something to worry about?  I have read posts that say 3 weeks and others that say 3 months.  Correct me if I'm wrong... but, shouldn't the weight come off during the first month or two just by virtue of the fact that you can't eat 5 double cheeseburgers for lunch anymore?  Or the fact that you have given up the half pint of heavy whipping cream that you used to put in your coffee per day?  I mean, I know that most people have some kind of stall in the first month.  But, mine has lasted since like day 9.  As of 36 minutes ago I am 27 days out.  That means that it has taken me 18 days to lose about 1.5 lbs.  WHAT? 

I REALLY need to reexamine what is going in my mouth.  I don't think I'm eating badly, but I do know that I am not getting in enough liquids and I have really slacked off on my exercise.  I just need to power through this.  I know that I need to be patient, and it's been like 5 years or more since I was in the 230s. 

Don't get me wrong, I did NOT expect to wake up after surgery thin.   I expect that I will have to do all the things that "normal" people do to get the weight off and keep it off... exercise, watch what I eat, eat smaller portions, etc.   But, I DID expect it to go a little faster during the first month.  I started off like a rocket... then: nothing.  Grr.  So frustrating!  I go back to work on Monday and I was REALLY hoping to have made a tiny bit more progress. 

I guess the good news is that without super fast weight loss I suppose I have more of a chance of keeping most of my hair.  Speaking of my hair.. it's growing like crazy!  My nails, too.  Strange. 

Ugh..  I stepped on the scale just now (knowing damn well that I shouldn't) and guess what?  239.6.  I'm pretty sure that is exactly what I weighed in on the 10th of this month.  So, scratch that.. make it 18 days and no weight loss at all what-so-ever.  Damn.    I just popped open another Sobe Lifewater 0 calorie.  I am not going to bed until I have made my liquid quota for the day. 

Wish me luck!

I went to the hospital to spend the night with my daughter.  She is doing better, getting up and shuffling around.  She has a long way to go.  She REALLY needs to work on her diet.  I mean, she's not eating much of anything now, of course.. but she has gained 20 pounds this year.  I had a nutritionist come in and talk to her, but her eyes just glazed over.  (In her defense, she was pretty drugged up).   She just has so many problems that I think stem from lack of vitamins/bad diet.  Ugh.  I hate watching her fall apart. 
While I was there, I only slept for about an hour.  Most of the time was spent walking her around, helping her get back and forth to the bathroom or making sure she was breathing while she slept.  Because of the medication, she was having trouble breathing during sleep.  I also didn't really eat while I was there.  I had a couple cups of vegatable broth that the nurse was kind enough to bring me.  I had a protein shake in the morning on my way to the hospital.  That was it.  By the time I got home, I was WIPED OUT!  I fell asleep at 4pm yesterday evening and woke up at 9:30 this morning.  I didn't even take my vitamins!  I took them with me.. I just was so wrapped up in Kassie's stuff that I forgot. 
Today, I am just doing liquid and protein shakes.  I have this stupid stall I am dealing with, so I want to kind of *shock* it into action, if that makes any sense.  I did show a loss today when I stepped on the scale, but considering my lack of food, liquid  and vitamins I am thinking it's just dehydration and not an actual loss. 

I ordered some additions to my automatically shipped vitamins.. I can't wait till they get here.  I am supposed to be taking iron again, but the idea of pills just really makes me nervous.  I ordered some chewable ones from Bariatric Advantage.  They are soft chews, like my calcium (which I love)!!  I changed my multi vitamin flavor from chocolate mint truffle to tropical. 

Other than that, there isn't much to report.  I have to go back to work a week from today.  (Yuk!)  I want to look for a new job as soon as all of our medical issues are at a good "pausing point".  It always takes a few weeks for Kaiser to kick back in when I switch jobs.  I just don't think I can deal with my boss anymore.  (If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up the forum post "My boss can be a jackass"). 

Ok, I am almost done with my first 20oz of water... off to go refill my cup.  =]

I hope all is well for you, Faithful Reader, and thanks for stopping in.

