It's been months since I've blogged on here. How time flies when you're having fun! ;)

March 24th was my one year mark. I can't believe it's been a year already. I am 20lbs away from my surgeons goal. Speaking of surgeons, mine moved away. :( But the one I am working with now is great, so I'm not too saddened.

Things have definitely gotten easier. I still have cravings for things at times, but I'm an easily distracted person, so I tend to move on and forget about them. I'm keeping up with my exercising and have been having fun doing other things - we didn't make it skiing this year, either because we were busy doing something else or my husband wasn't impressed with the amount of snow we had. Oh well, that saves me from breaking an arm, or a leg, or everything....I am really looking forward to this summer though.

The only thing I am dealing with right now that I don't like is all of the extra skin I have. I was hoping that keeping up with my exercising and weight lifting and all that would help make that minimal, but it didn't. It is kind of gross seeing all that extra skin hanging off of my arms and around my stomach, so I am looking forward to getting rid of that. That is something I will have to look into, but it's not that big of a rush. Though it's a pain in the butt, I'll deal with it.

The last couple of months I've gotten to see family I hadn't seen in years (at a funeral unfortunately) and some friends that I hadn't seen in a few months. I was getting a lot of compliments about how great I looked. I'm still adjusting to the whole getting stared at when out in public. I mean, I've never thought that highly of myself, so it's kind of hard to get used to. I try to ignore it, but sometimes that's hard to do. I tend to become a biatch about it - making some smart arse comment about having a staring problem or taking a picture. It never used to be in admiration (unless it was my husband of course!). At least I have the hubby there for me. Things have stayed strong in our relationship, so I'm thankful for that and for him being here for me through all of this. He's a great man and I am so blessed to be the one to call him mine.

Ok, so I know I just posted a couple of days ago, but I've got new things that I'd like to put in my journal. :)

So my fave pair of jeans that I've been wearing lately are a size 26. My capris that I can no longer wear unless I tie them really tight are a size 26. All my dress pants that I had are either 26 or 28. Last night I was outside doing work in my flower gardens and I was getting sick and tired of having to pull my pants up all the time. It's to the point where I don't have to unbutton them to get them off, I can just slide them right off. Not to mention the neighbors are probably getting tired of looking at my ass! So anyway, I decided to dig through my closet to see what I had in there for jeans because I can not stand wearing a belt. I found 2 pairs of 24s, one of which still had the tags on them and I never wore. I was a little surprised that I was able to fit into them now. So yay there. I dug a little deeper and found a couple pairs of 22s. Even bigger shocker that I could get them on! They were a little snug, but hey, I got them buttoned and I got them zipped up without having to do the usual jump up and down or lay on the bed. So now I am on a mission to find new jeans and get rid of all the ones that don't fit me so I'm not tempted to wear them. I refuse, however, to give up my flannel pants! Those I can alter.

As of this morning, I am down to 256. This is just so hard to believe after thinking about what I was at. I never thought I would ever be under 300 again. I have an awesome support system with my husband, family and friends. Jon has really been helping to make sure I'm doing what I need to and really looks out for me. My family has been more than accomodating when it comes to visiting them and meals and doing more active things. Their consideration to meet my needs is so overwhelming to me at times and isn't something that I'm quite used to yet. I was surprised last weekend when my brother in law called me while I was at my mom's and went over everything that he was going to be grilling for the birthday party and asked if there was anything special I wanted or any certain way I would like something done for me. Then of course there's my mom who was pestering me about my pants and that I had to keep pulling them up. My comment was, what? don't like seeing what color panties I got on today? LOL And the biggest shocker to me -- my Dad has been calling more often checking up on me. He called me Tuesday and asked how I was doing and how things are going and how much I've lost. I told him and he was like, wow, I can't wait to see you! I never really ever talk to my Dad, and the only time I did was when I called him, so that is another good thing that has come out of all of this.

I know there are things that I need to do better to make the most of my weight loss. Everything I don't do is just hindering where I could be by now. I am happy with how things have come thus far, but have decided to go back to basics to make the most of this. It is a challenge, but I knew it wouldn't be easy when I made the decision to go with surgery.

Time flies when you're having fun. Well, even when you're not having fun. But it's got to go, right? 

Just an update on what is going on with me.

I had my 3 month visit on June 16. I was hoping to be down to the goal Dr Bettendorf set when I went in for my 2 month visit, but didn't make that. I missed it by 10 lbs. I just need to work harder on getting in everything that I need to. I quit keeping track of everything and since then, I know I haven't been doing everything I should be. So I think it's time to start keeping track again.

