ObesityHelp

Sept 6th will be my 4th month post op, and I am down 73 pounds. It's weird that something about the 70 pound mark really made a difference in my looks. I was always seeing the weight coming off, but right now, it just seems like BAM! I'm considerabl thinner.

Things have been going really well. But the past month and a half has been super crazy in terms of doing stuff. We've gone camping and boating three times, a ten day trip to CA to see my family, a trip to Reno and then this weekend we're going camping again. We want to get as much in before school starts and the weather turns as we can. Part of me can't wait till things settle down, but then the other part of me is so excited to have my life back, that I kind of dread going back to just sitting around every weekend as the weather gets worse.

There was a big wow moment for me a couple weeks ago - I shopped in the regular section of the stores for the first time in probably 8 years. I bought a bunch of tops that were XL and even got a couple that were L. I couldn't believe it! My pants are still in the 18-20 range, so I won't be shopping for those in a regular store quite yet, but that's okay. It was such a strange feeling to look around at the all the tops on the hangers and think that I could wear them. Clothes have only been functional for so many years, it's hard to think of them being aesthetic now as well. I can actually see the time when clothes shopping could be fun instead of just a chore.

For some reason I am feeling really antsy. I am in the process of redoing my entire bedroom (or doing it, since I never really did it in the first place). And I talked to a friend about some marketing ideas to get new clients, and am even considering getting out in front of people to start selling. Which really just puts into perspective how much I had been hiding myself away for the last few years. Going into public places just about gave me an anxiety attack before, and here I am actually considering putting myself out there?

So many changes are happening lately. I love them, but at the same time seeing them makes me sad because it just makes it so obvious how small I'd let my world become over the last 5 or 6 years. And all because of my weight.

Life is 100 times better than it's been in many years, and I'm just barely to 50% of my goal. I can't even imagine how different it will be once I get closer to goal. It's been such a fun journey so far, I can't wait to see how the rest of this plays out. This is the best decision I've ever made and I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner. Although I really believe I wouldn't have been ready for it sooner, and that all things come in the right time, but sometimes I can't help but be sad about all the time I wasted.

Just wanted to update. Tomorrow will be 9 weeks out, and things are going really well. My energy is back up, and even though I get tired after a day of doing stuff, I can get out and do lots of stuff that I couldn't do before. I don't nap at all unless I have dumped or eaten something that doesn't agree with me, and that's quite a change indeed.

My weight loss is going pretty good. I was down 46 pounds last week and will weigh again tomorrow morning. I had to go buy new clothes and I am down two sizes in my pants and three in my shirts. My bras used to be a very tight 48 C or D and now I am in 42 C. I can tell that my skin is starting to sag on my arms and it's kind of weirding me out, but that's okay.

This weekend we went to Eagle Crest and played tennis two days and b-bal one day and went to the pool and in the hot tub. The first day I didn't get in the pool cause I didn't like how my shorts fit, but the second day I said screw it and went in with my shorts. Too bad if people don't like what they see. Stew and I walked around to an open house, and walked back and forth from the pool and tennis courts and what not, and it was great. I can't remember the last time when I was a. able and b. willing to go walking around anywhere. This is the part of the surgery results I was waiting for.

We went to lunch in Redmond and I dumped on my tortilla soup. It had tortilla chip strips, and I ate them all, not even thinking about the carbs in them. I seriously thought I was going to pass out. It must have been from carb overload, cause I didn't think I was going to puke, I was just very dizzy, sweaty and all of a sudden tired.

Last weekend we took the new boat out and had such fun. I went swimming at Prineville, voluntarily, and I rode around in just my swimsuit. That's a big thing for me, because I don't think Stew's seen me in a swimsuit in over 10 years. We also walked to and from the boat ramp and store numerous times, and again, that's a total change for me from in the past. Normally the only time I walked somewhere was if there ice cream waiting for me at the end of the walk. LOL!

Oh yeah, I told my brother last weekend about the surgery. He said he was really proud of me, and that he hadn't wanted to say anything, but that he was worried for my health. He thought it was a great thing to have had the surgery, but he was irritated that I hadn't told him before I went in. I still haven't told my dad or any other family members. I am going to go to CA this summer to see my family down there and will probably tell them if they don't figure it out before I tell them, but I still don't know when I will tell dad. I just don't think I can deal with whatever might come out of his mouth at this point. The relationship is so strained as it is, I don't know that I would have anything left for him if he said something crappy. That just might be the end to us I think.

My 12 week post-op appointment is later this month. We will just be getting back from camping with Stew's family. I hope all my labs are still good and I really want to be at the over 60 pound loss mark. Who knows though. It's still a few weeks off, so maybe.

Well, today was my 6 week check up. I have lost 36 pounds. It doesn't sound like a lot in my head, but when I do the math, I've lost 25% of my weight according to my doctor's goal, and 22% of the weight according to my goal. A QUARTER of my weight in 6 weeks? That's crazy to me. Not necessarily something to be disturbed or depressed about when I look at it that way.

The last few weeks I've been pretty nauseated. The doctor said it was because I wasn't getting enough protein. He said he would even try to do 100g a day instead of the 60-90 they normally recommend. I about choked. That means I have to supplement with powder or drinks and that just makes me gag to think about. However, I am happy that there is an answer to the issue, because I was scared that he was going to say that that was just a side effect of the surgery and I would have to live with it. Like I told my husband, I don't like the answer, but I'm glad there is one.

