Back in the Saddle on June 23, 2012 2:54 pm
Well, WLS has not exactly been an easy path for me. I want to give a brief explanation for documentation purposes, and I want to put it all behind me.
When i was in my early twenties I wanted nothing more than to have WLS, but I lived in NM and at the time they didn't have any facility in the state that did the surgery. So I had to wait.
When I moved to St. Louis, MO I started the process, and got about 4 months in when things went bad financially. I had to move to Illinois so that I could be close to my family for help. This is when the most painful part of this process happened. I started the process again. I did the 6 month diet, I went through all the poking and prodding, and was thrilled when my surgery was scheduled. I took the time off from work, and was so ready that morning for my life to change for the better. I put on the hospital gown, got my IV, and was wheeled into the OR. Got on the table, and a little tear of joy and anxiety fell down my cheek as I was put under. A little while later I woke up just a bit as they were wheeling me out of the OR. I asked the nurse, "Is it done?" She had this look of pity come across her face, and said, "The doctor will talk to you soon." I remember shaking my head, and crying because I knew then that it wasn't done. After I was awake the doctor came in, and said that, "We couldn't do the surgery because we had the wrong length laparoscopic tools." WTF!!! That just doesn't happen!! He had felt my stomach several times why wasn't he prepared! I guess my abdominal wall was thicker than he thought. So, his solution was to lose 50 lbs, he'll order the right tools, and we'll try it again. It was so devastating that it really caused me some emotional issues. This was in 2007, and I have struggled ever since then.
I met the man of my dreams, and moved to Pittsburgh, PA. I started the process a couple times since I've been here, but I have to get under 400 lbs before anyone will do the surgery. I've had a really hard time following any "diet" in order to accomplish this. I've lost 34 lbs and have 71 to go.
For quite a while I had to step away from the thought of surgery because I was really struggling with my emotions over the last time. The further I went in the process the more anxious I got. It's almost like I sabotaged myself because I was afraid of the same thing happening again.
After several months of losing the same 10 lbs several times I realized that I have one main problem. I love food. I put food above everything else in my life including my hopes and dreams. I have realized that food does not hold a candle to what thin and healthy will feel like. I want to ride a bike, walk around the store, fly, and work. I lost my job because I was in so much physical pain I fell behind in my work. I was always trying to play catch up staying late into the night, every night. I couldn't keep up, and I was fired. I hate being at home on disability. I want to go back to work.
So, I now realize what I was so afraid of with surgery, not being able to eat the foods I love, and I have been successful in letting it go. If I only had 100 or so lbs to lose I would just follow a diet and exercise plan, but I have 300+ lbs to lose. I need the tool of surgery to help me.
I was going to a hospital in downtown Pittsburgh, but I didn't really care for the staff there. So I began looking for another alternative. I have found a great program that is much closer to my home. I have done the seminar, and I'm ready to schedule my first appointment. In the mean time I am going to go back on the diet that my previous surgeon suggested, and get this 71 lbs off so I can finally get this done.
I'm so tired of playing games. I'm done, This is it. I am 100% committed to this path so here we go!
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