This summer has been pretty good so far. My husband and I are spending a lot of time outside. As much as we can. I will hopefully be starting my new job July 1st. I'm praying and hoping anyway. Otherwise there's not much else going on.

I will update later with pounds lost, inches lost and an up-to-date photo. We all know how much we like having our pictures taken.....But for now, I added one from June 14th. We went fishing that evening and just as we were getting ready to pack it up, I asked my husband if I could cast just one last time and of course he said sure. Well, I casted my line out, started slowly bringing it back in and something got it. I was extremely shocked to see a bass jump out of the water! So I got my first bass ever. 3.5 lbs and 17 inches. Can't complain there. Can you tell I'm excited?!? LOL I showed it to my in laws and I guess my father in law told my husband he's never seen me so happy. It's not just because I got the fish though. SInce surgery a lot has changed. I'm not as moody as I used to be (though I still have my temper) and I actually look forward to doing things and participating. I feel like I can do the things I want to and won't get held back because of my weight or inability to do them. Like I said before, this is the first summer with the new me, and I plan on making the best of it and doing all those fun things that I've just sat and watched others do.

I can not believe that 2 days ago was my 2 month mark. Wow! It seems like just last week I had surgery. Things are definitely improving and getting a lot easier. I'm excited and look forward to each day and each challenge that comes my way.

So I have to talk about last weekend because I was so proud of myself. I planned a trip up North to Grand Rapids to see Jon's parents. Except Jon didn't know about it. All he knew was that we were taking a trip and that was all. So we left Thursday evening and I had to tell him where we were going because I was getting tired and couldn't drive anymore! LOL So we got there late Thursday night and crashed right away. Friday his step dad had to work, so we spent the day with his Mom. We went to some garage sales and did a little shopping. I took Jon into Glen's Surplus Store because I knew he'd like it. It's like an Army/Sporting/Clothing surplus store. He found a shirt he liked and got that. Of course I found one too, but they didn't have my size. I should have just gotten the XL one. Oh well. Anyway, my big find of the day was a tea pot like what my great grandma used to have. I've looked all over for one and could never find one for less than $25, and that was for one that was all crazed, grazed and just beat up looking. Check this: The first garage sale we went to had the exact same one. FOR A DOLLAR! So that made my day.

Saturday we went to Savanna Portage State Park. We did 3 miles of hiking on the trails. Up and down hills. It was a bit chilly and windy that day, but it was good. I wasn't sweating to death. This was the day that I was proud of. All that walking and I never was out of breath or felt like I was going to pass out. Just my thighs started to hurt after a while. Jon kept telling me how happy he was. So I set a new goal for this summer - go to as many state parks and walk the trails that I can. The ones I definitely want to hit are the ones we went on up north while we were on our honeymoon. Those might have to wait until next year though, when we can take a week off to hit them all!

I thought food and meals were going to be an issue, but it wasn't that bad. Jon's Mom was very accommodating and made some really good meals.

We have another long weekend full of activities. I am putting in a new flower garden along the back of the house where there isn't any grass growing. I get to dig that all up, get some rocks from my bro in law to use as a border, and Monday I got get a bunch of day lilies from a friend to put back there. This is so hard to get used to. Doing stuff in the yard used to be work, but now I enjoy it more than I used to. Hmmm......40 lbs makes that different??? On top of that, we plan on spending as much time as we can at the lake fishing. If it's nice enough, we'll do some swimming and water tubing as well.

Enough blabbing from me. Hope everyone has a safe and fun Memorial Day weekend!

I had my meeting with the dietitian today. Wow, am I feeling a bit overwhelmed. Just when I was getting used to my 2 week soft food diet, then everything changes again. But it's ok, I'll get used to it. I just have to make sure I get all my protein in, watch things with sugar (10g or less), no more boost, and I have to start getting protein powder into my water and such. So, if anyone knows of some good stuff, let me know. I was suggested to try Adkins Advantage that is suppose to be really good, so I might get some of that. I'm switching my calcium supplement before I choke on one of those Viactiv. I think I'll try the Caltrate or whatever it's called.