I need to go to DMV and pay the registration on my car.  It's past due and they are requesting a smog.  That's $219 to get the sticker plus who-knows-how-much for the smog.  *sigh*  Then I need to go pay a couple of bills.  This particularly sucks because I am only getting paid straight time for my time off.  I usually work 48 hours a week (so 40 hours of straight time and 8 hours of O.T.)... losing out on that 16 hours of O.T. per check is KILLING me.    Don't get me wrong.. I am so very lucky to have paid time off at all, and I am very grateful.  I just wish I had planned better.  We aren't exactly hurting, but some things came up all at once and it's a struggle.  The truck needed a new brake booster.  My registration expired and I need to smog the car.  I need a new starter, new struts, and speed sensors.  I really need to get a couple of fillings.  And, of course, there is Kassie's surgery. 

So, although I am doing NOTHING right now, I can't get started because I have to wait for the boyfriend to get off work.  Or I have to take a bus. 

The scale finally moved a tiny bit today.  It went from 239 to 238.8.  *sigh*  I am very aware of the normal stalls, but I have been stalled more than not since surgery.  Actually, I'm not even sure that it moved.  I got on the scale first thing this morning and it still said 239.  I went back to bed and when I got back up it said 238.8. 

I am such a downer today!  WTH?!  I have nothing but things to be thankful for today and here I sit bitching and moaning.  Forgive me!  I might be stalled, but I did lose 25 or so pounds in 3 weeks.  My daughter came through surgery and is going to be (for the most part) alright!  Money might be tight, but I *am* still employed.. and lucky to be so.  Not only am I employed, but am getting paid to just sit around the house and rest.   

Ok, now that you have stuck with me through this entire little bi-polar episode, I hope everyone has a wonderful day! 

I'll update later when I am a little more upbeat!

I had a stall from like day 9 until day 15 or 16.  Then I dropped the weight I had "gained" (it was water retention from my period) and a couple more pounds.  Then... another stall.  I seem to be stuck at 239.   Don't get me wrong... I am THRILLED to see the 30s ... but I was hoping to see the 20s before I returned to work on the 2nd. 

Eh.  No worries... it'll come off. 

I am counting down.. Kassie goes into surgery in about an hour now.  She has been admitted and is being prepped.  I am kicking myself for not going with her.  I stayed with her almost all the time she was in the hospital last time.   Her father, grandfather and fiancee are with her now.  There wasn't any more room in the car, so I opted to stay home and just be kept up to date by phone.  I am a mess now.  I am so scared.  None of them know her disease like I do.  None of them will ADVOCATE for her like I do.  They will just agree with whatever the doctors say.  It's not that I don't trust the doctors... but, she's my child and they don't care the way I do.  They don't know her enough to see when something may be off like I do. 

Ugh.  I have to go find something to preoccupy my mind. 

More later.

