- Name: Samantha L.
- Username: Punkmime
- Location: Petaluma, CA, USA
- Member Since: 5/22/2010
- BMI: 24.0
- Post Op
- Surgery Type: RNY (07/01/10)
- Surgeon: Robert Li, M.D.
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Post WLS pet peeves (LONG) on December 13, 2011 12:16 am
There are a few things that drive me batty since having my WLS. I am sure I was even guilty of a few of these things at some point, but now.. well, they make me wanna poke someone in the eye.
1. "You need to stop losing weight. You look anorexic." - Like hell I do. This only comes from people who knew me when I was big. I understand that I look different now, but come on. I am 5'5"ish (as in just a hair under) and I weigh 142 - 147. That means that on good days my BMI is a TINY bit under the "moderately overweight" category. I am a size 4. Smaller than I would have ever dreamed, but HARDLY anorexic. My parents are the worst offenders. My mom USED to show me off all the time (even to complete strangers), as in "doesn't she look great?? She used to be HUGE!" .. that was until I got down to a smaller size than she is. She's in a 10 (which is great). The moment I hit size 8, she started with the mean comments. Then my father joined in. They went as far as to travel the 2 hours to my house so that they could spend $300 on my pre-op favorites: frozen pizza, pizza rolls, burritos, has browns, biscuits, chips, crackers, etc. Keep in mind that they would NEVER eat this crap themselves. *sigh*
2. "How did you lose all that weight? OH.. you had surgery?? Wow.. I know someone who had that and they did great for a while, but then they gained it all back." or "You know my mom's friend had that surgery and she could only drink shakes, she threw up all the time and finally she died." Of COURSE they gained it all back.. they went back to eating crap. It's not a magic pill. It requires more than just a few days in the hospital and a check up now and then. I am not that person.. I am also not your mom's friend. I am doing great, thanks. I will never understand why the FIRST thing most people have to say is how they know someone that failed.. and implying that you will also fail. *Ugh*. Don't you worry your pretty little head, Lovely.. I GOT this.
3. "I had surgery two years ago. I have gained it all back and then some. I don't exercise, I snack on carbs and pretty much eat all day long. Also, since I don't dump, I drink Cherry Coke to stay hydrated. Do you guys think my surgery failed me? Do you think I can get a revision? If not, can someone tell me how to get the weight back off??" Really? I am not sure if you are coming to the boards for support or verbal abuse so that you can feel better about your bad decisions. Please, if you haven't had surgery or if you are a new pre-op... RESEARCH your surgery. Find out what the life changes are. Find out what vitamins you have to take. REALIZE that you have to EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE just like a "normal" person. Even if you can only eat 5 bites of pizza, if you do it every 30 minutes.. you are over eating (bad foods) and WILL gain weight. Do I know everything?? Hell no. Do I eat pizza? Sometimes. *sigh*
4. "This surgery will kill all of you. I had it and no one told me that I had to take my vitamins, so now I am sick with broken bones, no teeth, anemia and I have shingles, rickets, berry-berry, and nerve damage." Again, I have to wonder how you could do something SO DRASTIC to your body without checking it out first. Read a damn book. Attend support groups. Clearly, if you are posting here you can use the internet.. read about your surgery. Don't take Flinstones or gummys. Tums is NOT a good calcium choice. Don't just follow the same rules that your friend Susie followed (besides, isn't she the one that gained it all back??). Don't post terrifying "This will happen to you" crap that could scare the hell out of a newbie. If they are on this site, hopefully they are doing the research.
5. "I had surgery two days ago and I haven't lost all my weight and I feel like crap. What am I doing wrong?" Or "I am three weeks out and I have only lost 27 lbs and now I haven't lost any weight in like 3 days. Am I DONE?? Did I fail this surgery?? Please help me, I am freaking out!!". Get real, people. Aren't you adults? I know that surgery and the rapid weight loss wreaks havoc on your hormones/moods, but REALLY?!?! Did you lose ALL of your common sense? You just had major surgery, you are going to feel like shit for a while. If it still hurts an hour after you stub your toe and you think that's normal, then why the hell would you think that 1 or 2 days (or even 3 or 4 weeks, in some cases) is enough to heal from major, major surgery?!? Also, I have to know.. did you magically gain all of your weight in 2 weeks? No? Then why in the world would you think that you could LOSE it all in two weeks? Or even 3 months?! These types of posts annoy me for two reasons: 1. They are posted 19038238971289 times a day. If you ever read the boards.. EVER... you would have known that stalls happen and that recovery isn't always a cake walk. 2. It's almost always posted like 2 posts above someone else who just said the same thing. When I stalled, I never said a word about it because I had already read 2349839483 of these kinds of posts and knew it would happen. Also, when was the last time that you lost like 27 pounds in less than a month? *sigh* Relax. Enjoy the journey.
