Well, I'm still plugging away, although it's been slow-going.  Looking back at my earlier posts and goals, it gets a little disheartening, but I'm going to focus on good things I'm doing right now and the tools I've added to my collection:
- podcasts.  I LOVE LOVE LOOOOVE the "Inside out Weight Loss" podcast with Renee Stevens!  As soon as I hop in the car in the morning, I pop the ipod in and squeeze in an episode on the drive to work.  She's got a great way of reframing how you think and helping to change the attitude.
- I joined the gym!  I even meet periodically with a trainer to see how things are progressing.  There are 2 classes I love (pilates and S.E.T - strength endurance training) and I have been using the weight circuit on the other days, followed by a nice 3 mile walk with the pooch (I feel guilty doing cardio without him).  Plus lots of trips to dog beach on the weekend.  I live in a great hilly neighborhood, so even when I don't get to the gym I still get a good workout (and so does Dearest Poochie).
- I've nearly eliminated the junk out of my diet. The fill I got this Spring really helped, because a lot of the naughty stuff just doesn't sit well for me now.  Now, I think it's just a matter of trimming back fat calories and nipping the portions down just a tad more.
- I got a bodybugg :-)  It's great having a toy that tells me burn vs. input on my calories, although I do question if it's really as accurate as they say.  Either something is funky, or my food measure/estimation is way off.  Time will tell!
- I'm back to the support sites and reading up again. 
- I scheduled with a new doctor who is in the same network as my bariatric doc, so referrals should be easier when I need them.  I have an appt with the new doc coming up and will get bloodwork, so I can make sure everything is on track.  Plus, he might have some suggestions on what to do to speed things up a bit more.

So, I've re-lost about 6 lbs, with 14 more to go before I'm caught up to last Summer.  Hopefully, things will kick in again soon.  One of my bigger goals is a weird one.  I want to lose enough to see just how badly I need Plastic Surgery.  At this point, I know I have skin, but there's enough fat hanging yet that it's hard seeing just how saggy things will be.  I'm trying to be as realistically optimistic as a 42 year old former fattie can be - ha!

Wow- has it been that long since I've posted to my blog?  To be honest, I forgot all about this site, which is a symptom of where I am right now.  Let's see.... I guess a catchup is in order!

my band is still there, no complications but I'm WAY overdue for a fill and a good brain-adjustment.  Why?  Because I made a BIG change in my life in 2008.  I moved to California!  I decided by the end of last year that I really wanted a new start someplace, and always loved Southern Cali, so I dug in on a job search that would bring me here.  I wound up finding a job in San Diego, and relocated at the end of March. 

On one hand, it's been a great adventure and I'm having fun exploring and enjoying a snowless winter (I even made a couple road-trips to the mountains to see the snow).  On the other hand, I really miss my family.  If only some of them had come along!  I don't necessarily see this as a permanent thing (I feel relatively sure I'll move back eventually).

The one big drawback to all this excitement is that it took me away from my bariatric program, and I think it was too soon to go it alone, like taking the training wheels off too early.  Initially, I did great, and lost another 10 lbs (got down to 197 and bought my first pair of Gap jeans).  I took looooooooong walks with the pooch exploring the area and grilled nice meals for myself.  But, the snacks and carbs gradually started sneaking in, and I found myself fighting the band and eating till I was uncomfortable.  My loss stalled for months, and then in the Fall started creeping up, so I've now regained about 15 lbs and I'm at 213 lbs.  Now, even though portions are still smaller than they would have been preop, I'm grazing a LOT, getting into the candy and chips and making really bad food choices. 

It's not that I didn't try to get help.  As soon as I arrived, I planned ahead to see my new PCP for a referral and tried to get into UCSD.  I was as proactive as I could be, going to the pre-op seminar as they required, filling out the paperwork, ordering up my file from my bariatric doc in MN.  When I finally got to meet with the coordinator for their program, I found out that they wanted a big up front fee AND they wanted me to pay cash for fills, even though my insurance would cover it.  So, I requested my file, switched primary care docs, got a new referral, and contacted the program at Sharp Community.

They *said* I'd just need to drop off my file with a letter from me requesting admittance to the program, and that I'd be able to schedule as soon as the doc reviewed my file and approved me.  That was August 9.  BUT, after weekly phone calls, I didn't get anywhere (apparently the nurses didn't feel they could work with him to read my file).  So, I filed a complaint, picked up my records AGAIN, and started calling around.

This time I picked Pomerado and Dr. Callery.  Turns out, they only needed a referral from my PCP, no up front fees, and they'd schedule me.  So, I got my referral (finally came through on Friday), and called to schedule.  I couldn't believe it... they said I could get an appointment next week, WITH the SURGEON!!!  I was in shock, and totally happy.  What a relief!!

Lessons learned
- get all the right questions, ask them up front and call around - a LOT! 
- Don't choose a program just because it's a famous hospital or conveniently located
- Try not to relocate in the first few years after your surgery, so you can stay with the same program as long as possible.
- Bariatric docs can be really arrogant and difficult with post-ops!  I came from a larger and more experienced program and still had a terrible time finding a place that would take me, even with no complications!!

Most of all...

- DON'T use hitches in life as an excuse to lose your focus.  I totally played mind games and made excuses for my eating because I'd "start over when I got into the new program"  In the end, I lost out on the deal, and I'm going to have to make up for the regained weight and retrain my eating habits.

So, it's time for a change. 
- I'm using that appointment next week as my fresh start, and am already putting more thought into my eating habits. 
- I'm trying to get out to the support websites more often. 
- I'm paying attention to how my tummy feels before it's overfull. 
- I'm being introspective and trying to figure out how my head works, so I can do better this time.
- I'm forgiving myself for acting up, and choosing to make my life better

Nuff said.  Here's to new beginnings!

I did it!  50 lbs lost as of today.  What a great feeling!  I also reached the weight I was at the last time I really did well losing (50 lbs that time too), and I'm almost halfway through my loss.  I figured something was up when I put on some pants I'd bought but couldn't zip a month ago and they fit perfectly.

Boy, this feels GREAT!

Well, I had my 3 month post-op a week early yesterday and I did great!  10 lb loss since my last checkup, for a total of 46 lbs lost, including my preop fast.  Yay me!

We redid my waist and hip measurements too, and it was a nice change:
Waist - I went from 46" to 42" 
Hips: I went from 58" to 52"

I've also gone down from size 26 in pants to an 18 or 20 (depending on the store), and my top is down from a 22/24 to 14/16 or 18/20 (depending on store)

Hooo-RAH!  

I did finally get my first fill yesterday and found out I had started with 2cc at surgery time.  With 1.2cc's added yesterday, I now have 3.3cc's in a 10cc AP band.  I'm hungry today, but that's just because of the liquid diet today, so i'm going to give some mushy food a try tongiht and then ease back into solids tomorrow if it feels okay.

My goal is to maintain the 10-15 lbs/month loss rate I have going now and it seems completely reasonable and manageable to me at this point.  If I stick to that schedule, I'll be at or below my goal of 180 lbs by this time next year (total of 107 lbs lost).  

It dawned on me today that I've never lost more than 50 lbs in any attempt, and even that was only managed once in my life when I was in my 20's.  Once I make it past this loss, I'll be in totally new territory, and I think I'll finally feel like I'm getting somewhere.  I know it's silly - 46 lbs is a HUGE deal, but it just won't feel like anything until I pass that 50 lb mark.  Yeah, I know, my brain is a mess, but that's a big part of why I'm here now.