Twenty-two years ago today I gave birth to my oldest child.. my baby that has been with me the longest.  I love her dearly.  I was a child then, myself, at only 16. 
She is having major surgery in a couple of days and I am terrified.  Not WLS.. she has Crohns.  They are going to attempt to reattach her small intestine to her anus.  She has no large intestine/colon.. that was removed just before Thanksgiving when she was just 17.  She has been living with an illiostomy (sp?) bag. 
Here's the thing.. I have always had this secret fear that she wasn't meant to ever be with me.  I know, it sounds REALLY stupid.  When she was six weeks old, I was asleep on the couch and she was right next to me in a little bassinet.  I woke up out of what I thought was a sound sleep to find that she wasn't breathing.  Her lips were turning bluish.  I did what I could remember from an infant CPR class I took just before I went into 6th grade.  I got her to breathe, but she just wouldn't wake up.  I called my mother at work.. I was hysterical.  She must have run every light in town to get home as fast as she did.  When she walked in I was in the rocking chair, holding Kassie and just rocking and sobbing.  The baby was limp.  She thought she was already gone.  When she realized the baby was alive, we went to the hospital as fast as we could.  (It was just a few blocks away).  They couldn't wake her up, either.  They were tickling her feet, poking her with pins in her feet, light little slaps... nothing.  It took like an hour and a half.  They never figured out what happened and one doctor suggested that I had possibly caught her in the middle of crib death.  I slept with her ON me after that.  They gave me a mattress with an alarm, but the alarm would go off all the time for no reason.  It was awful! 
 Then, when she was 2 1/2, she got a fever.  106.3.  We went to the E.R. They said she had an ear infection and sent her home (after cooling her off, of course).  The next day, 106.3 again.  We went back to the E.R.  They cooled her off and said that she didn't have an ear infection, but that her ear was red from the high fever.  Lots of tests.  No conclusion.  This went on for a week. I felt like they didn't take me seriously (possibly because of my age.. that happened a LOT back then).  Finally, we were at my sister-in-law's house.  She's an ICU nurse at Marin General.  While we were there, Kassie got all glassy eyed and starting staring off into space. I couldn't get her to blink.  I laid her down on the couch and she started seizuring.  Grand mal.  I was FREAKED OUT!   My SIL went with me to the hospital and used hospital terminology to get them to listen.  They never figured out what was wrong, but her fever broke the next day. 
 When she was 14, she started having rectal bleeding.  We took her to a clinic.  They called it hemorroids and gave her cream.  This went on for a bit.  When she was 15, she had been mis-diagnosed by EVERYONE!  Several doctors, clinics and emergency rooms.  It got so that I couldn't leave her home alone, because she was passing out and sometimes would lose control of her bowels.  A sneeze could cause blood to come shooting out of her from behind.  She got kicked out of high school because the doctors wouldn't excuse her or acknowledge any actual sickness.  I took her to my parents.  At that time I was a single mother of four.  Prince Charming didn't have much interest in taking care of children or a wife.  He just lived off his stoner girlfriend and played Xbox.  Note: He's nine years my senior.. he's only a child in his mind.  Bastard.  I was working 2 jobs.  I was JUST about to get qualify for Kaiser and I was praying it would be soon enough.  One day my mother came to me in tears.  She didn't think Kassie was going to make it.  She told me to come quickly.  When I got there I found my baby (who was now 16 or close to) a complete vegetable.  Her body was pure white except for a tiny red dot on her lower lip.  She was drooling on herself and couldn't remain concsious.  I called Kaiser and BEGGED them to push though my paperwork.  (It had already been submitted to them from my work).. I explained the issue and they told me to take her to the nearest hospital and they would airlift her to Kaiser in Oakland.  The nearest hospital had sent her home only 2 months before saying she had hemmoroids and a yeast infection.  I begged the doctor to do more tests, but I had no insurance.  So, they sent us home.  When I took my daughter in there, the SAME doctor who had seen her in the ER only two months prior gave me a grief packet and told me that it was unlikely that she would make it though the night.  He (not remembering me or her) told me that had I caught this sooner, things would be different.  I had to be escorted from the hospital.  I was LIVID!  I honestly can say that I have NEVER wished harm on anyone.. not even Prince Charming, until that day.  I wanted to KILL HIM!  Honestly, how DARE he?!?!    I had BEGGED that man to do more tests!  Thinking about it now still makes me cry.  I was sure I was going to lose her.  Kaiser came and got her.   Her blood was free flowing in her body.  She had lost over half.  They said that had she lost that much at one time, say from a wound, she wouldn't have made it.  The blood had settled into her back making her back a purplish color.  Her veins had all collapsed.  All the Gatorade we had forced her to try and drink was ALSO free flowing in her body.  The Crohns had eaten away so much of her large intestine that it was like lace.  She spent the next 30 days or so in PICU.  Thank God she doesn't remember any of it.  She wasn't allowed ANYTHING in her mouth.  THey said just starting digestion might detach the tiny bit of intestine.  They had to build her albuman (sp?) back up so that her veins could hold fluid.  They kept her pumped full of fluid, medicine, vitamins and steroids.  She ballooned up until all of her skin stretched out and ripped.  The bottoms of her feet were round.  She screamed if you touched her. Her skin was so stretched that each touch felt like a cut to her.  The pressure cuffs were just torture.   They put her on what, at the time, was an experimental treatment.  It was called... Remicade.  She had to go in every 2 months for a transfusion.  That, and the MASSIVE amount of steriods, kept her blown up.  Finally, they just couldn't save it.  Her large intestine had to go or she would die.  That, like I said was when she was 17. 
Well, it turns out that she's allergic to the bag, the plastic, the tape, the adhesive... and her stoma is falling apart.  This time they are going to do an open procedure and try and reconnect her small intestine to the tiny piece that's left attached to her anus (they left her about 3 inches).  I don't know what will happen if the Crohn's gets to her small intestine.  I am terrified.    She lost everything.  She had a boyfriend in highschool.   He, of course, took off.  She played several instruments (flute for several years) and was in band and choir.  She even sang once on Radio Disney.  She was fairly popular.  Once she had that leaky, smelly bag and the loose, stretchmarked skin... they were gone, too.  One time, she wore capris out in public because it was hot outside.  A child asked her why she had "dead people legs".   She sort of deflated after they took her off steroids and gave her that bag.  Her skin was simply ruined.  Her immune system was also ruined.  She has these horrible cyst like bumps all over. She has psoriasis (sp?) on her head.  Her formerly beautiful, long, thick hair falls out in chunks.  It smells.  No matter how often she washes it.  It's always got pus oozing out and it clumps together.  It has these giant flakes.  I only see these things because of the pain it causes her.  She can't get a job, because she can't work with food because of her stupid bag and can't really work with people because of the smell from her bag or her hair.  People think she doesn't bathe.  She's depressed.  She doesn't like to leave her little trailer.  She doesn't want to clean anymore.  She doesn't care.  For her birthday I just want her to be happy.  Or at least WANT to be better or happy.  Or at least have a success at something! 
Depressing, I know.  But, I have to put a happy face on to everyone else.  I just needed to vent.. and worry. 