After my husband and I got home, we were sitting watching TV and I was thinking about what the doctor said about my labs (everything was good) and I just all of a sudden started crying. My husband kind of freaked out. I didn't even know what was going on - I just started bawling. After thinking about it, I think I was just really anxious about the appointment, worrying about everything being fine, and I wasn't really facing that. I think I was really relieved that everything is okay so far.

So, all in all, to summarize the appointment, the doctor said no nuts or cereal, and to stay away from grains altogether. I can start on fresh fruit and veggies, and have to start supplementing my food with protein. He said there wasn't any limit on calories, carbs, fats or anything else (weird huh?), but just to stick with 80% protein and 20% fruits/veggies. He also said I should start doing weight training instead of cardio (although he said that was good too, but for weight loss the weight training would be better for me) and that my husband is supposed to help me and work out with me. We'll see how well that works. LOL!

Wow - what a 4 weeks it has been. Recovery has been surprisingly simple. There's been some discomfort at the incision sites, itching, fatigue and probably some mild dumping, but overall, it's been pretty good.

My incision sites are all but healed. The Dermabond has come off and the incisions are way smaller than they looked with the DB on. Over the last couple of days I have been eating soft foods (a couple days early, but I just couldn't handle the broth anymore). Who knew that I would love cottage cheese and refried beans so much? I can't think of any food that has tasted as good as those two things have tasted in the last couple of days.

The finality of my decision to have RNY has been playing on my mind the past week and half. I keep thinking "this is forever." In the past, any diet I've done has always had an end date - you know? A time when I could go back to eating "normally." But there is no end date for this surgery. This is forever. That's kind of profound for me. Even with all the research I did over the years on this surgery, the finality of my choice was not something that I ever really digested.

I think my husband is sick of me talking about all the weird things that are happening to me and all the strange thoughts I've been having. I'm sure he's sick of me staring at him when he eats. I can only imagine the look of longing I have on my face when I watch him.

We went to Reno over Memorial Day weekend to celebrate out 6th wedding anniversary, and it was so strange and different than out previous trips together. Normally we eat the whole time we are there. We would always go to buffets and then be so tired we'd go back to the room and nap off the food coma. This trip we only ate together once and of course I had soup broth which didn't make me feel very well.

It's strange to not eat with my family right now. It was strange to not share any meals with my husband. I was kind of jealous when I saw a receipt for a buffet on the table at the end of one night. He had gone to the buffet and had lunch (of course without me), but memories of all the times we had gone there came to mind and made me jealous.

I know I have made a good choice for me. And while I don't "want" to eat the way I used to (I know how I got to where I am - I'm not stupid), the desire and memories of pleasure from food in general are still very clear in my mind. I know in the long run this choice will be one of the best things I've ever done for myself. But it really messes with my mind sometimes.

Sometime this week I am going to take my one month pictures and I am anxious to compare them to my two days pre-op pictures. My pants are practically falling off me and I swim in my tops, so I can't wait to see the difference. I have fought weighing myself the last two weeks and I won't lie, it has been a very real fight. I was weighed at my one week post-op Dr visit, and then I weighed myself a week after that (lost 22 pounds at that point), but I have read so much about the 3 week stall, I want to avoid stressing myself out unnecessarily. I have my 6 week visit with the Dr on 6/16, so I am going to try and wait till then. Try being the operative word in that sentence. I think I can do it though. My husband (who's a marathon runner) told me when I weighed myself the second week "babe, this is a marathon, not a sprint." Makes sense. I know I am going to lose weight and inches. Getting on the scale is not going to change that. Really the only thing it could do is discourage me, and I don't do well with discouragement.

I'm having a hard time with my fluids and protein. I just cannot stomach the shakes and have bought about five different types of powder and more pre-made drinks than I can count. The Unjury unflavored is okay, but I can still taste it and smell it. WIth the super bionic sense of smell I have since the surgery, I can smell protein powder a mile away. I think I've just decided to have a couple glasses of milk a day now that I'm getting some protein from food, cause I get about the same protein in one cup of skim milk as I was getting from drinking a 12 oz glass of Crystal Light with protein powder mixed in, and I don't have to force myself to drink the milk. I can just about guzzle it all at once and I actually like the taste of milk (and can luckily handle it after surgery - so far).

Tonight I might actually cook the first family meal I've made in about six weeks. My poor husband and son. They've been so good about this whole thing. They've been eating fast food and frozen meals because I just haven't been able to cook. Haven't wanted to either. I just couldn't get myself to make something that I couldn't eat myself. Don't know why. But they've been troopers and I'm very thankful for that. I know what they've been eating isn't good for them, but to be honest, they both have metabolisms that make me jealous. My on is almost 15, so he has a hollow leg, and my husband, as I said earlier, runs marathons and works out and runs just about every day. So, I think they'll survive a couple months of crap food. Not that the food I cooked before was overly nutritous, but at least it was real food from scratch.

I'm excited to see my doctor in a couple weeks, because then I will be on mostly normal foods. I'm looking forward to getting to try fresh fruits and veggies, and salads. Hopefully I will do okay with those things. It woulc certainly open up my food choices. Till then I'm going to start trying some of eggface's food porn recipes. I bought myself a mini muffin tin to start trying all her egg bite recipes. I never thought I'd be so looking forward to quiche without crust. Crust was always my favorite thing about quiche. Ha ha!