- Name: Samantha L.
- Username: Punkmime
- Location: Petaluma, CA, USA
- Member Since: 5/22/2010
- BMI: 24.0
- Post Op
- Surgery Type: RNY (07/01/10)
- Surgeon: Robert Li, M.D.
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I think I might cry right now... on August 30, 2011 12:02 pm
So, 10 minutes after posting my last post about how everything was turning around... everything fell apart.
I had a phone interview with EDD. The lady would NOT listen to what I was saying. The last job I had required me to do training 151 miles from my house. They were putting me up in a hotel five days a week for two months. That was hard enough. I got sick while I was there and they won't let you work sick. So, I had to drive home. Two days in a row. I took the next couple of days off (to get better). When I talked to my DM again, they said that they would require me to extend my training by up to another month. I couldn't be away from my family 5 days a week for another month! We had my step children (ages 2 and 5) five days a week. My SO was working and was having a hell of a time arranging day care of any sort. He works 2 hours away and we live on a mountain, so the drive takes him down a winding mountain road. The little ones get car sick.. badly. So, that meant he had to stay at his mom's house when he had the kids (because it's closer to his work.. in the same town, in fact). His mom is a drug addict.. and our only option for watching the kids while he worked. Not good. She would never hurt the kids, but she didn't WANT to watch them and WHO WANTS A DRUG ADDICT WATCHING YOUR KIDS?!?! His ex, the birth mother, although not working was unwilling to rework the visitation to accomodate our temporary scheduling issues. (She had/has custody, but didn't actually WANT them.. just the child support.. so, we had them Thursday through Tuesday every week).
We were willing to deal with it for the two months I was originally supposed to train, but another month?? it wasn't as if I had an actual schedule, either. I got my schedule day by day... as in, "Tomorrow you come in at 12" or "Tomorrow in at 6am so you can go home for two days off when you get off tomorrow evening."
Ok. So, no unemployment. They will not approve the claim. Then, two minutes after my phone interview, my phone gets shut off. (can't afford the bill.. can't afford anything right now). I have no way to get in touch with the 20349832947823 places I have applied recently. I didn't want unemployment in the first place! It was a last resort.
We are two payments behind on our house. I expect a knock at the door anytime now from the lien holder (it was owner financed). I am in FULL PANIC MODE! I am hiding in the bedroom (so incase he does stop by, he doesn't see me.. I have NO idea what to tell him!). I feel like the world's biggest loser. I have always worked. I raised 4 kids alone (mostly). I paid almost FOUR TIMES our house payment in rent most of the time.. but i can't make THIS work?!?! I have become a dead beat that hides in a room so she doesn't have to answer the door?? I know times are hard, but I am SO qualified and ready to work. I am without phone service?! Really?!?!
I. am. done. Completely freaking out. I was already HORRIBLY depressed without work. Then as time went on, my depression got worse and worse. Then I decided to go ahead and try to get unemployment. (Which sucked). When they sent me the weekly claim form in the mail telling me I was getting the maximum grant (I USED to make good money), I was sad, but relieved! SO RELIEVED! I was going to catch up the house payments! I could make the car payment. We were going to be alright until I could find work. Then came today's phone interview.
I had been checking the mail daily for my EDD card. Now, I can stop checking, at least. They said they would send me a determination within 7 days. Blah. The lady was horrible (I realize her job must be stressful). Now I just want to crawl in a hole and hide from the world.
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Turning it around... and chocolate protein balls on August 30, 2011 10:50 am
So, I have been MUCH MUCH better about taking my vitamins. As a result, I am feeling much better. (Funny how that works, right?) Honestly, I can't undo whatever I have already done, so today's a new day and the show must go on. I worry that I'm still not getting nearly enough protein, but my intake is SO much better than it was... and I am still working on getting it up even higher.
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So, I was supposed to get a call from EDD this morning.. a phone interview. They said they'd call at 10am. It's almost 11. No call. *sigh* I hate it when that happens.. if I were to just miss a scheduled meeting with them, I'm sure it would be all bad. It's all good, though. Maybe they're busy.
I think my only worry in the world right now is money. That's not such a bad feeling. I mean, of course, it sucks that money is tight... and we are now 2 months behind on our house payment (which is my BIGGEST freak out), but honestly, I feel good, my relationship just keeps getting better and better, my kids are good... life is good.
I had gained a couple of pounds.. I didn't freak out, but decided to kind of keep watch. Thank God for these forums, seriously. I have read hundreds of posts on stalls being normal and that sometimes the weight is just going to bounce around a bit and that is also normal.. so, I almost never get worked up over the number on the scale. This morning my weight was back to where it was. That's cool. I am at 147 right now and that's with my monthly on it's way any day now. With any luck, I'll be 142 by next week and that was my original goal weight. If not, that's ok, too.
