pandoralsu

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 I am feeling a little run down tonight.  Hungry, because I feel like I haven't been getting enough of what I should eat.  For one thing, I had one of those "don't know where I am going to eat" with total strangers today.  I went down to Grand Isle for work this morning and had lunch with the mayor and port commission president and some other good ol' boys from the coast.  I ended up ordering the gumbo and potato salad.  They were out of potato salad, so I got a potato.  I drank the gumbo broth, ate some sausage and chicken, and some potato.

 

Tonight at dinner I could not eat more than two bites of steak.  I must admit though, I have been eating too much potato... creamy mashed potatoes with dinner... yum.  But still, I ate less than a 1/2 cup of food.  My size 18 Target pants I bought over a month ago now fit. I would say I'm more like a 16 in other brands.  I hate shopping.  I really don't like having to constantly go through my clothes to see what fits. It's all getting too big to quickly!  The cold weather will be nice though, I am sure my mom can give me some warm sweaters.  Christmas is not that far away... this year has flown by!

 

So, I wasn't feeling so hot this evening because I felt like I needed some nutrients.  So I give you:

 

Vanilla Cheesecake Pudding

 

1/2 cup cottage cheese

1 scoop GNC Women's Multi-Vitamin Powder

1 scoop Muscle Milk Lite Cake Batter Flavor Protein Powder

1 tsp. Torani SF Vanilla Syrup

3 T milk

 

Blend all ingredients well in a small blender cup.  Serve with fresh berries.

Dearest Scale,

I am so glad I decided at the beginning of my lapband journey to not allow you into my home.  I thought about it for a long time, and I realized how unimportant you really are in the daily process of weight loss.  I feel like I can guarantee I will drive myself crazy daily by having you in the house, needlessly weighing myself.  You can stay at the doctor's office until I have reached my goal weight, and then, I will allow you to return to my home bathroom.  

Once I reach my goal weight, I will allow myself to obsess about my weight in the maintenance phase.  Heck, maybe my maintenance weight is lower than my goals... who knows... As long as I weigh less than 150 pounds, I'll consider myself in the maintenance phase.  

Regretfully yours,

Nan. 

P.S.  I wish you were here right now so I could weigh myself and see what I've lost.  I can see it in the mirror, there's fat gone for good! 

I went to the doctor today.  He said it's a good thing I came in because night cough and acid reflux issues can make patients susceptable to pneumonia and bronchitis.  He took .3 CC's out of my band, and I instantly felt a little bit better.  I realize now that I had an unusual amount of irritation.  I'm on liquids for the next 4-5 days.  That'll help me lose a few pounds.   

So, I don't keep up with any reality TV shows.  I hate them, despise them with a passion.  I think they are a sick, voyeuristic excuse for television.  A fellow classmate with me in the Counseling program and now PhD in Counseling mentioned the Biggest Loser last night on facebook.  So, I chimed in when she said,

"wonders how else NBC and every other network can exploit overweight people under the guise of doing something "good."..."

She's absolutely right.  They disguise this program as being a good thing, but truly, the amount of weight these people are losing on a weekly basis is completely unpractical.  They all freak out if they don't lose at least 10 pounds a week.  THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I CHOSE THE LAPBAND OVER ANY OTHER WLS option.  The weight loss with Lapband is reasonable, it does not take away my ability to eat what I want, but it does limit the amount of food I can eat.  It's practical.  I don't have to worry about embarrassing dumping.  I don't have to worry about never being able to eat what I want food-wise again.  I can choose wisely and still lose weight.  

This show does nothing for helping those of us at home who are struggling.  WHO in the WORLD has 8-12 hours a day to work out like they do on this show?  WHY would anyone trying to run a therapeutic program keep a PANTRY FULL OF JUNK FOOD to tempt their CLIENTS??? This is appalling to me.  None of the people - trainers on this show have a degree in Counseling.  They probably have a Kineasology degree and ACE Trainer certification, they do not have counseling skills.  If they did, they would see that this show in and of itself is not promoting POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT by sending a "LOSER" home every week. 

