Tomorrow is my one year surgiversary and I am so happy I did this. I did not reach my goal……..YET. But my head is still in the game and I am determined to get there.
I hit a bad slump after the holidays. I just stopped losing. After losing 120 lbs, my body just stopped. I kept working out and I kept trying and nothing happened. I was so despondent. I went to the gym faithfully and lost not one pound. I also did not gain anything, but the scale not moving was playing havoc on my mind. After a 12 week plateau I started eating chocolate and woke the carb demon up. What a mistake. My pity party lasted 3 weeks.
Thank goodness, thru that and every phase, I never stopped coming to OH. My friends encouraged me and their victories made me want to stay in the game. I decided to do some real soul searching to figure out what the heck was happening with me. I came to some very interesting conclusions.
After cutting out ¾ of my stomach, the way I thanked my body was to chug chemical laden SF shakes, eating lots of red meat, drinking sugar free splenda filled drinks, and barely touching any plants. My body was in revolt. Instead of filling up on veggies and fruits, I was eating chemicals. I was eating sugar free jams and puddings which are basically non-nutrient chemicals. The funny thing is my body did lose weight in spite of this abuse. But it also gave me many warning signs that it was not happy. My first indicator; I could not poop. Pooping is a simple function of a healthy body. I ignored that symptom and remedied that issue with stool softeners and other drugs (more chemicals). Then my body gave me another problem; and another. The issues started to pile up but I still lost weight.
Then one day, my body said no more. I stopped losing. I kept on exercising and dieting and nothing. No more weight loss. I was devastated. My body had failed me. Then I realized my body had not failed me….i had failed my body. Instead of eating high nutrient fruit and veggies, I ate a protein bar instead, with so many chemicals in its ingredients the wrapper had to put the contents on the inside of the wrapper. When I was thirsty I got me some crystal light and dumped more chemicals into my fresh water. My taste buds didn’t like water unless it was sickly sweet with fake chemical flavor. If I wanted something nutritious, I had a cup of fat free yogurt with some sugar free jam. More chemicals.
I decided to stop the insanity. I also decided to forgive myself for not making goal in a year. Maybe losing 180 lbs in a year was not in my cards, but I know I am going to do it.
So today I have dumped all the crystal light and drink my water straight out of the bottle. The clean flavor makes me want more and more. A sure sign my body is responding. No more sugar free anything. Today instead of lots of protein from shakes and bars, I get my protein from organic chickens and legumes. I eat a ton of veggies and love organic oatmeal/ mango shakes with no weird protein powders with ingredients I cant name. Today I continue to work out but also do yoga and get massages. I am trying to be a better friend to this body God gave me.
My body is slowly healing. God gave us a beautiful engine. A year ago I cut out more than half of my stomach because I could not control myself when it came to my eating. But my body hung in there. Thanks God for a marvelous engine that you made to run like a champ. Perhaps my goal should be 180 lbs lost when it happens naturally. I’ll take that.