This last weekend visiting family and such for my sisters wedding went pretty well. Other than they were passing the flu around and I am yet to catch it. Praying I don't. I'm feeling so good and things are going so well. Anyway, I was all worried about food and what not, but didn't seem to have a problem. I had a couple of pickles, some potato salad that I made specially for me (lite miracle whip, splenda, skim milk) and mashed the living daylights out of it. It was actually pretty good. I ended up doing 5 big batches of potato salad, so that was a pain in the butt. 25 pounds of potatoes. Then I did 5 batches of punch. I'm surprised it was that much considering not many people were there. I didn't have any punch and made sure I brought water with. I tried a couple of bites of white cake, then decided against eating any more of it. I didn't want to risk dumping. After the reception we all went to the bar. I debated about having anything to drink there, but then decided I would try it. I got a bottle of Bud LIte and milked it. Took me 2 hours to drink it and I only drank 3/4 of it. I felt fine, I didn't get sick or anything. That was all I had and I think it will be quite a while before I do that again. Now that I know I can handle it I don't want to make it a habit. It was really hard to make sure I was eating as I should be when we were so busy getting stuff done. But on a good not -- my plateau broke! Finally, after 2 weeks. I weighed myself this morning to find that I had lost 2 more pounds. I think all the extra exercising I did this weekend helped. It was non stop go, go, go.

Other than that, not much else is happening. Working in the yard, literally watching the flower garden grow. Looking forward to fishing opener this weekend. Been riding my motorcycle and bike and just making sure I spend as much time outside as possible. This summer is going to be different than any other, and I am totally looking forward to it.

Everything went well. Didn't last long at all. I am now in the 2 weeks of soft/pureed foods and I am SOOOOOOO happy. Deli meat, flaky fish, eggs, mashed potatoes.....finally some variety rather then water and boost! I also have to add B12 vitamins to my morning regimen. Not bad though. Other than that, not much is happening.

I am STILL stuck at 278. Been there since Sunday. I've upped my exercise and water intake, still no change. I can't believe I'm at a stall already. It's only been a month! LOL

I took measurements the other night. Thought I'd share them here. A few areas have changed, others no change yet. Lost an inch on both arms, 5 inches on my bust, 2 inches on my waist, 3.5 inches on each thigh, and 0.5 inches around each ankle. Total loss of 24 inches. Not too shabby. 

Meeting with Bettendorf today. Will post later about that.

Back to work I go. Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

at a stall. I've been 278 since Sunday. Can't complain too much though. 26 lbs lost in 4 weeks is pretty good in my book. I've already noticed a few things that are different. I can sit with my legs crossed and not feel like I have to work to keep my leg there. My wedding ring is loose and I almost lost it the other day raking leaves. It was a bit cooler out so of course my fingers were smaller yet. Scared me to death so now I don't wear it working outside or anything like that. It's kind of a family heirloom so that would definitely not be a good thing to loose it. Most of my t-shirts fit around my tummy area better, almost a bit baggy. We'll see when I take pics this evening. My 4 weeks of LD is almost up as well. Thursday I go see Bettendorf again and my diet will change to soft and pureed foods. Finally. I am getting really tired of Boost. Water has been getting better, getting more and more in every day. Still working on getting the exercise in. It's hard when I work the hours I do and have very little time before the husband gets home. At least it's nice enough out to take the dogs for walks and get the exercise in. I also bought a nice arm band for my zune so I don't have to worry about it falling out of my pocket. Gotta love ebay. It was cheap. And now I've got the flower garden to keep me busy as well. Stuff is shooting up in there like crazy. It's amazing to me. I've always loved plants. I took pictures last Thursday when stuff was just starting to poke up out of the dirt, and those same plants are 2-3 inches tall already. I should have taken pictures every day but oh well. Always next year. Otherwise, nothing much to report. I haven't done measurements or anything yet, will do them tonight along with some pictures.

This weekend is my birthday and I am so looking forward to it. I was just planning on going out with Jon and spending some time together, but now I found out that a bunch of friends are coming with. So I'm excited about that. We're also taking the boat out and going fishing on Saturday. I love being on the lake and fishing. Been looking forward to it for weeks. And my sister's wedding is coming up. I haven't seen most of my relatives in months, so it will be nice to see them. Got all kinds of things to look forward to.