I was asked to update more often, so here goes..

I got on the scales today and I was 239.1!  YAY!!  I think my period is finally winding down.. this is also a big YAY! Uhh.. so, on the 3rd I was 264ish (264.4, I think) so that puts me down, what?  25 pounds in 16 days?  Nice. I have dropped from a 22 to a 20 already.  Thank goodness I still had some 20s in the closet! Otherwise there would be a large (but shrinking) woman running the streets buck naked.  That would have been all bad. 

My only problem right now is that my company sent me FMLA paperwork to fill out and I was so wrapped up in ... well, in ME, that I didn't really take much of a look at it.  It turns out that there is stuff for the doctor to fill out and that means an impromptu trip back to South San Francisco.  *sigh*  I could have just taken it to my follow up appointment on the 16th.. but noooooo.  It was due no later than today, so I don't know if I'm going to get paid on time.  Eh.  Whatever.  Who wants to pay bills, anyway?

I have to admit that since my period started I had been really lax on my walking.  I think I went for maybe 1 real walk during the entire thing.  Last night I took Panda (The Wonder Dog[tm]) for a two mile walk.  I really didn't want to go, but then once I got going I didn't really want to stop.   

There really isn't much more to report.   I'm just not that exciting.  =] 

Ok, Faithful Reader... I'll talk at you next time.. same bat time.. same bat channel.

I feel great.  I had a stall starting on like day 9 or 10.  Actually, my weight shot up 6 lbs overnight.  I thought I took it rather well.. I only threw the scale once.  Ok, that's a joke.  It was a bit frustrating, but since there was no physical way that I had eaten enough to gain 6 lbs overnight (was that even possible in my old life?  I don't think so), I knew it was water retention and, sure enough.. along came my period.  As of today (second day of my period), the scale has started moving down again.  I'm down to 241.  I came home from the hospital at 264.  All I have to say is WOW! I can't wait to reach the 230's. 

I had my two week check yesterday.  My surgeon was very pleased with my progress and said I was losing weight ahead of schedule.  Nice.  He also cleared me for pretty much all physical activities including the gym, sex, driving, etc.  I am part of a WLS study, so I have to go back for a 3 month, a 6 month and then yearly.  Labs start at 6 months. 

My diet has been advanced to "soft food".  This is really only a step above pureed because now everything has stopped looking like canned dog food.  YAY for that!! What I'm really looking forward to is SALAD!  That's still a ways off yet.  

I had my first stuck incident last night.  That wasn't terribly pleasant.  Foamies and everything.  Blech!  I'd go into more detail, but it wasn't really that big of a deal. I chewed really well, but it was too much food at one time.  Some pain, dizziness and throwing up.  Mostly foam.  Gross.  Memorable.   It was a good lesson learned. 

Sorry about the "boring-ness" of this post, but I am a bit overwhelmed with cramps at the moment and it's affecting my ability to be witty or even interesting.   I just wanted to update. 

~Punkie