Well things are swimming along.  I have stopped obsessing about what I eat and settled.  I spent this weekend with a girlfriend of mine in Baltimore, we went to dinner, then a small party, Sunday we had brunch, then shopping and movies.  I can honestly say I overate at brunch.  I may have eaten too much at dinner, but since I was in a retaurant it was hard to tell. 

I'm still mostly eating stuff that can be calculated exactly so eating in a restaurant is not something I want to do a lot.  I think they cook everything in butter, olive oil, lard, who knows??????

Oh and I ate a cupcake Saturday night.  since surgery I have not had any 'sweets'.  Since I'm a revision I know how my body handles sugar already.  I must have had some bad PMS Friday because I was ready to trade a kidney for a piece of cheesecake.  And I don't even like cheesecake all that much!  lol. 

So I ate this spicy cupcake.  It wasn't sweetened with sugar, I have no idea what it was sweetened with.  I know it contained large amounts of chili powder.  lol. 

Sunday before the movies, we went to a chocolatier in downtown Baltimore.  I wanted to pick up a small box for my best friend and smaller box for my boyfriend.  My friend Raquelle bought both of us a pumpkin truffle and it was super crazy tasty.  Also, while raquelle and her boyrfiend had been in NYC, they'd puchased me a small bag of chocolates and truffles from a world famous chocolatier.  While sitting in traffic yesterday I ate 2. 

I did feel kind of weak for having so much' chocolate in one day. 

My mom snagged one of the chocolates purchased for me, so I think there are 4 or 5 left.  I plan on eating them when i want.  The important thing (I think is not to eat them at one time or anything.  I think the die hard GB post ops would yell at me for eating them at all.  I don't feel like I have to have them but I do want to have them available.

I'm still not interested in food a lot.  I am starting to get hungry in the mornings and then I find late afternoons I'm famished.  However, I am eating regularly.

Instead of eating 3 meals a day. this is how my day breaks down.  I remember after my first GB and for years after, I ate like 5 times a day.  When I stopped, i began gaining weight.  And the fact that they don't want us eating more than 3 times a day because it can lead to grazing is understandable.  However, I've been doing the 5 times like before and I feel better, I'm getting more calories in (which i really needed) and I've been losing weight.  So I'm gonna try this for a while.

I'm at 296.5 this morning.  I've been inthe mid 290's for a week.  I'm pretty excited.  i don't think I'll see 300 again :)

Had my second followup this week.  Was supposed to meet with the nutritionist and the surgeon, Dr Tran but after giving him a piece of my mind about the nut NOT returning my calls, I declined to see her. 

Besides, as I explained, if she isn't there to give advice and talk the patient off the ledge once in a while then WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE?

I felt a bit like a bitch but ehh life goes on.

I do like Dr Tran a lot.  He settled my mindl  Told me revision weight loss is SLOOOOOW and I was doing great.  My official weight was 308...which is total bullshit.  It also means I have lost 8 pounds in a month.  Yea this is totally not like my original GB where I lost 60 pounds in the first month!  Anyway...

finally the scale at home had moved to 297 on Tuesday.  YAY But of course I know I can't count on that unless it weighs me that way for a few days.  thats the scale I'm going by. 

Wednesday I had outpatient surgery for some girlie stuff (second time this year actually) and when I told Dr Tran that he said my weight was probably not accurate because I was pumped full of fluid and it would be a few a days before it had worked its way out of me.  So I am guessing my weight is just under 300, but we'll see.

The nausea is consuming me.  I feel I need to eat because the only time I'm not nauseous is when I am consuming food.  of course, I don't really want to eat so its a catch 22.  I've eaten more today and yesterday though than usual.  I was starving to death.  yesterday I went to one of my favorite lunch places with my boyfriend.  It was nice.  I ate 4 bites and he looked at me and said 'aaaand she's done'.  he thought it was funny as did I.  i took the rest to go, ate more later in the day (bad girl, semi grazing) but it was protein I was eating, well mostly protein.  So that lunch out upped my caloric intake highly.

Ive been nauseous for 2 weeks or so but since surgery on Wednesday its just unbearable.  I'm running a low fever now too as if to add insult to injury.  I've been advised to stay in bed and REST (something I'm not good at) and force as many fluids as possible. 

Other than the nausea and the sheer exhaustion (im sure surgery related) I feel fine. 

I'm looking for a gym with a pool, I need to exercise more and my knees and shins just KILL me after I workout...soooo...I need something made for me.  And a pool is it.  I'll be checking out some this weekend.  The only place near my house with a pool is 2 rec centers.  The regular gyms like golds and ballys don't have pools whichs sucks because I'd like to swim after work most days instead of before.  We'll see. 

Traffic considerations have to be noted for this area...its complicated getting something convenient.

Ok, I'm of to bed. Taking my neice to her ballet class in the morning then coming home and resting soundly. 

OK.  2 weeks.  No weight loss.

Am I a failure barely 1 month post op?

I really feel like it.  I've tried this week to be less obsessive about my eating and drinking.  I am still keeping the spreadsheet and still keeping it up to date and still freaking out every time I se my total calories go up.

Last night I went to dinner with one of my girlfriends, we went to a favorite restaurant of mine, I did eat more than normal and it was over the course of about an hour or so.  It's not a habit I'll keep up and I didn't eat until I was overly full, in fact was full and quite satisfied.  After 3 weeks of eating plain tuna, cheese, cauliflower and canned chicken or ham I was ready for something yummy.  I had a crab cake and some pickled herring.  not a lot of either, but since I nibbled after I was 'done' and let my food settle and had a few other bites...bad girl.  It was the first meal in weeks that i didn't have a caloric/protein/fat/carb count for!

