it i am on here a lot and i find a lot of positive support here i luv it.  There are times that i feel like an addict with withdraws because i cannot have food when i want it  but again that is were i have to do therapy i figured that one out quick!!  It has been quite a journey but i would do it again in a heartbeat....  One year has gone by but because of Dr.Ludiwg and my surgery there are many more to come!!