Almost 14 mos. out and it's not going so well on September 17, 2009 7:58 pm
Someone on my online support group asked me if I regretted the surgery this was my response.
I do not regret the surgery, I've lost weight so far 105 lbs. from before and after surgery. still need to lose more but it's good. I say I don't regret it but I honestly feel that I don't know what I've done to myself by doing this. you caught me at a time where I am just not happy. it's been a few months and it's probably got alot to do with the hormones but sometimes i am sad that I had the surgery because my life has changed so much as far as eating. it's been 14 months and I still obssess about food, all day it's a struggle with what i'm eating, how much and that i ate the wrong thing. in the past 2 weeks i gained 3 lbs and i don't know how and that has just added to my depression. the loose skin issue has also got me depressed and when i see that yes i regret the surgery. i think it has alot to do also with me not having a social life, i have no friends, i only go to work and home. so it allows for alot of sitting and thinking time, and of course thinking about food and grazing out of boredom. definitely the health issues I had are gone now, but due to the arthritis and now a joint issue in my back i'll never be pain free and that still holds me back which upsets me because i didn't go through this surgery to still be sitting down instead of running around. it's great that my clothes size is down that I share clothes with my daughter, but right now during the past few weeks I feel so fat and so low and just don't have any desire to deal with this eating issue. today i had a cookie and it was not a little cookie it was big and i took the chance and ate it, i didn't dump but i felt woozy and just weak and it's been 4 hours and i still feel out of sorts. of course can't do that all the time so I have to watch it. I think some of us get this surgery and think that their life will change in a different way and it doesn't. my life is the same except for the fact that I can't enjoy a meal, can't go to a restaurant and order something and actually enjoy it. sometimes i cook because i'm craving something so much and then i cook it, have a few bites and i'm disgusted with it, i hate that. I will say that if anyone, including you, asks me if I would recommend the surgery I say yes, go for it. don't let anything or anyone keep you from the surgery that will probably save your life. my experiences are mine, everyone is different and I think for the most part most people don't go through this down period I am feeling. but then again I do feel that most people do have the periods of "what did I do?" and probably don't admit it because then they may have someone say "I told you so" or "deal with it you wanted surgery there you go" but me, I won't lie to anyone that asks me about the life after surgery, it's not easy, it's hard, it takes alot of willpower and committment, but yes I would do it again. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG BUT I GUESS I HAD TO LET IT OUT.
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WOW Moment 8-31-09 on September 3, 2009 2:07 pm
I had another WOW moment on Monday. I went in for an injection in my back, and of course since I was sedated I couldn't eat since the night before. Afterwards, the nurse brought me some water and crackers, and said "you are so tiny, you are probably getting real dehydrated" what?? tiny??
I was about to ask her what did you say? but I just took it in. I have never in my life been called anything close to tiny, and I am nowhere near tiny, still have a chunk of weight to lose but I guess I appear tiny to some people LOL - I like those eyes. I would expect to have people who knew
me when I was heavy say wow you're tiny now, but strangers?? well I'll take it wherever it comes.
and I'll be okay with where I am now if I don't get down to my desired goal of 145. I lost 11 lbs in the last 3 months so I may still be able to move the scale. I am now 157 and I wear size 8, so that's good but because of these flabby thighs and loose skin I am not a happy camper at all. oh well, unless God grants me a financial windfall I will have to live with it. we shall see. as long as there is hope, there's a chance :)
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