After years of battling with my weight and years of struggling with this diet, that diet, this program, that program I have come to the conclusion that what I am trying is not working anymore and I need to seek help elsewhere. I have been doing gastric bypass research on and off for a few years now, guess at first it was just curiosity, then it became a "wish", I figured it was too expensive, I was honestly embarrassed that I would need surgery to help me lose weight.

But now its so much different in the way I am thinking. I have exhausted every method that I can think of under the sun, ok not each and every but too many to name and count and keep track of. And nothing is working. I have come to the conclusion that I either live like this the rest of my life or do something about it. I can't live like this the rest of my life. I refuse to live like this. If people really knew how miserable I was inside they would be shocked, if everyone knew what I really weighed they would be shocked. I hide it all. But I can't anymore, I can't do this anymore, I am so unhappy, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I look at myself and wonder how any one would want to be around me or how my husband can even make love to me, because what I see is disgusting. I am not wanting to be stick skinny like a model, I just want to be healthy, even if I lost 100lbs that would make me so happy, to be under 200lbs would make me so happy. I know at this point I need an extra "tool" to help me along.

After having my son he has brought out a new motivation in me, something to look at and want to make changes, I want to be there for him thru out his life, I don't want to be the fat mom sitting on the bench at the park, I want to be the mom chasing my little boy around. I want to do this for myself but for him as well. He deserves to have a healthy mom that is going to be around.

The beginning of November is when it all began to really hit me hard. I was becoming so depressed and withdrawn from everyone. I had to stand up for myself and do something about it, stop the pity party. I checked into some weight loss surgery seminars, after reading on numerous gastric bypass websites that seemed the place to start. There are so many surgeons to choose from I was overwhelmed.

The seminar was really good and informative. Learned a lot. The surgeon basically gave us a check list of things we need to do in order before having surgery. I had already checked with my insurance and knew I needed to complete 6 months of being observed by my primary doctor before insurance would even consider approving me. At the time I had no primary doctor, only doctor I had was my ob-gyn when I was pregnant with Gage. So off hunting I went to that too! A lot of the primary doctors I called wouldn't help me with my process. So I went and used one of the referral doctors the surgeon gave us.

Had my first appointment with Dr. Burns my "new" primary doctor on November 18th. Was a basic first visit, fill out paperwork and get to know you and your background type thing. She took down a bunch of information and of course me after I leave the office I think of more questions! I gave her my "printed out" medical history from my doctor in MN. She read thru it and asked me about Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, I had seen it on there but was never informed I should be concerned. After talking over what it is and the symptoms I basically have almost every one and it pretty much sounds like I have it. Plus I knew my thyroid is underactive but haven't been on meds in awhile. So the first visit was good, she gave me a script for some meds for the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and the next visit we are going to do a bunch of labs which by then I am sure I will be on thyroid meds as well. She wants to do a sleep apnea study on me as well to be safe. So I am waiting on a call to get that set up.

Today I found out that the surgeon I had picked out is in my out of network for my insurance so I can't use him, darn I really liked him, I have a few others picked out so I need to get in touch with them to make sure they are in my network for insurance.

So here begins my journey to a new healthier me.