6. "If you didn't have the same surgery that *I* did, then you're stupid." Surgery wars are stupid. Period. I had RNY. I CHOSE RNY. I knew that I would have to eat differently. I knew that I would have to take vitamins. I knew that there was the possibility of regain. I chose it anyway, because it was the surgery that I thought best for me. I know people who have had great success with the LapBand. No, really. Several years out and they still look and feel great. My former assistant had the VSG. She's doing great at two years out. The DS seems to be a great choice for a lot of people. I don't really KNOW anyone who has had it, but from what I have read it seems to be a great choice (a choice that I MAY have made had I had that option with my insurance.. but, maybe not. I kind of went back and forth with it and chose what I thought best) . My point is.. there is not one surgery that is right for everyone. I COMPLETELY agree that you should do the research and then push for the surgery that will suit you best, but don't push ME to get the surgery that you think best.
7. "I am starting the new 'eat only cabbage before 3 pm then take diet pills and eat fatty foods every other Wednesday' diet. I can't wait. I am supposed to lose 25 lbs in only 12 weeks! You wouldn't understand how hard this is.. MY diet takes discipline. I didn't take the easy way out like you did." Ok.. this is quote based on (but not exactly the same as, obviously) a conversation I had with my 22 year old daughter on Thanksgiving. We were eating dinner at a restaurant. She ordered the usual Thanksgiving day fare... turkey, mashed potatoes, bread, stuffing, cranberry jelly. Apparently, the first week of her "diet" she was supposed to eat fatty, high carb foods and then take some drops that trick her body into thinking that she's pregnant or something. *I* ordered a baked chicken breast with broccoli. I ate less than half and gave her the rest to take home for her sister. Where in the world did she get the idea that I don't have to use self discipline or that my surgery is EASY?!?! I have certainly never implied that. It seems to be a common misconception. At least with "normal" people, I kind of understand this. It isn't their job to understand my surgery. I am sure that it SEEMS like this is effortless. That doesn't mean it doesn't bother me a bit when people discount my achievements and hard work. I believe this is MY issue, though and not theirs.
8. "I need to loose 35 more pounds, but I am not loosing it fast enough." The word you are looking for is LOSE. You LOSE your keys. You LOSE weight. You have LOOSE skin. Most spelling errors don't bug me much, but this one just irks me. It especially drives me nutty when they get replies with the correct spelling and then continue to reply with the wrong word/spelling. Alright, I admit it.. this one probably just makes me a bitch. My apologies, but I can't help it.. it bugs me.
9. Last, but not least... I hate that I have become so AWARE of what other people are eating. I am NOT a registered dietitian (or really ANY sort of authority or expert), so why do I now feel the need to police people's food choices?!? What the hell is wrong with me? I have gotten better, but when people I care about are complaining about their weight while they are eating a plate of lasagna, a side of garlic fries, an order of bread sticks, a side of loaded mashed potatoes and drinking a Coke (an ACTUAL order of someone I was eating with), I have a hell of a time holding my tongue. Did I not spend 37 years making terrible food choices?? Was that not my decision to make?!? Who am I to judge anyone on anything, really? I suck.
Ok, now that I have made myself sound like a TOTAL asshole, I will stop. If you have read this far and don't think me a bad person.. well, thank you. I think that alone proves that you are a better person than I.
