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  • Comment by Shell Marr on 8/7/07 10:54 am
    YEAH...how exciting WEDNESDAY is YOUR day!! Hubby and I will be thinking about you....See you on the losers bench!! :) Shell Marr (banded 6/21/07)
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Wife, Lover, Mommy, Friend, Daughter, Sister.
I want to be Me when I grow up!
poohspal's Blog
poohspal's Blog


Life is better
on January 17, 2008 6:35 pm
I just can't stand leavin my last post a negative one. 
I am not swollen any more.  Just a bit tender.  the fill seems to be perfect. I have restriction and as long as I follow the basic band rules, eat slow and chew chew I am doing good.  so as long as this last and I stop my late nit snacks   I will hopefully start losing!!
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unfil and done
on January 16, 2008 9:00 am

I went in to get my unfil. it was a tough fill again so I am a bit beat up.  He took out 1/4 .  now I am afraid it was too much but I am done with needles and docs and knives for a long time.  I just need to get my eating in control and start exercising more... Hey! Why didn't i think of this before I spent all this money?!!

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Not again!
on January 13, 2008 8:19 pm

Its been 3 days since my new fill and i think I might be too tight again.  I can get a little bit of liquids ( maybe 8 ounces) down but nothing else.  So I am afraid i will be going into tomorrow to get a tiny tiny, did I say tiny yet? unfill.  I feel like I am almost there!  So Close and yet. . . .

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Another CC please!
on January 11, 2008 9:07 pm

Well I went in today for the Doc to check my Booboo and get another fill. so I am now at 6 cc in a 10cc band.  Its so strange that when he did the surgery to fix the port he put in 2 cc, bringing me to 6. Then in 2 days I was back in the office for an unfill I couldn't even keep liquids down.  He took one out.  I was so not tight  after that , that I could eat real food right away!  and now with 1 cc in I feel good.  So I am back at 6 cc but! I feel real restriction and not too tight.  I am super excited!!!!!!!!  Now all I have to do is get my head to believe that I really don't want another bite!!

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Update...Finally
on January 5, 2008 5:00 pm
Wow.  and I was going to work so hard to at least keep my profile updated no matter what.  Oh well.

I did have my surgery to flip the port back.  I waited until Dec 5th because I wanted to make sure I had a clear scheldule "just in case".  Since nothing has seem to go as planned, I just wanted to be safe.  The surgery went great.  alot easier and way less painful then before.  I also had a fill at the same time, since he was there. ;)
I had the surgery on a wednesday.  I cwas having trouble keeping anything down.  I figured I was probably swollen so I waited.  by firday afternoon I couldn't even get water down, so i went in for an unfill.  on Saturday I was feeling so good, I was doing some housework and I split open my stitches. pretty gross.  I rushed to the ER thinking they would stich it but nope!  They taped it up w/ my Docs blessing and said to see surgeon on Monday.  It opened two more times.  My bathroom looked more like a triage unit w/ bandages and gauze everywhere.  But I am proud happy relieved and excited to say that it has finally completely for surely sealed closed and healed up.  It has left a bit of a weird lookin scar but lets face it folks, I was never gonna make it on the Bikini squad.  I have an appointment on Monday to double check everything and maybe have a little bit of a fill done, (if I am brave enough) .  I want say I am sorry for not keeping in touch with everyone, the journey has been a might more rockier then planned and has taken a bit of a toll, But I believe at this point this is going to work and I am counting my blessings for sure.  I am healthy, my children are healthy and as far as my weight loss jounery, I may not be where I planned but even with just the 23 pounds that I have lost to date, I am down a size, and I now weight less then I did before my first pregnancy 8 years ago.  That is a blessing and I know the new year will bring so many more new goals met.  May the new year be wonderful and full of NSV's!!!!
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My Story

My Story. . . I have been who I am for such a long time its hard to tell my story. To think it, to work it out in my head. Today is just the beginning.  

Here we go.   I started to gain weight when I hit puberty basically.  The big problem was, I hit that at 10.  I have, since that time, been chubby and then fat.  And now as I jump off my cruise of the de-nial, I have discovered that I am morbidly obese.  What an ugly term.   I was happy being me. My husband loves me, My kids think I'm cool, and my friends like to hang out with me.  And yet as I am removing my rose colored glasses to start this journey, I see a girl who always thought "Well, at least I know how to dress!  I look good for a big girl. This is who I am and i'm happy. . ." only to finally see that the only place I can shop now is online.  Omar is running out of fabric.  I guess in some ways, It was like if I kept buying cute clothes maybe no one would notice how big my butt was.

I have three beautiful babies. I have a husband who finds me desirious and beautiful. But my angels are young,  they still are filled with that wonderful, perfect love for me.  they don't see the mommy who is standing on the sidelines,afraid to get out there. Who can't run and jump with them. The mommy who sits down slowly so the chair wont creak.  Soon their friends will ask them questions about why is your mommy so fat.  I just don't want to do that to them.  I want to be healthy. I want to play with them and run and jump and get on any ride I want. I want to go swimming and play on the floor, and get back up!  I want to be the kind of mommy I know I can be. I want to stop making my weight and the fears that it brings, be the first, last and seemingly only thought I have all day long. 

My biggest fear is also now a reality.  My children are becoming fat.  I have taught my children how to eat. I have taught my children a lifestyle they don't deserve!  I don't want this for them!  They deserve so much more. I want to be healthy, to learn to be healthy so we can all have a better life.  I want my children to leave this all in their short childhood and step into the rest of their life without cheetos.  Without seconds on ice cream.  We can do it.  I can do it!   I will do it.

I want to be me when I grew up.