Haven't had a chance to blog all last week. So lets play catch up.

Saturday Dec. 19th I had to do my 2nd sleep study. This time I had to wear the CPAP machine. So again I had to be hooked up to all these wires, then I had three choices of CPAP masks to wear. The first one was like an oxygen mask that covered your nose and mouth, I felt like the air was being sucked outta me with it and no way I could even tolerate that for 5 minutes. Tried the 2nd mask which was like an oxygen mask but just over your nose, again the air flow was too much for me, and what was crazy the air flow was on the lowest setting! The third one was two plastic things that sit in your nose and it straps around your head. I am sure I looked quite sexy with it on LOL But atleast I could tolerate it and the air flow wasn't as terrible but still powerful. I couldn't even open my mouth because it took my breathe away. I didn't really sleep good, I slept but didn't get into that deep sleep. Tried to sleep on my back as much as I can but I am a side sleeper or belly sleeper, so I ended up on my side but I could feel the mask slip so I had to readjust. What a pain, I so don't want to wear one of these but I pray it's only till I have surgery. So they have to analyze this sleep study and will get back to me when to come in to get the apnea machine.

December 21st I had my 2nd appointment with Dr. Burns. One month down 5 months to go! I had to fast all day so all I had was water, I was dying! I just needed a lil sugar or something with flavor but I made it. I weighed the same, what a shocker, I am so tired of busting my butt to lose weight because it never works, its just more and more convincing for me to go thru with this surgery, there are too many "monkeys" on my back fighting me. Talked to Dr. Burns about the sleep apnea test, the first one. I explained to her I was really congested due to sinus' and figured thats why my test came back bad. She said some of it may of been because of that but I definetly have sleep apnea. I stopped breathing 167 times! In 6 hrs I may add. My heart sank and I was scared beyond belief. Really how could I stop breathing that many times and not know it? And how long as this been going on, maybe its a blessing in disguise of doing all this because what if I didn't know and one night I stopped breathing. My oxygen levels were low thru out the whole time as well too. It said I slept for 6 hrs but I so felt like I only slept about 3, but I suppose if I am not breathing right I am waking myself up all the time to start breathing again, no wonder why I am always exhausted in the mornings. So officially I have it and will be on a machine. I talked to her about my sinus' too, she said I have a sinus infection and gave me a shot, and two prescriptions for pills and a sinus spray to get rid of it. Plus I am taking claritin for my allergies too. They took 4 big vials of blood and 2 little ones, shes running a ton of tests on me, which I guess is good because if anything else comes back I can start treating it now. Like I said maybe this all is a blessing in disguise and may have saved my life. So I have to wait on test results which should be within a week and wait on the call to get my CPAP machine.

Other than all that we are getting ready for Christmas this week. I am so excited for Gage's 1st official Christmas. He has a 2nd round of Christmas presents under the tree, I had to stop myself from buying up the stores for him. Who knew it would be so much fun shopping for a boy? I had to hide the presents under the tree because the minute I put them under there he rolled straight for them and wanted to open them! He is growing up so fast its unreal. He now has 2 teeth and I think working on a 3rd by the way he is acting. He was in his walker for the first time today and was scooting backwards in it and trying to get into cabinets and messin with the fridge. Gotta babyproof ASAP! Or finish it I should say.

Well that is all for now, I need to send off a few emails and head to bed, so glad it's a short week!

not good at all from the way I understood them. Basically I have sleep apnea. Now at first I freaked out and cried and then stopped myself. The night I took the sleep apnea study I was very congested because my sinus' were terrible. So I couldn't breathe awake or asleep and def not sleeping! I let the guy know that ahead of time so now it really makes me wonder if some of the episodes were because of my sinus'. She told me I had 60 episodes, exactly what that means I will find out more on the 21st when I see my doctor. She also told me that they want your oxygen levels to stay above 93 well mine were dipping down to 81. Again not a shocker considering I was having problems breathing. So I have to go back for another sleep study on December 26th and this time I will have all the wires plus a sleep apnea machine on. So not looking forward to this at all.