So, I decided I had better tell my mother what is going on or she would probably flip out if I tell her afterwards. I sent her an email yesterday and asked her what she was doing that evening, I wanted to call her and talk to her about something that was going on. She said she had stuff going on and that I could call her while she was on her lunch break. So I told her I'd call her then. Through out the morning she would send me emails trying to guess what it was that I wanted to talk to her about. I had to laugh when she emailed me and asked if my father had asked me to be involved in his wedding in April. I emailed her back and assured her that it had nothing to do with that. I'll get into that another time, but that has to do with the reason I'm not talking to my father at the moment. I don't agree with what he's doing. Anyway, noon rolls around and I call her. First I just kind of ask her how her day is going and all the usual stuff. I was seriously thinking about chickening out and not telling her because I was afraid she'd freak out. Finally I just decided to do it. I first told her straight out that this was something I'd rather tell her in person, but I didn't know if I'd get to see her before it happened since she lives so far away and going to see her is a trip 3 day trip. Then I went on to tell her that I had gone to the informational seminar for WLS and have been researching it for a while, utilizing this website as well as people I know that have had the surgery. I told her that I decided I would at least take the first steps and do the supervised diet with the dietitian and do the psych eval, just to get those out of the way and then see what happens. I told her that Feb 16 was my last appt with the dietitian and that they were going to submit it to the insurance company, it got approved, I met with the surgeon on the 26th, and the surgery is scheduled for March 24th. I told her this was something Jon and I had talked about many times and at first he was skeptical about it and didn't want me to even persue it, but then after researching, questions, and just talking, he felt that if this was what I thought was best for me then he would support me and do what he could, just so I could be happy and healthy. I got done with this whole speel, and surprisingly, she didn't freak out like I thought she would. All I heard out of her during this was ok.....ok.....and then when I got done telling her when it was and the hospital stay and such, she asked if I wanted her to come up for a day or two. I was surprised. So I asked her what she thought and she told me straight out that she knows how hard life was for me and how much of a problem I had loosing weight even though I was active in volleyball and horseback riding and biking and such, so even though this is a big step, if this is what I wanted to do, then she'd support me as well. I was sooooo relieved. I also told some of our good friends about it this evening, so that they know what is going on. I have a few other people I am going to make sure I tell before the surgery, then the rest will find out afterwards. I don't want to tell a whole lot of people, just the ones that I know will be there for me when I need them. I'm also worried that some people I might tell will take it as I'm taking the easy way out or try to talk me out of this. My mind is made up and this is what I want to do, so no one will talk me out of it. I think the people I am choosing to tell will be a positive reinforcement for me, and that's what I need. I want to minimize the negative and keep out the stress. I definitely feel better about telling people about it and everything will go well. I know it will.

So I did a not so smart thing. It's been one bad thing after another today. I found out last night that we were in a winter weather advisory. Might have just as well said blizzard. Anyway, my truck is down and the hubby needed his car, so I borrowed a friends truck (that thankfully has 4 wheel drive). He said the only thing is the front tire has a slow leak. No big deal. I'll check it before I drive the 40 miles to the meeting. 

So I got up this morning before the crack of dawn, which I don't normally do, and it started snowing a little after 7 am. No big deal. I was working, it didn't bother me. Until I looked out at 7:30 and realized how bad it was snowing. I could barely see the neighbors house at the end of the cul-de-sac. Great. I was determined not to cancel and would just plan on leaving at 9:30 rather than 10. That would give me an hour and a half to get there for my meeting at 11.  (Ok, this is the fourth time trying to finish this, it better work! LOL). I went out at 9 to shovel around the truck and start it, then noticed the tire was completely flat. Wonderful. I got out the compressor, let it sit for a while to build pressure, nothing happened. So I called Jon (husband) and told him I didn't know what to do, I was screwed and everything was making sure I didn't get there. I was really frustrated by now. So he called a friend to come and help. Here there was something in the nozzle that was letting all the air out, and I was too frustrated to even notice that. So we got air in it and I headed down to the gas station to top it off. Finally left town at 10:30.

The roads were bad and visibility was horrible. 10 miles from home I thought about turning around and rescheduling my appointment. I'm too determined to give up though. Or would that be too stubborn? Either way, I made it there safely and was 20 minutes late for my appointment.

I met with the assistant first. She weighed me (314 if anyone is wondering) and then asked a bunch of questions. Allergies, medications, usual stuff. Then I sat and waited for Dr Bettendorf. He finally came in and we talked for a bit, he went over a few things about what would be happening during surgery, and that was about it. He said (again) that I was a perfect candidate since I haven't had any other surgeries and was an otherwise healthy person. The procedure is the Laparoscopic Bypass. After I got done with him I talked to Bonnie to get it scheduled. *Cue drum roll* Tuesday, March 24th. The hospital will call later with the time. Dr Bettendorf will be doing the procedure and Dr Glass will be assisting. I have to start my liquid diet March 10th. I'm sure I'll be able to handle this. Lots of water, Boost, Naked Juice. Got it all planned out. But still worried about it. Oh well, I'm determined/stubborn enough to stick to it. It will be easy. I hope. LOL I also have to go in on March 20th for a physical and stuff. That should all go well. I don't know what scares me more. Getting blood drawn or the surgery. Either way, I really really really hate needles.