On a completely different set of topics: I found my Jeep keys after DAYS of looking. YAY! Also, my puppies MIGHT finally be getting the idea that it's not okay to poop in the house. YAY again! I went for a walk today. I haven't gotten hardly any exercise for ... well, months, really. I know, I know.. after all of my ranting, I have turned out to be one of those VERY people I was ranting about. Anyway, because I couldn't find the Jeep keys, I couldn't pick up my daughter from school. (Don't freak out.. she's 17 years old). That meant that she had to walk home and it's a LONG walk. I started walking so that I could meet her halfway so she wouldn't have to walk so far alone. (I felt TERRIBLE that I couldn't pick her up. Seriously.. I cried. Lame, I know.) Anyway, we met at the halfway point and had lunch together (she got out early today). It was GREAT! And, I got a 4 mile walk in... over LOTS of hills. My 22 year old gave me a bike. I am SO excited!! It's a beautiful mint green cruiser with cream accents and a BIG comfortable seat. It even has a headlight. I haven't ridden a bike in like... 10 years or more? I haven't taken it out yet, because I was HOPING to do it when Steve could go running. I am terrified of looking stupid for one thing and I have terrible social anxiety that makes me unconfortable doing things alone or in large crowds. I am most comfortable doing stuff with 1 other person.. my wonderful mate (The Cowboy) or one of my lovely daughters (I have 4 to choose from, but three of them are grown and moved out). I just KNOW that if I can get myself to just get out there and get on it, that I will have a blast. I am encouraged by my walk today and I am DETERMINED to do it tomorrow. Even if it's just a slow ride around the block.
Wish me luck! Happy holidays to everyone.. I hope you are all having a holiday season filled with joy, love, laughter and happiness.
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Rant over.. I have realized.. on December 4, 2011 2:11 pm
.. that it is my issue. I am NOT their mother and everyone has a right to raise their children the way that they see fit. I need to be mature enough to step back and just accept that. Agree to disagree, if you will.
Now, I just need to decide what I need to do to deal with MY issues. How can I go hang out with them and NOT get frustrated? How can I make this easier on the kids and on The Cowboy?
I'm working on it. Suggestions are welcome.
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Step-Monster - yup.. that's me. *sigh* (SUPER... on December 4, 2011 12:40 pm
The Cowboy has young children. They are ages almost 6 (a girl) and 2 (a boy). They have serious behavioral issues. We used to have them 5 days a week (or sometimes 6), but after the girl started school we now only have them on weekends. Here's the thing... I HATE being the evil step mother.. I really do, but I am the ONLY person who disciplines these children. They are allowed to eat when they want and whatever they want (brownies for breakfast? Yup. ), they are sneaky and manipulative. It's sad. When we had them five days a week, they showed some serious improvement, but now.. it's just hell. The almost three year old boy is violent and has major anger issues. He is way behind in his speaking skills. He is not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He is still given a milk bottle every night.. several times a night.
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The girl.. well her issues are too many to mention. Here are the highlights: She lies, she sneaks things, she talks NON STOP (seriously.. she will talk about nothing at all for an hour and when she can't think of anything to say she says a lot of "Ummmm" or "Weeeellllllll"), she sets her brother up to get him in trouble ALL THE TIME and then pulls the Daddy's little angel fluttery eyed crap when she then tells on him for doing whatever she told him to do in the first place. An example: A few minutes ago, I listened to her tell her brother to go in the bathroom with her. (He's not supposed to go in there as he takes every roll of toilet paper he can find and throws it in the toilet). She then says "I'm leaving you in here alone now, Ashtin.... make sure you don't lock the door. Ok? " Of couse he locks the door. Then she starts screaming for her dad because Ashtin has locked himself in the bathroom. (And thrown all of our toilet paper in the toilet). *sigh* Sometimes they will be in the front room and I will be in the kitchen (they won't know I'm there) and I will hear her say "Ashtin.. stand on the table." Then, when he does, she will start screaming for her dad because he's on the table and she "told him not to". Sometimes, she will hit him and then when he cries, she'll start very loudly saying things like "OH NO!! Ashtin hurt himself!! I don't know what happened!!". Of couse.. this all happens during the few minutes each day when they aren't being directly supervised. I mean DIRECTLY supervised. Maybe things are different now, but when my kids were little (and I had FOUR), they were able to entertain themselves for hours. Even on a bad day they could be left alone (in a safe environment, of course) long enough for me to go to the bathroom. These children can not be alone for 1 minute. They insist on having the TV on TWENTY FOUR hours a day (even though they don't watch it).. they won't sleep unless there is a kids movie on. I can't go turn on music so I can clean or anything.. that leads to tantrums.
