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on September 9, 2008 11:27 am
Im taking the time to write all the stuff I feel is causing me stress down
just to see if Im making mountains out of molehills and maybe by writting it all down I can get a handle on it.
Biggest worry at the back of my mind is the non payment of medicare for any portion of my WLS. the hospital bill alone is 27,000...not sure how we are going to pay that one but to sell our house. we have lived here for 18 yrs. and although I would love to relocate I dont want to have to sell the house to pay off a bill.
they(medicare) said I did not meet all of their WL criteria and that is why I was denied. BUT I could not even get an appointment with my surgeon unless I did meet all of the requirements. and that is where that is.
Then my hubby lost his job. they have denied his unemployment...twice.
so that is not happening. he got a job...it made him very sick so once again he is without a job.
this is my youngest childs senior year. her 17th Birthday is thursday...Im hoping for enough money to be able to take her to dinner and make her a cake. she also wreaked her van(my old one) in a 3 car accident.
my 22 yr old son moved back into our house with his GF and 2 small children. both working part time jobs
I have been without any homones for 2 months....so I freaked out at my job and quit....so I feel stupid,worthless and useless.
my job was perfect for me. but the stress of it all took its toll and I over reacted.
we are behind in all of our outside the household bills and soon with no income comming in now that will soon change.
on top of all of this I am having trouble wrapping my eyes around the new me emerging. I dont recognise myself in the mirror and mostly I dont care for what Im seeing. Im not vain and I never felt like I was good looking but I didnt think I was a hag either. but now.....now I do not feel attractive at all. when I was fatter I had big full and belly...now I have big FLABBY arms and belly and legs and butt and calves. its horrible...thank god I am married because you wouldnt catch me trying to date looking like I do under my clothing. I knew it would be bad...I knew it would take some getting use to BUT I really didint know it would make such a huge difference. I guess I thought I would look like I did when I was in my 20's but who looks as good at 44 as you did at 20?...WLS or not.
maybe if I would have grown old without the weight I would be use to the way I look. but UUUGGG I do not like it.
we also had a big family reunionwhich brought alot of stress. no one has seen me in 7 yrs most of them haven seen me since I weighed over 500. I am very glad that it is over.but all day yesterday I was feeling hung over and sooo drained. and Im still crying at the drop of a hat.
I have appointments with both of my DR. PCP and OBGYN to get some hormones and anti anxiety meds. maybe than I will get the feeling of elation back. I rode soo high on a cloud of happiness for so long it was bound to end someday.
to date I have lost 220 pounds. I weigh 242 now. I want to weigh 170-180
my dream weight is 150 but I have no idea if that is realistic for me.
I am bummed and depressed and feel very fragile emotionally speaking.I hope that the hormones will make all the difference because I really dont feel like I can cope!
well these are my feelings at the moment.
nutti
Be the first to leave a comment.just to see if Im making mountains out of molehills and maybe by writting it all down I can get a handle on it.
Biggest worry at the back of my mind is the non payment of medicare for any portion of my WLS. the hospital bill alone is 27,000...not sure how we are going to pay that one but to sell our house. we have lived here for 18 yrs. and although I would love to relocate I dont want to have to sell the house to pay off a bill.
they(medicare) said I did not meet all of their WL criteria and that is why I was denied. BUT I could not even get an appointment with my surgeon unless I did meet all of the requirements. and that is where that is.
Then my hubby lost his job. they have denied his unemployment...twice.
so that is not happening. he got a job...it made him very sick so once again he is without a job.
this is my youngest childs senior year. her 17th Birthday is thursday...Im hoping for enough money to be able to take her to dinner and make her a cake. she also wreaked her van(my old one) in a 3 car accident.
my 22 yr old son moved back into our house with his GF and 2 small children. both working part time jobs
I have been without any homones for 2 months....so I freaked out at my job and quit....so I feel stupid,worthless and useless.
my job was perfect for me. but the stress of it all took its toll and I over reacted.
we are behind in all of our outside the household bills and soon with no income comming in now that will soon change.
on top of all of this I am having trouble wrapping my eyes around the new me emerging. I dont recognise myself in the mirror and mostly I dont care for what Im seeing. Im not vain and I never felt like I was good looking but I didnt think I was a hag either. but now.....now I do not feel attractive at all. when I was fatter I had big full and belly...now I have big FLABBY arms and belly and legs and butt and calves. its horrible...thank god I am married because you wouldnt catch me trying to date looking like I do under my clothing. I knew it would be bad...I knew it would take some getting use to BUT I really didint know it would make such a huge difference. I guess I thought I would look like I did when I was in my 20's but who looks as good at 44 as you did at 20?...WLS or not.
maybe if I would have grown old without the weight I would be use to the way I look. but UUUGGG I do not like it.
we also had a big family reunionwhich brought alot of stress. no one has seen me in 7 yrs most of them haven seen me since I weighed over 500. I am very glad that it is over.but all day yesterday I was feeling hung over and sooo drained. and Im still crying at the drop of a hat.
I have appointments with both of my DR. PCP and OBGYN to get some hormones and anti anxiety meds. maybe than I will get the feeling of elation back. I rode soo high on a cloud of happiness for so long it was bound to end someday.
to date I have lost 220 pounds. I weigh 242 now. I want to weigh 170-180
my dream weight is 150 but I have no idea if that is realistic for me.
I am bummed and depressed and feel very fragile emotionally speaking.I hope that the hormones will make all the difference because I really dont feel like I can cope!
well these are my feelings at the moment.
nutti