I tried for 5 years to lose the weight on my own.  I woke up at 5:45AM every morning and worked out, religiously.  I portion controlled, calorie controlled, and counted every little thing... I'd lose, and then I'd gain back for no reason.  It was miserable. I chose the Lapband because I knew it would only be a tool in my journey of changing my eating habits.  I live in New Orleans, for God's Sakes, good food is a way of life here. I have adjusted much of what I eat, but I can't always predict what the band is going to allow through.  I can do everything right sometimes and not lose weight or I can do everything right and have the food come back up for no reason I can account for.  BUT, I can lose weight and stay on my program 90% of the time and I'm seeing the big changes, sometimes daily.

My boyfriend last night grabbed me and said, "Who is this skinny girl in the kitchen?  Sometimes, I just suddenly notice how different you look from when we started dating."  For those of you who don't know, my boyfriend and I met about three weeks after my surgery. I was actually in a long distance relationship at that time which was going South quickly, and I met my current boyfriend on the pretense of friendship.... It has blossomed into love and though it's not perfect, nothing is.... It's more perfect that what I had before and I'm better than I've ever been in the past in relationships.  He says all the time, "I'm nearly perfect... because no one is absolutely perfect."  He attributes my wonderful qualities to my good nature and that I never felt compelled to be a bitch to men like so many thin women do.  They know they can and they manipulate to get what they want.  I just am.  I just do what I do.  I don't try to be anything other than myself.  

All kinds of fun stuff going on this week! 

First, the bane of my existance... Acid Reflux has been keeping me up at night.  I am going in for an unfill because of this.  I don't get it either, I had dinner at 7pm, stopped drinking water at 9:00pm and went to bed at 10:30.  Two hours later, I'm up, coughing and keeping J. up.  I called the doc yesterday and they wanted me to come in for a little unfill to see if that helps.  I'm taking Prilosec as well.  My insurance doesn't cover Nexium.

I fell off the chaise lounge night before last. I was stretching and doing pilates moves and my legs just flipped over my head, my thigh hit the coffee table and my other leg hit and broke the top of a glass.  My right pinky and ring finger have been numb ever since.  I really need to go to the chiropractor and have him check it out.  This morning my neck was stiff and I could barely move it.  One thing at a time though, I have to get the acid reflux problem checked out at the doctor today,a nd then I'll find a chiropractor to check out the pinched nerve.

Oh, and tomorrow I'm going to get a colonic.  Yeah, gross... but it's suppose to flush out 5-10 pounds of waste matter and flatten the belly.  Well... we'll see.  I hope it does what it's suppose to do.  My best friend has had them and he described it as very euphoric and high when it's over because it cleans you out...... I'll report back on this one.

For the first time in these 9 months, I am finally seeing HUGE differences.  My back and shoulders are thinner, my hip flexors stick out, and my derriere has less cushioning than it once had.  As of Friday, I have lost 66 pounds since January 7th and 125 since April 2004.  I am hoping that I won't have to have plastic surgery but I should be practical and admit that 25 years of stretched out skin its going to be a problem.

I have definitely moved out of the size 20 range and probably even the 18's.  Though I do have a pair of 18 pants from target that don't quite fit yet.  It's because the belly is the last to go, and both the alpha and beta regions are still - round.  I need to start being more consistent with the pilates, ab work, and upper body exercises.  Jonathan and I keep saying we're going to quit smoking and start running.  I would like to really train for the classic this year.  I would like to finish it in under an hour.  I know that's ambitious but I did finish in an hour and 43 minutes this year jogging and walking with Charlena.  If I start now... I should be able to run the whole way by April?  Is that too ambitious?

I feel like I'm over the hump.  I'm 29 pounds from being in the 100's.  I have 83 more pounds to go... that's still a lot, but I'll be happy when I get to cruise control and I'm around 175.  I will be find if it takes me another year to lose the last 30.  I definitely need to take some new pictures... my face is thinner.  Much thinner.  It's really nice to look in the mirror and see myself the way I always pictured me. I always pictured myself as less fat than I actually was... hard to explain, but I didn't realize how much room I took up.  

I have a pair of pants that are drawstring and they now tie around me twice over.  It's a good feeling.

I need a haircut.  I was trying to grow my hair out long, but my hair is falling out.  I picked up my powdered Women's Daily Vitamins and they have all the hair growth vitamins in it - Biotin, Zinc and Iron.  I need to start taking them.  I know the rate of loss has slowed, but it's still disturbing to lose so much hair daily.  I have straggling frizzies all over.  I hope getting a few long layers will fix the problem.  

Okay, enough boring rambling...