Most everything I've read and the advice I've gotten says I should be consuming about 1200 calories a day.  I'm still averaging 700ish, although with last nights meal and tonights (leftover crab cake) that is probably up a bit.

I'm just so...disappointed.  That's really the word.

I didn't weigh myself Monday or Tuesday.  Wednesday I did.  301.5.  I didn't weigh myself this morning but did just a few minutes ago, 300.0.  I keep expecting the weight loss to kick off again...even with low calories shouldn't my body adjust?  And get out of starvation mode?

I've left 2 messages for the nutritionist to call me and apparently my concerns aren't important to her because she hasn't bothered to return my calls in a week.  Do i sound bitchy?  Well i have a right to be, I think.

I know I need to exercise more but right now it takes a good day or two just to recover from exercising!  Yesterday my boyfriend and I went for a walk at lunch, probably walked a mile or so and my thighs and shins hurt so bad even now that I'm limping when I walk.  How can I exercise every day when I hurt so bad?  I need to just suck it up I guess.

Man I'm sad.  I wish I hadn't gotten on the scale tonight. 

Heavy sigh.

I really thought I was doing everything right.

Well I'm a little over 3 weeks post op, my one month is this coming weekend.  I really wish whatever plateau or whatever I'm on would end as it is terribly depressing!

I'm pissed that I called the nutruitionist at my surgeons office and she didn't bother to call me back. I know I must have sounded like a frickin moron on the message I left for her but I needed to speak to her about things.  C'est La Vie.

I've calmed down a little as far as obsessing on everything I'm eating.  I'm still obsessing just not quite as much.  I've posted a few concerns on the boards and to be honest, every surgeon is different as is every nutritonist so its hard to tell what is going on, if I'm doing wrong, right or whatever. 

I have a spreadsheet to keep track of my protein and calories.  I'm eating mainly foods high in protein and I am happy about that, I don't think I got in as much protein when I had my first GB.

For the past week my average daily protein is 76 grams a day; my average calories are 754.  Friday I consumed 1130, which was the most I've had in one day since surgery, not good.  But my mother is convinced I'm not getting in enough hovering at 700 or so a day.  Last night after dinner I was at 490 and ended up having a high protein snack to boost it up.

I didn't weigh myself this morning on the way out of the house, but yesterday was still hovering at 300.  I really cannot believe I'm stalled for this long.  It scares me because it reminds me of how I STOPPED losing at 280 with my previous GB...am I destined to just stall out?  And lets not forget with my liquid diet pre-surgery I lost 15 pounds fast then stalled and only lost like another 2 or 5 pounds after the first week.

See?  I'm turning into a neurotic!

Tonight there is a support group meeting and I'm going to go, I'm not a huge fan of support groups because if I recall correctly, people make me nuts in them but I am going to go and keep an open mind.

It's really hard for me to be content with the 40 pounds of weight loss right now.  I am about 2 seconds from going back to a liquid diet.  Maybe I can only lose weight on fewer than 400 calories a day.  Who knows?

I do need to exercise more, I know that but it takes a good day or so for my knees and back to get back to normal so I can exercise again. Ahhh the joys of obesity.

So Sunday the scale got down to 295.  I was so excited.  Of course the next day it was at 304, then yesterday 303 and today 301. 

I’m confused and pissed off.  My mom says I’m starving myself but I have begun a spreadsheet and yesterday I consumed 745ish calories.  That seems like so much.  I also got about 80 gram of protein!  I’ve focused so much on getting a lot of protein that I may be overdoing it.  I am not sure if that’s possible.

I’d like to wait to see the nutritionist but I’m not sure I can, I’m so sure I’m screwing up with my food choices.  Maybe not.  Maybe this is lingering PMS and I’m fine. 

I do tend to lose in surges, stay within a few pounds for a few days then BAM lose 7 pounds.  We’ll see.  I want to be way far away from 300, I don’t want it to rear its ugly head any more. 

I realize I’m only 3 weeks post-op and I’ve lost roughly 40ish pounds and I should be thankful, and I am, I’m just impatient I guess.

Yesterday was a crappy day for me.  I got some bad news and I felt awful.  The dress I wore to work looked sloppy.  It has a semi wrap front, the top wraps and its an empire waist.  The last time I wore it was about 2 months ago and the tie on the side hadn’t been adjusted, when I got to work I looked in a full length mirror and was mortified.  I looked sloppy and gross and I’ve never been that way.  I adjusted the tie and walked tall, hoping correct posture would help (it did).  When my mom saw me she said it flatly:  its just too big to wear any more.  I love that dress L

My boyfriend asked me if I’d wear his favorite shirt today and I did.  I had to wear it with a skirt, but the skirt I wanted to wear was far too summery so I put on one of my suit skirts which had gotten so tight it was in bad taste to wear them, lest I look like a stuffed sausage.  Today I tried one on.  Fits.  Perfectly.  So maybe I’m losing more inches than pounds right now.  I don’t know.  Anyway the shirt is too big, 10 more pounds and I won’t be able to wear it again.  I have so much clothing and stylish stuff too.  Someone is going to benefit from my weight loss, that’s for sure.

Up to 15 minutes on my elliptical, although there is a loose piece on my elliptical which my dad said he will fix for me, he needs a special part for it.  I don’t think I can use it until it gets fixed because it causes me to come down on the side of my foot, needless to say the side of my foot is killing me.  It’ll be ok tho. 

I know I’ve lost weight but I’m just not seeing it.  Classic fast weight loss syndrome, I know.  My face is all weird, like its settling and I hate it.  I’m just all whiny today aren’t I??  lol.

Well back to work…have a great day!