I'm glad I have my husband there to support me. I should tell my parents about it, and my siblings, and friends, but I'm worried they will try to talk me out of it, saying I am taking drastic measure. Well, sometimes drastic measures have to be taken and this is what I want to do, for myself, and everything will work out. I'm in good hands. More to come later during the liquid diet. :)

My last appointment with the Dietician will be February 16. Then we will be submitting it to the insurance company and hopefully it will be approved when I meet with the surgeon on the 26th. I'm praying all goes well and that I get to have the surgery in March. I'm really looking forward to this and can't wait to get my journey started, though I know it's going be a long and tough one.  I have friends and family, the support group, and this website to turn to for guidance and support. I'll make an effort to keep up with this better as well. That's all for now.

Well, haven't been on since August and what a change to the website. I am so lost again! Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Things have finally started rolling. I attended the first seminar, met the Dr, and started in on the supervised diet and psychologist. After just 2 meetings I'm happy to say I'm done with the psych. So I'm an overly positive person, I just don't like to share my problems/situations with others, I'd rather take care of them on my own. Why couldn't she tell me something I DIDN'T know. :D Now I have 2 months left with the dietician and then surgery. So far everything has been going good. Got dry meals down, cut out pop, coffee :( and sugar. Lots and lots of protein foods. I think after surgery will be fairly easy and I look forward to it, but at the same time I'm a bit scared. I know I'll have support from many places though. I'm excited and can't wait. I also notfied my doctor that I need a letter about my last 2 years weight history. I'm glad I got that in to her and hope she gets it done soon, as I found out she is taking a leave of absence the first of the year and don't know if or when she'll be back. Go figure. It will all work out though.

One of my other goals is to do a better job of keeping up to date on things! LOL We will see about that one and how that goes. This website will be a good tool to keep track of weight loss and post pictures and things that other people have done that has been very helpful. I can't wait to be as much help to someone as everyone on this website has been to me.

I can't believe it's been that long since I was last on here. Man alive! Anywhoo, I FINALLY said something to my doctor about my interest in (and really wanting) WLS. She gave me the referral and I went to the informational seminar in July. Shortly after that, I made an appointment to actually meet Dr. Bettendorf, who told me I was a perfect candidate for the surgery since I had no medications, no complications, and have never had a surgery. I also met with him at the end of July. On August 8 I met with the Dietitian and WLS Coordinator, Kristin Ewing. I got a lot more information there on what was expected of us before and after surgery. I was suppose to meet with the psych in September, but due to a scheduling conflict on my part, I had to rescedule it to October 6. I also meet with Kristin that same day, I'm assuming to get started on the supervised diet. Because I have BCBS of MN I have to have at least 6 months of medically supervised dieting. So much for hopefully having the surgery before June of 2009, but I guess I should have gotten on things sooner. Like a year ago sooner! LOL Ya snooze, ya loose, right? Oh well. My goal is to get on things and get the ball rolling so that by September of 2011 (when we take our 5 year anniversary cruise) I'll be all done and looking good. Pray for me as I am struggling with who I should tell at this point, if anyone. My husband is right along with me and supportive, but I don't want anyone else really to know what is going on or that I am even considering (err, wanting I guess) to have this surgery. It's something I need to do to have a healthier life and get out there and live life to the fullest. Anyway, that's where I'm sitting right now. I have to call the insurance company and get the details of what I have to do and what they cover, and the surgeons office will work with me to meet the needs of the things they want done and help me get through this. I feel at this point that I am working with a great group of people and I can't wait to get started on my journey. My current wait is now 310-315. It fluctuates a bit. The profile pic I have added is from July of 2008. It's me with my new nephew who was a month old.

I have finally decided after reasearching and talking to people that this is what I want to do. I want to have WLS surgery to loose the access weight I am carrying around. 300 lbs is way too much, and I need to get rid of that extra person I'm carrying around. For the past 6 or so weeks I have been making changes in my life. I've completely cut out soda, cut way back to almost no drinking, have really been watching what I am eating, been exercising more. I finally called the doctor and set up an appointment for a check up/physical since I haven't been to the doctor in 4 years. It's not until October 10 though. I'll bring up that I want to have WLS then and see what she says. I'm still not sure if this is the route I should be taking or not since I have been told differently. I've talked to Jon (my husband) about this a little bit. He knows how I feel about the way I am and that I want to change. He's supportive, but tells me that he loves me the way that I am and that I am beautiful. My only thought to that is I don't love me the way I am and I want to change. I don't expect him to fully understand what I'm going through. He's one of those guys who can eat and drink whatever he wants and still be a skinny little twig. Part of me feels guilty for being so self concious about my body. Being a Baptist, my faith is pretty strong. But is it so wrong of me to want to live a healthier, happier, and longer life? I don't think so! Other than Jon, I have talked to no one about what I am wanting to do. I think for now I will just keep it that way, until later on down the road when I actually do have it.