So, we have them on weekends now. I spend the weekends hiding in my room. Seriously. I used to be out there and involved, but I just can't handle the utter disrespect. I know it drives The Cowboy crazy that I don't want to spend time with the kids.. and I HATE that I am causing this issue, but let me give you an example of our last encounter:
We had gotten into watching the series Lost on Netflix together (The Cowboy and I). In the interest of trying to get me out there, he came and asked if I would be interested in coming out to watch an episode with him. I WANT to be more social when they are here, so I agreed. I go out there and he starts Netflix. Kate (the 5 year old) is sitting on the couch next to her father and I am lying on the floor (I can't sit next to him when they are here.. they have jealousy issues which I completely understand). Kate says "We only have to watch this show ONCE, right? I want to play Mario on the Wii." I said, "Probably not, honey.. we will probably watch two episodes." She COMPLETELY disregards what I said and says "Dad, we only have to watch this show ONCE, right?" I assume that she thought I was talking to my 17 year old (who was sitting in a chair next to me on the floor), so I turn towards Kate and say very clearly, "Probably not, Honey.. we will probably watch two episodes." She waits for a second and says "DADDY (making it QUITE clear that she wasn't addressing me and therefore my answer didn't interest her), we only have to watch this show once, right? I want to play Mario again." Ugh.
Then there is the nighttime NIGHTMARE that is putting them to bed. OMG! First off, there is the putting on of the movie. Then comes the making of the bottle and changing the diaper (so far.. no big deal.. just routine stuff). Then comes the actually tucking them in. They sleep in our dining room (that has been converted into a bedroom) just off the living room. There is no door there.. just a large doorway. So, we have to all go to bed when the kids do. Five minutes or less after we put them down comes the first of 2394839283743289 knocks on our bedroom door. "Daddy, I want a different movie." or "Daddy, Ashtin is looking at me." or whatever. If I even ATTEMPT to find out what she wants, all I get out of her is "I need my DAD.". Several times, she has knocked on our door to ask if he can pause her movie so she can pee. She had to pass the bathroom to GET to our bedroom. Now that Ashtin can climb out of his crib, he joins in the fun. He comes to the door EVERY night with "I'm poopy.". He's not. Ever. Often, I will hear Kate say "Ashtin, go knock on the door and get Dad.". After the second or third hour of this, Steve starts with the "Get into bed now. I am going to turn off the movie if you get out of bed again." (Which he NEVER actually does). When he finally sounds serious enough to her, she starts with the tears and says "I miss my Mom.". Every time. Same shit. Quite often, Steve falls asleep and then I am left to deal with it. I used to look forward to it. I used to jump up and say "I got this.. don't worry.". Despite my rant, I actually LOVE kids and was really looking forward to having young step children. BUT.. I can't handle these two. Mostly the girl. I hate that she lies. I hate that she expects us to buy her something EVERY time we leave the house. I hate that she is spoiled. I hate that no one stops her from acting like this. I hate that even when we were making progress (when we had them all the time) it gets undone the MOMENT they go back to their mother. Both of their parents DOTE on Kate and Ashtin gets left in the dust all the time. Ashtin ALWAYS comes to us with a nasty diaper rash. Always. Their mother ALWAYS says "He's got another yeast infection. Here's some cream." He NEVER has one when he leaves here and we never use the cream. We bathe him and change his diaper.
Ugh. It's so frustrating!!! I want us to have happy family time, but I finally (after a year of this) got disgusted and just sort of stepped out of the picture. I HATE this. I do NOT want The Cowboy to feel like he is torn between us. I do NOT want him not to see his children. I do NOT want to be the horrible step mom. What I want is for us to be able to BE together and DO stuff. It just can't happen. I have tried hanging out with them and just biting my tongue.. just for the sake of togetherness. It makes me miserable. I have also tried jumping on the "spoil the kids rotten and let them do what they want and overlook all of the utter crap" bandwagon. I can't do it. Children should be given guidelines and should be given rules. My kids NEVER acted like this. I DO understand how hard divorce is on kids (their parents were never married, but it's the same). I have spent HOURS AND HOURS trying to do activities with the kids. I have tried talking to The Cowboy about these issues. I don't know what else to do. I can't stay out there and discipline the kids by myself. I feel awful.
Ok. I am off to make another attempt at "together time". I really want to make this work, but maybe I am just not a good enough person to pull it off. Maybe I am too selfish or immature or .. something.