I made these chocolate protein ball things that I read about in a forum post. They were SUCH a mess to make, but they taste pretty good. It was 2 scoops of cookies and cream flavored protein powder, some benefiber and unsweetened cocoa powder mixed with just enough peanut butter to make it all stick together. Then I rolled it into balls and put it on a cookie sheet and stuck it in the freezer. My daughter (almost 17) likes them. It ended up making 15 balls and at roughly 60g of protein, it ends up only being about 4g of protein per ball... so, not sure it's worth it. But, they are a tasty sweet treat if you have a sweet tooth. I don't. My family does.
Turkey chili with no beans for lunch! It sounds SO good right now! It's like 3g of fat and 27g of protein. YUM! I'll mix some Benefiber in for good measure.
Ok. Enough rambling.. I'm outta here.
I feel awful.. and guilty. on August 28, 2011 11:10 am
Why does The Cowboy insist on letting our vehicles run out of gas??! When he puts gas in the cars, he only fills them to about 1/2 tank. Would it not be the same to just let them get DOWN to 1/2 tank and then fill them up? Ugh. So, the Jeep was sitting in our driveway all week with no gas (like the Distance 'Till Empty gauge said 0.0 miles until empty) and the Mazda developed a bubble in the tire. We were stuck at home. Thankfully, he decided to bite the bullet and just take the Jeep to the gas station. It somehow made it and now he can take the tire in to get replaced. Just GRRRR!!!
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On a different note: Am I the only person who did not get debilitating gas after surgery? I'm not complaining, mind you.. (actually, I am VERY grateful), but I don't think I have ever read a post about the RNY experience that didn't talk about the horrible gas being the worst part. Thank you to my surgeon and whomever else might be responsible for my lack of gas post-op. (The Gods, maybe!?!)
I have probably had the EASIEST RNY experience I have ever heard of. I very seldom get sick and when I do, it's my own damn fault for over eating. There are no foods I can't tolerate. (I don't really eat sugar, so I don't know if I dump, but I have had SMALL amounts of sugar in foods and so far no reaction). The weight has pretty much just melted off with very little effort on my part. This isn't necessarily a good thing. It allowed me to pretty much just ignore my approved menu, my vites and my exercise requirements. I haven't been for a check up since... pretty much since surgery. I think I had a three month check up. I lost my medical insurance when I lost my job. I fell into a deep depression and spent most of the last 8 months in bed. Literally, I would go entire days getting out of bed only to use the restroom.
I may be thin now, but I will be lucky if I haven't doomed myself to something worse than being overweight. I neglected myself and my tool. I am ashamed of myself. I am actually fighting tears as I write this... possibly due to my upcoming period, but I think mostly due to guilt. Didn't I have this surgery to get HEALTHY?!? Am I really so shallow that the only thing that mattered was the number on the tag in my new jeans? I read about all of these people that are working REALLY HARD to use their tool correctly and having a hell of a time getting the weight off despite their hard work. I feel like I should apologize to every one of them.
I am back on track now. I am trying to make sure I actually get all of my vitamins in every day (I pray it's not too late and that I haven't done any permanent damage).
I have always been anemic.. I'm sure (since I get dizzy a lot) that I am in dangerous territory now. (I am taking iron every day now.. but I DIDN'T for a long time). At this point, I don't even care as much about my weight as I do about trying to get myself healthy. If I gain back 20 lbs, so be it.
Wish me luck..
It's been SIX MONTHS since I posted a blog.. on August 19, 2011 10:54 am
It's crazy to me how time has just flown by since surgery. Here's something new: I am drinking a carbonated drink. Caffeine free, sugar free, zero calorie.. but, it has those little bubbles that I have managed to avoid until now. Well, not COMLPETELY. I was at Disneyland in December and I there wasn't too many choices where we were having lunch, so I decided it would be a GREAT idea to order a Diet Coke. OMG! I only took a little sip and then one more when I was pretty sure my pouch was going to explode. Now, I have no idea if the bubbles actually make it all the way to your stomach or if something else caused the pain, but I have stayed away from carbonation anyway. . better safe than sorry. So far, this seems to be going down alright. I'm sure I'll pay for it later with horrendous gas, but, whatever. I'm home alone almost all day, anyway.
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Speaking of gas... I keep reading all of these posts about everyone having a ton of gas after surgery and that it never really seems to go away. I never had that problem. Is that weird? I also don't dump (I don't think... I haven't really tested it out), and (get this) the weight is still coming off despite the fact that I am not trying. I still can't eat a whole lot (for this I am grateful), but, I haven't had any real issues with getting in my liquids or anything. I can drink when I eat. there don't seem to be any foods that cause the pouch to revolt, either. I have really been lucky, I guess. Really, the only problem I have had at ALL since surgery is that I occasionally eat a bite or two too much and THAT SUCKS! But, I am getting much better at portion control.
There is the matter of the extra skin. I look like I am wearing a skin suit that's about 5 sizes too big (which I guess I am). I don't have a lot of flaps that hang down, but everything is VERY loose and wrinkley. .. oh, and my ass is flat. I mean FLAT. It's icky. Still, small price to pay for being able to walk a flight of stairs without wanting to die.
That's about it. Just some stuff I have been thinking about as I read the forum posts.