I mean theres a part of me that feels "lucky" they caught it just in case something truly would of happened one night but then the other part is how much was because of my congestion due to sinus' and do I really have it, and how in the world am I going to sleep with this bulky machine on me at night. Uggg. There's times like this were I hate my body and why it is the way it is. Why couldn't I be blessed with good genes, with a good metabolism. I hate being fat. I hate it with a passion. I am so embarrassed to be looking the way I do. If people really knew the thoughts going thru my head or how I really felt about myself they would be shocked. I told some of it to my husband and he sat there with his mouth open. I can't go on like this anymore. And it seems like the time has slowed down, this last month has taken forever! I have 5 months left to go and that's not even waiting to get approved for surgery yet! I pray I have the patience to go thru this and the will power to remain strong and fight this. This has been a life long battle that I am not winning, I feel like I am losing more and more every year. I pray this all works out in my favor I really do because if not I don't know where I will end up with it all. I hate saying it like that but it's the truth.
So I can't wait for the 21st, I have a list of questions to ask my doctor, really need to sit down and think of more cuz I know I have thought of more. I will do that after my family leaves town next week. On a positive not because that all sounded really depressing, my mom, stepdad Chris and grandparents are down to visit. They flew in yesterday afternoon and will be here till Monday morning. It's great to see them and spend time with them, there's that part of me that misses my family so much and I would love to move back to Minnesota but I would have the hardest time just up and leaving my job, I am getting paid really well and we are finally getting things caught up and back on track, why would I torture myself and start all over again? If I could only smoosh Texas and Minnesota closer together or have more vacation time to go back home or enough money to buy my family tickets to come out here every few months. I love Texas don't get me wrong, but I miss my family. I just feel alone here and that is my own problem it really is. I haven't made friends just because I think why would anyone want to be my friend looking the way I do, yes I know it's stupid but it's how I think and I need to change the thinking but it's not going to happen over night.
Alright enough with my thoughts for today. Need to finish up a few things so I can head home from work and spend time with my family.

I had my sleep apnea study done on Friday November 27th. Wasn't sure what to expect out of it all so I went into it with an open mind and said a little prayer before hand, if I do have sleep apnea or any problems now is the time for them to show up.
Got to the clinic and had to fill out some paperwork. He then told me he had to hook about 25 things up to me. I didn't realize it was that much.
I had 2 probes on each one of my calf muscles, he said that was to see if I move when I sleep, I had two bands around me, one around by my belly button and one above my chest to monitor my breathing, had one on each shoulder to watch my heart rate, had one behind each one of my ears, one on the sides of both of my eyes, one on the both sides of my mouth, one on the both sides of my chin, think about 5-6 on my head. And then two breathing type tubes placed under my nose. Wow I felt like Frankenstein! We had to calibrate and make sure all was working ok, so I had to open my eyes, close my eyes, blink my eyes, "snore", move my legs, hold my breathe and a few other things. Once all was ok it was time for me to sleep.
I don't do well sleeping in new places, I can sleep but I don't get that good deep sleep that you normally do. I tried to relax myself as much as I could so I could fall asleep. Now mind you my sinus', allergies and whatever else this is has been acting up bad for the last week, I have coughing spells at night and have issues breathing, my lungs were so congested. I let him know that before hand and warned him I would probably wake up coughing. Sure enough around the same time as usual around 2am I woke up, coughing over and over again for like an hour and he came in and asked if I was ok and needed help, he seen I was struggling. Nothing he could really do about it. So after 2 hrs of coughing, struggling to breathe I dozed off again but it was a light sleep. He got me up at 6am and unhooked me.
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and felt like Mary in the movie There's something about Mary when she used his "gel", my hair was so gunked up with the sticky stuff they use to stick the probes I had to giggle a bit. The tech didn't mention to me of anything so I don't know how to read how well the test went. To me it didn't go well and I am a bit concerned but I hope they take into consideration that I am congested. I will find out at my next doctor's appointment.
I did buy some Mucinex on the way home, it has helped a little bit but I am still congested.
So now just to wait and see what the results are and if this congestion clears up if not I need to talk to my doctor about it.