Let's face it.. I'm depressed. on December 3, 2011 12:03 am
I don't feel depressed most of the time, honestly. Here's the thing: I have stopped working out, I have stopped leaving the house (or even my room) if I don't have to, I have stopped watching what I eat (not completely.. but, I am not tracking like I used to), I have just stopped LIVING. I am having trouble sleeping at night. I haven't cleaned the house well in ... who knows how long. Then there's the damn smoking. I started smoking again.. it wasn't bad (well, of COURSE it was bad.. what I mean is I didn't smoke much) at first... .now it seems like I smoke all evening long. WTF?!?! THAT has to stop. I am going to give myself ulcers and Cancer.. maybe not in that order. Most of the time I am in an ok mood.. except that I have no desire to get out of bed. ONCE in a while, like this evening, I feel like tears are coming on. The big set off tonight? I finished the last episode of Psych that I have access to on Netflix. I don't even LIKE TV most of the time. (I have a few select shows that I have loved over the years.. all on DVD. I really just don't watch TV very often). At least I haven't stopped taking my vitamins again. (Except my vitamin B12.. I can't find what I did with it for the life of me).
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My life is amazing.. well, except for the money thing. I am still not working and it's killing me. Steve leaves for basic training on February 7th and if I don't have a job by then.. I'm screwed. I still have a child at home that I need to support. And my fur babies. As it stands now, even with Steve working, we aren't making it. I have exhausted all of my options for pulling money out of my butt. There is no one left to borrow from, my 401k is empty.
I shouldn't complain.. really. This isn't a TRAGEDY.. it's just life. Life isn't always roses. I have a man who is amazing AND he adores me. I have WONDERFUL children (all grown but one and she's going to be 17 in 4 days). I am buying a house.. something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do. Ever. My house payment is a measly $478 a month. HOW am not able to DO this?!?! I supported my children BY MYSELF and paid $1450. Now... well, now I am a deadbeat. My bills are always late. I cringe when the phone rings for fear it will be someone wanting money. I WANT to pay them.. but, how?
UGH.. enough with the self pity and enough with the whining! Tomorrow is another day and I will make the most of it. I *will* find a job.. I just have to. *sigh* Now.. I need to try and sleep.
Coconut cream pie... REALLY?!? on December 2, 2011 12:37 am
It seemed like a good idea at the time. NO idea what was going through my mind. I guess I figured that since I don't seem to dump easily, a small slice of coconut cream pie wouldn't kill me.
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I ate it and shortly thereafter I was PRAYING to throw up. I had the watery feeling in the back of my mouth, severe nausea, pain, hot and cold flashes, rapid heart beat... I HATE the watery feeling in the back of my mouth! ICK! Then came the carb coma (I don't have a better name for it.. I passed the heck out). I am feeling a little better now, but I will NEVER be able to take even the tiniest sample of coconut cream pie (or any other cream pie, for that matter) and I am not sure I will ever be able to eat coconut again.
When I was like 15, I decided it was a good idea to drink enough Mudslides to give myself alcohol poisoning. I am going to be 40 in January and I STILL get nauseous at the mere smell of a Mudslide. That's how I now feel about coconut cream pie. It was THAT bad. It's good to know that at 17 months out (as of yesterday) my RNY hasn't forgotten me. It still slaps me around like an angry nun with a long ruler when I step out of line.
Ah yes.. the proof is in the pudding (or, in this case, the pie).. most bad ideas start out with "It seemed like a good idea at the time".
On to relationship talk. Steve and I have a GREAT relationship. I have a theory as to why that is. We are still polite to each other. We NEVER pass gas in front of one another (seriously.. in over a YEAR of living together). We still say please, thank you, bless you, excuse me (when we do have the occasional belch). It occurred to me, at some point in my life, that it makes no sense to be nicer to strangers than you are to the people you love. Why do people feel comfortable being rude, yelling at, even hitting those that they love when they would never DREAM of doing that to a stranger?! Why do strangers deserve better? You know that old saying "Better to be quiet and thought an idiot than speak and remove all doubt"? It's like that... we show our best behavior to people that could care less about us, but the ones that are kind enough to accept us into their hearts get rewarded by seeing our nasty side? Lame. Which is not to say that we shouldn't let them see us be HUMAN. Steve knows that I poo.. he has never had to witness this event (I don't get people who can poo in the same room .. ew).. but, unless it's a medical issue, we don't discuss it.
On the flip side (this may be TMI for some of you), we can get NASTY in the bedroom. It's kinda hot for him to have this very lady like woman who turns into a foul mouthed, dirty tiger when the door is closed. It's not always like that, of course. We have very tender times, as well. The cool part for me is that he really digs it when I cut loose, but doesn't think of me as less of a lady because of it.
Just my thoughts for the evening. I am going to turn in now and see if I can't get some sleep.
Happy Holidays, everyone!