Some how in the many years I have been fat I never expected things to change. I attempted to change them. Never did I get results I wanted so I had given up. Things wouldn't change. Since surgery I now have a tool to promote the change I desperately needed.

 I am not a patient person with myself. I somehow thought that after so many pounds I would look drastically different. Really? sheesh I still weigh over 350 why would I look thin? don't ask me because I don't have an answer for this. some how I thought I would instantly look and feel alot better. After all I lost alot of weight right? QWell I am having to learn to be patient with myself and my image. It is working, I am losing. I am losing fast. I just have to count things besides the size of clothes I wear and find a way to be happy tracking the changes and see what I have done. Remember the health changes that are coming about because of this.

I should have taken pictures. I didn't. I didn't meansure either I was too embarassed to look at how big I had actually become. Now I am sorry so I am doing from now pictures and measurements. I need somthing to compare so that I can see and track my progress.

So funny thing is. It never occured to my DH(dear hubby). That I would need clothing on my way down and our family budget is having to go through a re-vamp. So he just figured I would go down 3 or 4 sizes and wear big clothes? i don't know. I am trying to be resonable. Friends and people from my support group gave me alot of pantsl...just light on the tops. So it won't be so bad. I have a large bag of clothes to give one gal who I know can use them. I wish she could have my surgery too.
I kept one pair of my jeans so I can look back. I packed them in the next size of clothes down box so that I can pull them out and see how far I have come. I will do this with each size. I think it will help encourage me to keep going.

H ia for help. I am so blessed to have great friends who have helped me through the last few weeks. It really has only been a few weeks yet some how it feels like a life time. I am losing weight at over 10 lbs a week. No complaints about that I am glad to see it go! I just got to go back to the pool and it feels so good! I can hardly wait to get to go again tonight!

Goal, funny word. How to set a goal how to achieve a goal all big thing and diffciult tasks.

well I met a goal this week and I have a goal reminder. Hubby bought me a Pandora braclet for my birthday. (just a month and half before surgery) When I had my surgery he bought me the first charm. I got my second charm whne I lost 25 lbs. When I get to 50 lbs( I am sure I am already there but I won't weigh in until monday) I get another charm. it is right there onb my wrist. If I forget where I am headed I can look at my wrist and remember where I planned on going. (as the food heads towards my mouth..HAHA) 50 lbs..what a big step! I can hardly wait until that is 100 lbs.....wonder how long that will take!

I am back at the pool this week and I can hardly wait see how lquicky this extra poundage comes off!

 The last 4 weeks have been somthing of a roller coaster ride. I really didn't  think it would be this hard. Infection  and nauseia have been my two biggest fights. Each day seems to be better than the last. It is funny I feel like I am eating and drinking all the time. However it is so little at a time it is not a big deal. If I wasn't eating I wouldn't get anywhere near enough.

I have really been thinking about how this is a forever choice. I am not always sold on the fact that I did this crazy thing to   myself . It is a forever change. I am sure when I am seeing more change and less contorversy.

f should also be for foreign. I often feel like my body speaks a foreign language that I do not always understand. Even simple things when my body says it to me I have to think about what it is saying.  "I have to go pee" is the one that seems to always perplex me. It is not the same as it was before. Who knows why this is. I am learning to understand my body each day. I hope sometime soon I learn this new language in my foreign body.

I really thought I would be farther along in my healing. E is for everything seems to be going worng. I am sure it could be tons worse. However throwing up is not high on my list. I am exhausted. protein is not going well. food in general doesn't like my pouch or my pouch doesn't like it. I am tired of having a hole in my abdomen that I have to pack and change. yesturday it bled all over and scared me.I just am feeling pretty low. and still no good times with vitamins. My multi vite feels like chunks of glass in my pouch no matter that i chewed it to dust. so I was going to try and always keep this positive. but maybe keeping it REAL is a better plan. Currently not sure that this was a good choice. However I can't take it back so here I am.